901 - TOW Rachel's Baby

Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to any of these characters. This has
nothing to do with my story TOW Rachel Gives Birth. I don't know anything about
the end of Season 8 or what happens in Season 9. I'm just writing my own Season
9. Thank you Kobi for some of the episode titles!

The wails of a crying baby were heard as Rachel woke up from her spot on the
couch. She looked extremely tired and ragged. She hurried across the room to
the bassinet and picked up the baby girl. Ross ran into the room, half-asleep.
He looked at the clock.

Ross: It's noon?

Rachel: Yes. It's noon. She's been home for two days and hasn't stopped
crying! Ross, what's wrong with her? Am I doing something wrong?

Ross: No, Rachel, you're doing wonderful. Babies cry. It's natural.

Rachel: God, no wonder my parents were so stressed all of the time!

Ross: Come on Rachel, it'll get better.

Rachel handed the baby to Ross. She sat down on the couch and stared at him.

Rachel: Take care of your daughter, Ross. I'm sure you know more about it than
I do!

Ross: Rachel, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, but this will get better. I
promise, she won't cry all the time as she gets older.

Rachel glared at Ross for a moment and then shrugged.

Rachel: I hope you're right.

Ross smiles and cradles his wailing daughter. He carries her over to the window
and points out.

Ross: See Hannah, that's your Aunt Monica and Uncle Chandler's apartment. We
go over there a lot. We haven't been there with you yet, but we're going soon.
I promise.


Chandler and Monica were sitting on the couch, watching a movie. Monica was
crying and Chandler had a look of boredom on his face.

Monica: I just cry every time I see this movie!

Chandler: Monica, you've seen Titanic more than a hundred times! Jack died,
you know he did!

Monica: I know, but I just keep wishing the movie would change!

Chandler rolled his eyes and stood up.

Chandler: I'm going to go over to talk to Joey. He's probably feeling a little
bummed seeing as the woman he loves doesn't love him and she just had his best
friend's baby.

Monica: Okay, have fun.

Chandler walked out of the apartment, knowing Monica had heard none of what he'd
just said. He just shook his head and knocked on Joey's apartment door.

Chandler: Hey Joe, you home?

Chandler opened the door and stepped inside. Joey was sitting in his chair
watching porn. Chandler sat down on the couch and stared at Joey.

Joey: Hey.

Chandler: I think I've seen this one. This is the one where the guy loves the
girl but she doesn't feel the same way. He never gets lucky and she scores with
his best friend.

Joey: How did you know?!

Chandler: Wild guess.

Joey: Wow, you're good!

Chandler cleared his throat and turned the porn off.

Chandler: Joey, how are you holding up?

Joey: I'm hanging in there. I mean, I haven't thought about Rachel in about
ten minutes.

He paused for a minute and his face fell.

Joey: Dammit!

Chandler: Sorry man. You have to get over her.

Joey: I can't! I love her so much. I love her like I love two pizzas on
Friday! I can't live without her!

Chandler: Or, you're saying you'd like to see Rachel covered with cheese?

Joey got a thoughtful look on his face. He shrugged and leaned back in his
chair. How was he going to get over Rachel?


Phoebe knocked on the door to Ross and Rachel's apartment. There was a minute
of silence and then there was a soft thumping as someone came to the door. Ross
opened it and scooted Phoebe in.

Ross: Not so loud! Hannah's finally sleeping.

Phoebe: Where's Rachel?

Ross: Sleeping.

Phoebe: Why aren't you sleeping? The baby is.

Ross: Rachel won't let me.

Phoebe: What?

Ross: She said that I have to take care of Hannah for awhile. She was up all
night with her.

Phoebe: Well, weren't you?

Ross: I had to get some things done at the museum.

Phoebe shook her head and chuckled.

Phoebe: I hope Hannah doesn't turn out to be a workaholic like her father.

Ross: Hey!

Phoebe: Hey, do you guys need any baby clothes or things? Frank and Alice have
some stuff from when the triplets were born. They figured you could use some of

Ross: Hey, thanks Phoebe. We could use a baby bathtub.

Phoebe: What color? Blue, pink, or pink? They had three.

Ross: Pink.

Phoebe: What color of pink? We have baby pink and we have Pepto-Bismol pink.

Ross: I think baby pink will be fine.

Phoebe spotted the baby and grinned widely. She hurried over to the bassinet as
Ross got a look of fear on his face.

Ross: Shh! Don't wake her up!

Phoebe: Don't worry. I won't.

Phoebe stared down at the beautiful little baby and she giggled.

Phoebe: I wish I was that small again. Those were the days.

Not wanting to have the conversation continue in that direction anymore, Ross
cleared his throat.

Ross: So, what's new with you?

Phoebe: Not much. I got groceries, I flirted with a really cute Mexican guy,
oh, and I got arrested.

Ross: What?!

Phoebe: I'm serious! That Mexican guy was really cute!

Ross: Back up. You got arrested?

Phoebe: Yeah, but it wasn't that important.

Ross: Not important? Pheebs, what happened?

Phoebe: I just saw this really nice ass and I had to just squeeze it. Turns
out, it was a police officer's ass and he arrested me.

Ross: How'd you get out?

Phoebe: Well, I showed him my boobs and he let me out!

Ross tapped himself in the side of the head for a moment and looked extremely

Ross: Well, at least everything worked out.

Phoebe: You bet. Hey, well, I better get to Chandler and Monica's. I promised
Monica I'd go help her get through the end of Titanic.

Ross: Okay, well, I'll tell Rachel you stopped by.

Phoebe: Okay, bye!

Phoebe left the apartment quietly and headed for Monica and Chandler's place.


Monica had the movie stopped until Phoebe showed up. She was looking through
her picture album of the day Hannah was born. That baby was so beautiful and
she wished she'd have a baby one day.

A knock came to the door and Phoebe walked in. She smiled and saw Monica was a
little bummed out.

Phoebe: Hey Monica, what's going on? Oh, did Chandler die?!

Monica: What? No! Phoebe, I'm just looking at pictures of Hannah.

Phoebe: Oh, she's so sweet! I just saw her a few minutes ago. I stopped by
Ross and Rachel's place.

Monica: I want a baby. I know Chandler does, he told me that.

Phoebe: Well, I'm sure you'll have a baby, Monica. I mean, it's always been
your dream to have a baby.

Monica: I know. I just don't want to wait anymore.

Phoebe: Okay, let's just watch the end of Titanic, okay?

Monica nodded and they watched the rest of the movie.


It was a few hours later and Ross was dressing baby Hannah when Rachel came into
the room in some jogging pants and a T-shirt.

Ross: Are you going for a jog? You shouldn't do that for awhile.

Rachel: Me? Hell no. These were my only comfortable clothes.

Ross nodded and finished dressing the baby. He put her in the baby carrier and
put a blanket on her.

Ross: Well, are you ready to go to Chandler and Monica's? They want us there
for dinner in ten minutes.

Rachel: I don't think they'll care what we wear. So, I'm ready.

Ross: I'm ready. Hannah's ready. Let's go.


Joey walked into Chandler and Monica's apartment. Chandler was right behind him
and they sat down at the table. Joey looked at Monica with hunger and she
backed away.

Monica: The food will be done in a couple of minutes.

Phoebe walked out of the bathroom and sat down at the table.

Phoebe: Are Ross and Rachel going to come over?

Monica: Yeah, but they have to get Hannah ready first.

A knock came to the door and Ross stepped in, followed by Rachel with the baby
carrier. Everybody smiled cutely as the family came through the door and shut
it behind them.

Rachel: Okay, who wants to hold a freshly diapered, clothed, and fed baby who
has been sleeping for two hours now?

Everybody except Ross and Rachel: Me!

Rachel: Well, I guess little Hannah's popular today!

Everyone took turns holding the baby and passing her around. Rachel, like a new
mother, was always telling all of them to watch her head and to not drop her.
When the baby got to Joey, he hesitated, but finally took her in his arms. He
imagined what it'd be like to be Hannah's father. He smiled and looked at
Rachel. He saw sympathy in her eyes and he handed the baby back to her. Rachel
cleared her throat and sat down on the couch with the baby. Everyone began
talking at once except for Joey, who sat out of the conversation, pondering his
feelings for Rachel.

902 - TOW the Window Washer

Chandler and Monica were lying in bed together, in each other's arms, smiling
happily at one another. The morning had just dawned and it was a new day toward
their goal of having a family.

Monica: Last night was great.

Chandler: You bet it was! I've never had such little sleep before!

Monica: Maybe it was because we had an audience.

Chandler: What?!

Monica: That window washer. He was watching us all night! He's still there.

Chandler started to look over toward the window.

Monica: No! Don't look!

Chandler: Why didn't you tell me?! I would've told him to go away!

Monica: Well, I didn't realize until we were already into it, and I just
figured he was some horny old lonely man. I mean, hey, even old people need a
cheap thrill every once in awhile.

Chandler: Monica, I've never seen this side of you.

Monica: Well, get used to it sweetie. This Monica is here to stay. Well, at
least in the bedroom. I mean, I wouldn't want our friends to see me like this.


Phoebe was sipping a cup of latte at Central Perk. She was leafing through a
magazine, trying to figure out what she was going to do that day. Ross and
Rachel were sitting beside her and Joey was sitting there as well. Rachel was
cradling Hannah in her arms and feeding her a bottle. The infant girl was
sleeping, nestled in the crook of Rachel's arm.

Ross and Joey were discussing music because Ross had been playing Mozart softly
in Hannah's nursery at night to help build up intellect. Rachel wasn't paying
attention to the boring conversation, and Phoebe was zoning out.

Ross: No, Joey, Mozart wrote Sonata, not Bach.

Joey: I swear, I read about Bach and Sonata!

Ross: I know a little more about it than you do!

Joey: Fine, Phoebe, what do you think?

Phoebe, who was zoning out looked at Joey and Ross.

Phoebe: Huh?

Ross: About Mozart and Bach.

Phoebe: Oh! I think I met them! Such nice fellows!

Ross: Phoebe, they're dead! They have been for a very long time.

Phoebe: Not in this life. Silly boys!

Phoebe went back to her magazine and latte as Joey and Ross stared at her
awkwardly. Ross looked at his watch and jumped up quickly from the couch.

Ross: I'm late for my class! I have to go. I'll be back in a few hours.

Ross leaned down and kissed baby Hannah's cheek and left quickly. Joey, Rachel,
and Phoebe sat silently in the coffeehouse.


Monica was sitting at the kitchen table in her bathrobe. She was drinking a cup
of tea and eating a couple of waffles. Chandler was sitting across from her
drinking a cup of strong coffee. He was dressed for work and knew he'd have to
leave soon.

Chandler: I wonder if that window washer guy is still out there?

Monica: I don't know. If not, I'm sure he'll be back tonight.

Chandler: It's really creepy. I don't like people watching us.

Monica: Well, I don't want to have to shut my curtains. He can either watch or
leave. I'm not backing down.

Chandler: For the love of . . . Monica, this is insane.

Monica: I know, but I will not shut my curtains!

Chandler: Honey, do you think that you could, just for once give up?

Monica: Ha! No!

Chandler shook his head and stifled a laugh. He took the last sip of his
coffee. He stood up and kissed Monica.

Chandler: I'll be back later.

Monica: I'll be waiting.

Chandler kissed her again and then left the apartment.


Rachel was still at Central Perk, but Phoebe and Joey weren't there now. Baby
Hannah was sleeping in her stroller and Rachel was relaxing with a cup of coffee
and a scone. She smiled as she smelled the aroma of coffee filling her

Rachel: Hannah, sweetie, when you get older, you'll discover the joys of
caffeine. It's wonderful.

Gunther walked by and stared at Rachel. He nearly tripped over a table, but he
kept his balance and continued walking.

Rachel stood up and put her tip down on the table. She took hold of the
stroller and pushed it out of the coffeehouse.

She walked down the sidewalk for a while until she spotted someone who caught
her eye right away. It was Tag. Rachel's eyes widened and she saw him look
over at her. He smiled, waved, and started to walk over.

Rachel: Oh my god. Okay, Hannah, this man is mommy's ex, so don't be afraid.

She looked down at the baby, but the girl was fast asleep.

Tag: Rachel! Hi!

Rachel: Hi Tag. How are you?

Tag: I'm good. I've been meaning to call you, but I just couldn't, you know?

Rachel: I understand.

Tag: How have you been?

Rachel: Well, pretty busy. I had a girl.

Tag: Congratulations. I really mean that.

Rachel: Thanks.

Tag: Who is her father?

Rachel: Ross.

Tag: Ross! You mean you and he . . .

Rachel: Yes. Yes, we did.

Tag: Well you did before, but . . .

Rachel: To spare us both the embarrassments, I'm just gonna go. Bye, Tag.

Tag: Bye Rachel. Take care.

Rachel hurried off with the baby and headed to her apartment.


Chandler returned later that evening and Monica wasn't in the living room.

Chandler: Monica?

Monica: Just a second!

Chandler could hear bustling around and a few moments later, Monica came out in
her bathrobe.

Monica: Hi sweetie!

Chandler: You're still in your bathrobe?

Monica: Uh-huh.

Chandler: Why?

Monica: I was waiting for you.

Chandler: Have you even taken a shower this morning?

Monica: I was getting ready to.

Chandler: Have you been flashing that creepy window washer?

Monica squirmed a little.

Monica: I'm gonna go take a shower!

Chandler: Honey, that poor window guy has been out there all day? He's
probably freezing!

Monica: I gave him some cocoa.

Chandler: You made him cocoa? Monica, honey, it is definitely time to shut the

Monica: Fine. Fine, go shut the curtains.

Chandler sighed and walked into the bedroom. He returned a few moments later
and saw that Monica was already in the bathroom, getting ready for a shower. He
went back into the bedroom and peered out the curtains. The window washer guy
was back to washing the windows.

Chandler shut the curtains again and went over to the bed and sat down.

Chandler: Man, I'm gonna miss that guy!

Realizing how that sounded, Chandler got a disgusted look on his face.

Chandler: Oh my god! I just said that!

He shook his head and left the room.


Phoebe, walking down the street, looked up to see a window washer washing
windows on Chandler and Monica's side of the building.

Phoebe: Oh! Hi Walter! I miss you at my building! You should come back to
wash windows for us!

Phoebe continued looking and then headed back to Central Perk to see her

903 - TOW Phoebe's Birthday

Chandler was sitting on the couch of his apartment, watching absolutely nothing
in particular. Monica was cleaning and Ross' son Ben was sitting next to
Chandler on the couch.

Ben: Uncle Chandler, can we go to the museum?

Chandler: Oh dear lord, you're turning into your father!

Ben: I want to go because they're having a toy sale today.

Chandler: A toy sale? At the museum?

Ben: Yeah! I want to get Hannah a stuffed dinosaur.

Chandler: Couldn't you just buy her a rattle?

Ben: No! I want to buy her a stuffed dinosaur.

Chandler: Okay kid, I don't do museums. I just can't go into them.

Ben: Why not?

Chandler: It's full of dead things!

Ben: Come on Uncle Chandler! Please?

Chandler: Fine, fine, we'll go to the museum.

Monica walked out of the bedroom carrying a box full of porn magazines that
Chandler had locked inside of his closet.

Monica: We're not keeping these.

Chandler: What are they?

Chandler got up from the couch and walked over. He looked inside the box to see
the collection he'd been making since he was 12.

Chandler: No! Not those! You can't throw those away!

Monica: Honey, if you need them to get by, then what am I here for?

Chandler: Good point! Throw them out now!


Rachel was with Phoebe at Phoebe's apartment. She was holding Hannah and trying
to get her to stop fussing. She tried a pacifier which didn't seem to work and
she tried rocking her to sleep, which didn't work either.

Rachel: God, this kid makes more noise than Ross does during sex!

Phoebe: Nice comparison.

Rachel: What's up? You seem a little distant today. Cheer up! You're 32

Phoebe: Well, I would be 31 if it hadn't been for Ursula telling me the truth.

Rachel: Well, it's a good thing she did. You would've been living a lie.

Phoebe: Yeah, well.

Rachel: We better get going. Ross wants us to meet him for lunch. Then, were
going to the movies.

Phoebe: Well, I know Chandler and Monica are planning a birthday party for me,
so wouldn't it just be easier to go over there? I really don't want to go
anywhere else today.

Rachel: Well, let me call Monica. I'll tell her to hurry up and get the party


Joey was in Central Perk, ordering a cup of coffee when a very pretty blonde
woman walked by. She had curly hair and she was tall and slender. Joey
couldn't help but take a second glance. She looked over at him and smiled. He
had to go over to talk to her.

Joey: Excuse, me, ma'am. I just couldn't help but notice how beautiful you

The woman smiled for a minute and held her hand out.

Veronica: My name is Veronica. And you are?

Joey: Joe . . . Joey.

Veronica: Joe Joey?

Joey: No, just Joey.

Veronica: I like that name.

Joey: My mother gave me that name.

Veronica giggled and Joey decided he liked this woman. He realized there was
life after loving Rachel. He gave his sweetest smile and proceeded to use his
famous line.

Joey: How you doin'?


The party was ready, Ross had been called and was now at Monica and Chandler's
apartment, Chandler and Ben were back from the museum, Joey was now there,
sitting on the couch with Veronica's phone number in hand, Rachel was at the
apartment, and knew Phoebe would be there in a few minutes. To top things off,
there was a huge surprise waiting in Rachel's old room for Phoebe.

Rachel: Monica, I'm gonna put Hannah in your room. She's finally sleeping and
I don't want her to wake up during the party.

Monica: Sure. Just make sure she doesn't spit up on my bed, or pee, or
anything else. Tell you what, why don't you just lay a towel out on the bed and
lay her on it?

Rachel: Okay . . .

Rachel carried Hannah into the bedroom and put the baby down on the bed without
a towel.

Rachel: You'll get used to Aunt Monica. She's just an incredible clean freak.

She made sure the baby monitor she'd brought was turned on and took the other
part of it out to the living room.

Monica: I hope she gets here soon. I don't want the ice cream to melt.

Chandler: She'll be here. She's probably just moping and self-loathing about
being 32 today.

Joey: Hey man, what a positive outlook on life.

Chandler: Thanks Joe.

The doorknob began to turn and it opened. Phoebe walked in and every one was


Phoebe got a look of shock on her face.

Phoebe: Oh my god! This is totally a surprise! Oh wow!

Monica: How does it feel to be 32?

Phoebe: It's pretty sucky, but hey, I've got you guys!

Rachel: We have a surprise for you!

Phoebe: What is it? Presents?

Monica: Those are later! This you'll love even more!

Phoebe: Well, where is it?

Ross: Come on out kids!

The door to Rachel's old room opened and two little girls and a little boy
walked out.

Phoebe: You got me kids!

Monica: No, sweetie, these are your nieces and nephew.

Phoebe: The triplets? Oh my god! You guys have gotten so big!

Frank Jr. Jr.: We're four now!

Phoebe: How'd they get here?

Monica: Frank and Alice stopped by and had to leave town for awhile. They said
that a nice present for you would be to see the kids and they wanted to know if
you'd watch them while they're away.

Phoebe: Of course I will! These kids lived in me! Come here kids!

The triplets ran over to their Aunt Phoebe and gave her a huge hug. Everyone
else looked on in awe at the tiny scene. Everyone knew Phoebe had wanted to see
the triplets for a long time, but she'd never been able to get over to that side
of town where they lived.

Monica: Are you ready to open your presents?

Phoebe: Not yet. These kids are better than presents!

Monica: Well, they can help you open them.

Phoebe: Okay. Kids, do you want to help me open my birthday presents?

Triplets: Yeah!

Everyone gathered around Phoebe and the triplets and handed them each one gift
to open.

Phoebe opened one present to find a set of guitar strings, Leslie opened one
gift to find a box of guitar picks, Frank Jr. Jr. opened one gift and found a
picture frame with a picture of all the friends, including Hannah, Ben, and the
triplets, and Chandler opened a gift and found a hundred bucks.

After all of the gifts were opened, Phoebe sat on the couch with the triplets
around her and she was very happy.

Phoebe: Thanks for making this the best birthday I've ever had.