Written by: Ethan

Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me, but to Bright, Kauffman and Crane Productions and Warner Bros. Their use is not intended for profit, only for entertainment.

CENTRAL PERK (Monica, Chandler, Michael and Joey are present)

Joey: So did you tell Monica that you listened to Jenna have dream sex with you?

Monica: What?

Chandler (to Joey): Why am I even friends with you?

Monica: You had dream sex with Jenna?!

Chandler: No, Jenna had dream sex with me. There's a big difference. I only dream about having sex with you Monica.

Monica: Like that's ever gonna happen again. Wait a minute, you, you, you went over to Joey's to listen to his girlfriend talk in her sleep?

Joey: Yeah, I invited Chandler to come over to listen to Jenna talk sexy in her sleep last night. He said no at first, something about it being wrong, but then he decided that it was too good to pass up. As it turns out, Jenna was in the middle of a dream where she was having sex with Chandler.

Monica: And you didn't think I'd find out about it?

Chandler: Ah…..

Monica: You are so dead.

Joey: Don't be mad at Chandler. It was my idea.

Monica: Good, when I'm finished sewing Chandler's ass to his face, I'll sew your penis to yours.

Chandler: Huh, that would definitely give new meaning to the phrase "dick head".


ROSS & RACHEL'S APARTMENT (Rachel, Caitlin and Phoebe are present. Phoebe is feeding Caitlin)

Phoebe: Open your mouth Caitlin. Here comes the feeding plane. (Phoebe puts the baby food in Caitlin's mouth. Caitlin spits the food back at Phoebe, hitting her in the face.)

Rachel (laughing): And that's why I wear a bib too when I'm feeding her.

Phoebe (wiping off her face): That's was a good one. Yeah, I don't think she likes mashed peas.

Rachel: Thanks so much for watching her today. If you need anything, just call me at work.

Phoebe: We'll be fine. Go, go to work. My god daughter and I have a big day planned.

Rachel: What are you gonna do?

Phoebe: We're gonna do what all stay at home mothers do all day, we're gonna watch soap operas and eat bon-bons.

Rachel: Yeah, you've obviously never been a mother.

Phoebe: Hey, I gave birth to triplets. That counts for something.

Rachel: We'll see. Have fun. (Rachel leaves)

Phoebe: What did that mean?

NEW YORK UNIVERSITY (Ross is holding office hours. The Department Chair, Dr. Fred Rogers, enters)

Dr. Rogers: Ross, do you have a minute?

Ross: Sure Dr. Rogers. I have a whole hour to kill. None of my students ever come to see me.

Dr. Rogers: It's funny that you bring that up. That's what I want to talk to you about.

Ross: Oh?

Dr. Rogers: I was reviewing your grade distribution from the past three semesters and I was disturbed.

Ross: Really? What was so disturbing?

Dr. Rogers: Ross, you gave 75% of your students a passing grade. I'm concerned that you're not grading your students hard enough.

Ross: Well I graded on a curve. If I used a standard grading system, 90% of the students wouldn't have passed the course.

Dr. Rogers: That's what we want here in the Paleontology Department. We want only 10% of the students to pass our courses.

Ross: Isn't that a little sadistic?

Dr. Rogers: No, just University policy. You see, the University wants to make it as difficult as possible for students to graduate. This way it takes our students an average of six to seven years to graduate. The benefit of this is that the students must pay full tuition for those years.

Ross: I thought our mission was to educate, not extort.

Dr. Rogers: It's not extortion Ross, it's capitalism at its finest. Out of curiosity, how long did it take you to graduate from college?

Ross: Including the Doctorate program, five years.

Dr. Rogers: Obviously the University hadn't instituted their tough grading policy at that time.

Ross: Or I'm just extremely bright.

Dr. Rogers: If you were extremely bright Dr. Geller, we wouldn't be having this conversation. You're to insure that 90% of your students don't pass your course this semester. If not, you need to find another institution to teach at. Am I making myself clear?

Ross: Yes Dr. Rogers.

Dr. Rogers: Good day. (Dr. Rogers leaves)

Ross: Great, now I'll be on the hit list of every student that's majoring in Paleontology. Of course, that's only ten students.

CENTRAL PERK (Monica, Michael and Joey are present)

Monica: Where did Chandler go?

Joey: He went to have dream sex with Jenna.

Monica: That's not even funny.

Joey: Come on Monica, it's all in fun.

Monica: Seriously, where did he go?

Joey: He went to buy the Daily News, The New York Post, The New York Times and Newsday.

Monica: Why? Does each newspaper have different news in it or something?

Joey: Duh, the reviews of your restaurant hit the papers today.

Monica: God, I was hoping that this day wouldn't come.

Joey: Everything will be fine Mon. You're an excellent chef. Just because Phoebe throws up every time she eats your food doesn't mean anything.

Monica (sarcastically): Thanks Joey, that makes me feel so much better.

Joey: Glad to help.

(Chandler enters)

Chandler (to Monica): Oh, you're still here.

Monica: It's bad, it's really bad isn't it?

Chandler: Do you want me to read it out loud?

Joey: Yeah, that way if the reviews totally suck, the whole coffeehouse won't have to read it in the paper. They'll instinctively know not to go to Michael's Place. (Monica shoot Joey a bad look) What? I was just pointing out the benefits of reading the reviews out loud.

Monica: Give me the Daily News Chandler.

Chandler: Are you sure?

Monica: Well if we're gonna have to declare bankruptcy, then I might as well find out now.

(Chandler hands Monica the Daily News)

Chandler: It's in the Food Section.

Monica: Really? And here I thought the review would be in the Sports Section.

Joey: And you think I'm as dumb as a post. (Monica starts reading. Chandler looks at Joey with a big smile on his face) Well?

Monica: Where's the rest of them?

Chandler: Here you go. (hands her the other newspapers. Monica starts to read the other reviews) Wanna go shoot some pool Joe?

Joey: They're that bad? Don't you wanna comfort Monica?

Monica (looking up from the paper): We are gonna be rich!

Joey: You got good reviews?

Chandler: Five stars out of five stars baby! All the critics loved Michael's Place!

Joey: Congratulations Monica! I knew you would be successful. (pause) It's a good thing Phoebe's not a food critic, that review would've sucked.

Chandler: Always pointing out the positive Joe, always pointing out the positive.

ROSS & RACHEL'S APARTMENT (Phoebe is baby sitting Caitlin. Caitlin is screaming and crying)

Phoebe (holding Caitlin): What's wrong honey? Why are you crying? Did you poop your diaper? (smells her butt) Nope, that's clean. Do you wanna watch some TV? (Phoebe turns on the TV. Caitlin starts to cry even harder) Ok, General Hospital was not a good choice. (turns off the TV) Yeah, seeing Uncle Joey scares me too.

VICTORIA'S SECRET (Rachel is working in her office as Ross enters)

Ross: Hey.

Rachel: Hey honey. What are you doing here? Don't you have a class to teach?

Ross: No.

Rachel: But it's 11 am, I thought you had a class?

Ross: Had being the appropriate word.

Rachel: Oh my God, did they fire you?

Ross: No, no I resigned.

Rachel: You resigned? Why?

Ross: The Department Chair, Dr. Rogers, came to see me during my morning office hours.

Rachel: And that made you quit? Man, you really do have a problem with authority.

Ross: No. He told me that I was grading my students too easy.

Rachel: I thought 25% of your students didn't pass last semester.

Ross: That's true. But Dr. Rogers told me that the University doesn't want 90% of the students to pass. He said something about making the students take six to seven years to complete their undergraduate work.

Rachel: That's a little extreme.

Ross: He told me that if I didn't crack down on my grading standards, he'd let me go. So I thought about it for an hour and then I marched down to his office and resigned.

Rachel: What did he say?

Ross: I dunno. He wasn't there so I left a note.

Rachel: You left a note?

Ross: Yeah. You know I'm not very good at confrontation.

Rachel: So what are you gonna do?

Ross: That's why I'm here. I already have a job lead at Columbia University.

Rachel: Wow! You don't screw around.

Ross: Well it's not as fast as you think, someone I know in the Paleontology Department there said that they're looking for a Professor who specializes in the Miocene Period. She thinks I'm perfect for the position. She said she can get me an interview if I want one.

Rachel: That's great. You should definitely go for it.

Ross: Ok. I'll let you get back to work. I'll see you later. Love you.

Rachel: Love you too. (pause) Wait a minute, who do you know at Columbia?

Ross: Now don't freak out.

Rachel: Don't give me a reason to.

Ross: It's Julie. Julie teaches at Columbia.

(Rachel's quiet for a minute, gets up and shuts her office door)

Rachel: Yeah, you'd better sit down.

MONICA & CHANDLER'S APARTMENT (Monica, Chandler, and Michael are present)

Chandler: You must be thrilled. I mean the food critics loved your place.

Monica: Was there any ever doubt?

Chandler (lying): No, no doubt here.

Monica: Thanks for supporting me, I really appreciate it.

Chandler: Isn't that what husbands are for?

Monica: That and listening to their best friend's girlfriend talk in her sleep.

Chandler: Hey, I can't help it if Jenna said that I was the best dream sex she ever had.

Monica: She said that?

Chandler: No, no, no she didn't say that. I'm just making that up.

(Phoebe enters with Caitlin who is still crying)

Monica: This isn't over.

Chandler: When is it ever over?

Monica: Whoa! What did you do to upset her?

Phoebe: I don't know. She's been screaming for a half-hour now.

(Michael, who was sleeping in his room, starts to cry)

Chandler: And now we have two screaming babies. Thank you very little Phoebe. (goes to get Michael)

Monica: Let me see Caitlin Phoebe.

Phoebe: Be my guest. (Hands Monica Caitlin)

Monica: What's the matter honey? (to Phoebe) Did you check her diaper?

Phoebe: Only every five minutes.

Monica: Did you feed her?

Phoebe: I tried but she won't eat.

Monica: Did you call Rachel?

Phoebe: And make her think I don't know what I'm doing?

Monica: Do you know what you're doing?

Phoebe: Not really. I thought it'd be fun, you know, sitting on the couch watching soap operas all day and eating bon-bons. I didn't know it was gonna be like this.

(Caitlin has stopped crying)

Monica: Well I guess she just needed her Aunt Monica. Do you want me to help you for the rest of the day? I don't need to be to the restaurant until 5 p.m.

Phoebe: Nah, I think I can handle it. I'm gonna go put her down for her nap. Thanks for making her stop crying.

Monica: We'll be here if you need us.

Phoebe: I got it. See ya. (Phoebe leaves. She gets out into the hall and Caitlin starts crying again) Oh! This is gonna be a long day!

VICTORIA'S SECRET (Rachel and Ross are present)

Rachel: Let me get this straight, you decide to quit your job and the first thing you do is call your old girlfriend to see if Columbia University is hiring.

Ross: Actually, Julie called me.

Rachel: Oh, well that's even better then!

Ross: Why are so upset? I came to you first this time.

Rachel: There, there were other times that I don't know about?

Ross (lying): No.

Rachel: Ok, you're lying again.

Ross: How do you do that? (Rachel just looks at Ross) Ok, six months ago Julie called and asked me to interview for a job in their department but I turned her down.

Rachel: So instead of tightening up your grading standards at NYU, you just figured you'd resign and waltz over to Columbia and teach there?

Ross: Pretty much.

Rachel: It ain't gonna happen.

Ross: Why not?

Rachel: Why not? Are you stupid? Your ex-girlfriend Julie works there! It would be like me hiring Mark to work at Victoria's Secret.

Ross: Ah, you did hire Mark to work at Victoria's Secret. And you also did it behind my back.

Rachel: Ok, this isn't about Mark, this is about you and Julie!

Ross: There is no me and Julie Rachel. There's me, you and Caitlin. I love you, not Julie.

Rachel: Huh, that really took the steam out of my argument.

Ross: I just need a teaching job Rachel. It's not like I'm gonna be in the same classroom as Julie.

Rachel: I guess it wouldn't hurt to interview there. Go ahead, call Julie and ask her to set it up.

Ross (going to leave): Ok. (pause) If I do, you're not gonna hurl mashed potatoes at me later are you?

Rachel: No. I'm totally fine with it. Actually, I was gonna call Mark and see if he wanted to come work for me again here in New York.

Ross (turning around): What?!

Rachel: I'm just kidding. Nice reaction though. You'd better change your pants, you wet them in the front.

ROSS & RACHEL'S APARTMENT (Phoebe is watching Caitlin. Caitlin won't go down for her nap and is crying)

Phoebe: Caitlin, now I know you don't want to take a nap, but you have to. If you don't, I'll be forced to give you Tylenol PM to make you sleepy. (Caitlin cries harder) How is that possible? There's no way you can understand me, you're only a baby. (Phoebe looks around and gets an idea) Here, let's put you in your jumper. You can jump yourself to sleep. (Phoebe does so and Caitlin slowly stops crying) There, there you go. Alright, it's time to watch soap operas and eat bon-bons.

(Cut to a half-hour later. Phoebe has fallen asleep on the couch and Caitlin is crying up a storm. It's 1 pm)

COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY (Ross and Julie are present)

Ross: I gotta say, I wasn't expecting to be interviewing so soon.

Julie: Well the Department needs a Professor immediately. Are you ready?

Ross: Yeah, I guess. Who am I interviewing with?

Julie: The Department Head, Dr. Cheryl Stamos.

Ross (uncomfortable): Dr. Who?

Julie: Dr. Stamos. She teaches all the classes for the Cenozoic area.

Ross: Maybe this isn't such a good idea after all.

Julie: What's the matter?

Ross: Uh, I dated Dr. Stamos about five years ago.

Julie: So?

Ross: And it didn't end real well. I killed her pet hamster Mitzi with a tennis racquet.

Julie: Oh.

Ross: But that's in the past, I'm sure Cheryl doesn't remember all that.

(Cut to ten minutes later. Ross is in Dr. Stamos' office)

Cheryl: You've got some nerve showing your face around here Dr. Geller.

Ross (uncomfortable): Excuse me?

Cheryl (mad): You expect me to hire you? You killed Mitzi with a tennis racquet!

Ross: Yes, yes I did. And I'm extremely sorry for that. It was a tragic mistake. There was just so much garbage everywhere that I didn't know whether Mitzi was a rat or not.

Cheryl: Yeah, I know. I guess it was an honest mistake. You know, I go to Garbageaholics Anonymous now.

Ross: Garbageaholics Anonymous?

Cheryl: Yeah, it's for people who can't keep a neat residence. I'm the star of the group.

Ross: I bet.

Cheryl: What was that?

Ross: I said that's great.

Cheryl: Well we need a Professor and I think you'll do a fine job here at Columbia University. When can you start?

Ross: I got the job?

Cheryl: Sure. Why not?

Ross: I can start immediately.

Cheryl: Great. Your first class is tomorrow morning at 9:05 am.

Ross: What's the subject matter?

Cheryl: The Miocene period.

Ross: I can do that, that's my specialty.

Cheryl: Of course it is, it's the easiest period in the Paleontology field, no offense of course.

Ross: None taken. By the way, how did you get to be the Department Head? You were only a doctoral candidate when we dated. It usually takes years to ascend to the Department Head level.

Cheryl: When you have a body and a face like mine, you rise fast in the academic world.

MONICA & CHANDLER'S APARTMENT (Chandler, Joey, Monica and Michael are present. Monica's asleep on the couch. Michael is taking a nap)

Chandler: Where's Jenna?

Joey: Beats me.

Chandler: Did she go to work?

Joey: I dunno. I woke up this morning and she was already gone. (pause) By the way, why aren't you at work?

Chandler: I took a day off.

Joey: Still having a hard time adjusting to working five days a week?

Chandler: Totally. It's a good thing I didn't work five days a week at my last job.

Joey: Yeah and when they found out about it, they fired your ass.

Chandler: You win some, you lose some.

(Monica starts groaning in her sleep on the couch)

Joey: Ah, I think Monica is having a wet dream.

Chandler: What?

Joey: Look at her, she's writhing back and forth on the couch. (looks at Monica again) Oh my God, she's rubbing her breasts!

Chandler: Get out! Get out! You're not watching my wife masturbate in her sleep!

Joey: Why not? I let you listen to Jenna talk dirty in her sleep!

Chandler: But this is different!

Joey: How is this different?

Chandler: This involves my wife!

(Monica starts talking in her sleep)

Monica (sleeping): Oh yeah, right there! That's it, don't stop! Harder, harder, harder! Oh my God! It feels so good!

Joey: Wow, is she like this when she's awake and having sex?

Chandler: No, not at all. I should probably videotape this and play it back when we're getting in on. It'd definitely make things more interesting.

Monica (sleeping): Oh, oh, faster, faster! Oh Rachel!

Joey and Chandler (very loud): Rachel?!

Monica (waking up and bewildered): Huh? What, what's the matter?

Joey: Nothing, Chandler thought he saw Rachel across the way, but it turned out to be Phoebe.

Chandler: How was your dream?

Monica: What?

Chandler: How was your dream?

Monica: I wasn't dreaming, I was just taking a nap.

Chandler: Really? Then why is your shirt unbuttoned?

Monica: Joey must have done that to me. He's always doing stuff like that to me. Heck I was taking a nap one time and he came over and took off my pants.

Chandler (to Joey): You're dead.

Joey: Hey, it was 100 degrees outside, I didn't want her to suffocate.

Chandler: So removing my wife's pants would accomplish that?

Joey: Well yeah.

Chandler: I'll kill you later. First I have to find out why Monica was having sex with Rachel in her dream.

Monica: What?

Chandler: You were writhing on the couch, massaging your breasts and talking dirty! To top it off, you suddenly yelled "oh Rachel" at the top of your lungs.

Monica: Sounds like you're writing a good story for Penthouse Forum there my friend.

Joey: No, no he's not. You were totally getting off on the couch. You were having lesbian dream sex with Rachel! My dream has almost finally come true!

Chandler: Excuse me, this is my wife that you're talking to!

Joey: You wouldn't pay to see Monica have sex with Rachel?

Chandler: No. (Joey looks at Chandler) Ok, so I would.

Monica: What?!

Chandler: I mean I wouldn't! It's wrong, it's very wrong.

Monica: Well I don't believe either of you. I'm going to get ready for work.

(The phone rings and Chandler answers it)

Chandler: Hello? (pause) Sure, hold on a minute. (to Monica) It's for you. It's Mr. Carpaccio.

Monica: Who's Mr. Carpaccio?

Chandler: He lives directly above us.

Monica: Why does he want to speak to me?

Chandler: Do I look like a mind reader? Just talk to him! (hands Monica the phone)

Monica: Hello? (pause) No, I'm fine. I just woke up from a nap. (pause) Rachel's one of my best friends. (pause) No, she's not here right now. (pause) Excuse me? (pause) I'm gonna hang up the phone now. And never call here again! Goodbye. (Monica hangs up the phone)

Chandler: What was that all about?

Monica: Mr. Carpaccio wanted to know if Rachel and I would put on a sex show for him.

Joey: Why would he want you to do that?

Monica: Apparently he heard me moaning and screaming while I was asleep. When he heard me call out Rachel's name, he figured that Rachel was here.

Chandler: So you believe us now?

Monica (embarrassed): God, I'm so embarrassed.

Joey: Why should you be embarrassed? You fulfilled one of my biggest dreams, you had lesbian dream sex with Rachel!

Monica: Speaking of whom, is Rachel home from work yet?

Chandler (looking out the window): Nope. Why?

Monica: I just wanted if she was available. Mr. Carpaccio offered her and I $500 a piece if we got it on in front of him.

ROSS & RACHEL'S APARTMENT (Phoebe is still asleep on the couch and Caitlin is still crying. Ross enters)

Ross: Hey Pheebs, I'm home. (goes over and picks up Caitlin. He notices Phoebe sleeping on the couch) Phoebe!

Phoebe (waking up): What? What? Where am I? Is that you Mitch?

Ross: It's me, Ross, Phoebe. How long have you been asleep?

Phoebe (looking at her watch and seeing that it's 4 pm, lies to Ross): I dunno, about 30 minutes.

Ross: You couldn't hear Caitlin? She was screaming at the top of her lungs when I came in.

Phoebe: I'm sorry, I guess I'm a heavy sleeper. Anyway, I have to go meet Mitch. I'll see you later.

Ross: Thanks again for watching Caitlin Phoebe.

Phoebe: My pleasure. (Phoebe goes to leave. When she opens to door, Ross' neighbor, Mr. Murray is at the door)

Mr. Murray: Oh good, I'm glad someone's home. I was really worried there for a minute.

Ross: Why would you be worried Walter? I just got home.

Walter: Your daughter has been crying for about two hours straight. I figured something was wrong.

Ross (glaring at Phoebe and to Walter): Caitlin hasn't been feeling well lately. She's been crying a lot. Thanks for your concern Walter.

Walter: As long as everything's ok, that's all that matters. Have a good day.

(Ross shuts the door)

Phoebe: So this is the part where you chew my ass off?

Ross: I can't believe you! You were asleep for at least two hours! You were supposed to be watching Caitlin, not sleeping!

Phoebe: I know! I know! I'm so sorry! I was just watching soap operas and eating bon-bons on the couch. The next thing I knew, you had come home from work.

Ross: She could've been hurt! You're never allowed to baby sit Caitlin again!

Phoebe: I'm so sorry Ross. It'll never happen again.

Ross: Of course it won't, you're not allowed to watch her anymore!

Phoebe: Ok. I'm sorry. (Phoebe goes to leave and then turns around) Ross?

Ross (calmer): Yeah?

Phoebe: You're not gonna tell Rachel are you?

Ross: No. Definitely not.

Phoebe: Thanks. (pause) Out of curiosity, why not?

Ross: Because it was my idea to let you watch Caitlin in the first place. Rachel was totally against it. She kept saying that you would screw up. I guess she was right. Besides, you're in luck, I'm only allowed to look like an idiot once a day.

Phoebe: How were you an idiot already?

Ross: First I asked Rachel's permission to interview at Columbia University.

Phoebe: So, what's so bad about that?

Ross: My ex-girlfriend Julie got me the interview.

Phoebe: Oh. Wait, what else happened?

Ross: I got the job.

Phoebe: Well that's great!

Ross: And my boss is my ex-girlfriend Cheryl.

Phoebe: The dirty girl?

Ross: Yup, the dirty girl.

Phoebe: Good luck telling Rachel that.

Ross: Yeah, if she starts in on me too hard, I'm letting it slip that you fell asleep.

Phoebe: You wouldn’t!

Ross: But I would. I've gotta take the heat off of me somehow.

AN HOUR LATER (Ross is feeding Caitlin as Rachel enters)

Rachel: Hey honey!

Ross: Hey Rach. How was your day?

Rachel: Same as always, fixing other peoples' mistakes and stuff. How'd your interview go?

Ross: Really well actually.

Rachel: Great. So you're gonna get a second interview?

Ross: Not exactly.

Rachel: But I thought you said it went great?

Ross: It did. I got the job. I start tomorrow.

Rachel: That's fantastic honey! I'm so happy for you!

Ross: Thanks. I guess I should take Julie to lunch or something as a way of saying thanks. That's only if you're ok with it of course.

Rachel: Yeah that's fine. Tell her I said hi.

Ross: Really?

Rachel: No. (pause) So who's your new boss?

Ross: Oh just some Doctor.

Rachel: I realize that you idiot. What's his name?

Ross: Dr. Robert J. Oppenheimer.

Rachel: You expect me to believe that?

Ross: Yes. Why wouldn't you?

Rachel: Because Dr. Oppenheimer died in 1967.

Ross: He did? Well they didn't tell that to him, he's still alive and well.

Rachel: Dr. Oppenheimer was born in 1904 Ross and he was a physicist not a paleontologist. If he was still alive he couldn't stand in front of a class for more than two minutes. Now why aren't you telling me who your new boss is?

Ross: Because I don't want to?

Rachel: Out with it or you can forget our lovemaking plans tonight.

Ross: It's Dr. Cheryl Stamos.

Rachel: A woman?

Ross: No, it's a man and he really doesn't like it when people make fun of his name.

Rachel: Wait a minute! Wait just a second there mister!

Ross: What?

Rachel: Dr. Cheryl Stamos wouldn't be the same Cheryl that you dated five years ago would it?

Ross (weakly): I don't remember.

Rachel: You mean to tell me that you're gonna be working with two ex-girlfriends?!

Ross: I don't know.

Rachel: I can't believe this! I let you have Julie set up an interview for you, and the next thing I know, you're hired and reporting to an ex-girlfriend!

Ross: Think of it this way, if you ever want to have a foursome, I already know two willing participants. I can invite them here for drinks and we can take it from there. (Rachel flips Ross off and goes into their bedroom) Jesus, she can't even take a joke.


MONICA & CHANDLER'S APARTMENT (Monica, Chandler, Michael and Phoebe are present)

Monica: Thanks so much for watching Michael tonight Phoebe. Chandler and I really appreciate it.

Chandler: I don't know why I have to go to the restaurant with you tonight, it's not like I'm gonna be doing anything.

Monica: You never do anything anyway.

Phoebe: Michael's in good hands. I watched Caitlin today and there were no problems at all.

Chandler: Really? Then explain to me why Ross called and said to never to let you watch Michael.

Monica: What?

Chandler: Phoebe fell asleep for two hours this afternoon and let Caitlin cry the whole time.

Phoebe: That bastard! Spreading scandalous lies!

Monica (taking Michael back from Phoebe): Yeah, we won't be needing you this evening. (to Chandler) I guess you're off the hook. Have fun watching Michael, I'll be home by midnight.

(Monica leaves)

Chandler: Thanks Phoebe. I'll be home by 11.

Phoebe: My pleasure, Michael's in good hands. Say hi to Joey and Jenna.