FRIENDS Fan fiction
The One Where they celebrate (Season 7 Premier)
Regulars – Jennifer Aniston, Courteney Cox, Lisa Kudrow, Matt LeBlanc, Matthew Perry and David Schwimmer.
Scene 1 – Joey and Rachel are in their apartment. It’s the day after the engagement. They are sitting down and eating breakfast talking.
Rachel: They are so lucky.
Rachel: Monica and Chandler. Silly.
Joey: Why’s that?
Rachel: Were you not there last night?
Joey: (still with a puzzled look on his face) Still lost.
Rachel: The whole “getting engaged thing”
Joey: Oh, that!
Joey: Sorry, what about it?
Scene 2 – Monica and Chandler’s bedroom. They are in bed. She is in his arms and they are looking at the ceiling smiling.
Monica: I am the happiest I think I have ever been.
Chandler: Me too.
Monica: I can’t believe all that happened with Richard.
I know. What were you thinking?
Monica: Do we have to bring it up? It’s our first day of being engaged.
Chandler: You’re right. So, I was thinking we could take a day out. Maybe go to a museum. You know, to spend a little time completely alone.
Monica: Are you crazy? I’ve scheduled the day already. And, believe me, there’s gonna be no time to go to some museum. We’re going to start planning the wedding. I was thinking that today we could do the reception décor.
Chandler: (realizes what he has let him self in for.) Oh goddd.
Scene 3 – Ross’s apartment. He puts on his jacket and then switches on the answer machine. Just as he is getting his keys the phone rings. He screens.
Rachel: (from phone) Hi Ross. I don’t know when you’ll get this. I might see you before you get this so in that case it’s a reminder but oh well. Um…listen, about something you said last night, I don’t. I’m sorry, I know I said yesterday that there was a chance that I might want to get back together but I’ve been thinking and I really don’t see it happening. Sorry, Bye. (she hangs up. Ross is left looking kinda upset, kinda regretting. Then the phones rings again. He screens again)
Rachel: (from phone) Hi, just wanted to say that I just left you a message and I didn’t leave my name. Ok, bye. Wait, it’s Rachel. Bye. (camera leaves by looking at Ross, who looks pretty sad)
Scene 4 – Rachel and Joey’s. Rachel is in the kitchen. She hangs up the phone (she has just been on the phone leaving a message for Ross). Joey enters.
Who was that?
Rachel: Oh, no-one.
Joey: Are you ok?
Rachel: Yeah. Hey, I have a thought. Seeing as Monica isn’t going to arrange her own engagement party any time soon I was thinking we could throw one.
Joey: Could you bring your friend Tania from work?
Rachel: Yeah. I could invite her. Perhaps then I could get into one of those promotional parties for Ralph Lauren.
Joey: Oh, cool.
Rachel: I was thinking, instead of making it a dinner party, like Monica would organize, we could have a big party.
Joey: (getting into the idea of organizing a party – excitedly) And we could have beer!
Rachel: (uncertain about this) well, yeah.
Joey: And chicks. We could invite lots of chicks.
Rachel: Well, are you sure that Monica will want lots of girls turning up at the party that she is sharing with Chandler, seeing as she has just got engaged to him.
Joey: Well, I was thinking we could invite a few, you know from your work and stuff.
Rachel: I s’pose. Y’know there’s that job next to Kym, maybe I could get promoted.
Joey: (looking at her skeptically) from inviting them to a party?
Rachel: (in that funny way Ross does when he wants to get Carol and Susan and Ben to move to England and the guys tell him it’s a stupid idea) It could happen.
Scene 5 – Monica and Chandler’s apartment. It is about 11am. They have just got out of bed.
Chandler: So, I was thinking we could go for a drink later on and then come back here to have a celebratory dinner with the rest of the guys. I mean, we only went out for drinks yesterday. I think we should make a whole night of it.
Monica: You are so sweet. I could marry you.
does a “sweet” face. Ross enters.)
Chandler: Hey, has Rachel spoken to you yet?
Yeah, she said no. (beat) Wait, how did you know? She didn’t tell you did she?
Oh my god. She swore she would keep it secret. Oh man!
Chandler: (confused) Listen, Ross. (gets up and goes over to where Ross is…away from Monica. Whispering) Listen, Ross, I’m talking about the parteee thing tonight. What were you talking about?
Ross: (realizes his mistake. Slightly embarrassed.) Oh, nothing.
Monica: Chandler, you didn’t tell him did you?
Monica: Chandler, over here. (Chandler goes over. Whispering) About you know what, beginning with B.
Chandler: Of course not. It’s nothing.
Chandler: Man, I’m getting a lot of exercise running between the both of you!
Scene 6 – Ross’s apartment. Rachel is sitting there waiting for him. She is looking at the answer machine, making sure that he has received the message. She looks nervous. Ross enters. He sees her and stops.
Ross: (trying to act ok) So, uh, what are you doing here?
Rachel: I decided that we need to talk about last night. And my decision.
Have you changed your mind?
Ross: (very disappointed) Oh.
Rachel: Listen, sit down. I just think that with Monica and Chandler just getting engaged it made me think about my future and as much as I saw us being together then before, I don’t now.
What are you saying? You don’t see any future ever?
Rachel: I see us being friends in the future. Ross, you are one of my best friends. I feel especially close to you. And I know for a fact that I am one of THE luckiest people in the world. And you know how I know? Because after breaking up with you…twice…I still am able to call you one of my best friends.
Ross: That’s really sweet, but that’s not how I see it. I mean, I know we’ve broken up and hell, I’ve been married since we were properly together but it’s always been you Rach. I’ve always imagined marrying you and having kids with you.
Rachel: (starting to cry). Listen Ross. I am so sorry. I never meant to hurt you but I can’t go back into a relationship with you.
Ross: Why not?
Rachel: Because I know, that we wouldn’t be friends afterwards if we broke up. I know that we would never be friends.
Ross: That’s the thing though, we would never break up.
Rachel: I’m sorry.
(exits and leaves him looking sorrowful, as always)
Scene 7 – Monica and Chandler’s. Everyone is there apart from Monica and Chandler (ironic!). Rachel is telling everyone to be quiet. There are beers lined along the table and a large stereo with piles of cd’s. Then you hear voices outside.
Chandler: (from outside) So, how did you like your evening?
Monica: (from outside) It was really great. Now let’s go in there and have sex…Right now!
(people inside look at eachother – grossed out)
Chandler: Um…(trying to think on the spot)…’cause Joey might here ya and want to join in.
(Joey hears this and smiles. Rachel and Ross stare at him. He looks embarrassed.)
Monica: Come on then let’s be quiet.
starts to open the door. They enter)
Rachel, Joey, Ross and Phoebe: Happy Engagement!
Monica: Oh my god! This was so unexpected. (she hugs Chandler.) Did you know?
Monica: Aww. Thanks everyone.
So let’s get this party started! (to Rachel, quieter) So, where’s this Tania?
Rachel: I think she’s outside. On the balcony.
Joey: Ok, Tania. Come to Papa.
Rachel: (under her breath) Wow, I didn’t want to hear Joey say that!
follows Joey. He goes outside and you see Tania. Played by the girl who plays
Tess in Roswell. Emilie De Ravin. I think.)
Joey: Tania? Hi.
Tania: Oh, hi. You’re…
Joey: So, I was wondering whether you would like a drink.
Tania: (showing him her drink) That’s ok.
Joey: Well, you could always have another. You know what these parties are like. Glug glug glug!
Tania: Thanks, but no thanks. (she goes inside).
Joey: Man, I messed that one up! (goes back inside).
Scene 8 – Time Lapse: Monica and Chandler. They are saying goodbye to Gunther and Tania.
Chandler: Bye, see you soon Gunther. Bye Tania.
Gunther: Yeah, bye you guys. Come on Tania. (is very happy with huge smile on his face.)
Monica: Have a great night.
Joey: (seeing Tania with Gunther) Bastard. I knew I should have fired him when I had the chance.
Chandler, Ross and Rachel turn around.)
Rachel: When did you have the chance to fire Gunther?
Joey: He once gave me a muffin with blood on it.
Monica: Ewww. That’s disgusting. But how would you have been able to fire him?
Joey: Well, aren’t you allowed to fire someone when they give you death threats.
Chandler: Ignore him. Anyway, I think that now that everyone has gone I would like to propose toast to my beautiful fiancé.
Monica: But we proposed a toast to me last night.
Chandler: (through gritted teeth) I know (makes a gesture to himself in a “so why don’t you propose a toast to me tonight” way.)
Ross: (sensing the unease and trying to make everything better) Chandler and Monica! (raises his glass)
Rachel: Chandler and Monica! (everyone raises their glass and cheer)
Monica: Thank-you. I am truly grateful that tonight was such fun.
Chandler: Ditto (raises his glass again)
Scene 9 – The gang are sitting round the table. It is about 1.30am.
Monica: I think I’m gonna go to bed. It’s a long day tomorrow. We need to do the flower arrangement and seating arrangement. Then we’ve got to get our picture done for the Country Club Newsletter. (she walks into the bedroom. Chandler follows but looks back at the gang with a scared look on his face)
Rachel: Joey, we should probably head off.
Joey: hey, I didn’t know this was in the deal.
Rachel: I mean, in our separate rooms. Anyway, bye Pheebs, bye Ross.
(Ross doesn’t answer instead looks pretty pissed – as in angry)
Phoebe: Bye! Sleep well.
Rachel: Ok, good-night.
Phoebe: I think I’m just gonna crash in the guest room.
Ross: Without letting them know never mind asking them?
Phoebe: Oh, they won’t mind!
(Ross goes to the door)
(they both exit – Phoebe into the guest room, Ross out the main door).
Scene 10 – Monica and Chandler’s. The morning. Chandler and Monica are in bed. Monica wakes up and lies awake for a while, watching Chandler. He wakes up.
Chandler: What time is it?
Monica: It’s about 9am.
Chandler: I should probably go back to sleep then. 8 ½ hours sleep is not enough for me.
Monica: I’ll make you a nice big breakfast if you get up now.
Chandler: Croissants and toast?
Monica: …AND I’ll go out and get you some coffee so that 8 ½ hour sleep won’t be a problem.
Chandler: I love you.
Monica: I love you too. (the door opens unexpectedly. Phoebe enters)
Hey, have you got a spare toothbrush?
Scene 11 – Central Perk. Later that day. About 6 o’clock. Monica and Rachel and Chandler are there.
Rachel: So, (in a “hint-hint” way) have you thought about Maid of Honour?
Monica: Yeah. But we don’t know who we’re going to choose.
Rachel: What about best man?
Chandler: He asked last night and I said yes.
Monica: How are you going to tell Joey?
Chandler: Um, I don’t know.
Monica: Well, you better do it soon otherwise he’ll get his hopes up.
Chandler: Why would he get his hopes up?
Monica: You know Joey.
Chandler: Yeah, and he wouldn’t just assume that it would be him.
Joey: Hey you guys, I just had the greatest idea for my best man speech.
(ends on Monica doing an “I-told-you-so” face to Chandler, Chandler doing an “uh-oh-you-told-me-so” face and Rachel looking amused.)