THE ONE WITH THE HAMPTONS
Written by: Ethan
Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me, but to Bright, Kauffman and Crane Productions and Warner Bros. Their use is not intended for profit, only for entertainment.
CENTRAL PERK (Joey, Jenna, Jennifer and Brad are present)
Jennifer: So is Trevor going to work with you?
Joey: Totally. He's already set up ten auditions for me. The guy is unbelievable.
Jenna: Did you remember to fire Estelle?
Joey: Who's Estelle?
Jennifer: Well I didn't get to where I am today without having a great agent.
Joey: It also helps that we're good looking people.
Joey: Come on Brad, you know that only good looking people succeed in the acting business.
Brad: Then why haven't you been a success yet?
Joey: Hey, I was on Days of Our Lives and General Hospital. I got those jobs because I'm good looking.
Jenna: Yeah, and from what I've seen, it's definitely not because you're a good actor.
CENTRAL PERK (Continued from before)
Joey: So when are you two heading home?
Brad: I don't know. I'm kinda liking being in the Hamptons. It's so much slower there then in LA.
Jennifer: Maybe we should stay until I have the baby.
Brad: You want to stay in New York for another five months?
Jennifer: Sure, it's not like I'm working or anything.
Brad: What are we gonna do about clothes and stuff?
Jennifer: Brad, we're international movie stars, I think we just can afford buying new clothes for our stay.
(Ross, Rachel and Caitlin enter. Jennifer and Brad's backs are to them)
Ross: Hey Joe, Jenna.
Joey: Where have you guys been all week?
Rachel: Caitlin had the chicken pox. Remember?
Jenna: You truly are an idiot. Where did you think I got the chicken pox from?
Joey: You told me that aliens gave them to you.
Jenna: And you believed me?
Joey: Why would you lie about something like that? Anyway, aren't you gonna say hi?
Ross: We already said hi.
Jennifer (turning around): Fine, don't say hi.
Rachel: My God, what you doing here?
Jennifer: Joey told me that you were in the hospital so I flew out a week ago. Turns out he was lying.
Brad: Hello to you too.
Rachel: I'm sorry Brad, I didn't see you there. How long are you guys staying for?
Brad: It looks like five months.
Ross: Five months? Don't you guys have acting jobs or something?
Brad: No, I agreed not to work until after the baby is born.
Ross (to Jennifer): You're pregnant?
Rachel: What's the matter with you? I told you months ago that Jennifer was pregnant.
Ross: You never told me anything.
Rachel: Oh, I must've told Monica instead. Sorry about that.
Brad: It's good to see that you two are communicating in your marriage.
Ross (to Jennifer): How far along are you?
Joey: Are you stupid or something? If she's not due for another five months, she has to be two months along. Everyone knows that five plus two is nine.
Ross: Again, how far along are you?
Jennifer: Four months.
Joey: Really? I thought you're only pregnant for nine months. You're gonna be pregnant for 11 months? Does your doctor know about this?
Jenna: Joey, five plus four is nine, not five plus two. Five plus two is seven.
Joey: So I'm not good at math. At least I'm a good looking.
Jennifer: Pretty and dumb, just like a blonde.
(Phoebe and Mitch enter)
Joey: Speaking of pretty and dumb, here's Phoebe.
Phoebe: Hey! (noticing Jennifer) Wow, you're carrying a litter!
Jennifer: Hey Phoebe.
Brad (getting up to shake Mitch's hand): Hey Mitch.
Mitch: Wow, Brad Pitt remembered who I am.
Phoebe: Ok Mitch, you can put your wang back in your pants.
(Chandler, Monica and Michael enter)
Chandler: Hello little children and huge movie stars.
Joey: I'm not a huge star yet Chandler.
Chandler: I know, I wasn't referring to you.
Joey: Where have you guys been all week?
Monica: Michael had the chicken pox.
Joey: Oh, the aliens got to him too. (Monica and Chandler just look at Joey)
Jennifer: So what is everyone doing this weekend?
Rachel: We're supposed to have dinner with my mother tomorrow!
Ross: You never told me that.
Monica: Huh, even I knew about that.
Brad: Well Jennifer and I were thinking, why don't you all come out to the Hamptons for the weekend?
Joey: That sounds great to me, but where are we gonna stay?
Jennifer: You'll be staying in the maid's quarters while the rest of us are in the main house.
Joey: Cool, I get to stay with the maid.
Ross: Count us in.
Rachel: What about my mother?
Ross: No, she can't come.
Rachel: That's not what I meant.
Ross: I know, but my answer is not gonna change.
BRAD & JENNIFER'S RESIDENCE - THE HAMPTONS (Everyone has just arrived)
Ross: This place is unbelievably huge.
Joey: Kinda like my equipment.
Jenna: Don't flatter yourself, I've seen bigger.
Chandler: Sorry man, she walked into my office when I was changing.
Ross: So who goes where?
Jennifer: Take whatever bedroom you want. There are 8 of them.
Ben: Can I have my own room?
Brad: Sure champ, take whatever room you want.
Rachel: As long as it's next to Mommy and Daddy's.
Ben: But I want to be able to sleep at night. I can't sleep if you keep repeating Daddy's name over and over again.
Rachel (to Ross): We need to find a place with thicker walls.
(cut to an hour later. Ross, Rachel, Brad and Jennifer are out on the deck. Joey, Jenna, Phoebe and Mitch are playing cards inside and Monica and Chandler are in the pool with Michael and Ben)
(cut to inside)
Joey: What are we playing again?
Joey: Oh. (pause) What's Bridge?
Jenna: You told me you knew how to play.
Joey: And you should know by now that I lie a lot. I have a lying problem. Be careful it's going around.
Mitch: What games do you know how to play Joey?
Phoebe: Don't ask him that.
Joey: Strip poker.
Jenna: We're not playing strip poker.
Joey: Then I guess we're done playing cards.
Phoebe: Let's play truth or dare.
Mitch: Ah, we in our thirty's, we're not in high school.
Phoebe: Yes, I realize that, but in Joey's defense he just finished high school a couple of months ago.
Joey: Truth or dare sounds good to me. Anything goes right?
Jenna: Why wouldn't it?
Phoebe: Because the first chance he gets, he's gonna have us make out.
Jenna: He wouldn't do that to me, he loves me. Don't you honey?
Joey: You really don't know me at all do you?
Mitch: Who goes first?
Phoebe: I will.
Joey: No way. I wanna go first.
Phoebe: Well you can't because I called it first. Ok, truth or dare Joey?
Joey: Get ready to make out Mitch.
Mitch: I'm not sure I want to play this game.
Phoebe (to Mitch): Shut up, you're playing. Truth or dare Joey?
Phoebe: Are you sure you want to do that?
Joey: Ok, truth. I want a truth question.
Phoebe: Are you sure you want to do that?
Joey: Ok, I'm with Mitch, I don't wanna play anymore. Phoebe's scaring me.
Jenna: Stop being a baby and decide.
Phoebe: Ok, you asked for it. Joey, I dare you to ask Jenna to marry you.
(Joey sits frozen as the rest look on in shock)
(cut to outside)
Ben: Watch this Daddy! (Ben does a cannonball into the pool)
Ross: Wow! That was a big splash Ben. You know who else could do big splashes as a kid?
Ben: Uncle Chandler?
Ross: Auntie Monica.
Ben: No way.
Ross: It's true. She was the Queen of big splashes. At least until the pool ran out of water. Then she was just a beached whale.
Monica (flipping off Ross): Thank you for that.
Rachel (to Ross): You are so mean.
Ross: Hey, it's not my fault the coast guard mistook her for a beached whale during our summer at the beach.
Jennifer (to Brad, excitedly): Where are you going?!
Brad: Relax, I'm only going to the bathroom.
Jennifer: Oh. Bring me some water when you come back.
Brad: Get it yourself, you're not an invalid. (Brad goes inside)
Jennifer: I'll be right back. Do you wanna help me Rachel?
(Jennifer and Rachel go inside)
Ben: Daddy, watch this! (Ben starts running on the pool deck)
Ross: Ben! Don't run!
(Ben stumbles, crashes head first onto the pool deck, and falls into the pool)
Ross (getting up and diving in the pool): Ben!
(Chandler and Monica quickly swim over to Ross and Ben. Ben is out cold and bleeding)
Chandler: Is he alright?
Ross: Does he look alright to you?
Monica: Chandler's just trying to show concern Ross.
Ross: Help me get him out of the pool!
(Chandler and Monica get out of the water and take Ben from Ross. Monica gets a towel and places it on Ben's head)
Monica: Ben? Ben? Wake up Ben!
Ross: Chandler, go call 911.
Chandler: But I'm all wet.
Ross: Just go!
(Chandler rushes inside)
Monica: Don't worry Ross, everything's gonna be fine.
Ross: Monica, where's Michael?
Monica: He's sitting on the steps in the shallow end. (realizes what she's saying) Oh my God! Michael! (Monica rushes to the shallow end of the pool, only to find Michael still sitting on the steps) Thank God!
(cut to Jennifer and Rachel in the kitchen)
Rachel: Should we bring the guys some beer or something? (Jennifer doesn't answer. She has her back to Rachel) Jennifer?
Jennifer: Sounds fine.
Rachel: Are you ok?
(camera cuts to Jennifer's face, she's crying)
Jennifer: I'm fine.
Rachel (putting her hand on Jennifer's shoulder and turning her around): Then why does it sound like you're crying?
Jennifer (sobbing): Because I am.
(Chandler rushes into the kitchen)
Chandler: Jen, Jen, where's the phone? (notices Jennifer crying) Hey don't cry, he only banged his head, he's gonna be fine.
Rachel: What's going on Chandler?
Chandler: Ben had a small accident.
Rachel: What happened?
Chandler: Now stay calm.
Rachel: Tell me what happened to Ben right now before I shove this beer bottle up your ass!
Chandler: Ben tripped while running on the pool deck and knocked himself unconscious.
Rachel (running out of the kitchen): Oh my God!
Chandler (to Jennifer): You ok?
Jennifer: Yeah, just the hormones acting up.
OUT FRONT OF BRAD & JENNIFER'S RESIDENCE (Everyone has gathered as Ben is loaded into the ambulance)
Joey: And you guys were saying you had to watch out for me. From the look of things, Ben was the one you guys should've been watching. (Everyone glares at Joey) What? I'm just saying.
Ambulance Driver (to Ross and Rachel): Do you guys want to ride in the ambulance with your son?
Rachel: I'll follow in Brad and Jen's car Ross.
Chandler (to Rachel): Ah, since you're not riding with them, can I ride in the ambulance with Ross and Ben?
Rachel: Does it look like I care?
Chandler: I get to go in the ambulance!
Joey: I wanna ride in the ambulance!
Ambulance Driver: Sorry sir, the rig's only big enough for three people.
Joey: Me, Chandler and Ross, that's three people.
Ambulance Driver: You forgot the EMT. The EMT has to be in the back with the boy.
Joey: Well have the EMT get his own ride.
Woman EMT (emerging from the rig): I prefer this ride thank you.
Joey: I'm sorry, I didn't know you were a female. How you doin?
Jenna (mad): Am I gonna have to call an ambulance to pick you up?
MT. SINAI HOSPITAL (Everyone is present. Ross and Rachel are in with Ben and the Doctor)
(cut to Ross, Rachel, Ben and the Doctor)
Ross: Is he gonna be ok?
Doctor: It looks that way. From what I can tell, it looks like Ben suffered a minor concussion when he hit his head. The force of the blow knocked him unconscious.
Rachel: How come that doesn’t happen to me when my husband bangs my head on the headboard?
Rachel: I'm sorry. I tend to ask inappropriate questions when I'm under stress.
Doctor: Ok. We’re gonna have to keep Ben overnight for observation. He should be able to go home in the morning. He's likely to have a slight headache for a few days, but he seems like a tough kid, I'm sure he'll be fine.
(The doctor leaves)
Ross: What is the matter with you?
Rachel: I'm sorry. I guess I've always wondered why I never get a head injury when we're getting it on. You slam me pretty hard into the headboard.
(Cut to the waiting room)
Joey (to Chandler): Can I see you for a minute?
Joey: I need to talk to someone.
Chandler: Then talk to Jenna, that's part of her role of being your girlfriend.
Joey: But this is about Jenna.
Chandler: For the last time, if you wear a condom, it doesn't mean that she won't get pregnant. They're only 97% effective.
Joey: It's not that, I have to ask her to marry me. (Chandler just looks at Joey)
(Cut to Jennifer, Brad, Phoebe, Monica, Michael, Caitlin and Mitch)
Monica: Caitlin sweetie, don't put that in your mouth. That's yucky. (to Jennifer) See what you have to look forward to when your baby is finally born. They'll put anything in their mouth.
Brad: Hey, that's kinda like you Phoebe.
Phoebe: Yes, I have many talents.
(Ross and Rachel emerge from Ben's room)
Jennifer: How is he?
Ross: He's fine. He just has a concussion. He can leave tomorrow.
Jennifer: Thank God. We still haven't gotten homeowner's insurance for our residence out here.
Brad: You didn't get the insurance yet? You told me you did months ago!
Jennifer: Let's not do this here Brad.
Brad: You know, I really can't believe you lately. You don't do anything right, you're constantly crying and you expect me to wait on you hand and foot. They could sue us for everything we have, yet you don't think it's important that we have homeowner's insurance.
Rachel: We'd never sue you Brad, you're our friend. It was a total accident.
Brad: I know that Rachel. The point is that once again Jennifer said she'd done something when in fact she hasn’t.
(Brad walks away)
Jennifer: I'm sorry everyone. You didn't need to see that.
Monica: Don't worry about it. We all get mad at our spouses at times.
Jennifer: Yes, but in my case, my spouse has been angry with me for four months.
(cut to Joey and Chandler)
Chandler: You have to what?
Joey: I have to ask Jenna to marry me.
Chandler: Why, why do you have to ask Jenna to marry you? Is she pregnant?
Joey: Why, did she tell you that?
Joey: Oh, well then that's good. I'm not ready to be a father yet.
Chandler: You're not even ready to be a husband yet!
Joey: Look, Phoebe, Jenna, Mitch and I were playing this game….
Chandler: What was the game called? Ask you girlfriend or boyfriend to marry you?
Joey: There's a game called that?
Chandler: I'm going to kill you if you don't make sense in the next minute.
Joey: We were playing truth or dare and Phoebe dared me to ask Jenna to marry me.
Chandler: So then what happened?
Joey: Well you came flying in and said that Ben had tripped and was knocked unconscious so the game ended.
Chandler: If it was just a game, why are you so freaked out?
Joey: So I don't have to ask Jenna to marry me?
Chandler: What do you think?
Joey: Dude, if I knew, I wouldn't be talking to you. I knew I should've talked to Ross.
Chandler: Joey, it was just a game. Phoebe doesn't expect you to ask Jenna to marry you.
Joey: Thank God, I'm totally not ready for that.
Phoebe: Hey, we're heading back to the house. Are you guys coming?
Phoebe (to Joey): So did you ask Jenna to marry you yet? (Joey and Chandler look at Phoebe in shock)
BRAD & JENNIFER'S RESIDENCE - THE HAMPTONS (Everyone but Ross and Ben are present. Jennifer and Rachel are in the kitchen. Brad, Chandler and Monica are outside sitting on the deck and Phoebe, Mitch, Joey and Jenna are in the family room watching TV)
(cut to the kitchen)
Rachel: So you and Brad haven't been getting along.
Jennifer: What gave you that idea? We're getting along just fine.
Rachel: Jen, it's me. You don't have to hide your troubles from me.
Jennifer: Seriously Rachel, there's nothing wrong with Brad and I's relationship.
Rachel: Then why did you say at the hospital that he's been angry with you for the past four months?
Jennifer: I never said that.
Rachel: Fine, if you don't want to talk about just say so. I'm going outside. (Rachel gets up to leave)
Jennifer (burying her head in her lap): I think Brad's gonna leave me. (Rachel turns around and sits back down)
(cut outside to Brad, Monica and Chandler)
Chandler: So I was walking down the hall at work the other day when a co-worker of mine says to me "hey, I can see the gun of Navarone".
Monica: What in the hell are you talking about?
Chandler: I know, I was confused at first too, but then she….
Chandler: Well I do work with females Monica. Anyway, she politely told me that my fly was open. Get it? I can see the gun of Navarone.
Brad: That's a good one. Though I prefer "I thought you were crazy; now I can see your nuts".
Monica: Why do I always hang out with the men?
Brad: There's only one man here and that's me. Chandler's just a boy.
Chandler: This is true. Check this one out, "Mini-Me is making a break for the escape pod".
Brad: So you're saying you have a small penis?
Chandler: Ah, no.
Monica: To quickly change the subject before Chandler tells us the Elvis Jr. has left the building….
Brad (laughing): Good one Mon.
Monica: What's the deal between you and Jen?
Monica: I don't mean to pry, but things don't seem right between you two.
Brad: Everything's fine. How 'bout this one Chandler, "your soldier ain't so unknown now".
Chandler: Here's one for President Clinton - "you've got your fly set for Monica instead of Hilary".
Monica: Damn it! Would you two cut it out!
Chandler: What's your problem? We're just having a little fun.
Monica: Just like typical guys. Their marriage may be falling apart around them, but they think it's more important to come up with new ways to say your fly is open.
Brad: Are you guys having marital problems?
Monica: No. But you are.
Chandler: Whoa there Mon, that's none of our business.
Brad: Monica, I appreciate your concern, but everything's fine between Jen and I.
Monica: Then why did she tell me at the hospital that she's considering leaving you?
(cut to Phoebe, Mitch, Joey and Jenna)
Joey: There's nothing on TV.
Jenna: Then turn it off.
Joey: And do what? Talk like adults? I don't think so.
Mitch (looking up from the paper): Cool, put on TBS. "Chips" is on. (Joey, Jenna and Phoebe look at Mitch) What? What'd I say?
Phoebe: You're not turning gay on me are you?
Mitch: No. "Chips" was just my favorite TV show when I was 10.
Joey: Yeah and while he was watching "Chips", I was watching Linda Lovelace in Deep Throat.
Phoebe: That's a name I've not heard in a long time.
Jenna: You've heard of Linda Lovelace?
Phoebe: My Mom and her were friends before she got into the porn business. Anyway, shut off the TV, we've got to finish our game from earlier.
Jenna: But Joey doesn't know how to play bridge.
Phoebe: I was talking about our truth or dare game. As I recall, I had dared Joey to ask you to marry him.
Joey: I'm tired. I'm going to bed.
Jenna: It's only 7:30!
Joey: Well I was up late last night and up early this morning.
Jenna: You didn't get up until noon.
Joey: So? That's early to me, I normally get up around one.
Mitch: I'm in the wrong line of work.
Phoebe: Sit your ass down. We're finishing the game.
Phoebe: Exactly, sit on it. (Joey sits down on the floor) Ok Joey, you have your dare, you now just have to do it.
Joey: I don't want to.
Phoebe: Of course you don't, that's why they call it truth or dare.
Joey: I'm gonna get you for this Phoebe!
Phoebe: Bring it on home slice.
Joey (getting down on one knee and taking Jenna's hand, then to Phoebe): You are so dead!
Phoebe: Stop being a baby and just do the dare.
Joey: Jenna Eddy, will you marry me?
Jenna (to Phoebe): Do I have to answer him?
Phoebe: Of course you do.
Jenna: But I really don't want to.
Mitch: Why are we even playing this game if no one wants to do what they're supposed to do?
Jenna: Fine. Joey, I will not marry you.
Joey (standing up): What?!
(Cut to the kitchen)
Rachel: Why do you think that Brad's gonna leave you?
Jennifer: He's been really hostile to me for months and he won't even kiss me or hold me. It's like I got pregnant and suddenly he turned into this cold-hearted monster. In his eyes, I can't do anything right. It's like it's as cold as Christmas even though it's only the middle of the year.
Rachel: Have you tried to talk to him about it?
Rachel: Don't you think you should?
Jennifer: Maybe. I guess I'm afraid. What if I find out that he really does want to leave me? Then I'm going to be stuck raising a child by myself. Sh^t, I never should've gotten pregnant.
Rachel: For one, you won't be alone Jen, that's what friends are for, and two, Brad wanted kids as much as you did.
Jennifer: Then why has he been such an a-hole since I got pregnant?
Rachel: I dunno, you're gonna have to confront him.
(cut to Monica, Chandler and Brad outside on the deck)
Brad: What did you say?
Monica: Jen said she's considering leaving you.
Brad: That's preposterous. What did I do? Why would she want to leave? I've been nothing but a model husband since we got married.
Monica: I dunno. Maybe you should ask her.
Chandler: I know this really isn't any of my business, but you two haven't seemed to be getting along all that well since you came out here.
Brad: Are you kidding me?
Chandler: I guess I've just noticed that you guys aren't inseparable anymore. Before when you guys came to visit, you were always together. The whole time we've been here today, you've been hanging out with me.
Monica: And we're not the only ones to have noticed this Brad, everyone has noticed too.
Brad: And Jennifer said she wants to leave?
Monica: She quickly mentioned it after you blew up at her at the hospital. I didn't want to believe her, but I think she's serious.
Brad: But I don't want to lose her. She's my life. I don't know what I'd do without her. I, I, I better go talk to her.
(Brad goes inside)
Chandler: I seriously hope you and Rachel know what you're doing. Jennifer never said anything about leaving Brad.
Monica: I know that. Trust me, Rachel and I know what we're doing.
Chandler: Good. (pause) Got another one, "you've got a security breach at Los Pantalones".
Monica: Grow up.
Chandler: Like that's possible.
MT SINAI HOSPITAL (Ross is asleep on a chair. Ben wakes up. He's confused and scared)
Ben: Daddy?! Mommy?! Where am I?! Daddy?! Daddy please help me, I'm scared!
(Ross wakes up)
Ross: It's ok Ben. I'm here.
Ben: Where am I?
Ross: You're in the hospital.
Ben: Did I eat Auntie Monica's cooking again?
Ross: No Ben, you hit your head on the pool deck. You have a slight concussion and cut on your forehead.
Ben: So it wasn't a dream?
Ross: What wasn't a dream?
Ben: I dreamt that I was running on the pool deck and I tripped and hit my head.
Ross: That's exactly what happened son. When you hit the pool deck you were knocked unconscious and you fell into the pool. Uncle Chandler, Aunt Monica and I pulled you out of the pool and called an ambulance. The ambulance brought you here to have you examined by a doctor.
Ben: What did the doctor say?
Ross: He said that the fall would finally knock some sense into you.
Ross: The doctor said you're gonna be fine. You get to go back to Uncle Brad and Aunt Jennifer's house tomorrow.
Ben: Can I go swimming?
Ross: No. You can't do any exercises for at least a week. You need your rest.
Ben: Does that mean I don't have to sleep next to your room? You know how Mommy keeps me up at night. She's constantly repeating your name over and over again. It's really hard to sleep.
Ross: I'll see what I can do Ben.
BRAD & JENNIFER'S RESIDENCE - THE HAMPTONS (Everyone but Ross and Ben are present. Jennifer and Brad are in the kitchen. Rachel, Chandler and Monica are outside sitting on the deck and Phoebe, Mitch, and Jenna are in the family room. Joey has gone for a walk)
(cut to the family room)
Jenna: Should I go after Joey?
Phoebe: I can't believe you said no to him.
Jenna: What? We were just playing a game.
Mitch: Yeah, what's the big deal Phoebe? It's just a game.
Phoebe: Look, I've known Joey for a long time, he was being dead serious when he asked you to marry him Jenna.
Jenna: He was?
Phoebe: Yeah, totally serious. Why else would he go for a walk? Joey doesn't go for walks, he gets lost to easily.
Jenna: Then why did you dare him to ask him to marry me?
Phoebe: I figured that's what you wanted.
Jenna: I don't believe this. Look, I love Joey a lot, but neither of us are ready for marriage.
Phoebe: I guess I should've dared Mitch to ask me to marry him.
Mitch: If you did, I'd be out with Joey on his walk.
Phoebe: I love you too honey.
(cut outside to Chandler, Monica and Rachel)
Chandler: This better work.
Monica: Everything's gonna be fine Chandler. Rachel and I know what we're doing.
Rachel: At least I hope we do.
Rachel: You weren't supposed to tell Brad that Jennifer was considering leaving him. You were just supposed to tell him that she felt disconnected from him.
Monica: I did it for effect.
Rachel: Well it's an effect that may blow up on us.
Chandler: Yeah, you guys should leave the relationship repairing to Ross and I. (Rachel and Monica just look at Chandler) Or have Jennifer and Brad seek professional help.
(cut inside to the kitchen)
Jennifer: I never said I was considering leaving you.
Brad: So you're saying Monica is lying?
Jennifer: All I'm saying is that I never said I was considering leaving you. The other stuff she said is true.
Brad: So you're saying that this is all my fault? It's my fault that we've drifted apart.
Jennifer: Damn it Brad! I didn't say it was entirely your fault. I'm not stupid, I know a relationship involves two people. It just that ever since I told you that I was pregnant, you've been treating me like a second class citizen, and frankly, I'm tired of it!
Brad: Are you yelling at me?
Jennifer: What do you think?!
Brad: I've been nothing by supportive of you since you told me you were pregnant.
Jennifer: So telling me that I can't do anything right is being supportive?
Brad: I never said that.
Jennifer: You said that this afternoon at the hospital! Right in front of our friends I might add!
Brad: I'm sorry.
Jennifer: So what do you want do?
Brad: I don't know.
Jennifer: Well I'll make it easy on you, I'm returning to Los Angeles on Monday. You can stay here and figure things out for yourself. If you decide that you can start treating me as your wife and life long partner, then we can work things out. If you want out of our marriage, say the word and I'll give you what you want.
Brad: I don't want you to leave and I don't want a divorce. I love you.
(No one speaks for a minute)
Jennifer: Do you know that's the first time you've told me that you love me in the past month?
Jennifer: Yeah. I was beginning to wonder if you really did love me or not. Why have you been such a big butthead since I told you that I was pregnant? (Brad doesn't say anything) I asked you a question, you owe me an explanation.
Brad: You're not gonna like it.
Jennifer: Well I don't like a lot of things you do, but we're married and we agreed at the altar to be truthful with one another. Now, why have you been such a big butthead since I told you that I was pregnant?
Brad: Trevor called me the day after you told me you were expecting and said he had the role of a lifetime for me. I was finally gonna get the chance to work with Steven Spielberg on film he was doing and I had to turn him down because I remembered that I promised you that I wouldn't work again until after the baby was born. I guess I've been taking my frustration over losing the part out on you. I resented the fact that you got pregnant at the same time that I could've fulfilled one of my life long dreams.
Jennifer: Why didn't you talk to me about it?
Brad: Because I told myself that everything would work out, that'd I get another chance to work with Steven Spielberg again.
Jennifer: So instead you decided to be a butthead to me. Well thank you, I've truly appreciated it.
Brad: I'm sorry. I really do love you. You're doing something that's gonna fulfill the biggest life long dream that I've ever had. You're carrying our child.
Jennifer: I know. (pause) But if you continue being an ass to me, you're not gonna be around to enjoy our baby.
BRAD & JENNIFER'S RESIDENCE - THE HAMPTONS (Everyone is present but Joey. Ben has just returned from the hospital)
Brad: How you feeling there champ?
Ben: Ok. I have a slight headache though.
Jennifer: Well we're glad you're ok. We missed you last night.
Ben: I kinda liked being in the hospital.
Chandler: 'Cause you had hot nurses?
Monica: Chandler! The boy is 9 years old.
Chandler: Sorry, but Joey's not here, someone had to say something stupid.
Ben: No, I actually was able to go to sleep without hearing Mommy say Daddy's name over and over again.
(Cut to somewhere in the neighborhood - Joey's lost)
Joey: Excuse me ma'am. Where am I?
Woman: You're in France.
Joey: Thanks. (to himself) Funny, I don't remember a plane ride.