The One with Joey’s Dream
Written By: Lisa (Mokkajo)
Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me but to Bright, Kauffman and Crane (+Warner Bros.) This story is not for profite, it’s just for entertaining you guys!!
This story takes place somewhen in the 6th Season
[Chandler’s and Monica’s, everybody’s around eating breakfast]
Phoebe: I think it’s so great that we can come at any time over just to eat at your place, Monica, you really are a good host!
Monica: Thanks, Pheebs, but, you know, I kinda didn’t really invite you guys over… This was supposed to be a nice breakfast alone with Chandler, I…
Phoebe: Ugh, Whatever . . . Um, Joe, could you pass me the butter?
Joey: Yep, sure. (going to do so, but then sees that Phoebe is taking of her shirt) Pheebs?! Phoebe, whatchadoin’?!
Phoebe: Um, I’m sorry, it’s just so hot in here (blinking)
Joey: What are you doin’??
Phoebe: Oh, please, you child, would you just pass me the butter?
Joey: Sure, what for?
Phoebe: Wanna take a bath in it and have you lick it off me, rrr . . .
[Joey wakes up, lying in bed with a scared face;wet from sweat, it was just a dream]
Joey: Oh-my-God !
[Chandler’s and Monica’s, everybody’s around but Joey, they’re eating breakfast; Joey walks in]
Joey: (cool: ) Hey guys! (Then sees Phoebe: )Oh… um, hey.
Phoebe: Oh, hey Joe, now that you’re standing there, would you pass me the butter?
Joey: No! What makes you thin I would?! I’m your friend!!
Phoebe: Yeah, and that’s what friends do: (slowly) They pass each other the butter.
Joey: No, Phoebe! It might have worked out for Chandler and Monica, but we’re friends, I’d never do that!
Phoebe: What’s wrong with you?!
Joey: Nothing… It’s just that… Look, Pheebs, I’d really like to, you know? But, no… no, I won’t. Couldn’t handle that I think.
Chandler: Oh, dear Lord, just give her the damn butter!
Rachel: Ugh, Pheebs, you know what? I was gonna stand up anyway, I’ll give it to you.
Joey: What… you-you mean you’re gonna pass her the butter??
Rachel: Well, yeah, why?
Joey: Duh! (has that “how ya doin’”-look on his face) Ain’t gonna miss that!
[Later that day, same place, just Chandler and Joey are there, sittin’ in the kitchen]
Joey: Dude, can I ask you somethin’?
Chandler: Sure, go ahead!
Joey: Uh, I don’t know, might not be such a good idea to tell you…
Chandler: Just do it.
Joey: Well… promise you won’t tell anyone?
Joey: Boy Scout’s Honor?
Chandler: That’s it, I’m leaving.
Joey: No-no-no, wait, wait.
Chandler: You better be having a good secret to keep me from leaving.
Joey: Yup, okay… So, have you ever had – certain dreams about friends?
Chandler: What d’you mean?
Joey: Had some of that lately.
Chandler: Dear Lord, Joey, please tell me you’re talkin’ about a girl. (pause) No, seriously, tell me!
Joey: Of course, what do you think, sickey disguntington?? No, just had some dreams about a friend. . . a girl… And you never had those?
Chandler: Ph, ‘course I did. No, no, wait a sec, wait a sec. You’re talking about one of the girls, aren’t ya?!
Joey: Well, um . . .
Chandler: Oh my God ! You had certain dreams about Monica and now you’re here to convince you to let you have my fiancée! Oh my God, I knew it, I knew it couldn’t be god to be friends with such a womaniser, I…
Joey: Hold your breath, man. First of all: I’m not talkin’ about Monica. Second of all: You really think I’d have to ask you for your permission to hit on her? I mean, I’m Joey, handsome and smart [Chandler gives him a weird look but decides not to say anything]… and you… well, ain’t gonna say you look gay, but some might say…
Chandler: Thanks, man. (pause) Anyway. So it’s not her?
Chandler: Oh my God ! It’s Phoebe! It gotta be her!
Joey: How do you know?!
Chandler: Well, since it’s not Monica I figured it could be Phoebe since you’ve been actin’ so weird around her. Dude, it’s pretty obvious…
Joey: Is it?! Does she know?
Chandler: Pheebs? No, she doesn’t know anything. Remember? We’re talkin’ about Phoebe, always kinda livin’ in her own world.
Joey: Got your point. But what am I gonna do now?
Chandler: Well, doesn’t seem like you ‘re in love with her or anything, just wait for those dreams to be over. Or just… enjoy them…
Joey: Ewww! She’s my friend, dude! What kind of dirty fantasy do you have??
Chandler: Um, I was just kiddin’. I’d never do that, pah! (looks weird, you see
that he’s lying)
Joey: I’m serious, what am I gonna do?
Chandler: Well, Joey, you don’t love her in a romantic way, right? Oh my God, I just mentioned the words ‘joey’ and ‘romantic’ in one sentence. The Amargeddon starts today.
Joey: Pretty funny, dude. See, you can’t help me there. (going to get off)
Chandler: No, wait, I was just kidding, I’m sorry. I’ll stop making stupid jokes about it, okay? (Joey, still disappointed, looks at him) What do you want me to do? (Joey, again, just looks at him) Uh (Chandler sighs) Well, Boy Scout’s Honor, Joey
Joey: (smiles) Thanks, dude. Yeah, wel, I love her as ma frined, don’t wanna risk that.
Chandler: Would you… would you wanna…?
Joey: Asked myself that very same question again and again. I… I just don’t know. You know, if she was just some… girl, I’d definitely hit on her, I mean, have you seen that body?! But on the other hand, it’s just that she’s one of my best friends. Oh, plus, she’s my back-up!
Joey: Can’t date your back-up!
Chandler: Why not?
Joey: I don’t know, just really like the word “back-up”.
Chandler: Uh, kinda losing your point here. But I definitely know that you two would just make the greatest couple, though I understand that you don’t wanna risk you two bein’ friends.
Joey: (sarcastic)Thanks, that helps, man.
Chandler: Hey, what am I supposed to do? Take all your Decisions including your lovelife?!
Joey: Pah, nu-uh! With you as my “manager” I’d be like what? Havin’ sex twice a month? No, thank you.
[Same Time at Central Perk’s, the girls are sittin around, talking]
Monica: You know, Pheebs, what I was just thinking?
Phoebe: How to teach Chandler how to clean up the kitchen?
Monica: Actually no, but that was pretty close. Anyway, I was just wondering if… ig Joey’s got a crush on you.
Phoebe: What?! Why should he? What makes you think that?
Rachel: Mon, I’ve been wondering about that too, actually.
Phoebe: You were? Why?
Rachel: Remember this morning? When he was acting so weird around you?
Phoebe: Well, yeah, but we’re talking about Joey here, have you ever seen him non-weird?!
Monica: Good Point.
[Back at Mon’s and Chan’s]
Chandler: Okay, okay. So just go over to Phoebe’s, invite her to a Valentine’s Date as friends and tell her about it. I’m sure by then you’ll be clear about your feelings. And who knows? I always thought she might be smitten as well…
Joey: Whoa-whoa! Don’t start talkin’ about that, man! Not smitten, not in love – just have some… feelings, but they’ll go away… It’s not even a crush!
Chandler: Oh my God, your afraid of commitment – I created a monster!
[Back at Central Perk]
Phoebe: Um, I don’t know. I mean, it’s Joey, okay? He’s never something lieke… smitten or so. He never has crushes. He just sees a chick, wants her, “how you doin’?” and bam, little Joey had his fun, but, no, I don’t think he ever even had something like a crush.
Monica: Well, that’s maybe just because… (doesn’t know what to say)
Rachel: . .. because he was never friends with a girl before they got together!
Monica: (whispers: )Thanks for helping me out here. (To Phoebes: ) Yeah, I think she’s right.
Phoebe: Come on, guys, we’ve known each other for years and he never felt anything for me!
Monica: How do you know? Never asked him, did you?
Phoebe: Pht, what do you think I am, crazy?
Monica: (to Rachel) Ain’t gonna answer that. (to Phoebe) Yeah, but, again: How do you know?
Phoebe: I guess I just… I just figured he didn’t love me. Ugh, that’s ridiculous, he had plenty of chances to tell me.
Phoebe: Well, we kinda kissed a few times… You know, my “perfect kiss” and everything…
Rachel: Yeah, right. But maybe his feelings just changed, that can happen to anyone! Like… like Monica and Chandler! Or me and Ross!
Phoebe: You split up a few times, then got married in Vegas and got a divorce. Oh, worked out great for you two, didn’t it?
Rachel: (pause) Still, Monica and Chandler!
Phoebe: Um, you know what? Let’s not talk about it anymore, it really freaks me out.
Monica: Okay, but…
Phoebe: But What?
Monica: You know, if he… tells you or asks you to go on a date with him or so… What are you gonna say? Don’t wanna break his heart, do you?
Phoebe: As hard as it is, but I’d say no, I guess.
Rach/Mon: Oh No!
Phoebe: Guys, I just don’t wanna lose him, he means so much to me as a friend and I really love him – in a weird not-romantic way.
Rachel: Yeah, get your point. But still, he’ll be so disappointed.
Phoebe: Ah, he won’t even ask me, so what’s gonna happen? Nothing.
[Same time at Chandler’s again]
Joey: I think I’m gonna ask her out.
Chandler: You will? Great. What are you waiting for? Go over ans ask her!
Joey: You’re right. Wish me luck! (goes out the door)
Chandler: Well, I am one big relationship-magician. Hey, there’s nobody here to look up at me. I’m talkin’ to myself. Oh Lord, it’s getting’ worse.
[Later in the Hallway in Phoebe’s Building]
[Phoebe gets out of the elevator, seeing Joey sitting on the floor]
Phoebe: Oh, hey Joey, whatchadoin’ here? And on the floor?
Joey: I was searching for you at Central Perk’s but the girls told me you left so I went here.
Phoebe: How long have you been waiting?
Joey: Not for long, just for like 10 minutes.
Phoebe: Well, wanna come in and get some coffee?
Joey: Yeah, sure.
[they go in]
Joey: So, Pheebs, what are you up to tomorrow? I mean, Valentine’s Day, pretty big thing for you and your boyfriend, right?
Phoebe: Oh, didn’t I tell you?
Phoebe: Me and Bart broke up.
Phoebe: Uh, he was annoying me. Anyway. What are you up to?
Joey: Actually nothing, that’s why I asked. I wondered if we could go, you know a date as friends, without that whole “have-a-date-on-valentine’s-day-crap”. Just for fun, you know?
Phoebe: Sure, that’d be fun!
Joey: Great. Get you around 8?
Phoebe: Yup. Where you wanna go?
Joey: Um, what about the “Chez Pierre”?
Phoebe: Hey, I really like idea, they have just the greatest Chicken Salad.
Joey: But, Pheebs, I thought you were a Vegetarian?
Phoebe: Uh, whatever.
Joey: Okay, I gotta go, I’ll see you tomorrow?
Phoebe: Yeah. (they hug goodbye, he leaves)
[writer’s note: since I‘m kinda bored and I don’t wanna write that whole talking-about-it-with-the-others-thing, we’re just gonna move to their date, okay?]
[the next evening, “Chez Pierre”’s, Phoebe and Joey sittin’ at a table for two, already eatin’ and talkin’]
Joey: So, Pheebs, how’s it taste?
Phoebe: Pretty good. What about yours?
Joey: Can’t complain, but nothing tops my sandwich at home… Look, I actually wanted to talk to you about something.
Phoebe: Yeah, what’s up?
Joey: Look, I’m just gonna say it, so… Have you ever dreamed about me or the others?
Phoebe: Sure, I dream about you all the time. Last night I just…
Joey: I meant sexually.
Phoebe: Me too.
Joey: What?! Have you had these dreams about the others too??
Phoebe: Um, not that you say it, no. Just about you. But that’s normal, right? Friends do that, they dream about each other.
Joey: Yeah, but in that way?
Phoebe: Sure. Wait – did you dream about me?
Phoebe: So what was all this questioning about? You didn’t dream about me?
Joey: Didn’t say that.
Phoebe: Yes you did!
Joey: No, I didn’t.
Phoebe: So you did dream about me?
Joey: Well, uh…
Phoebe: Joseph Francis Tribbiani, you tell me whether you did or not!
Joey: Yes, Ma’am. Yes, I did. Yes, are you happy now? I’ve dreamt about you all the time, that’s why I asked you that.
Phoebe: So what?
Joey: So what? Don’t you think that pretty is something?
Phoebe: No, why?
Joey: well, I figured, I might have a little crush…
Phoebe: Just because you had those dreams?
Phoebe: Haven’t you had them about the other girls?
Joey: No, that’s why I thought it means something.
Phoebe: Yeah, but I haven’t had them ‘bout the Chan and Ross either and I don’t think I’m in love with you.
Joey: (disappointed) You don’t?
Phoebe: Do you?
Joey: Do you?
Phoebe: Listen, honey, I know you’re not in love with me. We just dream about each other because we love each other and we care so much about one another. Well, I must confess, you got a pretty nice ass, (he smiles) but… You just mean so much to me, no wonder I dream about you.
Joey: You think?
Phoebe: I really do. I love you and, by the way, you’re my favourite (smiles)
Joey: (smiles happy) Yeah? You’re my favourite too, you know? If I would hit on one of you girls, it’d definitely be you, Pheebs!
Phoebe: Really? That’s so sweet! (They hug)
Joey: You know, Pheebs, I’m really glad we talked about it. I feel a whole lot better, I think.
Phoebe: Yeah, me too, actually. Glad we talked about it too. And know what?
Phoebe: Really looking forward to not being married by the time I’m 40.
Phoebe: Hello? Remember? You’re my back-up, Sweetie.
Joey: Oh, yeah, actually I wanted to talk to you about that.
Phoebe: Don’t tell me you don’t wanna be my backup anymore! Monica’s already lost, and we all know that Rachel and Ross will end up together, so why d’you wanna dump me as your back-up?!
Joey: Calm down, Pheebs, I wont’t. I just wondered if…
Phoebe: If what?
Joey: Well, you know, I always wanted to end up with you by the time we’re 40 so… You know it’d really suck if we did get married before we’re 40, wouldn’t it?
Phoebe: Yeah, you’re right. What are we gonna do about it?
Joey: Just not marry anyone else?
Phoebe: Um, I don’t know, I always dreamed of, like, a real big gesture you know? A real “will you marry me”-proposal and nothing like “hey pheebs, we’re 40 and single, let’s get married.”
Joey: Huh, get your point. You know, that’s what I expected so, I thought maybe… um, maybe this will do it. (pulls out a box and opens it, a beautiful ring shows up)
Phoebe: Oh ma God!
Joey: Um, Phoebe Buffay, will you promise me not to marry someone else until you’re 40? Will you promise me to be my back-up forever and marry me when we’re 40?
Phoebe: Oh my God, I… really have to think about it.
Phoebe: Gotcha! Yes, yes, I will!! (the hug again) Oh my God, I can’t believe we’re getting married – in, like, five years though, but still… Wow. (smiles) That’s like the sweetest thing someone ever did for me – no, it’s definitely the sweetest thing that’s ever been done for me, it’s even more romantic than a simple proposal!
Joey: Made that up by myself, pretty amazing, huh?
Phoebe: (nods) Very impressive, my future-husband! Yay, it’s so cool to call you that! And that doesn’t scare the hell outta you?
Joey: Now, that you say it, I… No,just kiddin’, who do you think I am, Chandler?!
[the next day, everybody’s at Central Perk, Phoebe and Joey walk in]
Ross: Hey Guys. Chandler told me what happened, Joey, and I…
Joey: (to Chandler) Hey, what about “Scout’s Honor”, man??
Chandler: Oh, please, just shut up, Joe!
Monica: Well, tell us. How’d it go?
Phoebe: Well, um… Should I tell ‘em, Joe? (he nods) Guys, we’re engaged! (smiles and holds up her ringfinger) Yay!
Phoebe: Well, not that kind of engagement, we got a way cooler thing. (sits down, so does Joey)
Rachel: What do you mean?
Joey: I guess what she’s sayin’ is that we’re not really angeged.
Ross: Honestly, what do you mean, man?
Joey: Asked her not to marry someone else until she’s 40.
Chandler: I got it, you’re her back-up! So that guarantees you-you’re getting’ married without actually marrying her now, so you just do that back-up-thing with the only change that it’s not just a possibility that you’re getting married but a … Think I lost my point.
Ross: Lost our point right when you started, dude.
Rachel: Yeah, but I got it, too. Joe, that’s so romantic! And with the ring and all that? Actually I wouldn’t have guessed you’d make up something like that. (to the rest) Who of you helped him?
Joey: Ah, come on, nobody did. Made that up one my own, just because I love her so much as ma friend.
Phoebe: Oh, Joe, that’s so sweet! Love you too! Oh, and, you guys, just for the record: we’re still friends – we’re just engaged!
Phoebe: Gonna go get some coffee, you want some? (nobody does, she goes over to Gunther)
Monica: Honestly, Joe, that definitely is romantic, that’s so sweet of you!
Joey: Yeah, well…
Ross: Ah, come on, Joe, found that proposal-magazine in your bottom drawer.
Joey: Proposal-Magazine? No, never read one. (Chandler looks at him) Wait a sec, that’s gotta be Chandler’s, hey, finally got yourself to propos--?
Chandler: Joey! Shut up. (looks at him really angrily)
Monica: (shocked) What??! Are you going to propose to me??!
Joey: Um, gotta go.
To Be Continued . . .