THE ONE WITH THE ONE ON ONE

Written by: Ethan

Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me, but to Bright, Kauffman and Crane Productions and Warner Bros. Their use is not intended for profit, only for entertainment.

ROSS & RACHEL'S APARTMENT (Rachel, Ben and Caitlin are present. Caitlin is sleeping, Ben is watching TV and Rachel's in her room sobbing. Ben enters)

Ben: Mommy?

Rachel (wiping the tears from her eyes): Yeah Ben?

Ben: Why are you crying?

Rachel: Mommy's just upset honey.

Ben: Did I do something wrong?

Rachel: No honey, you didn't do anything wrong.

Ben: So you're not upset that I spilled ink on the table?

Rachel: No honey. Did you clean it up?

Ben: Yeah, I used Daddy's tie. You know, the one with the dinosaurs on it. Are you sure you're ok?

Rachel: Mommy's just upset because her Daddy died.

Ben: I'd be upset if my Daddy died too. (pause) I'll really miss Grandpa Green. He was always nice to me. I'll miss smoking cigarettes with him.

Rachel: Grandpa let you smoke cigarettes?!

Ben: Not the real ones. He'd buy me the fake gum ones, and he'd smoke the real ones. We'd sit on Grandpa's porch and watch the people walk by. Of course, when he fell asleep, I'd steal his cigarettes.

Rachel: So Grandpa wouldn't smoke anymore?

Ben: That and I'd get $2.50 a pack from the seventh graders at school.

OPENING CREDITS

MONICA & CHANDLER'S APARTMENT (Monica and Phoebe are present)

Monica: It so weird.

Phoebe: Chandler? Yeah, he's one weird dude. I really don't see what you see in him.

Monica: No! Not Chandler. It's so weird that we're all getting older. In mean nine years ago, I never would've thought that I'd be married with a kid, owning a restaurant and moving into a new flat in a week. Heck, nine years ago, Ross couldn't even talk to Rachel without blushing and now they're inseparable. I guess Rachel's Dad dying just proves that we're all getting older.

Phoebe: I guess. Though I think Dr. Green died because he liked to drink and smoke.

Monica: Have you talked to her since the funeral?

Phoebe: No. I haven't seen her or Ross. I did see Ben though.

Monica: How could you've seen Ben if you haven't seen Ross or Rachel?

Phoebe: Ben knows where I live. Yeah, he came over yesterday to drop off some stuff.

Monica: What stuff?

Phoebe: Sorry, can't tell you that.

Monica: Come on Phoebe, what stuff?

Phoebe: No, if I tell you, you'll get all Auntie Monica on me and I'm not in the mood. And besides, I promised Ben that I wouldn't rat him out.

Monica: That'd be a first.

Phoebe: Now I'm definitely not telling you.

(Ross enters)

Ross: Hey.

Monica: Hey stranger.

Ross: I know, we've been lying low for a few days. Rachel's still pretty upset.

Phoebe: Has she talked to Jill?

Ross: No, and I seriously doubt that'll happen anytime soon.

Monica: I just can't believe that Jill called her father while he was in the operating room to tell him that she wasn't marrying her fiancé and instead was moving in with Sasha, her lesbian lover. It's no wonder he had a heart attack.

Phoebe: I know what you mean. But do you really think it was appropriate for Jill to tell that story at the funeral? I could've sworn I saw Dr. Green twitch in the casket when she explained why Dr. Green had a heart attack. The poor man, there he was operating and the next thing you know he finds out that his youngest daughter has converted to lesbianism. Not that there's anything wrong with that of course.

Ross: It wasn't appropriate at all and if I had had a gun at that moment, I would've shot Jill myself. Look, I'm gonna try and get Rachel out of the apartment today. Just don't bring anything up about her Dad or her sisters.

Monica: Speaking of whom, where in hell was Laura? Why wasn't she at the funeral?

Ross: According to Laura, she was stuck in LA modeling for a swimsuit calendar. She claims that all of the flights to JFK and La Guardia were booked.

Phoebe: What's the true story?

Ross: She's just a selfish little bimbo who didn't want to fly home for her Dad's funeral.

Monica: Sounds like Laura.

(Joey, Chandler and Mitch enter)

Joey: Hey!

Chandler: Hello my sweet little angels.

Mitch (to Chandler): Now I know why people think you're gay.

Joey: Where've you been Ross? We've missed you the past couple of days. We haven't had anyone to pick on.

Ross: It's nice to know that I'm loved.

Joey: Anytime.

Chandler: How's Rachel?

Ross: She's hanging in there. She's up to two hours without crying, so there's a big improvement. Well I'd better get back home. We'll see you guys later.

(Ross leaves)

Phoebe: So what were you boys up to?

Joey: We were playing three on three.

Phoebe: You guys had a threesome?

Mitch: We were playing basketball down at the park. We're in a three on three league.

Phoebe: So it's a gay men's league. That would explain why Chandler's playing.

Chandler: I'm not gay!

Joey: Though it doesn't help that you keep massaging the basketball before you inbound the ball.

Chandler: That's what basketball players do! Tell him Mitch!

Mitch: It is a little weird. Most guys don't massage the ball.

Phoebe: They've obviously never hung out with Chandler before.

Chandler: I'm going somewhere I'm appreciated. I don't need to stand here and take this abuse. (Chandler walks out)

Monica (running to the door): It's Sunday honey, the zoo is closed!

ROSS & RACHEL'S APARTMENT (Rachel, Ben and Caitlin are present. Rachel is still in her room)

Ben: Mommy?

Rachel: What is it now Ben?

Ben: Would you be mad at me if I spilled milk all over your presentation for work?

Rachel: Maybe. Did you?

Ben: Then no, it was Caitlin's fault.

Rachel: Go clean it up.

Ben: Ok.

(Ross enters the apartment and notices the spilled milk on the table)

Ross: Ben!

Ben: Hey Daddy.

Ross: Did you do this?

Ben: Maybe.

Ross: Did you do it or not?

Ben: Am I in trouble?

Ross: Maybe.

Ben: Then Caitlin did it.

Ross: Nice try. Clean it up and then clean up your room, it's a mess in there.

Ben: Ok.

Ross: That boy should be a lawyer when he grows up. (Ross walks into his and Rachel's bedroom) Hey. How are you doing?

Rachel: I'm alright. I just got off the phone with my Mom.

Ross: How is she?

Rachel: She's fine.

Ross: Really?

Rachel: Yeah, she kept saying that since my Dad wouldn't stop smoking he had it coming. I get the feeling that I'm the only one in my family who cares that my Dad passed on.

Ross: That's not true and you know it.

Rachel: Laura didn't even come to the funeral and Jill announced to the world at the funeral that she thinks that she was responsible for my Dad having a heart attack!

Ross: Ok, so maybe you're right. But look, all that matters is that you truly feel affected by your Dad's death.

Rachel: What does that mean?

Ross: You can't take responsibility for your Mom's or your sisters feelings or actions. They're grieving in their own way.

Rachel: And you believe that?

Ross: Yes. Yes I do.

Rachel: Well I don't! I knew my family was screwed up, but I never thought it was this bad. My mother's acting like my Dad had it coming to him like his heart attack was some sort of revenge. My sister Jill thinks it's ok to tell Dad while he's operating that she's converting to lesbianism and Laura thinks it's ok to stay in LA instead of coming home to say goodbye. That's just not normal. You're family's been more supportive of me through this then my own and it pisses me off.

Ross (taking Rachel in his arms): Ok, ok. It's ok. (pause) I guess this is a bad time to tell you that Monica and Chandler invited us over for dinner.

CENTRAL PARK (Chandler, Mitch and Joey are playing in their three on three league. They're losing badly. They huddle together)

Joey (to Chandler): Would you stop telegraphing your passes! My blind grandmother could see your passes coming!

Chandler: Fine. And you should stop shooting from 20 feet out. You haven't made one yet and your never gonna score!

Joey: Kinda like you in high school!

Mitch: Would you two cut it out?!

Chandler: He started it.

Mitch: Look, we're down by ten with about three minutes to play. All we do is start playing aggressive man to man defense and get me the ball on offense.

Joey: You can do that Chandler. You love hounding men.

Chandler: Thatís it! I'm not playing with your ass anymore!

Joey: You start playing with my ass and I'll kick yours!

Mitch: Stop! Look, I haven't told you either of this but I've been sandbagging it.

Chandler: What?

Mitch: I played ball at Notre Dame.

Chandler: Really?

Joey: Did he not just say that he played ball at Notre Dame? (pause) What's Notre Dame?

Chandler: Excuse my uneducated friend here. (to Joey) Notre Dame is a big time college in Indiana. Did you start?

Mitch: No. I was the twelfth man.

Joey: So you pretty much sucked. All twelfth men suck. They're just on the team to get water for the starters when they come to bench.

Mitch: That's partially true. But I was the high school player of the year of the State of Montana in 1989. I scored 85 points in the State Championship game that year and earned a full ride to Notre Dame. I'll be you $100 that we win this game.

Joey: You're on.

Chandler: You don't even have $100!

Joey: I was gonna borrow it from you if we lose.

MICHAEL'S PLACE (Monica and Phoebe are present)

Monica: Did you pay the meat supplier?

Phoebe: Was I supposed to?

Monica: That's not even funny. Did you pay the meat supplier or not?

Phoebe: I didn't know we had a meat supplier.

Monica: What?

Phoebe: Ok, I am speaking English right?

Monica: You didn't pay the meat supplier?

Phoebe: I already said no!

Monica (looking in the walk-in freezer): We have no meat! How I am supposed to make dishes without any meat!

Phoebe (laughing): You sound like that mad man at the end of Pink Floyd's Another Brick in the Wall Part II. (Monica glares at Phoebe) I'll call the meat supplier. (walks away and then comes back) What's the number?

CENTRAL PERK (Joey, Chandler and Mitch are present)

Mitch: You owe me $100 Joey.

Joey: Pay the man Chandler.

Chandler: Who do you think you are? Tony Soprano?

Joey: You're not gonna pay him for me?

Chandler: No! You're tab's already over $5,000.

Joey: I thought I paid you all that back.

Chandler: You said you would but you never did.

Joey: Huh, I guess that I'll never pay you back. (reaches in his wallet and hands Mitch $100) Here you go.

Chandler: You have money?!

Joey: I always have money. I am a working actor after all.

Chandler: Give me my $5,000 right now!

Joey: Ok, I have money, but not that much. And besides, think of me as a retirement account for you. When you get older, you can get the money from me then.

Chandler: You're not gonna make it to your 33rd birthday if you don't pay me by next Friday.

Joey: I'll do you one even better. I'll play you one on one to 11 by ones, double or nothing.

Chandler: I'll score on your ass more times than you scored with Phoebe.

Mitch: Hey! That's my girlfriend you're talking about!

Chandler: Sorry. It's a bet. When do we play?

Joey: Name it.

Chandler: Fine, Friday at three in Central Park. Be prepared to feel very bad about yourself.

Joey: I already feel bad, I have you as a friend.

MICHAEL'S PLACE (Monica and Phoebe are present)

Monica: Did you pay the meat supplier?

Phoebe: Yes. Yes I did. We have plenty of flesh to serve the barbaric meat-eating customers.

Monica: Ok, the dinner rush is going to start in about 30 minutes. Can you handle everything upfront?

Phoebe: Of course. Don't I always know what I am doing?

Monica: No.

Waiter #1: Ah Monica, Phoebe? Louie called in sick. We're down a waiter.

Monica: Did he try to find a replacement?

Waiter #1: Do I look like a caller ID station?

Monica: Keep it up and you won't have a job station.

Waiter #1: Sorry Monica. No, he didn't call in a replacement. Should I call around?

Phoebe: No. No, don't. I'll handle it.

Monica: You're gonna find a replacement for Louie? This I gotta see.

Phoebe: Well you're looking at Louie's replacement.

Monica: No way, no way. You're not waiting tables tonight. The last time you waited tables you let a group of Japanese businessmen feel your nipple rings through your sweater.

Phoebe: I know, I made $500 in tips that night. I was the highest paid waitress.

Monica: I am not letting you wait tables. I don't want my staff, (Phoebe looks at Monica) our staff, learning from your twisted methods of waiting tables.

Phoebe: I promise I'll behave.

Monica: You can't behave! Behave isn't in your vocabulary!

Phoebe: Yea huh! I watched Michael the other night and nothing happened. I totally behaved.

Monica: You deceived me into thinking Chandler was watching Michael!

Phoebe: I'm 50% owner of this restaurant and I say I'm waiting tables tonight!

Monica: Well I'm 50% owner of this restaurant too and I say your not!

Phoebe: Fine, we'll let Gretchen decide.

Gretchen: Whoa, don't bring me into this partnership fight. I'm just the Assistant Head Chef.

Phoebe: Well if you don't decide, you'll be the Assistant Head of the Unemployment Line!

Monica: Phoebe!

Gretchen: Let her wait tables Monica.

Phoebe: I win! I'm going home to change.

Monica: What's the matter with the clothes you have on?

Phoebe: They're not slutty enough.

CENTRAL PERK (Ross and Rachel are present)

Rachel: I want to go home.

Ross: No, we're staying here for a half-hour.

Rachel: But Caitlin and Ben need me.

Ross: We hired Bethanne for an hour and we're staying out for the whole hour. Now what do you want to drink?

Rachel: A double bourbon on the rocks.

Ross: Would coffee work?

Rachel: Yeah.

(Ross goes to get their coffee. Joey, Jenna, and Mitch enter)

Joey: My God! You're alive!

Rachel: Yes, the news of my death was greatly exaggerated.

Joey: It was in the news?

Jenna: How are you doing Rachel?

Rachel: I'm hanging in there. Apparently Ross thinks it's a good idea for me to come here for a half-hour. I'm not so sure.

Mitch: I know I don't know you very well, I understand what you're going through Rachel. I lost both of my parents on September 11th.

Rachel: You did? But that was only two weeks ago.

Mitch: Actually it was September 11th 2001.

Jenna: That's the same day as the terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center.

Mitch: I know, my parents were in the second World Trade Building. They died when the building collapsed. My Mom worked on the 87th floor for Bloomberg and my Dad was a firefighter who responded to the scene.

(Ross returns. The others just sit there and say nothing)

Ross: Here's your coffee honey. (hands her the coffee. Everyone just sits and stares at Mitch) What? Why is everyone staring at Mitch? Does he have a pimple on his face or something?

Rachel: Mitch's parents died in the World Trade Center attacks.

Ross: That's a sick joke. Seriously, what's going on?

Joey: It's true Ross.

Ross: Oh. (to Mitch) I'm sorry, I didn't mean any disrespect.

Mitch: Don't worry about it. I was just gonna tell Rachel that I can understand why she's having a hard time getting over her father's death. Just remember Rachel, no matter how bad it feels right now, it'll eventually pass. I didn't think it ever would when my parents died, but it has.

Rachel: Thanks Mitch. I really appreciate it. And I'm sorry to hear about your parents. What your Dad did was a very brave thing to do.

Mitch: He died doing what he loved. That's what makes it easier.

Rachel: I guess my Dad died doing what he loved best too.

Mitch: What did he do?

Rachel: He was a surgeon. He was performing a gall bladder operation when he had his heart attack.

(Phoebe enters)

Phoebe: Hey.

Mitch: I thought you were working tonight.

Phoebe: I am. I just need your guys' opinion on something. Is this dress slutty enough?

Joey: Bend at your waist for a minute.

Phoebe: Why?

Joey: Just do it. (Phoebe bends at the waist and Joey looks at her) Yeah, it's slutty enough.

Phoebe: How can you tell?

Joey: I could see your breasts. That's all I need to see.

MICHAEL'S PLACE (The restaurant is packed. Phoebe enters the kitchen)

Monica: How's it going out there?

Phoebe: Great. Everything's great.

Monica: Good. Good to hear. What's your order?

Phoebe: Yeah, can you make Kung Pao Chicken?

Monica: Ah, no. This is an Italian restaurant not a Chinese restaurant.

Phoebe: Are you sure?

Monica: Yes I'm sure! What's going on?

Phoebe: Someone wrote on our sign out on the sidewalk. Apparently it says that we're serving Kung Pao Chicken for $1 a plate.

Monica: Who did it?

Phoebe: I dunno.

Monica: Well did you erase it and put today's special back up?

Phoebe: I started to but then half the people waiting started to leave so I didn't change the sign.

Monica: Phoebe! I don't know how to make Kung Pao Chicken!

Phoebe: But I thought you were a chef?

Monica: I am a chef. I'm a chef that specializes in Italian food!

Phoebe: But you're Jewish?

Monica: Yes, what does that have to do with anything?

Phoebe: Well maybe I should change the sign to read Matza ball soup for a $1.00.

Monica: Why? Why would you do that?

Phoebe: Duh, you're Jewish. You know how to make Matza ball soup right?

Monica: Get out of here! Go change the sign back to today's special!

Phoebe: Fine, fine. Don't get all upset. I'll change the sign back.

Monica: Thank you!

(Phoebe leaves the kitchen and comes back)

Phoebe: Do you know how to make tacos?

Monica: Go! (Phoebe leaves) She's gonna be the death of me Gretchen.

Gretchen: I think she's funny. (Monica glares at Gretchen) What I meant to say is that you need to be careful in who you select to be your partner.

Monica: Yeah, I can thank my husband for choosing Phoebe for me.

ROSS & RACHEL'S APARTMENT (Ross and Rachel are in bed. Caitlin and Ben are asleep)

Ross: So are you glad that you got out for a while?

Rachel: I guess.

Ross: You'll get through this Rach, you just have to have faith.

Rachel: Are you going into the Seminary or something?

Ross: No. For one I'm Jewish, and two the synagogue wouldn't look with favorable eyes upon me.

Rachel: Why not?

Ross: 'Cause I've been divorced three times.

Rachel (laughing): That's a good reason.

Ross: Hey, you laughed. I haven't seen that smile all week.

Rachel: I know. I guess I'm just realizing that I need to live my life. That's what my Dad would've wanted.

Ross: Yeah, that's what he would've wanted.

Rachel: Can I ask you something?

Ross: Sure.

Rachel: Did you really mean all those nice things that you said about my Dad at the funeral?

Ross: No.

Rachel: What?!

Ross: I'm kidding. I meant every word of it. I know your Dad and I didn't always see eye to eye, but all in all he was a good man and I had a lot of respect for him. In a way, I'll miss him too. Now I only have my friends and my wife to insult me on a regular basis.

Rachel: Well I really appreciated what you said about my Dad. It made me feel really good inside. Thanks.

Ross: Any time.

Rachel: I want to ask you another question.

Ross: Should we just play 20 questions? It would probably be easier that way.

Rachel (hitting Ross): No. Seriously, I have a serious question that I want to ask you.

Ross: Ok.

Rachel: Are you ready to try for another baby?

Ross: What?

Rachel: I take that as a no.

Ross: I didn't say that. I guess I'm just a little surprised. I mean Caitlin's almost a year old and everything but Ben just moved in with us. I thought you'd need a little more time to adjust to all the change that's been going on.

Rachel: I wouldn't be asking if I weren't ready.

Ross: Can I think about it?

Rachel: Sure, you have ten minutes. (Ross looks at Rachel) Take all the time you need.

MICHAEL'S PLACE (Monica and Phoebe are present. They're locking up the restaurant)

Phoebe: Tonight was great. We took in even more money then we did last night.

Monica: This is really gonna work isn't it?

Phoebe: Yeah.

Monica: I'm really glad that you're my partner.

Phoebe: Really?

Monica: No. If you ever pull a stunt like that again, I'm buying out your interest in the restaurant.

Phoebe: What? What are you talking about? I didn't pull any stunt.

Monica: Felipe the bus boy saw you change the sign Phoebe.

Phoebe: That's because you told me too!

Monica: The first time. When you put Kung Pao Chicken for a $1 a plate.

Phoebe: Yeah, I'm firing Felipe tomorrow.

Monica: Are you crazy or something?

Phoebe: It worked, this place was packed.

Monica: We also had 20 people complain about us not serving Kung Pao Chicken for a $1 a plate.

Phoebe: That, I wasn't aware of.

Monica: Just don't do it again.

Phoebe: Ok, I promise I won't do it again.

Monica: That's not good enough. You break promises all the time.

Phoebe: I do not!

Monica: You told me that you bought into the restaurant when Chandler explicitly told you not to!

Phoebe: Ok, so I have a problem keeping promises sometimes. But I promise that I'll keep this one. I'll never touch the sidewalk sign again.

Monica: Here, I want you to sign this.

Phoebe: What is it?

Monica: It's an agreement that if you do something like that again that you'll sell me your interest in the restaurant for $1.00.

Phoebe: I'm not signing that. I invested $150,000 in this restaurant.

Monica: And so did I.

Phoebe: You did not. That was Chandler's gambling winnings.

Monica: What's his is mine too.

Phoebe: I really need to get married again.

Monica: Sign it.

Phoebe: Fine. (she signs the paper) There you go.

Monica (looking at the paper): Nice try Phoebe. Sign your real name.

Phoebe: But Regina Filange is my real name. Phoebe Buffay is my alias.

Monica: Phoebe!

Phoebe: Ok. (signs the paper again) There, I signed it. Are you happy now?

Monica: Yes. Thank you. (pause) By the way, how much did you make in tips tonight?

Phoebe: $800.

Monica: What?!

Phoebe: $800.

Monica: How is that possible?

Phoebe: I told all the men that if they tipped me really well that I'd try to get the Head Chef to show them her clitoris ring. They're waiting for you outside, don't disappoint them. I'll see you later.

Monica: Phoebe!

CENTRAL PARK (Everyone is present including Jenna and Mitch. Chandler and Joey are playing their game of one on one. Joey's leading 9 to 7. It's Chandler's ball)

Joey: You look a little winded there old man. You're not gonna drop dead on me are you?

(Cut to Rachel who starts crying. Joey notices) Sorry Rach, my mistake. (Chandler shoots and scores) Damn it!

Chandler: Thanks Rachel.

Rachel (wiping the tears from her eyes): Any time.

Mitch: This is a really good game. They both suck and they both don't know it.

Phoebe: Yes, but it's the person who sucks and also swallows that gets all the glory.

Ben: What did that mean Daddy?

Ross: Leave it to Phoebe to ruin my son's mind.

Monica: What are they playing for anyway?

Jenna: Joey owes Chandler $5,000+ dollars. If Chandler wins, he gets $10,000. If he loses he gets nothing.

Monica: Chandler! What did I say about you gambling for money! (Joey scores)

Chandler: Damn it Monica! Not now!

Joey: That's 10-8. One more and I win and I owe you nothing.

Chandler: I'm not worried, I'm gonna score easier on you than you scored on Jenna in the New York City Library!

Jenna (to Joey): He knows about that?! Don't you ever keep your mouth shut? (Chandler scores on an easy lay up)

Chandler: Ha. It's 10-9 now and it's my ball.

Joey: How do you figure? It's loser's outs.

Chandler: But you're at match point so that makes it my ball.

Joey: Like I said, it's loser's outs. (throws the ball to Chandler, hitting him in the face)

Chandler: What the f^ck was that for?

Joey: I'm sorry. I thought you were paying attention. Seriously, I didn't mean to hit you with the ball.

Chandler: Well great, my nose is bleeding. Time out.

Monica: Let me see honey. (looks at Chandler's nose. Monica reaches into her purse and hands him a tissue) Here, stuff this up your nose and go kick Joey's ass.

Jenna (to Joey): Do you have $10,000?

Joey: No.

Jenna: But what are you gonna do if you lose?

Joey: I'm not gonna lose. This is Chandler. He always chokes when the pressure is on.

Jenna: But what ifÖ.

Joey: There are no what ifs. Chandler's going down. (Chandler and Joey return to the court) Ready old man?

Chandler: Joey, you idiot, you're older than I am.

Joey: Oh. (Chandler goes by Joey and scores. It's 10 all)

Chandler: Win by 2?

Joey: Fine.

Ross: This is gonna get ugly.

Rachel: Why?

Ross: Because neither of these two play nice when there's money at stake.

(Joey drives to the basket and Chandler throws him into the pole. Joey's mad)

Chandler: Oops, foul.

Joey: You wanna play rough? I'll kick your wimpy ass all over this court!

Chandler: Bring in on Grandma.

(For the next hour Joey and Chandler play. Neither can score and they're really starting to drag)

Monica: This game better end soon. Phoebe and I have to get to the restaurant.

Phoebe: I thought we were closed.

Monica: Why would we be closed?

Phoebe: Isn't it Yom Kippur?

Monica: That was two weeks ago.

Phoebe: I really need to fix this watch.

(Chandler finally scores to go up by one)

Chandler: Last chance to back out Joey.

Joey: Please, the day you beat me is the day I shave my legs, put on a dress and a red wig and sing Tomorrow from the musical Annie in Central Perk.

Chandler: Wanna make that part of the bet?

Joey: Sure, why not? It's not like you're ever gonna collect. (Joey takes the ball, shoots but misses. Chandler rebounds)

Chandler: And this is where we end this little charade.

Joey: Bring it at me Grandpa.

(Chandler drives to the basket and it's Joey's turn to push Chandler into the pole. Chandler crashes to the ground. He grabs his ankle)

Chandler: Son of a bitch!

Joey: Oops, that was a rather bad foul.

(Everyone else gathers around Chandler)

Monica: Are you ok honey?

Chandler: I think I tore some ligaments in my ankle.

Monica (to Joey): That's it, this game is over. You made him tear ligaments in his ankle.

Joey: Don't yell at me, he's the one who ran into the pole.

Chandler: I can do this. I can do this. (Chandler hobbles to his feet) Let's go Mary. I'm ending this game now.

Joey: Please, you can barely stand. Let's just call it even and go home.

Chandler: Chicken?

Joey: There's chicken? I'm absolutely starved.

Chandler: No you idiot. Are you yellow?

Joey: Look, I maybe be Italian, but I don't like ethnic slurs, they're demeaning.

Chandler: Fine. Let's finish the game. Check. (bounces the ball to Joey)

Joey: Check. (bounces the ball back to Chandler. Chandler immediately shoots. In slow motion we see everyone staring at the ball as it travels towards the hoop, at the last minute Joey yells) No! (the ball goes in. Chandler wins)

Chandler: Now it looks like you owe me $10,000 and one rendition in a dress and a red wig of Tomorrow from the musical Annie.

CLOSING CREDITS

CENTRAL PERK (Everyone but Joey is present)

Ross: So when's your surgery Chandler?

Chandler: Tomorrow at nine.

Monica: Yeah, when we took him to the emergency room the first thing the receptionist said was welcome back.

Gunther (at the mike): Ladies and Gentlemen, today we have a special performance by a regular here at Central Perk. Singing Tomorrow from the musical Annie, please welcome Joey Tribbiani.

(Joey takes the stage dressed in a red dress with a red wig on. He starts to sing, badly I might add)

Ross: Damn, we should've taped this.

Phoebe (with a camcorder): Never fear, for Phoebe is here.