THE ONE WHERE JOEY TAKES THE PLUNGE
Written by: Ethan
Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me, but to Bright, Kauffman and Crane Productions and Warner Bros. Their use is not intended for profit, only for entertainment.
CENTRAL PERK (Chandler, Jenna and Phoebe are present)
Jenna: It's been two days and Joey still hasn't shown up. Shouldn't we put an ABP out on him or something?
Phoebe: Joey will show up. It's way too early to worry about him.
Jenna: How can you say that? When you went missing for days, all the friends looked for you!
Chandler: That's true. But you have to understand something, when Joey disappears, we don't worry about it.
Jenna: Why not? He could be dead for all we know.
Chandler: He's not dead. When Joey gets upset, he merely goes to his happy place for a few days.
Jenna: His happy place?
Phoebe: Mitchell Brothers.
Jenna: What's Mitchell Brothers?
Phoebe: Joey's home away from home.
Jenna: For God's sake, what is Mitchell Brothers?
MITCHELL BROTHERS (Joey is watching something on stage. A waiter brings him a beer)
Waiter: Here you go Joey. That'll be $5.50.
Joey: Put in on my tab Pedro.
Pedro: I can't.
Joey: Why not?
Pedro: Your bill has reached $500. We can’t charge any more drinks to it.
Joey: Here, here's $10. Get out the way, you're blocking my view of Amber. She's got some rack, don't you think?
Pedro: You should see what she can do with a ping pong ball.
(a ping pong flies into Joey's lap)
Joey: Whoa! I've never seen a vagina do that before!
CENTRAL PERK (Chandler, Jenna and Phoebe are present)
Jenna: Please, what is this happy place? What is Mitchell Brothers?
Phoebe: I really think you should just wait until Joey returns.
Jenna: Come on Phoebe! Tell me!
Chandler: Tell her Phoebe.
Phoebe: Fine, but you're not gonna like what you're about to hear. Mitchell Brothers is the preeminent strip club in New York City.
Jenna: Joey's happy place is a strip club?
Chandler: Of course. Any man's happy place is a place where everyone knows your name.
MONICA & CHANDLER'S FLAT (Monica, Michael, Rachel and Caitlin are present)
Rachel: Are you almost ready?
Monica (from the bedroom): Stop rushing me!
Rachel: I called you an hour ago and you told me that you were ready!
Monica (emerging from the bedroom): I lie a lot. It's a trait I picked up from Chandler.
Rachel: Yeah, the only stupid thing I picked up from your brother is how to act like even more of a girl.
Monica: Let's go. This is so exciting! We're taking our kids to a park!
Rachel: Still wishing that you could've played on the swings as a child Mon?
Monica (defensive): Hey, being fat had its advantages!
Rachel: Being able to sit on your older brother is not an advantage.
Monica: Tell that to Ross. He's still emotionally scarred from the experience.
COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY (Ross is in his office as Cheryl, the Department Head, enters)
Cheryl: Dr. Geller?
Ross (not looking up from his work): Go away, office hours aren't for another hour and I have a lot of grading to do.
Cheryl: Is that any way to talk to the Department Head?
Ross: Oh my God! Cheryl, it's so lovely to see you. Sit down. Do you want something to drink? I've got sodas here in my new mini-fridge, or, or, or I could make you a martini. I've got some vodka and vermouth in my desk, not that I drink on the job or anything.
Cheryl: I'm fine. And you can stop kissing my ass, I'm not here to reprimand you.
Ross: I wasn't kissing your ass. (Cheryl just looks at Ross) Ok, so I was kissing your ass. But in my defense, you have a very nice ass. It's so round and firm.
Cheryl: Excuse me?
Ross (flustered): What I meant to say is please sit on your nice ass.
Ross: What can I do for you Cheryl?
Cheryl: The University is going to be doing some remodeling work on our offices. I need to move someone into your office for six weeks.
Cheryl: Great, I'll tell Julie she can move her stuff in tomorrow.
Ross: Oh yeah, Rachel's really gonna like this arrangement.
CENTRAL PERK (Chandler, Jenna and Phoebe are present)
Jenna: Where's Mitchell Brothers located?
Chandler: It's on Broadway and 8th, but don't go down there, you'll only make things worse.
Phoebe: I agree. You would disturb Joey in his happy place. And, you're also the reason he's upset.
Jenna: What did I do?!
Phoebe: You said you wouldn't marry him.
Jenna: But we were just playing a stupid game!
Chandler: Joey doesn't play games. He doesn't know how. He takes everything seriously. Did you know when we were at the hospital for Ben that he took my aside because he knew that he had to ask you to marry him? He was totally freaked out. I tried to tell him that it was only a game, but he wouldn't believe me.
Jenna: So when Joey asked me to marry him he was being serious?
Phoebe: Dead serious.
Jenna: But how could he be so stupid?
Chandler: It's Joey. He's a big lovable idiot.
Jenna: What am I gonna do?
Phoebe: I'll go talk to him this afternoon.
Jenna: Won't you disturb him in his happy place?
Phoebe: No, I was the one who introduced him to it.
CENTRAL PARK (Monica, Rachel, Michael and Caitlin are present. Monica and Caitlin are swinging on the swings)
Rachel: Would you get off that swing and come take your child?! I can't push Caitlin and hold Michael at the same time.
Monica: Just five minutes more.
Rachel: You're a grown woman. Get off the swing this instant!
Monica: But I don't wanna!
Rachel: Am I gonna have to call your Mom to tell her that you were misbehaving at the park?
Monica: Like you'd call my Mom. I'm an adult, she can't do anything to me anyway.
Rachel: I guess that means that Ross and I will have her as a full-time babysitter then.
(Monica jumps off the swing)
Monica: Give me my son. We're going to play in the sandbox.
(Monica takes Michael from Rachel and walks away)
Rachel: Watch out for kitty presents!
MITCHELL BROTHERS (Joey is still watching the dancers on stage. Phoebe joins him at the table)
Joey: Hey Pheebs. Are you upset too?
Phoebe: Yeah, Mitch left the toilet seat up again.
Joey: Well enjoy the show. That’s Anna on stage. She's a stockbroker by day, exotic dancer by night.
Phoebe: How long have you been here?
Joey: I don't know, a couple of days.
Phoebe: From the smell of things, I'd say that's about right. Look, I came here to tell you that it's time to come home.
Joey: Leave my happy place? I don't think so.
Phoebe: Your girlfriend is worried sick about you. She really wants to see you.
Joey: I don't have a girlfriend anymore.
Joey: No girlfriend of Joey's refuses a marriage proposal from Joey. Joey is king and his girlfriends realize that. This girlfriend didn't, therefore she's no longer my girlfriend.
Phoebe: Jenna didn't know that you were serious when you asked her to marry you.
Joey: Goes to show how little she really knows about me.
Phoebe: True. But since when is getting married have anything to do with really knowing the person. You get married for tax reasons, not for love.
Joey: I know, and I'll be paying more in taxes this year because she turned me down.
Phoebe: Come home.
Phoebe: I'll have a threesome with you and Jenna.
Joey (thinking about it): Ok. (pause) No, no, I wanna stay in my happy place.
Phoebe: Let's go shopping.
Joey: I'm not Chandler and I'm not a girl, I don't go shopping.
Phoebe: You're going. When we're done, you can come back here to your happy place.
Joey: Fine. But I'm only going because you’re my best friend.
Phoebe: I thought Chandler was your best friend.
Joey: No, you've been my best friend since we slept together. That's a requirement for being my best friend.
Phoebe: So you're saying that you and Chandler slept together?
Joey (realizing what he said): No, no. I'm saying that I've had way too much to drink.
COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY (Julie has moved into Ross' office. She's brought a lot of stuff into the office. There's hardly any room to move)
Ross: You sure got a lot of stuff.
Julie: Yeah, sorry about that.
Ross: No problem. I'll just keep my stuff in this little corner over here.
Julie: What's your teaching schedule for today?
Ross: I've got classes at 1 and 3.
Julie: Then why are you still here? It's 1:10.
Ross: Crap! I'll see you later! (Ross hurries out, then hurries back in) It would be helpful if I had my notes.
Julie: Though your students would probably appreciate you leaving them in your office.
Ross: Funny. You're very funny. (Ross hurries out)
(Ross' office phone rings, Julie answers it)
Julie: Columbia University, Paleontology Department, how can I help you?
(cut to Rachel on her cell phone at the park)
Rachel: Can I speak to Dr. Geller please?
Julie: I'm sorry, Dr. Geller is teaching a class at the moment. Is there something I can help you with?
Rachel: No. Are you Dr. Geller's secretary?
Julie: No, I share an office with Dr. Geller. This is Dr. Lee, Dr. Julie Lee.
Julie: Who am I speaking with?
Julie: Who am I speaking with?
Rachel: Oh, yeah, this is Hilda, his daughter's nanny. I'll try to reach Mrs. Geller at her office. Thanks.
Julie: Ok. I'll let Dr. Geller know that you called. (Julie hangs up)
CENTRAL PARK (Rachel has just hung up her cell phone)
THE SHANE COMPANY (Phoebe and Joey are present)
Joey: Why are we at a jewelry store?
Phoebe: I have to pick out an engagement ring for a girlfriend.
Joey: Isn't that something that her boyfriend should do?
Phoebe: Normally yes. But her boyfriend is very bright.
Joey: Poor bastard. Stupid people never get anywhere in the world.
Phoebe: That probably explains why you've never left the City.
Joey (missing Phoebe's slam): That's a pretty ring.
Phoebe (to the clerk): Excuse me ma'am? Could I see this ring please?
Clerk: Certainly. This is a beautiful ring. It has a beautiful diamond placement setting surrounded by diamond clusters and the band 18k gold. The price is $15,000.
Phoebe: What do you think Joey?
Joey: How should I know? Do I look like a girl?
Phoebe: You definitely don't look like a man.
Joey: Do you want me to drop my shorts right here and show you my manliness?
Clerk: Please don't, the police just left. We really can't have them come back here, it's bad for business.
Phoebe: I really like this ring. I think my girlfriend will love it.
Clerk: Are you a lesbian?
Joey: Only part of the time if you know what I mean.
Phoebe: No, I'm picking out this ring for my girlfriend's boyfriend to give to my girlfriend.
Clerk: Oh, I see. I don't understand, but then I don't care.
Phoebe: I'll give you $12,000 cash for the ring.
Clerk: The ring is $15,000. That's the sales price.
Phoebe: I guess you won't meet your commission quota today.
Clerk: $12,000 it is. Would you like a box for it?
Phoebe: Nah, I'll just put it on my nipple chain.
Joey: Give her a box.
CENTRAL PARK (Monica, Rachel, Michael and Caitlin are present. Rachel is searching for Monica)
Rachel: Monica? Monica? Now where in the hell is she?
(Monica emerges from the slide with Michael who is crying up a storm)
Monica: You rang?
Rachel: What are you doing? Michael's too young for the slide.
Monica: I was holding him. He loved it.
Rachel: The baby's scared sh%tless, he's crying his eyes out.
Monica: Speaking of being a good mother, where's Caitlin?
Rachel: She's playing in the sandbox over there. (pause) I should really be over there. (Rachel runs over to Caitlin)
Monica (following Rachel and carrying Michael in her arms): Why were you screaming my name?
Rachel: You're not gonna believe this, but I called Columbia to talk to Ross, and Julie answered the phone.
Monica: So? They do work in the same department.
Rachel: But they don't share the same office, at least not until now.
Monica: Julie's sharing an office with Ross?
Rachel: Yeah. And I don't like it one bit.
Monica: You're being paranoid again. Ross would never leave you for Julie.
Rachel: I know that, but Julie would resort to anything to seduce Ross and Ross is dumb enough to fall for it.
Monica: You really need to stop reading those trashy romance novels.
Rachel: I did. I think it's all the soap operas that I've been watching.
Monica: How can you be watching soap operas? You work during the day.
Rachel: I know, but I have a TV in my office. Man, I've got to get rid of it, I don't get anything done after lunch. I'm gonna head home and wait for Ross.
Monica: No way, you're staying here with me and Michael.
Rachel: I have to go potty really bad. I need to go home.
Monica: There's a porta-potty right over there.
Rachel: I have to go number 2. I'm not dropping the kids off at the pool in a porta-potty.
COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY (Julie is reading at her desk as Ross enters)
Ross: Hey. What are you still doing here? I thought you had a date with Eric.
Julie: I do, he's picking me up here at 5. Your nanny called while you were at class.
Ross: I don't have a nanny.
Julie: Then who is Hilda?
Ross: Don't look at me, I have no idea.
Julie: But the caller said that her name was Hilda and that she was your nanny. When I told her you weren't here, she said that she was going to call Rachel at work.
Ross: That's funny. Rachel's not even working today. She took the day off to spend time with Caitlin. (realizing what has happened) Oh God!
Ross: Hilda was Rachel. God, I'm so dead.
Julie: What's the big deal? It's not like I'm going to try to seduce you or something.
Ross: I'd better get home and explain what happened before she totally freaks out.
Julie: Tell her I said hi.
Ross: I'm trying to fix things here Julie, not antagonize her.
CENTRAL PERK (Chandler and Jenna are present)
Jenna: Do you know that we've been here for over seven hours now?
Jenna: We've wasted a whole day.
Chandler: I don't see it that way. I see it as spending some quality time away from my controlling wife.
Jenna: I'm gonna tell her that you said that.
(Phoebe and Joey enter)
Phoebe: Look who I found!
Jenna (getting up to hug Joey): You're back!
Joey: Phoebe, who is this woman?
Phoebe: Joseph, you be nice.
Jenna: What's going on?
Phoebe: Nothing. Joey's just decided to leave his happy place and re-join society. We wouldn't want to say anything that would make him change his mind now would we?
Chandler: Is Amber still working at Mitchell Brothers Joey?
Joey: Yeah. I stayed at her place the past two nights. She's one wild chiquita.
Jenna: You cheated on me?! You bastard!
Joey: Really Phoebe, who is this person?
Jenna: It's me Jenna you idiot. You're live-in girlfriend!
Joey: But I don't have a girlfriend. My last girlfriend turned down my marriage proposal and I haven't seen her since.
Jenna: Phoebe! You said you were going to fix this!
Phoebe: No, I merely said that I was going to bring Joey home. I'm not a miracle worker. Joey's obviously blocked out the fact that you are his girlfriend. I'd just go home and wait for him to snap out of it. He needs some time to readjust to seeing females fully clothed again.
Jenna: Well, well, well keep him here until I get my stuff out of our apartment!
(Jenna storms out)
Joey: Thanks Phoebe.
Phoebe: Here, here's your present.
Joey: I'm going to your place to wait for the right moment.
Phoebe: Ok. If you see Mitch, tell him to come down here.
Joey: Will do.
Chandler: What the hell just happened?
Phoebe: A test of the emergency broadcast system.
Phoebe: Joey wanted to piss off Jenna the way she pissed him off. Don't worry, they'll be making up in a couple of hours.
Chandler: But she's moving all of her stuff out!
Phoebe: Trust us, we know what were doing.
Chandler: Yeah, that's what LBJ told the country about Vietnam and look how that turned out.
Phoebe: We won that war.
Chandler: No we didn't. We withdrew in utter humiliation.
Phoebe: Don't tell Joey that, I told him that we won the war. God if he finds out we lost, our plan is going to go up in smoke.
COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY (Julie and her boyfriend Eric are present)
Eric: Where's Ross?
Julie: He went home to talk to his jealous wife.
Eric: So we have the office to ourselves?
Julie: Yeah. I guess.
(Pulling Julie to him and kissing her)
Eric: I think we should christen this office the way we christened your old one.
Julie: You don't say? We really shouldn't.
(Rachel and Caitlin arrive outside the door. Rachel is holding Caitlin. She puts her ear to the door)
Eric: Come on, you know want it.
Julie: But what would your wife say if she caught us?
Eric: I'm leaving her anyway. You know that. You've always been the one for me Julie.
(Rachel is now getting really mad)
Julie: And you promise that you're gonna leave her this time?
Eric: I'm as good as gone.
(pulls Julie to him and they start making out. Rachel bursts into the office)
Rachel: Get your filthy little hands off my husband you slut! (she turns Eric around) Oh my God!
Julie: Rachel, this is Eric. Eric, this is Rachel. Rachel is Dr. Geller's wife. And that's their daughter Caitlin.
Rachel: Hi. God, I'm so embarrassed. You're not my husband. Where's my husband? He's obviously not here. Yeah, I'll, I'll be leaving now. I'm so sorry.
(Rachel and Caitlin leave)
Eric: You weren't kidding around. She really is jealous.
Julie: It's only because Ross and I used to date.
ROSS & RACHEL'S APARTMENT (Ross is helping Ben with his homework)
Ross: No Ben, 455 divided by 5 is not 91.
Ben: Yes it is.
Ross: Look, I'm the adult here, if I say it isn't, it isn't!
Ben: You're wrong Daddy. I'll prove it to you. (Ben gets out his calculator)
Ross (grabbing the calculator from Ben): Give me that. Let's see, 455 divided by 5 is…..
Ben: 91. You're not doing so hot today Daddy, that's the third one you've gotten wrong. Are you sure you got 1500 on your SATs? Even Uncle Joey can do my math homework.
(Rachel and Caitlin enter)
Rachel: Hey, we're home.
Ross: Hey. How was the park?
Rachel: The usual. I had to keep yelling at Monica to keep her off the swings.
Ross: You should be nice to Monica, she wasn't allowed to play on the swings as a kid. She was constantly breaking the chains.
Rachel: They were metal chains, weren't they?
Ross: That's the scary part.
Rachel: Um, I did something today that I'm not really proud of.
Ross: This is about Julie, isn't it?
Rachel: That bitch already called here didn't she?
Ross: Ah, no. What, what did you do?
Rachel: I showed up at your office to, to, to ah, surprise you, and I accidentally accused Julie of making out with you.
Ross: You walked in on her and Eric?
Rachel: Yeah. God, I don't think I've ever been that embarrassed.
Ross: What about the time I accidentally locked you out of the apartment when you were completely naked and that Priest from down the hall passed by?
Rachel: Ok, so it takes a close second. But wait a minute, why didn't you tell me that you were sharing an office with Julie?
Ross: I was going to tell you when I got home. I didn't know that you were going to call my office during the day.
Rachel: Why not?
Ross: Because I'm not Phoebe. I'm not psychic. Look, Cheryl….
Rachel: Ah yes Cheryl, the other ex-bimbo.
Ross: Stop it. Cheryl came to me this morning and asked me to share my office with a colleague for six weeks. I had no idea she wanted Julie to share the office with me until the very end. I couldn't say no, I'm not tenured yet.
Rachel: You still should've told me.
Ross: I'm telling you right now.
Rachel: Yeah, but only after I made a complete ass out of myself in front of Julie and her married boyfriend.
Ross: Eric's married?
Rachel: Yeah, but apparently he's leaving his wife for Julie.
JOEY & JENNA'S APARTMENT (Jenna is packing her things)
Jenna: All I had to do was say yes to him, and none of this ever would've happened. But no, I didn't think he was serious! Now he won't even acknowledge me as his girlfriend. If my luck with men stays on this course, I might as well become a lesbian.
(Phoebe, Monica, Chandler and Michael enter Phoebe's apartment across the hall)
PHOEBE'S APARTMENT (Joey is watching TV)
Phoebe: Shouldn't you be watching Jenna through the peep hole?
Joey: I was, but it really isn't that much fun.
Chandler: I know what you mean, it's nothing like the peep shows down at Mitchell Brothers. (Monica glares at Chandler) Not that I would know anything about that. I love you.
Monica: One word. Couch.
Phoebe: Are you ready?
Joey: Yeah. I'm ready. This is gonna work right?
Phoebe: Did we win the Vietnam War?
Monica: No, we got our ass kicked.
Phoebe: Not now Monica! Go Joey, go rescue your love life!
Joey: We didn't win the Vietnam War? I can't believe this, this plan isn't gonna work! Phoebe, you told that this was gonna work!
Phoebe: It'll work. You just have to trust me.
(Ross and Rachel enter)
Rachel: Why is Jenna packing her things?
Joey: She's mad at me.
Monica: Where're the kids?
Ross: Rachel's Mom picked them up ten minutes ago to take them to the movies.
Chandler: What are they seeing?
Ross: What do I care? I have an evening off from my children.
Phoebe: Go Joey, go carry out our plan.
Joey: It's not gonna work!
Phoebe: It'll work. Trust me. You're gonna win this fight, just like we did in Vietnam.
Rachel: Ah, we didn’t win the Vietnam War, we got our asses kicked.
Phoebe: I'm not talking about the overall war, I'm only talking about winning the Tet offensive.
Ross: Yeah, I don't think we won the Tet offensive either.
Phoebe: You're not helping!
Joey: Here goes nothing.
Chandler: Fight until the last drop of blood pours out of you man!
Rachel: What's he gonna do?
Phoebe: Something shocking.
Chandler: He's gonna pierce his scrotum in front of Jenna? (Everyone just looks at Chandler)
JOEY & JENNA'S APARTMENT (Jenna is in the bedroom packing as Joey enters)
Joey: Honey, I'm home!
Jenna (emerging from the bedroom): Oh, so now I'm honey. Two hours ago you disavowed me as your girlfriend.
Joey: Yeah, about that, I was still suffering from the effects of staring at large breasts for 48 hours straight. I'm cured now.
Jenna: Whatever. I'll be out of here within the hour.
Joey: So this is it?
Joey: Why exactly?
Jenna: Does "Really Phoebe, who is this person" sound familiar to you? Or how about "but I don't have a girlfriend. My last girlfriend turned down my marriage proposal and I haven't seen her since."
Joey: What's your point?
Jenna: The point? The point is that you obviously don't want to be with me. Sure, I turned down your marriage proposal when we were in the Hamptons, but I had no idea that you were being serious. So you get mad, disappear for a few days, hook up with some exotic dancer and suddenly show up only to embarrass me in front of our friends by saying that I'm not your girlfriend anymore. Since I'm not your girlfriend anymore, I'm moving out.
Joey: I didn't hook up with any exotic dancer.
Jenna: You said that you slept at her place for two days!
Jenna: That's cheating.
Joey: I didn't cheat on you. I merely slept on Amber's couch. And for your information, Amber plays for the other team. She doesn't open her legs for anyone with a penis.
Jenna: Whatever. I'm still leaving.
Joey: Don't let the door hit you on the way out.
Jenna (breaking down into tears): Why are you being so mean?
Joey: I was unaware that I was being mean. And why are you crying? You're the one who decided to end our relationship.
Jenna: You ended the relationship and you just told me to be careful not to the let the door hit me on my way out! Please, just leave.
Joey: But this is my apartment. Do you need help packing?
Joey: Ok, if you need me, I'll be watching TV. (Joey sits down and turns on the TV)
PHOEBE'S APARTMENT (Everyone but Joey and Jenna is present)
Ross: How was the park Monica?
Monica: It was a lot of fun. I got to play on the swings.
Ross: Yeah, it's too bad that didn't have extra strength steel chains for swing sets when Monica was a kid.
Chandler: Actually they did, they just couldn't withstand the weight that was the equivalent of 30 teenagers piled on one swing. (Monica glares at Chandler) What do I care? I'm already sleeping on the couch anyway.
JOEY & JENNA'S APARTMENT (Jenna has finished packing. Joey is still watching TV)
Jenna (emerging from their bedroom): I'm done. I'll be by with a truck tomorrow to pick everything up.
Joey: Ok. Do me a favor, make sure you leave your key on the table.
Jenna (mad): Fine!
(the phone rings, Joey answers it)
Joey: Hello? (pause) Hey, yeah she's still here. (to Jenna) It's for you.
Jenna (taking the phone from Joey): Hello? (pause) Hey Chandler. (pause) That's sweet of you guys. Thanks. See ya soon. (Jenna hangs up the phone)
Joey: What'd he want?
Jenna: It's really none of your business. But if you must know, Chandler and Monica offered me their spare bedroom until I find a new place.
Joey: That really is nice of them.
Jenna: Well I guess this is it.
Jenna: Ok, I'm leaving.
Joey: Yeah, you already said that.
Jenna: Ok, goodbye.
Joey: See ya. (Jenna goes to leave but then turns around) Forget something?
Jenna: I forgot my bag. It's in the bedroom. (Jenna goes into the bedroom, Joey shuts off all the lights in the apartment) Joey? Joey, what happened to the lights? (Joey doesn't answer) Come on Joey, this isn't funny! (The lights suddenly come on again. Joey is no longer in the apartment) Joey? Are you still here? That jerk can't even say goodbye.
(Jenna opens the door to leave, in front of her, blocking her way is Joey who is down on one knee)
Joey: Are you Jenna Eddy?
Jenna: No. Her last boyfriend killed her spirit. (pause) What are you doing?
Joey: You're not leaving.
Jenna: Yes, yes I am.
Joey: No, no you're not.
Jenna: Come on, this is ridiculous. Get out of my way!
Joey: I just need to ask you a simple question. Will you at least let me do that?
Jenna (rolling her eyes): Fine. Ask your stupid question.
Joey (reaching into his coat pocket to pull out a small black box): Look, I know I've acted like a jerk today. I was just hurt that you turned down my marriage proposal. Not that I blame you, I'm not really marriage material. Anyway, my simple question is this - Jenna Eddy, will you marry me?
Jenna (who is in complete shock): I need a drink! Where's some God damn whiskey when you really need it?
Joey: For Christ's sake, it's a simple yes or no question!
Jenna: Oh my, oh my, oh my….
PHOEBE'S APARTMENT (Everyone but Joey and Jenna is present)
Rachel: Did you guys hear that?
Monica: Hear what?
Rachel: It sounds like someone's having an orgasm in the hall.
JOEY & JENNA'S APARTMENT
Jenna: Oh my, I don't know what to say!
Joey: You know what, forget it. You obviously don't want to marry me. Forget I asked, again.
Jenna: No, no, don't take it back! I'll marry you! I'll marry you! I so want to marry you!
Joey: You will?
Jenna: You bet your ass! God, I don't think I've ever been this happy.
Joey: Please, you've been to bed with Joey Tribbiani, nothing is a happier experience than that.
Jenna: I love you. Oh, and the ring is absolutely gorgeous.
Joey: Yeah, but don't get to attached to it. Phoebe's just letting me borrow it for tonight. She picked out this ring for her girlfriend's boyfriend to give to her girlfriend.
Joey: Now I don't know either, it's all very confusing.
PHOEBE'S APARTMENT (Everyone but Joey and Jenna are present)
Ross: Pheebs, what is Joey going to do to Jenna?
Phoebe: Slit her throat and throw her in the East River.
Chandler: Hell, if all he wanted to do was kill her, he should've called OJ Simpson. After all, OJ's a professional killer.
Rachel: A professional killer?
Chandler: A professional killer being someone that can kill someone else and get away with it.
Monica: If the glove don't fit, you must acquit.
(Joey and Jenna enter)
Joey: We've got some news.
Phoebe: You guys are getting married!
Joey: Thanks for ruining our surprise Phoebe.
Phoebe: It wasn't a surprise, I already knew that you were going to pop the question.
Ross: But it was a surprise to us.
Phoebe: What do you care? You're constantly popping the question.