TOW all the babies
(Scene: Rachel and Monicas, Chandler and Phoebe are there watching tv)
Phoebe: Arent Ross and Rachel, supposed to get back soon?
Chandler: Yeah, I think so, although I
really I couldnt hear what Rachel
was saying over the sound of them having sex.
Phoebe: Yeah, beautiful isnt it?
Phoebe: I never thought that Ross and Rachel
would get back together. After
that whole WE WERE ON A BREAK thing I thought it was over.
Chandler: I didnt. I always knew
that they would find a way back to each
(Phoebe gets a worried look on her face)
Phoebe: (in a panic) Oh god.
Chandler: What is it Pheebs?
Phoebe: My water just broke.
Chandler: Oh dont worry Ill get you another one.
Phoebe: No, Chandler my water just broke.
Chandler: Yeah, I said Ill get you another one.
Phoebe: (mad) CHANDLER, THE BABIES ARE COMING!!
Chandler: Oh. (realizes) OH!
Phoebe: Yeah. Uh, you have to get me to the hospital.
Chandler: (panicking) Oh, okay. Uh, Ill
call a cab. (picks up phone, starts
to dial then stops) Pheebs Im scared.
Phoebe: God, wheres Monica when you need her?
Opening Credits/ Commercial Break
(Scene: The Hospital, Phoebe is arriving there with Chandler)
Nurse: Hi, how may I help you?
Phoebe: Well, uh I have three babies about to come out of me.
Chandler: Yeah, and she also had like some
yucky, floamy, stuff coming out
Nurse: (cutting him off) Hey!
Nurse: Maam, youre going into labor.
Phoebe: (sarcastic) Hey, ya think!
Nurse: Excuse me theres no need for you to get sassy.
Phoebe: And theres no need for you to get stupid.
Nurse: Excuse me?
Chandler: Im sorry Ms. Nurse Lady
but shes just under a lot of pressure
right now, and shes a agitated.
Nurse: Are you the father?
Chandler: No, the father is my brother
(realizes what he just said) Wait a
minute that sounded kinda stupid. I dont have a brother. The father is her
Nurse: Yeah, cause that sounded a lot less stupid.
(Scene: Monica and Rachels, Ross and Rachel enter carrying luggage)
Rachel: Hey. (sees no one is there) Oh. Where the hell is everybody?
Ross: I dont know. (yelling) Mon? Are you here? (goes to her bedroom)
(Rachel sees a note on the table)
Rachel: (reading it) Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. (thinks) What?
(Ross walks back over to her)
Rachel: Hey, look at this. (hands him note)
Ross: (reading) Oh my god, oh my god, oh
my god. (thinks) What
the(realizes) Oh my Phoebe went into Labor!!
Rachel: Are you serious?!
Ross: Yeah, you can tell from the note.
Ross: Because this is Chandlers hand
writing and hes the only one that
wou;d freak out like this.
Rachel: Youre right. We gotta get to the hospital. (they leave)
(Scene: The Delivery Room, Chandler enters
wearing some kind of doctors
Chandler: Hey, the doctor said he will
be in here to see you in a few, but
he has to get your file first.
Phoebe: Yeah, but why are you wearing a doctors uniform?
Chandler: They said I could. Cool, huh?
Phoebe: No, not really.
Chandler: So, I called Frank and Alice and they will be here ASAP.
Phoebe: Okay. Ooh, did you call Joey or Mon?
Chandler: No, but Ill call them now. (gets his cell phone so he can call)
(the doctor comes in)
Dr. Fallon: Hello, Ms. Buffay Im Dr. Fallon.
Dr. Fallon: (looking at her file) I'll
be back in a minute to do your
internal, in the meantime, just relax because everything here looks great.
Phoebe: Thank you.
Dr. Fallon: Okay. (leaves) (Ross and Rachel rush in)
Ross: (out of breath) Oh, god Pheebs are you okay?
Phoebe: Yeah, pretty much.
Rachel: Okay, thank good god.
Phoebe: Ooh, hey how was your trip?
Ross: Your having three babies and thats all you can say?
Phoebe: Okay, well Ross whats up with your hair?
Ross: What do you mean? Does it look bad?
Phoebe: (lying) No, it looks great!
(Scene: Central Perk, Monica and Joey are there talking)
Joey: I have to get a girlfriend. Did you
know I have not had sex in 2
Monica: What you don't use your hand any more?(they all laugh.)
Joey: (fake laughing.) You know Monica
I feel sorry for you not having a
boyfriend and all, you know since Ross told all the guys we know that you
were a LES-bian.
Monica: Okay. That's enough. Joey why don't
you just call one of those
dating service hotlines?
Joey: Monica I'm desperate, I'm not Ross.
(a really pretty woman walks up to him.)
Woman: Hi, my name is Tina and I was wondering
if you would like to join me
in getting a drink?
Joey: (annoyed) Not now I'm trying to think.
Woman: Okay. (she goes to sit down)
Joey: Geez. Now where am I gonna find a
( Monica stares at Joey.)
Joey: (realizing what he just did.) Oh god! ( he runs after the woman.)
Gunther: (from counter) Monica.
Gunther: You have a phone call. Its Chandler.
Monica: (gets IT) Hey Chandler.
Chandler: Hey, you have to get down to the hospital.
Chandler: Phoebes in labor.
Monica: Oh my god!
Chandler: I know! Get down here and get Joey too.
Monica: Okay. Ill be there. Bye.
Monica hangs up and goes over to Joey)
Joey: (to woman) So, how bout you call
up your friends and we get together
and have a threesome?
Woman: (punches him in the face) Freak! (leaves)
Monica: Joey, we have to get to the hospital.
Joey: (holding his nose) Yeah, I know. She broke my nose.
Monica: No. Thats not important. Phoebe went into labor.
Joey: Oh god!
Monica : I know.
(Scene: The delivery room, Frank and Alice rush in)
Frank: Oh Phoebe. (hugs her)
Phoebe: Hey, Frank. Alice. (sarcastic) Whats up!
Frank: Hey. Sorry we took so long but when
Chandler called and said that
your water broke we thought he was kidding because you know, hes Chandler.
Alice: Yeah. We laughed for a little bit until we realized he was serious.
(Dr. Fallon comes back in)
Dr. Fallon: Okay, Ms. Buffay, lets
see what we got here. Oh, youre having
Phoebe: Oh Really? Thanks for reminding me!
Dr. Fallon: Well, Ill be back in a few.
(Scene: Hospital, Monica and Joey come in, Joey is holding his nose)
Nurse: Hi, how may I help you?
Monica: Well, uh I need to know what room Phoebe Buffay is in.
Nurse: (checking) Okay, shes in room 219.
Monica: Yes, thank you. (remembers) Oh, can you get a doctor for this man?
Nurse: Why, What happened to him?
Monica: He got punched in the face by a woman.
Nurse: By a woman? Wow, what a wuss you are. (to Joey) Right this way.
(Scene: Delivery Room, Monica enters)
Monica: Hey Pheebs.
Phoebe: Oh, Mon thank god youre here.
Monica: Am I too late?
Phoebe: No, we havent started yet.
Monica: How are you?
Phoebe: Im doing okay, but the babies could go for a nice beer.
Monica: The babies?
Phoebe: Oh yeah, their have some weird cravings.
Phoebe: So, wheres Joey?
Monica: Oh, he got punched in the mouth by a girl.
Phoebe: By a girl?!
Phoebe: Wow, hes been living with Chandler way to long.
Monica: So, uh hes in another room getting taken care of.
Phoebe: I hope my babys okay.
(Scene: Another Hospital Room Joey and Rachel are there)
Rachel: Joey, honey Im sorry about your little accident.
Joey: Yeah, me too. I feel so stupid.
Rachel: Oh, I wish there was something I could do.
Joey: (sexy) Well, maybe there is baby.
(Rachel is so disgusted that she pinches
Joeys broken nose really, really
Joey: (in pain) Owwwww!
(a doctor comes in)
Dr. Thompson: Hello, Mr. Tribbiani.
Joey: (in pain) Hey Doc!
Dr. Thompson: Ive looked over these
x-rays and its looks like the WOMAN
who punched you, broke your nose.
Joey: Can I see the x-ray?
Dr. Thompson: Sure. (hands it to him)
Joey: (looking at is totally confused)
Doc, why did you give me a picture of
a womans vagina?
Dr. Thompson: (like hes stupid) Thats an x-ray of your nose.
Joey: Oh, I guess beauty and brains dont
mix, huh? (laughs) (notices
no one else is laughing and stops)
Rachel: So, Doc anyway what can we do about this?
Dr. Thompson; Well, we can either patch it up or he can go into surgery.
Joey: Are there any other options?
Dr. Thompson: No.
Joey: Aw crap!
Rachel: Okay, uh Joey why dont you just get your nose patched up.
Joey: But it will hide my pretty face!
(Scene: Delivery room, the doctor, and
everyone else is there but
Rachel and Joey)
Dr. Fallon: Okay, Phoebe youre at
ten centimeters. Time to start having
Dr. Fallon: Okay, I only want the mother,
the father and the Doctors in
(They all say goodbye to Phoebe and give
her a good luck kiss and leave
Dr. Fallon: Youre a doctor?
Chandler: Sure, you said I was.
Dr. Fallon: Good, cause I could really use an assistant.
Chandler: Okay! (gets behind him)
Dr. Fallon: Are you ready. Time to start pushing.
(Cut to: Joey in the other with Rachel)
Dr, Thompson: Okay, time to start screaming.
Dr. Thompson: Okay, this may hurt a little.
(The Doctor cracks Joeys nose in place) (Joeys screams)
(Cut to: The Delivery room, Frank, Alice
and Chandler are there, the
doctor is delivering the babies)
Dr. Fallon: Phoebe, push! Come on you can do it!
Chandler: Come on Pheebs!
Phoebe: (pushing) Urgh!
Chandler: (disgusted) Doc, I think a piece of her vagina just came out!
Doctor: Thats the babys head.
Frank: Yes, the babys got a head!
Dr. Fallon: Okay, the shoulders, the arms
Phoebe: (pushing) Urghhhhhhhh!
Dr. Fallon: Okay, you have a baby boy! (holds the baby up)
(Cut to: Waiting Room, Chandler and Frank run in excited)
Ross: What?! What?!
Chandler: They have a baby boy!
Frank: Yeah. Frank Jr. Jr. heres!
Ross: How does he look?
Frank: So, gross!
Chandler: Yeah. (they go back in)
(Cut to: Joey, in the other hospital room,
Rachel is still there with him.
He is still screaming because the doctor is fixing his nose)
Dr. Thompson: (he puts like a patch thing on Joeys nose) Mr. Tribbiani!
Joey: (about to cry) What?!
Dr. Thompson: Were done!
(Cut to: The Delivery Room)
Dr. Fallon: Phoebe you need to push for me again, okay?
Phoebe: Really? Wow, I thought that one push was it.
Dr. Fallon: Okay, push Phoebe!!!
Phoebe: Urgh!!! (pushing)
Alice: Come on out little Leslie!
Frank: Come on!
Dr. Fallon: Push one more time.
Dr. Fallon: Come on! I see the arms! Push for me one more time!
Phoebe: Urrrrrrrrgggghh! (pushing)
Dr. Fallon: Its a girl. (holding baby up)
Chandler: Wow, thats absolutely-positively a girl!!
Phoebe: Oh God!!
(Cut to: Delivery Room, Frank comes out)
Frank: We got another baby out!
Frank: I didnt think it was possible looking at the size of her head.
Monica: (unsure) Oh.
(Cut to: Delivery Room, frank comes back in)
Frank: Okay, Im back you can start.
Dr. Fallon: Good. Phoebe this is the last
time. I need you to push for
Dr. Fallon: Push!!
Phoebe: Urrrggggh!!! (pushing and squeezing Chandler hand)
Phoebe: Urrgggh!! (pushing)
Dr. Fallon: One more time!
Phoebe: Urrrggghhhhhh!!! (pushing)
Frank: Its a girl!
Dr. Fallon: Yeah. (holding up baby)
Chandler: Im a girl?!
Frank: Wow, that comes as no surprise.
(Fades to: Later on, Everybody is there)
Joey: Wow, look at these little babies.
Rachel: Yeah, makes me want to have one.
(Ross looks at her)
Rachel: What?! Im just kidding!
Frank: Guys, uh me and Alice are gonna makes some calls okay?
All: Yeah/sure/okay etc
(Frank and Alice leave)
Phoebe: (starting to laugh) Wow, I feel so good.
Chandler: Pheebs, whats funny?
Phoebe: Oh, youve ruined this day a lot.
Phoebe: First you get Joey punched in the
nose, the you turn my baby into a
All: Oh. (laughing)
(Scene: Phoebes apartment, Monica,
Phoebe and Rachel are there sitting in
leather pants and sipping tequila)
(The screen reads 3 days later)
Monica: Wow, this was the best week ever.
Rachel Yeah, first I get Ross and Phoebe
has the babies and now were
sitting in our leather pants and sipping tequila.
Monica: Were sad arent we?
Phoebe: (sips some tequila) Pretty much.