11/26/1999

Dear Readers:

It has come to my attention that fanfic writers for Friends often choose sides when dealing with the couples of Friends. Some prefer Ross and Rachel and others Chandler and Monica. I, in my previous fanfic series, have tried to establish a mix by using both couples. Mostly due to the fact that... thatís what they do on the actual show, right? Well now Iíve decided to do something different. Iím going to begin writing fanfics with only one of the couples centered in the story. In other words, I will begin writing a series of Ross and Rachel fanfics and a series of Chandler and Monica fanfics. For those of you who enjoy both couple and my original series, donít worry. I wonít stop writing it. OK, but Iím not done yet. I also acknowledge that there are readers out there who canít stand... mush. (I can relate. You ever read one of those fanfics that has absolutely no dialogue? Just Ross and Rachel or Chandler and Monica making out? Blech!) Well for them Iíve decided to start a different series that will seem rather strange at first. I plan to, in this series, keep all our "Friends"... friends. No sexual tension, no "we were on a break!"s, and not even Joey and PhoebeÖ (you never know.) A completely platonic "Friends" show... hey, it could happen. Not that Iím saying it would be successful... (Iím warning you though. This platonic "Friends" ainít gonna be pretty because Iím not very funny. But Iíll give it a go anyway.) The reason why Iím doing this is because I donít want people to be reading one of my fanfics and be annoyed at some mushy dialogue between whichever couple, (and sometimes both,) that they arenít interested in! Anyways, this fanfic is the first in my Ross and Rachel series featuring a variety of plotlines and situations. In other words, my Ross and Rachel series will be made up of a bunch of mini-series. Same goes for C&M!

Thanks for reading,

Alyssa

By Alyssa (a.k.a. Joya_Preciosa)

I am in no way associated with NBC or their sitcom Friends. OK, everyone. Being as this is my first "just" R&R fanfic Iíve experimented with a few ideas. Some of which worked out and I put away for safekeeping. (Iím going to use them later in my other R&R mini-series.) But someone came up with a really great idea out of the blue and I decided that Iíd like to start off with that. Iíd like to thank, acknowledge, and dedicate this fanfic to Roni, (of "Roniís Ross and Rachel Page".) She came up with the great "what ifÖ" concept that led to this fanfic. Once you continue to read Iím sure you wonít have much of a problem figuring out what the "what if..." concept is. This fanfic takes place right in the middle of "The One Where Ross Finds Out." Iíve retitled itÖ "The One With The Close Call." To give you a bit of a refresh: Monica was helping Chandler work out so he could loose weight. Chandler was not happy about this and felt that Monica was "insane" and making him work too hard. Phoebe was frustrated because her boyfriend, Scott, didnít seem to want to sleep with her. Rachel was on date with a guy named Michael... of course she wasnít enjoying the date because all she could think about was RossÖ and his catÖ and his Julie! (I must admit this fanfic is going to be a bit easier to write than my previous ones due to fact that I already the plot lines plus it was only half as long. And I get to decide whatís going to happen between all the charactersÖ }:-} hehehe) Ideas, suggestionsÖ feedback! Write me at Joya_Preciosa@hotmail.com

(R&R Mini-series1 ) THE ONE WITH THE CLOSE CALL

[Where we left off. . . Phoebe and Joey were discussing the Scott issue. Phoebe said that she thought Scott didnít want to sleep with her because she wasnít sexy enough. Joey comforted her in his very charmingÖ own way, upon which Phoebe thought was "so sweet." By the window Monica and Chandler are running. Monica playfully pushes Chandler and somehow it ends up into this little catfight, (thatís right catfight! This is Monica and Chandler- so itís a catfight,) and ends up with Monica knocking Chandler down and Chandler chasing after Monica.

OK, at this point weíd go back to the restaurant where Rachel would be finishing off the last of the champagne bottle and discussing her thoughts on "what do you call íem? what do you call íem? what do you call íem?Ö oh yeah, fruit flies. :-)]

SCENE: (Restaurant. Rachelís across the table from Michael. She has the bottle of champagne in her hand.)

RACHEL: (Appearing drunk.) And here I am! Drowning my sorrows away with this umÖ (stares at bottle) stuff. (Bitter.) While Ross is probably just hanging out with Julie! (Spits out "Julie!") Looking at cats with Julie! (Leaning across the table anxiously.) Is it true that cats can be likeÖ bad luck?

MICHAEL: (Obviously uncomfortable.) Umm, black cats, I guess it depends if you believe in that kind of stuff.

RACHEL: (Understandingly.) Oh. Iíve got a friend like that. Everyday she tells me whatís going to happen and everyday it happens!

MICHAEL: What happens?

RACHEL: YíknowÖ her predictions. (Leans across the table and pulls Michael by the collar. She sounds drunk, yet serious.) She even predicted something about you and me.

MICHAEL: (Stares down at Rachelís hand which is yanking by the collar and then back at her face.) You knowÖ Iím not really interested.

RACHEL: Fine then! (Releases Michaelís collar very quickly.)

MICHAEL: (He stumbles back and nearly falls out of his chair as a result.)

RACHEL: (Laughs, sounding intoxicated.)

MICHAEL: (Shoots up from his seat.) All right Rachel, thatís it!

RACHEL: (Looks up, confused.) Huh?

MICHAEL: Rachel, you are not drunk! (Lowering his voice to a loud whisper.) And even though itís been slightly amusing watching you make a fool out of yourself all evening I do not appreciate being choked!

RACHEL: Iím not drunk?! Uh, hello?! (Points to the empty wine bottles inside the ice bucket.)

MICHAEL: That is non-alcoholic wine. I had the waiter bring it instead for the past forty-five minutes!

RACHEL: (Suddenly realizes. She sits up straighter. Her slurred tone goes back to normal.) Oh.

SCENE:

(Itís the guysí apartment. Joeyís watching TV.)

CHANDLER: (Enters. Heís dressed in sweats not to mention the fact that he looks very sweat-y. Running to his room.) Lord have merc-y-y-y!!! (He screams this at the top of his lungs. He slams the door of his room.)

JOEY: (Stares at the door, shrugs, and changes the channel.)

MONICA: (Enters. Dressed in warm-ups. She takes a quick scan around the room. Loud.) All right, where is he?!

JOEY: Where is who?

MONICA: Chandler! If heís resting somewhere right now heís going to lose his target heart rate!

JOEY: I donít knowÖ I havenít seen him.

MONICA: (Snatches the remote from Joeyís hand and shuts off the TV.)

JOEY: What gives?

MONICA: Joey, Iím warning you. Iím feeling very energized right now!

JOEY: (Dirty.) Really?

MONICA: Uggh! Joey that was threat! How the hell did you perceive it to be a come-on?!

JOEY: Oh and what are you going to threaten me with? Youíre little (making quotation marks with his fingers.) "work out video" ?

MONICA: (Very loud.) Chandler Bing, if you donít come out this instant I will literally disfigure your best friend! And believe me I have reason to do so!

(No movement from Chandlerís door.)

JOEY: (Miffed.) Well, itís nice to know you can count on your friend.

MONICA: Relax Joey. Iím sure thatís not the case.

JOEY: Then what is the case?

MONICA: (Goes over to Chandlerís bedroom door and opens it.)

(Chandlerís lying on the bed, passed out.)

JOEY: (Stares at Chandler, concerned and in disbelief.)

MONICA: (Shaking her head. Muttering.) Weakling.

SCENE:

(The girlís apartment. Rachelís sitting at the table on the left side of the table with several bottles of liquor lined up in front of her. Theyíre unopened and still full. Sheís staring at them intensely.)

PHOEBE: (Enters.) Hi Rachel!

RACHEL: (Not taking here eyes off the liquor. Distracted.)

Hi Monica.

PHOEBE: (Looks puzzled at first and then smiles deviously.) Rachel, oh my gosh! Why is there a stain the size of Canada splattered all over the couch?!

RACHEL: (Still distracted.) Sorry Mon. Iíll clean it later.

PHOEBE: So I uhÖ saw Miranda today. She started sleeping with her bossís husband again. They may even run off together.

RACHEL: (Still distracted.) Uh-huh.

PHOEBE: (Stares at Rachel in disbelief. She clears her throat.) So Ross was at Central Perk earlier and-

RACHEL: (Looking up, cutting Phoebe off.) Ross?! Oh Phoebe, where did Monica go?

PHOEBE: Out. (Pause.) Arenít you going to introduce me to your friends? (Points to the bottles.)

RACHEL: Oh umÖ Phoebe these are the bottles of liquor. (Pats the chair to her right.) Care to get more acquainted?

PHOEBE: (Goes over and sits in the chair.) Rachel, are you drunk?

RACHEL: Phoebe, theyíre full. Iíve only had one glass of wine and that was at the restaurant with Michael.

PHOEBE: Yeah but you donít look good though.

RACHEL: Uggh, Iíve been up all night. Feeling miserable.

PHOEBE: Oh. Do you always stare at cheap wine and tequila when youíre sad?

RACHEL: No Phoebe.

PHOEBE: You know what I do when Iím sad?

RACHEL: What?

PHOEBE: I go out and get a frozen yogurt. I think you should do the same.

RACHEL: I donít want a yogurt.

PHOEBE: Perhaps you didnít hear me clearly. I go out and buy a frozen yogurt for me. Now Iím hungry so you better get going.

RACHEL: (Gives a weak smile.) Nice try.

PHOEBE: Itís Ross, isnít it?

RACHEL: (Nods and slumps down in her chair.) OhÖ you know Iím really starting to think that Iím never going to improve.

PHOEBE: (Stroking Rachelís hair.) Things are going to get better. Youíll see.

RACHEL: But what if they donít? I mean have you ever justÖ wanted someone so bad that it just burned inside of you? I mean every time I see him I just want to grab him and kiss himÖ gosh, itís like Iím obsessed.

PHOEBE: I know the feeling. I had it with Duncan. And nowÖ with Scott. Although that feelingís not passionÖ itís just a reaction to what I think is rejection.

RACHEL: I thought you were going to talk with him.

PHOEBE: Yeah but he flew to Chicago for the weekend and didnít invite me. (Bitter.) Greedy little bastard.

RACHEL: Iím sorry honey.

PHOEBE: Hey Iíll survive. You knowÖ you still havenít explained why youíve been staring at bottles like you wanted them to explode.

RACHEL: Oh I didnít want them to explode. I wanted to drink them.

PHOEBE: (Wrinkling her nose.) All of them?

RACHEL: So bad.

PHOEBE: Why?

RACHEL: I donít know. I found out at the restaurant that like- subconsciously, I wanted to get drunk.

ROSS: (Enters, unnoticed.)

RACHEL: I guess it was just so I could loose control for one night and then Iíd- Iíd have an excuse to tell him how I really feel. I could just blame it on the alcohol. Iím a terrible person! (Buries her face in her hands.)

ROSS: (Begins to watch them, concerned.)

PHOEBE: Youíre not terrible. I love you. Everybody loves you. Youíre just going through a really hard time right now, thatís all. But once the floopyness is all over Iím sure youíll feel much better. Youíll get over him.

RACHEL: Yeah, I suppose. But what if I donít? (Eyes widening.) What does this mean that Iím in love?

PHOEBE: No, no, no, no, no. No need to use the L word.

RACHEL: But what if I am? It makes perfect sense! I canít believe this! Iím in love with him!

PHOEBE: (Nervous.) No youíre not!

RACHEL: But I have to be. Iíve never felt this way about anyone before. What else could it be? I am in love with Ross!

(We hear a thump.)

RACHEL+PHOEBE: (Turn around only to see that Ross has fainted. The two stare worriedly at each other.)

SCENE:

(Chandlerís room. Monica and Joey are sitting on bed.)

MONICA: (Shaking Chandler while talking to Joey.) OK, itís almost been five minutes. Itís time for your shift.

JOEY: Look, why donít you just let him sleep? Youíve been working him too hard all day.

MONICA: Oh please. We barely ran two blocks before he purposely pushed me in this giant mob so that he could get away.

JOEY: A mob?

MONICA: Yes a mob. And I was stomped on by about twelve people and a ferret. And now he thinks he can just pass out like that without my revenge. Not on my time! (Shakes him harder.)

JOEY: Monica if you keep shaking him like that his brainís gonna fall out of his ears.

MONICA: (Releases Chandler.) I agree. Itís youíre turn.

JOEY: (Sighs and begins to shake him.) Whatís your revenge supposed to be?

MONICA: Well I donít have all the details yet but it will definitely include him serving me breakfast in bed for at least a week.

JOEY: But wouldnít you be scared that youíd get crumbs all over your sheets?

MONICA: (Pause.) I didnít say that I necessarily had to eat it in bed.

SCENE:

(The girlsí place. Phoebeís bending over Ross, poking his stomach with a stick of celery.)

RACHEL: (Pacing.) Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh!

PHOEBE: (Stops for a moment.) Ok youíre going to have to stop that.

RACHEL: What am going to do? What am I going to say after he wakes up?

PHOEBE: I really think we should be concentrating more on the waking him up part. (Gets up.) OK, this isnít working. Have you got any carrots?

RACHEL: Itís under the "Veggies drawer #2" labeled "Roots".

PHOEBE: (Goes over to fridge and pokes her head in.) Wow, she has the carrot shredded, whole, and in stick form. Are there french fries, mashed potatoes, and potato chips around here too?

RACHEL: There are microwavable french fries in a bag in the fridge, the mashed potatoes are in the "leftovers" section and the potato chips are in the "afternoon snack" cabinet.

PHOEBE: (Stares at Rachel.)

RACHEL: What?

PHOEBE: Why is it that you know where all the food is but you donít know where Monica keeps the plunger?

RACHEL: (Glares at Phoebe.)

PHOEBE: OK, back to Ross.

JOEY: (Opens the door and enters.) Hey guys, whatís up?

PHOEBE: More like whatís down. (Points to Ross.)

JOEY: (Staring at Ross.) Oh my gosh!

MONICA: (From behind Joey.) Whatís going on?

JOEY: (Turning to Monica, accusingly.) What have you done to him?

MONICA: Huh? Oh my gosh, Ross! Is he OK?

PHOEBE: Heís fineÖ he just fainted soÖ

JOEY: (Eyeing Monica.) Why did he faint?

PHOEBE: He overheard Rachel saying that she was in love him.

MONICA: (To Rachel.) Oh my gosh, you said that?

RACHEL: (Regretfully.) Yeah.

MONICA: (Opens her arms out, sympathetic.) Oh honey.

RACHEL: (Opening her arms out, she rushes to meet Monica.) Oh.

MONICA+RACHEL: (Hug.)

JOEY: (Stares at them, a satisfied and dirty expression on his face.) Well this is the most fun Iíve had all day.

PHOEBE: Oh will you shush?! Here. (Hands him the carrot stick.)

JOEY: OK, thanks. (Takes a bite out of it.)

PHOEBE: Joey! You were supposed to use that to wake up Ross!

ROSS: (Eyes flickering open.) Huh?

JOEY+PHOEBE: (Jump.)

MONICA+RACHEL: (Turn. Both wear worried expressions.)

JOEY: (Takes Rossís hand and pulls him up.)

ROSS: Whatís going on?

PHOEBE: You fainted.

JOEY: Yeah after Rachel-

PHOEBE: (Covers Joeyís mouth.) Ö said that she lovedÖ snowboarding!

RACHEL: (Mouth drops open.)

ROSS: (Confused.) Wha- Rachel said what?

PHOEBE: That she loved snowboarding! And you um, didnít take the news very well.

ROSS: But what- um- why would I-

PHOEBE: (Cutting Ross off.) OK! Youíre all better now. I guess you better skídaddle. Hey werenít you supposed to meet Julie for that whole cat thing?

ROSS: Well, yeah but-

PHOEBE: (Pushing Ross towards the door by his shoulders.) Well you better hurry because cats are almost out of season!

ROSS: But-

PHOEBE: (Interrupting again.) Shoo! Shoo! (Pushes Ross out the door and locks it behind her.)

MONICA+RACHEL+JOEY: (All stare at Phoebe.)

PHOEBE: (Pretends to wipe the sweat off her brow.) Whew! That was a close one, huh?

SCENE:

(Chandlerís room. Chandlerís still passed out on the bed. Monica and Phoebe are there. We see various items scattered across his bed. A pepper shaker, a salt shaker, a set of earphones, an ice packÖ ect.)

MONICA: (Holding a glass of water.) OK, Iím going to do it.

PHOEBE: Are you sure- what if he gets pneumonia?

MONICA: Well I doubt that will happen this one time!

PHOEBE: Fine fine. I canít watch though soÖ (turns around.)

MONICA: (Throws water on Chandler.)

CHANDLER: (Doesnít move.)

MONICA: You think I was maybe a little too hard on him?

PHOEBE: (Turning around.) Just let him rest now. Heíll probably wake up in a couple of hours.

MONICA: I knowÖ but it just doesnít feel right until I do what Iíve been trying to do. I wonder what else I could do.

PHOEBE: I know! (Leans down to her feet and pulls out a cardboard box.) We still havenít tried tomato (pulls out a tomato), olives (pulls out a baggie filled with olives), and purple cabbage (pulls out a baggie filled with chopped up purple cabbage.) Ooo, we could like spread it around him in a circle.

MONICA: (Rolls her eyes.)