A fan fiction written by Frances Morrow Brown
[You have to imagine this as the last episode of friends ever. Youíve
down and youíre waiting for it to start youíve anticipated needing tissues and
you have box of man sized ones next to you. So far today youíve watched at
least five friends episodes and listened to With Or Without You and Iíll Be
There for You like a million times! Ross and Rachel arenít together, neither
are Monica and Chandler.]
(scene - Mon/Rach apt everyone is there except Chandler)
Mon- Hey Joe whereís Chandler?
Joe- Oh heís doing something on his computer I think heís making a page
Rach- Oh donít tell me itís got naked pictures on it!
Joe- See ya! (he runs out of the room and across the hall)
Ross- So Iím gonna take off I gotta go inspect this bone thing!
Rach- How do you not fall asleep at work?
Ross- (over pronouncing every word)If you gave it a chance paleontology
Rach- (sarcastic also over pronouncing every word) Sure it is!
Ross- Well a lot more interesting than sitting in an office looking
guys called Mark all day!
Rach- Look nothing happened between me and Mark. Unlike you and the
girl from the copy place.
Ross- WE WERE ON A BREAK!
Rach- Oh God that is getting sooooo boring Ross you do know that everyone
does you all the time?
Ross- (Laughing) Everybody does me!(stopping laughing)What do you mean
everyone does me?
Rach/Pheebs/Mon- (depressed) Hi! (Shouting) WE WERE ON A BREAK!!
(Ross leaves in a huff as the girls laugh)
Pheebs- (laughing then stopping suddenly) OK so when are you gonna tell
Rach- Tell him what?
Mon- That youíre still in love with him...
Pheebs- That youíre sorry you asked for a divorce...
Rach- Oh come on Iím not still in love with Ross I think we all learnt
long time ago! Maybe a couple of months ago I would have said yeah sure
I'm still in love with Ross, but now the today Rachel says come on get over
it it's been three years. Anyway if I did still love him, which I don't, heís
more interested in wrinkly old dinosaurs than me!
Pheebs- Well thatís OK at least you know that if you told him and he
back heíd still be interested in you when youíre 80!
(On Rachelsí look we....)
(Itís the original opening credits with them all dancing in the fountain.
youíre singing along for the last time ever to the credits (blub).Donít forget
to clap now!)
(Scene- Joe/Chan apt only Chandler and Joey are there)
Chan (typing at his computer)- Joe will you stop moaning Iíve stopped
a page about baywatch cos there are too many of them out there and well I
want to do something more interesting!
Joe- OK so whatís it about?
Chan- Iím not telling you.
Joe- So whatís this thing?
Chan- Itís a scanner so I can put my own pictures on.
Chan- Oh go have sex with someone.
Joe- OK fine if youíre gonna be like that maybe I will, maybe Iíll sleep
Chan-(Getting cross)No man donít do that to me.Donít even kid about
that because itís not funny,you know how hard it was for me to get over her.
Joe- Oh man I didnít mean it! I was only kidding. (he hugs him) You
Chan- Yeah I miss her. I miss her every hour of every day but I can
anything about it because she doesnít love me anymore.
Joe- Did she say that?
Chan- No but I could tell the way she said that we wouldnít work out.
I can tell when beautiful women are telling me they don't love me.
Joe- Did it never occur to you that she may have ended it with you because
she loved you too much?
Joe- She still loves you too you know but because of all your weird
commitment hang ups she didnít want to hurt you and that's why she broke
up with you.
Chan- Are you sure?
Joe- Sure Iím sure!
Chan- Joe don't take this the wrong way but how do you know all this?
Joe- Look it's like I told Rachel I can tell when women are vulnerable
one of my gifts!
Chan- No Joe it's your only gift and anyway she doesn't want me...
Joe- Look will you just go over there kiss her and tell her that you
Chan-OK Iím going to go over there and tell her I still want to be with
Joe- Yeah man!
Chan- No Iím not Iím gonna go over there and tell her that I love her.
Joe- Sure you will, now go.
Chan- No Iím not Iím gonna go to the jewelry store buy an engagement
and ask her to marry me
Joe- Steady on man this is you, itís too soon.
Chan- Yeah youíre right Iíll just go tell her I love her.
Chan- (As he heads out the door) Phoebe and Rachel told you to say all
Joe- Yeah of course they did. You ever known me to come up with good
Chan- No but then Iíve never heard you say relationship before either!
(Mon/Rach apt same time the girls are all still there talking about
trying to convince Rachel)
Pheebs- Of course youíre still in love with him, you went after him
Mon- You married him in Las Vegas
Rach- I was drunk
Pheebs/Mon- You were in love!
Pheebs- Don't you realize how lucky you are to have some one like Ross
Mon- And loving....
Pheebs- And generous
Mon- And, well he loves you and that's the only thing that matters,
dragging up arguments that happened years ago and making him guilty all
over again, he only made one mistake Rach. Forgive him...
Chan- Hey Mon can I talk to you(the others don't move).....In private.
Rach/Pheebs- Oh right OK see ya later!!
(they both go into Rachelsí room as soon as they shut the door Rach
Pheebs listen from behind it)
Chan- Listen I have to say something and I have to just get it out so
have to let me get through it and not say anything till Iíve finished.
Chan- Monica I love you so much and you canít imagine what these last
weeks have been like without you. I donít know exactly why you ended it
with me but I just have to say that whatever it is we can work past it my love
is so strong for you and I hope that we can give it another go.
Rach/Pheebs-(from other side of door) Ahhh!
Mon- (moving closer to him)Oh Chandler Iíve missed you too and I love
you so much but we canít get back together.
Chan- But why not we were great together. We loved each other we had
fantastic sex and we care about each other.
Mon- I know all that but I canít...
Chan- (moving around the room)Why Monica why not I mean if you didnít
love me any more or if your parents disapproved or if there was another guy
I could understand but this..
Mon- (quietly) There is another guy.
Rach- What did she say? I couldnít hear.
Pheebs- (confident) She said ďI need to fly.Ē
Rach- (unsure and confused)OK.
(they go back to listening)
Chan-(Also quietly and in shock)What?!
Mon- (too loudly) Thereís someone else.
Pheebs- Oh No.
Mon- We met a couple of weeks ago and I donít love him and I was really
and it only lasted a couple of days and I ended it as soon as I was sober but we'd
just had a huge fight and then you were so sweet and we made up, but I couldnít
bringmyself to tell you because I love you and I didnít want to see you get hurt.
Chan- Then donít go with someone else!
Mon-(crying) I had to end it with you because we couldnít have a proper
relationship if I was keeping something from you and..
Chan- (moving very close to her)(also crying) Monica it wouldnít have
mattered if youíd slept with every guy you knew it wouldnít have made any
difference. I still love you and I always will. You say it only lasted two days
and itís over now and I believe you. It doesnít change how I feel about you.
I love you more than words can say and I still want to be with you.
Rach/Pheebs-(crying) That is so sweet.
Mon- I am so lucky to have someone like you I was sure you were gonna
freak out and quite possibly kill me but...
Chan- No because I love you.
Mon- I love you too.
Mon- You do realize that Rachel and Phoebe heard all of that donít you?
Chan- I donít care theyíre two of the ones who helped me face up to
and tell you how I feel.
Mon- Rach! Pheebs! Come out here!
Chan- Joey come in!
(Joey enters from the hall with a sheepish look on his face)
Joey- Howd you know I was here?
(Rach and Pheebs have emerged from hiding)
Rach- Well done Joe!
Pheebs- Congratulations you guys.
Joe- Man you did great I would have freaked out about that.
Chan- Yeah well look Iíve grown!!
(Ross enters just as Chan & Mon kiss again)
Ross- Are you two back together or have I missed yet another game of
Joey- (To Chan)Jeez this guy's thick we haven't played spin the bottle
ages! (To Ross) Of course they're back together.
Ross-(pause) I know Joe.
Rach- I think this calls for a group hug!
Pheebs- I think so!
(they all jump into a big hug!)
(After a bit)
Chan- OK I think the hug's had its moment!
All- Yeah, Ok sorry!
Mon- Hey Rach I've just remembered there's a letter for you on the table.
Rach- Oh right (goes over to table and reads the letter) Oh it's from
she's going bungee jumping tomorrow!
Mon- Ok Why?!
Rach- No idea but she wants me to write back and tell her all about
going on here.
Chan- That could be quite a letter.
Rach- Yeah I'd better get started.
Ross- Hey Rach don't make your letter to long you don't want her falling
asleep as she plummets to earth.
Rach- Betcha couldn't wait to get that one in!
Chan- Ok they were in the room for about five minutes without fighting
someone get me the phone!
Joey- (hands him the phone)Who're you calling?
Chan- The Guinness Book Of Records.
(scene Rossí apartment Ross, Chan, and Joey are there.)
Chan/Joey- So when are you gonna tell her?
Ross- Who?..Oh you mean Monica about how I was the one who spilt the
the kitchen and didnít clean it up?
Chan- Er no Ross but youíre suprisingly close you see you were
about Monica and we were talking about her room mate.
Ross- Oh...(realizing)OH! Tell her what.
Joey- Oh for Godís sake are they both really thick or something?
Joey/Chan- THAT YOUíRE STILL IN LOVE WITH HER!
Ross- WHAT?! Iím not in love with Rachel, yes I care about her and yes
sheís my friend and I like her as much as the next girl but Iím not in love
with her and even if I was which Iím not, I wouldnít embarrass myself yet
again by telling her.
Joe- Ross get over yourself you love her she loves you and she's waiting
you to do something about it and you're waiting for her. You know you are.
Chan- Yeah what he said. You know like that song you played for her
Ross- That was a long time ago.
Chan- Ross youíve been divorced three times and the third one wasnít
the hassle because youíre going to marry her anyway.
Joe- Now we want no arguments. We want you in our apartment wearing
tux with an engagement ring, a CD of With or Without You and a red rose.
Ross- (pause) OK Iím gonna do it but if you guys are wrong and she turns
itís the last time and Iím giving up on Rachel forever.
Ross- Iíll see you there.
Chan- (as they leave) You do realize all that stuff is for Rachel and
(scene Rach/Mon apt)
(The girls are doing the same sort of thing for Rachel.)
Mon- Right OK hereís what weíre gonna do. You are gonna go in
there(points to Rachelís room) and put on that green dress you wore to the
museum benefit and then you are going to go over to Joey and Chandlers....
Pheebs- Which is where Ross will be....
Mon- And you are going to realize how much you love him.
Rach- (pause) OK Iíll do it but if you guys are wrong and he turns away,
itís the last
time and Iím giving up on Ross for good.
(Rachel goes into her room and Mon and Pheebs rush into Chan/Joeís apt)
Mon- (as she runs in) Did he agree?
(They see Ross dressed in his tux and carrying a red rose)
Mon- Oh you look so cute!
Pheebs- OK enough already.Joey put the CD on loud when I tell you. (she
positions herself by the peephole) Ross get over here, sheís coming. Joey
music. Joey....NOW! Ross go go go.
(Scene The Hall Rachel is in her green dress and has just come out of
door and is nerving herself to go through Chandlers door when the familiar
strains of With Or Without You fill the air and Ross is pushed through the
door dressed in his tux and carrying a red rose)
Rach- Ross whatís going on?
Ross- (looking at the floor) Look this isn't what...(he looks up and
dress) Oh..you look...wow...(he moves towards her and hands her the rose)
Rach I'm not sure how to say this so if I end up looking like a total idiot
you'll have to forgive me but um (clears throat and gets very close to her)I
love you more today than I did yesterday but less than tomorrow . And I
canít imagine spending my life with anyone other than you because itís
always been you. (During this Rach is doing her whole hands to her face
then her heart business) (he pushes a stray hair behind Rachels' ear and
gazes into her eyes) I guess that thereís only one thing I can do to make you
see this. (he gets down on one knee and gets out the ring box) Rachel will
you do me the honour of becoming my wife?
Rach- (Kneels down next to him crying and kisses him softly) Of course
(They kiss again and Ross puts the ring on her finger just as the others
out of the apartment.Eventually they all calm down and Rach and Ross get
up off the floor and put their arms around each other)
Pheebs- She's his lobster!
(Scene - Mon/Rach apt an engagement party for R&R Everyone is there
including- Gunther, the Gellers, the Greenes, Janice, Richard and many
Mrs Greene- (to Rach) OK honey I have some good news for you!
Mrs Greene- Yes me and your father have decided to give it another go.
thought if you could do it so could we!
Rach- Oh Mom that's wonderful!
(They Hug, Ross shakesDr Greenes hand)
Ross- Congratulations sir I'm glad everything worked out in the end.
Dr Greene- You know so am I Ross so am I. And you know what else I'm
Dr Greene- That at last you've stopped putting so much gel in your hair.
(He walks off and we see Ross' face for a moment indigent and then seeing
Rachel talking to her Mum and smiling he smiles too.)
(Chan and Mon are making out on the balcony)
Janice- (creeping up on them) Hello Chandler Bing!
Chan- (jumping) Hi Janice I believe you've met my new girlfriend Monica?
Janice- I think we've met somewhere before! (THAT laugh)
Mon- Yes your face is ringing bells Janice!
Chan- (under breath) And so is your laugh!
Janice- You'll never guess what!
Janice- I love this party, I've found someone already!
Chan/Mon- (With dread) Who?
(Richard comes out on the balcony)
Janice- There's my little Richy-Wichy
(They kiss Chandler and Monica look on in surprise)
Richard- Hey Monica I'm glad to see you so well.
(he pecks her on the cheek)
Mon- Yeah well I'm glad you found.....someone!
Chan- Would you excuse us we have an...er...elsewhere to be!
(They all say goodbye)
Chan- (As he waits for Mon to climb out of the window) Who invited her?
Mon- You didn't?
Chan- No! Why would I invite her?
Mon- I don't know! Let's go mingle!
Chan- OK(as he says this he falls out of the window into the room and
everyone looks at him)I'm fine! (To Mon) You really need a door there!
(Monica and Chandler go over and join Ross and Rachel)
Mon- Hey guys!
Ross- Hey! have you seen Joey and Phoebe anywhere?
Ross- Cos I've got this big thing planned because you know when we get
married we aren't gonna be together anymore you know like all the time so
I've lent ugly naked guy my apartment for a night.
(They all go over to the window when I say all I mean all!)
Rach- What's he doing on your couch!
Ross- (Tilts his head sideways) I really don't wanna know!
(As they move away from the window the door opens and in bursts.....Paulo,
Barry, Joshua and Mark with Julie, Carol, Chloe and Bonnie)
Ross and Rachel- OK WHOSE IDEA OF A JOKE IS THIS?
(Chandler looks sheepish in the corner)
(They go and meet their ex lovers with their arms wrapped firmly around
Chloe- Hey dinosaur guy!
Ross- (looking at Rachel and at the floor alternately) Um...hey Chloe
Rachel- Honey....(she kisses him hard)
(All the exes back away and go and get alcohol!)
Ross- Huh! I love you Rach!
Rach- I love you too Ross.
Pheebs-(coming in through the door) Rachel, Monica Help me!
Rach/Mon- What up Pheebs?
Pheebs- Joeys' aura has turned a really funny colour and he won't come
Rach- His..his aura's a funny colour?
Pheebs- Yeah now just come and help me!
Mon- OK! we'd better go Rach Chandler you're in charge of making sure
Chan- Yeah whatever!
(As soon as Rach leaves her exes and Ross start fighting with each other
in the scuffle Paulo manages to knock over the entire drinks table all over
Chan- Oh come on guys that's not fair. a) I'm not smashed yet and you've
knocked over the entire drinks trolley. and b)....(realizing what Mon said!)
Oh she is gonna kill me, you guys have put me seriously on Mons death list!
All guys- We're sorry, we didn't mean too etc.!
Chan- OK well you can all help me clean it up before Mon gets back and
tears me limb from limb!
(As they're getting the cleaning stuff out the girls burst through the
a seriously drunk Joey between them)
Rach- We worked out it probably wasn't his aura that was the problem.
Mon- No we think it's his stomach and the over consumption of alcohol!
Joey- I love you guys, (he kisses Rach, Mon and Pheebs hard on the lips
the outrage of Ross and Chandler!) and you (he goes up to Chandler) I love
you the most!(he advances on Chandler as if to kiss him Chandler runs past
him onto the balcony screaming)
Mon- (noticing the mess) CHANDLER!!!!
Chan- (sticking his head out the window) Blame the many loves of Rachel!
Mon- (Turns on the guys and they all seek refuge behind Rachel) Ok fine
just clean it up myself!
Ross- (Stands on the coffee table (to the disgust of Monica he's a little
tings his glass with a spatula) OK making a speech here everyone listen up!
Chandler get out from that balcony! Ok I just want to say to all you guys (he points
to the many loves of Rachel) I just want to say no hard feelings and um....
REVENGE OF THE GEEK! Ok I've got not much more to say apart from I
have the most beautiful woman in the world I have the best friends in the world
and that I am the luckiest guy in the world! (Rachel joins him on the table and they
kiss while everybodyclaps and cheers!)
(They climb down off the table and Ross' mother takes him aside)
Judy: Are you sure she's not a lesbian? I've just been talking to your
friend and he said that she had,.. you know... kissed my daughter.
Jack: It's nothing to worry about. It would only be his fourth divorce
doesn't work out!
Ross: She's not a lesbian and this is going to last (he looks a Rach
talking to Chan/Joe/Pheebs/Mon) I know it will.
(Ross goes over and joins them and puts his arms around Rachel)
Chan-(With his arms around Mon) Would you guys come and see
(They all go into his apartment and gather around his computer. The
goes in between Ross and Rachelsí shoulders and we can see that he has
made a web page about his friends and we see pictures from many
memorable moments but as the camera zooms in to see the picture of
Phoebe and Joey that Monica took as her new years resolution and we see a
montage of memorable scenes going from when Rachel walks in through the
doors of Central Perk in her wedding dress to,Joey on days of our lives right
through to the one in Vegas when Ross and Rachel burst through the doors
and the ďItís a FourĒ bit with Chandler and Monica and many many more!
While this montage is going You've Got A friend by The Brand New Heavies
plays in the background.
Eventually this fades out and then fades into the final ending scene...at
Central Perk of course)
(Rachel and Ross are sitting cuddled up in the armchair, Chandler and
Monica are sitting at one end of the couch together. Joey and Phoebe arenít
there and Gunther is serving drinks.)
Rach-(Thinking) I canít believe Iím getting married to Ross after all
stuff we went through the whole we were on a break business seems so far
away now,(She keeps looking at her ring as if in shock.) Iíve loved him all
along and Iíve only just realized how much.
Mon-(Thinking) I love Chandler. I wonder wether heíll ask me to marry
Ross- (Thinking)Iíve got her at last and now sheís mine forever. I get
her everyday. When I wake up, when I get home and when I go to bed. (we
see him grin at the last bit. I wonder if she'll agree to move to scarsdale?
Chan- (thinking)Mon will you marry me? No too direct. Monica will you
me the honour of becoming my wife? No thatís what Ross said to
Rachel.(still thinking heís thinking but actually saying it out loud)
Ummmm..Monica, I love you more than words can say and I wish that I had
said this sooner but will you marry me?
Chan- I said that out loud?
(He obviously did because Ross and Rachel look amazed and Monica is
sitting there with a huge grin on her face)
Mon- Did you mean that?
Chan-(A lot of Chandler gesturing and exhaling then sincerely)Yes I
Mon- Then yes I will.
Chan - Really?
Mon- I said yes didnít I?
(They kiss and Ross and Rachel go round the back of the sofa and
(Suddenly Joey and Phoebe burst through the door kissing)
All- OH MY GOD!!
(Joey and Phoebe break off and stand there happily while the others
questions at them. Phoebe sums it up...)
Pheebs- Weíve always loved each other itís just with twin sisters and
a lot of
other girls getting in the way I never got a look in. And well last night after
the party me and Joe sort of....you know!!!
All- YOUíRE IN LOVE?
Joey- Iíve never been in love with anyone or I thought I hadnít but
reason I wasnít in love with any of those women was because I was in love
with her all along!
Rach- This is excellent we have to celebrate. Gunther coffees all round!
you know what I'm gonna go out on a limb and say we might even pay for
(Gunther turns up with the coffees gives everyone theirs and then gives
Gunther- (Thinking) Bastard.