By Alyssa Vergara (a.k.a. Joya_Preciosa)

I am in no way associated with NBC or their sitcom FRIENDS.

This is the fanfic that supposedly takes place after “The One With The Napkins.” Suggestions for new fanfic and feedback are welcome! Joya_Preciosa@hotmail.com

THE ONE WITH THE RED TIE

SCENE A:

(It’s the guys’ place. Chandler’s watching TV in his leather chair. The TV’s showing commercials.)

JOEY: (Joey enters.) Hey, what you watching?

CHANDLER: Baywatch, it should come back on after about ½ a minute. No wait, no its 20 seconds, 15, ah forget it! Wanna join me?

JOEY: Nah! (He begins to walk to his room.)

CHANDLER: (Baywatch comes back on but he turns the TV off and stares at Joey, shocked but keeping his wit!) You, you don’t want to watch Baywatch?

JOEY: Nah, I just don’t feel like it.

CHANDLER: Why-wha-wha-wha-why? You were watching it this morning after that Cindy girl left! What happened at work, a threesome?

JOEY: Nothing happened at work, I just don’t feel like looking at girls and sex right now, OK?

CHANDLER: (Takes a good look at Joey.) You’re not Joey- are you?

JOEY: Yeah, I am! And if something happened at work, even though nothing did, maybe you should just back off man! Do we always have to tell each other everything?

CHANDLER: OK, either you’re lying to me- and doing a poor job of covering it up, or you’re not Joey!

JOEY: Dude I’m telling you I am!

CHANDLER: OK, are you his gay identical twin?

JOEY: You don’t have to be gay to not want to watch Baywatch- well maybe Ross but he’s not gay!

CHANDLER: (Suspicious.) I really think we should look into that.

JOEY: Wha-what do you mean?

CHANDLER: Haven’t you guys been spending some more time together than usual? What’s all that about?

JOEY: (Defensive.) What, we just been playing a little tennis and some basketball? (Looks frightened for a second and then grabs the remote from Chandler’s hand, turning the TV on.) OK, we’re watching Baywatch!

OPENING CREDITS

SCENE B:

{It’s Central Perk. Joey’s on the left chair and Rachel’s on the right. Chandler, Ross, Phoebe, and Monica are sitting on the couch, (from left to right.) Chandler and Monica look uneasy and are staring at the ground.}

PHOEBE: I’m telling you, Kristen is great Chandler. I mean she’s pretty and she’s smart. You should definitely go out with her. It’s about time you moved on.

JOEY: You can’t just keep putting it off.

CHANDLER: (Still staring down.) I’m not putting it off- I’m, I’m recovering. And- (Now defensive he looks up at Joey.) Hey I don’t see what you two are talking about! You obviously can’t get the situation because I usually don’t see you guys in a relationship that lasts longer than a week! (Turns to Phoebe and then sees Monica, who looks up at the exact same time. Embarrassed and awkward, they both return to staring at the ground.)

PHOEBE: I have too had serious relationships, for your information!

CHANDLER: (Turns to Phoebe.) That’s just because you’re female. You have that uh- gene that’ll bother you at least once every year to have a so-called “serious” relationship. But let me tell you something Phoebs, without that gene, you’re regular Joey. (Notices Monica and she lifts he head up at the exact same moment again. They both return their eyes to the very fascinating . . . floor.) De-javu.

PHOEBE: (Offended.) Hey!

JOEY: Relax, Phoebs, it’s a compliment.

ROSS: Hey, cut the guy some slack OK? It takes time to get over a break up.

PHOEBE: Oh what do you know?

JOEY: She’s right man. You’re never involved in anything unless it’s a serious relationship. And when it ends you mope around for like a year!

CHANDLER: (Thoughtfully.) Maybe I should reconsider.

PHOEBE: Of course! Rachel don’t you think it would be cool for me to set him up?

RACHEL: Yeah, yeah it’s great. Kristen’s great. But, do you happen to know a guy named Christian because I would like a date too?

ROSS: What happened to Jamie?

RACHEL: It’s Joshua! Joshua! And- he’s not interested.

ROSS: (Happy but covering it up poorly.) Too bad

(Rachel gives Ross a dirty look.)

PHOEBE: OK people can we get back to the subject here? Monica what do you think?

MONICA: (Looks up and towards Phoebe and begins to babble nervously.) Think, think? I’m not thinking about anything, nothing. What makes you think that I would even think about something?

PHOEBE: What?

MONICA: What?

PHOEBE: OK . . . Um, Monica, don’t you think I should set up Chandler with my friend Kristen?

MONICA: Yes, of course. That’s fine. (Looks down at her hands again.)

RACHEL: (Saying aloud after looking thoughtful since Ross last spoke.) I mean why isn’t he interested.

CHANDLER/ROSS/PHOEBE/JOEY/MONICA: (In unison.) What?

RACHEL: You guys are so self-involved!

ROSS: (To Joey.) Hey, you want to play some tennis later?

CHANDLER: (Looks up. He’s suddenly wears and interested yet mischievous look on his face.)

JOEY: (Glancing at Chandler nervously.) You-you know what man? I think I’m gonna pass!

ROSS: Why? We’ve been practicing every day for like two weeks now.

JOEY: I have a date- with-with a girl. You know a female- (loudly) and she’s hot!

ROSS: (Gives Joey a weird look.) It’s noon.

JOEY: So?

ROSS: Well, call me crazy but I think a more romantic time setting for a date is evening, you know dinner?

JOEY: (Scared.) Why are you saying that to me?

CHANDLER: (Amused.)

SCENE C:

(It’s the Bloomingdale’s personal shopping department and Rachel’s sitting at the desk reading a book titled: How to Catch A Crush.)

JOSHUA: (Enters.) Hey Rachel!

RACHEL: Oh hi! You didn’t tell me you were coming! (Glances worryingly sideways to see her reflection in the mirror.) (Looking back at Joshua, she says: ) What can I do for you today?

JOSHUA: Ties.

RACHEL: Ties?

JOSHUA: Three to be exact.

RACHEL: Well that’s a good number!

JOSHUA: Yeah, my new girlfriend, she’s always telling me how I need better ties, so I uh- thought I’d stop by.

RACHEL: Your new girlfriend?! What does she look like, how’s her personality, how serious is it, and when did this happen? (Suddenly realizes what she said and embarrassed says: ) I’m sorry, I uh, tend to get a little nosy.

JOSHUA: No it’s all right. She’s about 5’7, fairly thin, black curly hair with hazel eyes, she’s really nice, it’s not that serious, and about two days ago.

RACHEL: (Smiling.) Not that serious huh?

JOSHUA: No, she’s pretty and she’s really nice but it isn’t going to go anywhere. I guess it’s all just a part of my on-the-rebound thing. She’s just a fling and I’m pretty sure that’s what I am to her.

RACHEL: (Skeptical.) Wow, so you, you have a lot of flings?

JOSHUA: Not really. I try to keep myself away from all those male stereotypes but I think that after a divorce I’m allowed to have at least one fling. Maybe the transition will prepare me for serious dating again.

RACHEL: (Satisfied and happy.) Well, in that case I’m all for it.

JOSHUA: Really, you don’t find it uh - typical male?

RACHEL: No, no, no, no, no! I mean whatever it takes to get you back to me-err sorry your life, is good for you!

JOSHUA: Well thanks for the support.

RACHEL: Oh, you’re welcome! So what type of ties does this . . . fling like?

JOSHUA: Her favorite color is blue.

RACHEL: Yeah, but uh, mine’s red - in ties - and I think a red tie would look better. With suits, casual and formal, it’s the way to go. I’m sure she’ll agree.

JOSHUA: Whatever you say. You’re the boss.

RACHEL: Of course! (She turns and says to herself under her breath: ) And it’s gonna stay that way.

SCENE D:

(It’s Monica and Rachel’s apartment. The time is around seven p.m. Monica and Phoebe are talking at the table and Chandler’s watching TV. Rachel enters carrying some shopping bags.)

PHOEBE: So then Jeremy was all like, “What am I going to do, we’re out of bandages?!”

RACHEL: Who’s Jeremy.

MONICA: A U.S. medic in World War II that Phoebe has contacted through tarot cards and séances.

RACHEL: Tarot cards, ooo, Phoebe, that sounds a little scary.

PHOEBE: Not when you’re talking to history!

RACHEL: So Phoebs, you up for some dinner or something? I’ve got a lot of stuff to spill and I’m desperately seeking some advice.

(Monica glances at Chandler and looks worried. We also see a shot of Chandler’s body and his expression stiffening.)

PHOEBE: OK, but do you um, know anything about medical care? I could use some advice on that to give to Jeremy.

RACHEL: Well, I’ll try. Let’s go eat.

PHOEBE: (Gets up.)

MONICA: (Gets up.) Guys, guys, why don’t you eat here? I mean it’ll cost less.

RACHEL: Mon, we haven’t been to the grocery store yet. We hardly have anything!

MONICA: Now that’s not true. We have some cereal. How about some Captain Crunch?

PHOEBE: (Stares at Monica for a moment.) Come on Rach, let’s go. She makes her way out the door.)

RACHEL: OK. (She exits.)

MONICA: (Doesn’t turn around.) Well, I um guess we’re alone now.

CHANDLER: (Doesn’t turn around either.) Yes, we sure are.

MONICA: Because, they um- left.

CHANDLER: Maybe I should go too.

MONICA: Maybe.

CHANDLER: (Slowly gets up and turns around but keeps his head down. He looks up at the exact same moment that Monica turns around and faces him.) Dammit! (He covers his eyes.)

MONICA: I know! (She looks down.) This is so ridiculous, why can’t we look at each other? Why is it so awkward?

CHANDLER: I don’t know!

MONICA: Is this how it’s going to be from now on? I mean because of this stupid mistake we’ll never be able to look each other in the face again? Be friends again?

CHANDLER: I don’t know- I wish I could just- just take it back.

MONICA: Me too. How could something so silly lead to a situation like this?

CHANDLER: Why do you keep asking questions that I can’t answer?

MONICA: OK, look. There’s only one way to get through this. We’re just going to have to look at each other.

CHANDLER: Really?

MONICA: Yes, it’s like the first step so fixing the problem. So on the count of three both of us just look up. Ready?

CHANDLER: Ready.

MONICA: 1 . . . 2 . . . 3.

(Neither looks up.)

MONICA/CHANDLER: (Together.) Dammit!

CHANDLER: I really should go.

MONICA: No, no Chandler! If you go then it will just build up and eventually the other guys are going to notice that we can’t look at each other! They’re probably already suspicious.

CHANDLER: So what do you think we should do then?

MONICA: I don’t know. This whole thing wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t-

CHANDLER: (Looks up and cuts Monica off.) If I hadn’t what! You agreed to that kiss just as much as it did.

MONICA: (Looks up.) Well I didn’t start it.

CHANDLER: (Takes a step closer, he’s angrier.) Well you could’ve. If I hadn’t you would’ve. The attraction was mutual.

MONICA: How the hell do you know that the attraction was mutual?

CHANDLER: Because I stopped the kiss! If I hadn’t done that who knows what could’ve happened?!

MONICA: (Takes a step forward.) Hey you made the first move, OK! And why did you do it?

CHANDLER: (Takes a step forward.) I don’t know OK? I was depressed about Kathy and you were there being a little too supportive if I do say so myself.

MONICA: Too supportive? You think I was hitting on you or something? You’ve got a lot of ego for a guy whose girlfriend just cheated on him.

CHANDLER: (Hurt and angry.) That was really low Monica.

MONICA: (Regretful.) I know, I’m sorry.

(An awkward pause.)

MONICA: (Realizing.) Hey, we’re looking at each other!

CHANDLER: Well hey . . . look at that!

MONICA: (Trying to sound convincing.) See this wasn’t such a big deal.

CHANDLER: (Softer.) No, not at all.

(In case you didn’t notice all those “step forward” things from before- Chandler and Monica are pretty close now.)

(Chandler brushes Monica’s hair over to the side of her forehead and moves a bit closer. Monica wraps her right arm around Chandler’s waist and Chandler wraps both of his arms around Monica’s waist. Monica moves her left hand through Chandler’s hair and they kiss. Slightly passionate. Then Chandler pulls Monica even closer and kisses her harder. Monica breaks away.)

CHANDLER: (His hand over his forehead.) What’s wrong?

MONICA: Do you have any idea how much this could screw up our friendship?

CHANDLER: Well we can’t just ignore it.

MONICA: I know, but what are we going to do? How could this have happened? (Begins to walk around the apartment.) I mean, I never in a million years thought this would happen! (She’s standing in front of the TV now.)

CHANDLER: Well that makes me feel better.

MONICA: (Looks straight at Chandler.) I need some time to think.

CHANDLER: And after that time?

MONICA: I don’t know, but I think you should go.

CHANDLER: That’s fine. I’ll go. (He exits.)

SCENE E:

(It’s the guys’ apartment. Ross and Joey are both sitting in the leather chairs watching a Knicks game.)

JOEY: (Stares at Ross, nervous.)

ROSS: (Senses Joey’s staring at him and looks at Joey.)

JOEY: (Immediately turns his head.)

ROSS: All right! (He turns the TV off with the remote.)

JOEY: Dude, what are you doing? It’s the Knicks game!

ROSS: You haven’t even been paying attention! And you keep giving me this really weird look!

JOEY: First of all, I’m not looking at you. Second of all, if I’m not looking at you I’m looking at the TV, and if I’m looking at the TV it means I’m watching the game.

ROSS: Oh yeah, what’s the score?

JOEY: (Opens his mouth to say something, pauses for a moment and looks embarrassed. Then says: ) Who cares about the score?!

ROSS: (Gives Joey a weird look.) It shows if the Knicks are winning or not!

JOEY: Well who cares! The point of a game isn’t who wins!

ROSS: You are so lucky Monica didn’t hear that.

JOEY: Look man, why don’t you just mind your own business. You- you and chandler always gotta know every single little detail. (Mimicking Ross and Chandler.) Joey, why aren’t you watching basketball? Joey, why aren’t you watching Baywatch?

ROSS: Whoa, whoa, whoa! You didn’t want to watch Baywatch, how come?

JOEY: (Jumps up.) You see! What are you complaining about anyway, you don’t even watch Baywatch?!

ROSS: (Gets up.) Hey, I don’t watch Baywatch because I’m not that desperate!

JOEY: You don’t have to be desperate to watch it. I’m not desperate, I have plenty of relationships.

ROSS: If that's what you’d call a relationship. Anyways, we’re getting away from the subject. Why didn’t you want to watch Baywatch and why were you giving me all those weird looks?

JOEY: (Sighs and sits down.) I had an audition the other day for Baywatch. Some lifeguard named Michael that would appear in two or three episodes. I didn’t get it.

ROSS: (Sits down and says sympathetically.) I’m sorry man.

JOEY: And I was giving you weird looks because Chandler said that you were gay and trying to hit on me.

ROSS: He what?!

(Chandler enters.)

CHANDLER: What a crappy day! (He goes over to the fridge and grabs a beer.)

ROSS: (Gets up and walks over to Chandler.) Well it’s about to get worse.

CHANDLER: What do you mean man?

JOEY: (Nervously grabs the remote and turns the TV back on.)

ROSS: Joey just told me a little something about you saying I was gay.

CHANDLER: (Looks nervous and then defensive.) It- it was a joke. Joey just took it too seriously.

ROSS: Yes and you just never bothered to clear up the situation.

CHANDLER: (Reaches into his pocket and pulls out a bill.) Will a twenty do it?

ROSS: Yeah OK. (Grabs the bill.)

SCENE F:

(It’s the next morning. Rachel’s in the kitchen using the blender. This, of course, wakes Monica up.)

MONICA: (Walking out her room wearing a sweats, she goes over to the kitchen.) Wow, you’re up early!

RACHEL: Well I was just so excited about today because Joshua’s going to be coming a little earlier. (She pours some kind of fruit smoothie into a glass.) I just can’t wait to show him this tie that I got him. (She points to an expensive-looking red tie inside a decorative cardboard box sitting on the table.)

MONICA: (Lecturing.) What are you doing Rachel, trying to win him over? You bought him a present?

RACHEL: Well, yes and no. It’s not really a present. You see, there was this tie that I knew would look really good on him, but Bloomingdale’s didn’t carry it. I had to go to Sax Fifth Avenue to get it.

MONICA: What?

RACHEL: Oh Mon, relax. I bought two outfits for myself as well.

MONICA: Rachel, just ask him out!

RACHEL: OK, I tried that, it didn’t work.

MONICA: You weren’t being clear on that. He just misunderstood you. If you like him, just ask him out. Otherwise, you go broke and I don’t want to be the one paying for everything!

RACHEL: What’s wrong with you?

MONICA: Nothing, I just- I just had a hard night. (Sits down at the table.)

RACHEL: (Sits down across from Monica.) Why, honey what happened?

MONICA: Well, there’s this guy who I’ve known for awhile and we’ve always been friends. And then the other day something happened and now things are just so messed up! (She puts her head in her hands on the table.)

RACHEL: Who’s this guy? How come I never heard about him before?

MONICA: (Looks up.) His name’s um- Eric. He’s just a friend but now that it happened-

RACHEL: (Cutting Monica off.) What happened?

MONICA: We kissed and now it’s just – weird.

RACHEL: So you guys kissed and now things are weird? Why?

MONICA: Because it would be different if we got together. It would surprise some people, especially me. And what if it didn’t work out, I wouldn’t want to lose such a good friend?!

RACHEL: I’d say it’s worth the risk.

MONICA: Really?

RACHEL: Definitely. Monica, I don’t see you hanging around with this guy all day like you do with us. I mean, he can’t be that good of a friend. He’s probably worth the risk.

MONICA: (Sarcastic.) Thanks, that really helps.

RACHEL: (Gets up, not catching the sarcasm.) You’re welcome. Now if you don’t mind, I’ve got to get going.

MONICA: Rachel, your work doesn’t start for another hour!

RACHEL: I’m meeting Phoebe for an early morning prediction. She’s going to tell me what’s going to happen with Joshua today. (Exits.)

MONICA: And I thought I had problems.

SCENE G:

(It’s Phoebe’s place, the one we don’t see very often! She’s with Rachel sitting down at her table.)

PHOEBE: (Eyes closed.) Now, I can see Joshua. Wow, he is cute!

RACHEL: I told ya!

PHOEBE: He’s coming closer, oh he’s kissing you!

RACHEL: Really?

PHOEBE: No! You’re so gullible!

RACHEL: Phoebe . . .

PHOEBE: OK, OK. All I know is that this card means rejection.

RACHEL: See now Phoebe, that’s not good. Now there’s no way I can ask him out.

PHOEBE: Calm down Rachel, it could be anything.

RACHEL: Like what?

PHOEBE: Like an ATM rejecting your number, your stomach rejecting some food, or Joshua rejecting that tie. ( She points to the elegant red tie inside the decorative cardboard box that’s sitting next to Rachel’s hand on the table.)

RACHEL: What’s wrong with the tie?

PHOEBE: Nothing, it’s just, couldn’t you have gotten it in blue?

SCENE H:

(It’s the Bloomingdale’s personal shopping department. Rachel’s standing there with Joshua.)

JOSHUA: (Adjusting the red tie Rachel got him.) This is a really great tie, how much is it?

RACHEL: Well, we ordered it from Sax so I’ll have to get back to you on that one. For now you can just take it.

JOSHUA: No complaints from me. (Turns to face Rachel.) It looks like I’m going to have get going.

RACHEL: (Disappointed but covering it up.) Sure, of course. Is it to meet that fling of yours?

JOSHUA: No, she’s well, flung.

RACHEL: Really, that quick?

JOSHUA: I guess so. She decide to move to Pennsylvania so it ended a little sooner than I expected.

RACHEL: Wow, so you’re going to be alone tonight.

JOSHUA: Pretty much.

RACHEL: (Embarrassed, she looks down.) Do you want to have dinner with me?

JOSHUA: (Looks at Rachel uncertainly.) You serious?

RACHEL: (Still looking down.) Yeah.

JOSHUA: OK, what time and place?

RACHEL: (Looks up at Joshua happily.) Whatever, I mean whatever’s good for you!

JOSHUA: How about Marcello’s Garden, around seven?

RACHEL: That would be great!

JOSHUA: Do you want me to pick you up?

RACHEL: No, no, I’ll take a cab.

JOSHUA: So I guess I’ll see you tonight.

RACHEL: OK!

JOSHUA: (Walks out and waves.) Bye!

RACHEL: Bye! (She turns and squeals happily.) I’ve got a date with Joshua! (She begins to dance a victory dance around the room. You can picture that dance as ridiculous as you’d like. She then turns to see her boss, (Mr. Walthum,) looking at her.)

MR. WALTHUM: If the future, Rachel, could you stop that dancing? A customer could walk in here and believe you were having a seizure.

SCENE I:

(It’s the girls’ apartment. Monica’s now dressed arranging some mugs or whatever that are inside her kitchen cupboards.)

CHANDLER: (Enters.) Hey.

MONICA: (Stops and says quietly: ) Hey.

CHANDLER: I’ve got to get to work in about ten minutes but I thought I should come over here and see what’s going on.

MONICA: Well I thought about it.

CHANDLER: And?

MONICA: I don’t think I can just ignore it.

CHANDLER: (Goes over to Monica and manages to kiss her quickly on the mouth before she pulls away.)

MONICA: But I need to know how you feel first.

CHANDLER: What do you mean?

MONICA: If we’re going to risk our friendship for this I need to know you feel about that.

CHANDLER: Still unclear.

MONICA: Do you have doubts, do you think this would be a serious relationship or a fling, are sexually attracted to me but not mentally attracted to me, are you both, do you think we should just tell everyone, are we going to date, and what if we break up?

CHANDLER: I- I don’t know.

MONICA: That’s not good enough.

CHANDLER: Look, I can’t just provide the answers. I don’t know everything!

MONICA: No, but you could at least tell me what you’re feeling!

CHANDLER: Feeling? Thanks to you I’m feeling confused!

MONICA: Then this isn’t going to work.

CHANDLER: OK, I’m leaving now. (He grabs his briefcase and opens the door.)

PHOEBE: (Is standing there when Chandler opens the door.) What were you guys fighting about? I heard shouting.

CHANDLER: Nothing major.

MONICA: Nothing important.

PHOEBE: All right then. (Begins to walk in.)

CHANDLER: (Grabs Phoebe’s arm.) Phoebe could you set me up with that girl you were talking about earlier?

PHOEBE: Kristen?

CHANDLER: (Nods.)

PHOEBE: Sure, what made you change your mind?

CHANDLER: (Glares at Monica.) The thought of being alone . . . or in a bad relationship.

MONICA: (Glares at Chandler.)

SCENE J:

(It’s the girl’s apartment. Phoebe’s at the table and Monica’s chopping carrots in the kitchen.)

RACHEL: (Comes out of her room.) So Phoebe, what do the higher beings have to say about this dress?

PHOEBE: (Closing her eyes and humming.) They say, it brings out your eyes.

RACHEL: Eyes, now that’s interesting. I’m going to put this in the “maybe” pile.

MONICA: Oh, come on Rachel. Don’t you think your being just a little silly?

RACHEL: Hey Phoebe was right about this morning, I’m trusting her for tonight too.

MONICA: What was she so right about? That whole rejection card thing. I didn’t get it, he accepted your offer.

RACHEL: Yeah, I didn’t get it either until Phoebe explained that the rejection was of him not going on the date with me, therefore making it equal to the accepting of him going on the date with me. See?

Monica: (Giving Rachel a weird look, she says sarcastically: ) Yeah, sure.

RACHEL: (Not catching the sarcasm.) I told you so!