By Alyssa Vergara (a.k.a. Joya_Preciosa)
(Itís Central Perk.† Itís around noon.† Monica and Rachel are sitting at the counter drinking their coffee.† Chandler and Kristen are sitting down on the couch.† Chandler has his arm around her.)
MONICA:† (Watching them with resentment.)
RACHEL:† Monica, will you just stop it?!
MONICA:† (Turns to Rachel.)† What?
RACHEL:† Staring at Kristen like youíd want her to explode or something!
MONICA:† Iím not . . . doing that.
RACHEL:† All right, come on, now what is your problem with her?
MONICA:† I donít have a problem with her.
RACHEL:† Then how come we canít go say hi to them?
MONICA:† But I donít want to- um- I donít really feel like talking.
RACHEL:† So you feel like killing?
MONICA:† No, of course not.† (She turns back to watching Chandler and Kristen.)
CHANDLER:† Wow, I canít believe you did that!
KRISTEN:† Why not?† Streaking didnít just end in the Ď70s you know.† All I can say is, I got in.
CHANDLER:† The worst pledge I had to for my fraternity was toilet paper the Professor Lowingstonís car.
KRISTEN:† Well, that is quite an accomplishment.
CHANDLER:† Not so much as you.† Although I was once stuck in a bathroom stall wearing nothing but a pair of womanís panties.
CHANDLER:† (Serious.)† Iím not kidding.
KRISTEN:† Why donít we do something fun then?† Some thing really stupid thatíll probably get us arrested!
CHANDLER: †Maybe because I donít want to go to prison.
KRISTEN:† What if I came with you?
CHANDLER:† Well that changes everything.† (Leans over and kisses her.)
MONICA:† (She says this exactly like Rachel did in THE ONE WITH PHOEBEíS HUSBAND.)† Ooo, Kristenís so great.† Kristenís so special.
RACHEL:† De javu.
MONICA:† (Turns to Rachel.)† Huh?
(Itís the girlsí apartment.† Joeyís sitting at the bar and Phoebeís standing by the bar in the kitchen.† There are ten pints of ice cream sitting on the counter.† All of them have been opened except for three.† Thereís a big bowl full of ice cream in the center.)
PHOEBE:† I really donít feel like it.† My stomach is starting to ache.
JOEY:† I liked it.† Go ahead try it.
PHOEBE:† (Leans over and dips a spoon into the ice cream and then tastes it.)† Interesting.
(Rachel and Monica enter.)
RACHEL:† What are you guys doing?
JOEY:† What does it look like?
PHOEBE:† Weíre mixing ice cream flavors, duh.
RACHEL:† All right, calm down.
MONICA:† Just make sure you donít spill.† (Turns to set her keys on the table.)
JOEY:† Donít worry.† It wonít happen again.
MONICA:† (Turns around quickly.)† Again!† (She begins to scan the floor.)
PHOEBE:† Joey, when are you going to learn?!
JOEY:† Uh, oh.
RACHEL:† Monica, relax.† I donít see a stain anywhere.
JOEY:† Well, thatís after we cleaned it up.† You should have seen it before!
MONICA:† (Looks up and her eyes widen angrily.)
PHOEBE:† (To Joey.)† You know youíre really not helping.
MONICA:† OK, thatís it!† Ice cream has to go!† And from now on, if you ever want to do that again youíre going to have to go do it in your own apartments!† My apartment is not a place for . . . for . . . slob hogs!
RACHEL:† Slob hogs?
MONICA:† Trust me on that one.
PHOEBE:† Are you calling us slob hugs because I donít like the tone of your voice young lady?!
MONICA:† Well maybe if you were a little more responsible-
PHOEBE:† (Cutting Monica off.)† Responsible!† Back in my day we didnít talk to our elders that way!
MONICA:† By a couple of months!† And who do you think you are lecturing me Phoebe?† Iíll tell you this, you are one of the most irresponsible, unpredictable, frivolous-
JOEY:† (Interrupting.)† Frivolous!† Now I donít mean to butt in on your conversation Mom but what the hell does that mean?
MONICA:† What do you mean Mom?
PHOEBE:† What does it sound like?
JOEY:† Maybe like you too.† (Mimicking Phoebe.)† ďBack in my day we didnít talk to our elders that way.Ē
PHOEBE:† Well she started it!
RACHEL:† Relax guys.† Monicaís just a little fed up because she hates Kristen.
MONICA:† Rachel!† You know thatís not true!
JOEY:† Yeah, Iíve kind of been wanting to ask you about that Mon.
PHOEBE:† Why donít you like her?
MONICA:† I . . . (Grimaces.)† like her just fine.
RACHEL:† Well you should!† Sheís so funny and cool.
PHOEBE:† And really nice.
JOEY:† And she has got the hottest-
MONICA:† (Cutting Joey off.)† All right, stop it!† I canít take any more of-† (Realizes.)† you guys saying that I hate that wonderful person.
RACHEL:† Well, um.† Answer this Mon.† (Takes a few steps closer to Monica.)† Why is that ever since Chandlerís been dating her youíve been avoiding him?
MONICA:† (Gets a really nervous look on her face.)† I- I donít know what youíre talking about.
JOEY:† Thatís right.† Itís been like three weeks and I havenít even seen you speak to him.
PHOEBE:† Itís one thing to dislike Kristen for no reason but itís totally another to punish Chandler for it!
RACHEL:† Now I agree.
(All three stare disapprovingly at Monica.)
MONICA:† OK, if thatís the way you want it.† Fine!† Iím going to see Chandler and- (swallows hard) Kristen.
(Storms out and slams the door.† She goes through the hallway and knocks on Chandlerís door.)
CHANDLER:† (Opens the door and seems surprised and worried when he sees Monica there.)† (Softly he says: )† Hey.
MONICA:† Oh, will you stop with all the sensitive crap already!† Iím not some one to be pitied!
KRISTEN:† (Coming from behind Chandler.)† Whatís going on?
MONICA:† I just came to um- hang out.
CHANDLER:† (Confused.)† Really?
KRISTEN:† Great!† (Grabs Monicaís hand and pulls her in.)† Weíre watching Halloween!
MONICA:† (Turns to Chandler, in disbelief.)† Youíre watching Halloween?
CHANDLER:† (Timidly.)† Yeah.
MONICA:† But Chandler you hate horror movies.† Youíre always saying how boring they are because they donít have any jokes in them.
CHANDLER:† Well I donít think I ever really gave them a chance.† There are some jokes and Kristen really enjoys them.
MONICA:† (Bitterly.)† Oh, she does.
KRISTEN:† (Plopping on the leather chair and setting a bowl of popcorn that was sitting it on her lap.)† Love them.† Even when I was like twelve I couldnít go for like a day without seeing some screaming actors running for their life!
MONICA:† Wow, thatís uh- thatís pretty scary.
KRISTEN:† Oh, donít worry.† Iím relatively harmless.
CHANDLER:† (Sits in the chair next to Kirsten.)† Well, I wouldnít say that.
KRISTEN:† (Grins and laughs.)
MONICA:† (Mutters.)† What have I gotten myself into?
MONICA:† (Plopping herself on the floor by Kristenís feet.)† So what scene have you guys gotten to?
(Itís the girlís apartment.† Living room.† Joey and Phoebe are watching cartoons- Looney Tunes to be exact.)
ROSS:† (Enters.)† Joey?
ROSS:† Weíve got a problem.
JOEY:† What is it?
ROSS:† Well remember that about a week and a half ago with that whole Susan confusion thing happened and you and I went out and we all got kind off drunk and you toilet papered that guyís car windows and I . . . let you?
JOEY:† Yeah, so?
PHOEBE:† (Interrupting Ross.)† Guys are so immature.
ROSS:† Phoebs, the other day I saw a Barbie doll and a Big Bird stuffed animal inside that big purse of yours.
PHOEBE:† Well uh, uh - men donít have cramps, ha!
PHOEBE:† The toys help my cramps.
JOEY:† Uh, Phoebs, howís that again?
PHOEBE:† Well Iím sorry but if you donít know then I canít help you.
JOEY:† (Looks confused.)
ROSS:† Anyway someone reported it.
JOEY:† Are you serious?
ROSS:† And not only that they listed me down as an accomplice!
PHOEBE:† How do you know?
ROSS:† I got a call just a little while ago.† They want to meet with me or something.† They just want to check with the witness if I was the person because all they have now are physical descriptions of me.† Maybe they left one on the girlsí machine too.† This being the last reported phone number for you guys.
JOEY:† (Nervous.)† This is, this is scary!† Ross man what are we going to do?
ROSS:† We?† Youíre the one who did it!
JOEY:† Hey but you didnít stop me!
ROSS:† Hey, I was partly intoxicated.† Iím blameless.
JOEY:† Well then so am I.
ROSS:† You want to just ignore the message and hope it goes away?
JOEY:† Yeah OK.
PHOEBE:† You guys, that isnít the way to solve this problem.† You obviously are both to blame for getting drunk in the first place!
JOEY+ROSS:† (Hang their heads in shame.)
PHOEBE:† Donít you love it when Iím right?
(Itís the guysí apartment.† Chandler, Monica, and Kirsten have just finished the movie.)
KRISTEN:† (Takes the remote and shuts the TV off.)† You know it was really great seeing you Monica.† We never get a chance to talk.
CHANDLER:† (Looks uncomfortable.)
MONICA:† Yeah, I know.† None of the other guys except for Phoebe have either.
CHANDLER:† (Looks surprised.)
MONICA:† (Mischievous.)† Why donít we all have dinner tonight?
CHANDLER:† (In total shock.)
KRISTEN:† Really?† That would be great!
MONICA:† It would, wouldnít it?† I mean we could just talk and get to know each other.† And Iíd love to hear about you and Chandler.† (Eyes Chandler.)
CHANDLER:† (Seems to have drifted off into his own world of ďthis isnít happening.Ē)
KRISTEN:† OK.† Where should we go?
MONICA:† Well, where did you and Chandler go on your first dinner date?
MONICA:† Brooks it is!† Itíll set the mood. †What do you say, seven thirty?
CHANDLER:† (Stares at Monica in disbelief.)
KRISTEN:† Oh, this will be so much fun!† (Looks at her watch.)† Iíve got to go because Iím late for a pottery class.† (Leans over and kisses the ďstill recovering from shockĒ Chandler.)
KRISTEN:† Bye!† (She exits.)
CHANDLER:† (Turning to Monica.)† What- why- how come you . . .
MONICA:† While your trying to figure that sentence out, Iíll go tell the guys.† (Gets up and makes her way to the door.)
CHANDLER:† I- I- Monica!
MONICA:† (Turns around.)† Yes?
CHANDLER:† What the hell was that?
CHANDLER:† You inviting Kristen to have dinner with all of us?!
MONICA:† You donít think it would be nice?† I think it would be great.† We always all have dinner when one of us begins to date.
CHANDLER:† Not when two of us are in the situation that we are in!
MONICA:† (Crosses her arms.)† And what situation would that be?
CHANDLER:† Iím not in the mood for some stupid joke Monica.
MONICA:† Well thatís a first!
CHANDLER: †You know how uncomfortable I will be tonight with you there!
MONICA:† So you donít want me to come?
CHANDLER:† Thatís not what I said.
MONICA:† Then what did you say?
CHANDLER:† Why are you doing this?
MONICA:† Doing what?
CHANDLER:† I thought we made each other uncomfortable because of whatís happened between us.
MONICA:† Oh, come on Chandler!† That was weeks ago.† We both agreed it didnít mean anything.† I thought we were past it.
CHANDLER:† What do you mean it didnít mean anything? †We never agreed to that!
MONICA:† Well I thought you said it quite clear when you slept with her.
CHANDLER:† (At a loss for words.)
MONICA:† So Iíll see you tonight.† (Opens the door and then turns around.)† Oh yeah.† By the way, Rachel and I are really tired of living in that small apartment thatís across the hall.† Weíre just going to move back here, you know, switch back.† Weíd like you and Joey to start packing right away, sound good?† (Closes the door.)†
CHANDLER:† (Looks dumbfounded.)
MONICA:† (We then see her sighing regretfully and putting her hand on her forehead.†
She walks over to the girlsí apartment and opens the door and closes it behind her.)† (With fake enthusiasm, she says:† )† Hey guys, guess what?† Oh good, Ross youíre here.† Whereís Rachel?
PHOEBE:† In her room.
MONICA:† Well go get her.† You all need to be here.
PHOEBE:† For what?
MONICA:† Youíll never know until you get her.
PHOEBE:† (Shrugs.)† OK.† (Yells loudly.)† RACHEL!
RACHEL:† (Opens the door, frowning.)† What was that?
PHOEBE: †(Proudly.)† Me.
RACHEL:† Well what is it?
PHOEBE:† Monicaís got some big important news.
MONICA:† OK, everyone.† Tonight we are all having dinner at Brooks with Kristen and Chandler!
JOEY:† Is it expensive?
PHOEBE:† But I thought you hated Kristen.
ROSS:† She hates Kristen?
MONICA:† I do not hate Kristen, OK!† Iíve just been a little moody lately.
RACHEL:† Well I thought the moods were from a guy.
PHOEBE:† Me too, until that whole Kristen thing came up.
MONICA:† What Kristen thing?!† There is no thing!† Iím fine with her.† If I hated her I wouldnít be having dinner with her now would I?
RACHEL:† Well, it looks like somebodyís a little moody.
MONICA:† Have you even been listening to me?
JOEY:† Well how come youíre so moody?
MONICA:† Oh, you know . . . (pauses to think) cramps.
ROSS:† (To Joey.)† Is that a womanís excuse to everything?
JOEY:† Yeah, but with Monica it makes a lot more sense.
(Itís the guysí apartment.† There are large cardboard boxes sitting next to the door and around the apartment. Joeyís fastening a tie while Chandlerís putting on a jacket.)
JOEY:† So explain it to me.† Why do we have to move out again?
CHANDLER:† (Mutters bitterly.) Because Monicaís-† (Pauses and raises his voice.)† Because when we made that bet we made it on a time frame.† We got to keep this apartment for a little while and then we had to switch back, remember?
JOEY:† (Uncertain but covering it up.)† Uh, yeah sure.
KRISTEN:† (Enters.)† Hey I just ran into Phoebe in the hall.† This is going to be fun donít you think?† (Notices the boxes.)† What are those for?
CHANDLER:† Weíre moving out.
KRISTEN:† What?† Wait, to where?
CHANDLER:† Across the hall.
CHANDLER:† Well this was Monica and Rachelís place before it was ours and now weíre switching back.
KRISTEN:† Iím still confused.
JOEY:† (Mutters.)† So am I.
CHANDLER:† (To Joey.)† Weíve been over it at least ten times!† Would you like me to write it down for you?
JOEY:† Wow, I guess someoneís a little moody.
KRISTEN:† (Goes over to Chandler and says worryingly: )† Honey are you OK?
CHANDLER:† Iím sorry.† Iím fine itís just . . .
JOEY:† (Knowingly.)† Cramps.
† SCENE F:
(Itís the girlsí apartment; the living room.† Rachelís in the kitchen drinking a glass of water.)
RACHEL:† (Calls.)† Monica honey, you better hurry up or weíre going to be late!
MONICA:† (Comes out of her room.† Sheís wearing a very, very, very tiny black dress with a very low neckline and an extremely short skirt and high heels.)† Ready.
RACHEL:† Oh my gosh! Monica what are you wearing?!
MONICA:† You like it?
RACHEL:† Yeah, but um, isnít it a little well very um, slutty?
MONICA:† Probably, but I was going for that.† Are the other guys here yet?
RACHEL:† No.† Where did you get it?
RACHEL:† The dress.
MONICA:† Well, I just hemmed it and lowered the neckline a little.
MONICA:† Oh what, what?!† I canít look sexy at least for one night?
PHOEBE:† (Enters.)† Hey guys, oh my gosh!
PHOEBE:† Monica, what- why?† You look so . . . so . . .
MONICA:† Yeah, I like it too.
ROSS:† (Enters.)†† Iíve made the reservations and- oh my gosh!
MONICA:† OK, Iím beginning to sense a pattern here.
ROSS:† Monica, are you- are you crazy?† Go put something over that!
MONICA:† Over what?
ROSS: †That- that thing youíre wearing!
ROSS:† You look- you look like- guys are going to be looking, to be looking at you!
ROSS:† So!† So!† Is that all you can say.
MONICA:† Pretty much.
(The door opens and Chandler, Joey, and Kristen enter.)
CHANDLER/JOEY:† (Take one look at Monica and their mouths drop open.)
KRISTEN:† (Stares, surprised at first.† Then smiles.)† Hey guys!† Monica you look gorgeous!† Very sexy!
MONICA:† Thanks Kristen.
(A moment of silence.)
KRISTEN:† Well, shouldnít we get going?
RACHEL/MONICA/ROSS/PHOEBE:† Yeah, of course, I guess, OK.
JOEY+CHANDLER:† (Still staring at Monica as she makes her way to the door.)
RACHEL:† Um, guys, hello?
JOEY:† Sorry what?
RACHEL:† Weíre leaving.
(Itís the Brooks Restaurant.† The gang (and Kristen) are sitting at a round table.† Kristenís sitting next to Chandler, Chandlerís next to Rachel, Rachelís next to Phoebe- even though Phoebe isnít there-, Phoebeís next to Ross, Ross is next to Joey, and Joey is next to Monica.)
ROSS:† (To Joey in a low voice.)† I just got another page.† Iím like getting beeped every five seconds.† Weíre going to go to jail.
JOEY:† (Whispers back.)† Well what if we went to another country or something?† Theyíd never find us in like . . . India, or-or Japan, or um . . . Washington!
ROSS:† Thatís insane.† What about Ben?†
JOEY:† (Still whispering.)† Heíd feel a lot better knowing his dad was in Japan than in prison with the- (swallows hard) bench pressers.
PHOEBE:† (Makes her way to the table and sits down in her seat.)† Rach, you have got to see the bathroom, it is so pretty!
RACHEL:† Thatís great Phoebe.
ROSS:† (Whispering excitedly to Joey.)† Now look at this!† Look at this! My childís future hangs in the balance because of you and you and your stupid ideas!
JOEY:† (Defensive and whispering loudly.)† Itís not like the ideas came naturally!† It was the alcohol!
PHOEBE:† (Leans over and whispers.)† First of all, it was a stupid idea to drink that much alcohol in the first place.
JOEY:† (Whispers excitedly.) That was Rossís thing!† He was just upset about the whole Susan and Carol thing and I had nothing to do with it besides the fact that I was the one he was complaining to!† No wonder I drank so much!† It was like two hours of whining and-
ROSS:† (Cutting Joey off.† He whispers loudly.)† Hey, I am not whiny OK!
RACHEL:† What are you guys talking about?
ROSS/JOEY:† (In unison.)† Nothing!
(Itís still the restaurant and the gang is still sitting down.)
KRISTEN:† (To Rachel.)† So how come that Joshua guy you mentioned couldnít come tonight?
RACHEL:† I donít know.† Some work thing . . . you know I think weíre going to break up.
MONICA:† What are you talking about?† After all you went through to get him?
RACHEL:† Well he seems to have a problem with the idea of sleeping with me?!† I canít take it anymore!
JOEY:† (Clears this throat.)† Well todayís your lucky day Rach!† I feel obligated to help you out here.
JOEY:† Fine, sure.† (To Monica.)† Now what about you?† (Sets his hand on Monicaís shoulder.)
CHANDLER:† (Frowns at this.)
MONICA:† (Makes a face at Joey.)
RACHEL:† So Kristen, what do you like to do?
KRISTEN:† Pretty much everything.† Iíve had so many hobbies and I canít even remember them all anymore.† I think I told Chandler about all of them I could remember and he counted- about what thirty-something?† (Turning to Chandler.)
CHANDLER:† (Staring at Monica.)
MONICA:† (Staring at her plate.)
CHANDLER:† (Still staring at Monica.)
CHANDLER:† (Still staring at Monica.)
KRISTEN:† (Smacks Chandlerís arm.)
CHANDLER:† Ow!† What was that for?
KRISTEN:† (Angry.)† What is wrong with you?† Youíve been acting weird all night!
(The rest of the gang looks uncomfortable.)
MONICA:† (Looks worried.)
CHANDLER:† (Has an awkward look on his face.)† (Lowers his voice.)† Look, Kristen, I donít think this is the time or the place to be-
KRISTEN:† (Cutting him off.)† Answer the question Chandler!
CHANDLER:† I, um, I . . .
KRISTEN:† You donít seem to get it do you?† This is really weird!† I mean weíre having dinner with your friends and you arenít even paying attention to me!† It seems like all night, I donít even know if Iím imagining it or not but youíve been staring at Monica!
MONICA:† (Her eyes widen and she grimaces.)
(The rest of the gang turns to look at Monica.† They are surprised and confused.)
CHANDLER:† (Nervously, he clears his throat.)† Youíre imagining it.†
KRISTEN:† (Frowns and gets up.)
CHANDLER:† (Gets up quickly.)† Donít go!† Look, Iím sorry OK?† I didnít mean to make you feel like you werenít having a good time.† Iím sorry and I promise itíll never happen again.
MONICA:† (Looks hurt.)
KRISTEN:† (Her face grows softer.)† Me too.† That was really stupid, embarrassing you like that in front of your friends.† (She sits back down.)
CHANDLER:† (Sits back down too.)
KRISTEN:† So what were we talking about?
ROSS:† Something about numbers.
(Itís still the restaurant.† Maybe an hour later . . .† Chandlerís laying down a tip.)
CHANDLER:† Anybody got a dollar Iím a little short.
PHOEBE:† (Reaches into her purse and pulls out a buck.)† Here you go.
CHANDLER:† (Takes it and begins to set it down on the table but the lifts it up so he can get a closer look.)† Phoebs?
CHANDLER:† Is there any reason in particular that you colored George Washington purple?
JOEY:† That canít be a good reason.
PHOEBE:† Just trying to brighten things up.
KRISTEN:† Iíve got to get going.
CHANDLER:† (To Kristen.)† You donít want to stay over at my place tonight?
KRISTEN:† I would but I really donít need all that mess tonight.† Iím actually kind of sleepy too.† You could come to my place if you want.
KRISTEN:† Yeah, about the whole thing with Chandler and Joey trading apartments with you and Rachel.† There are a bunch of cardboard boxes all over the place.
MONICA:† (Looks surprised.)
RACHEL:† Weíre moving back!† Oh my gosh, Monica why didnít you tell me?!† How . . . Why!?† Oh this is just so great!
JOEY:† Not for me.
RACHEL:† Donít spoil it Joey.
KRISTEN:† (To Chandler.)† So do you want to come over tonight?
CHANDLER:† (Eyes Monica.)† No, if I come tonight Iíll probably end up sleeping late and missing work again so . . .
KRISTEN:† OK.† (Gets up and leans over and kisses Chandler quickly on the mouth.)† Bye everyone!
KRISTEN:† (Waves and makes her way out of the restaurant.)
RACHEL:† So lets go catch a ride home guys.† (She gets up.)
CHANDLER+JOEY+PHOEBE+MONICA+ROSS:† (Get up and make their way outside the restaurant.)
(They are now all outside Brooks restaurant.)
CHANDLER:† Taxi!† (A taxi pulls up.)† You know guys I think thereís only room for three of us in here.
MONICA:† You guys go.† Iíll catch the next one.
RACHEL+JOEY:† (Approach the taxi.)
PHOEBE:† (Grabs Joeyís arm.)† Wait!† I need Joey here for a sec.† Monica you go ahead.
MONICA:† (An uncomfortable tone of voice.)† Of course, sure.† (She gets into the cab.† Rachel gets in afterwards and then Chandler.)
(As they drive off Joey pokes Phoebe.)
JOEY:† What did you want to talk to me about?
PHOEBE:† Well not just you.† Also Ross.
ROSS:† (Interested.)† What is it Phoebs?
PHOEBE:† Iím the one who made that phone call and has been paging you all night.
JOEY/ROSS:† (In unison.)† What?
PHOEBE:† Yeah, uh-huh.† You see Joey couldnít keep his mouth shut about that ice cream spill and got me in trouble with Monica.† And you Ross, well- I just picked on you for no reason.
ROSS:† Phoebe!† Why would you do a thing like that?† That is so mean.† You had us all worried.
PHOEBE:† (Laughing.)† I still canít believe you actually thought the New York City police department would actually care about Joey toilet papering a guyís car windows.
PHOEBE:† (Shrugs.)† Iím having pregnancy problems.
ROSS:† What kind of problems?
PHOEBE:† The babies have- cramps.
JOEY:† How did you page us?
PHOEBE:† There is a public pay phone over there?† Didnít you guys notice I was going to the bathroom all the time?
JOEY:† I just thought it was because of all the ice cream .
(Itís the hallway.† Monica comes out of the girlsí/soon to be the guysí apartment at the exact moment that Chandler comes out of the guysí/soon to be the girlsí apartment.)
MONICA:† (Surprised.)† Hey.
MONICA:† What are you doing out here?
CHANDLER:† Coming to see you.
MONICA:† Yeah me too.† But um- not to see me, I was coming-, I was coming to see you.
CHANDLER:† What about?
MONICA:† I wanted to apologize.
CHANDLER:† I thought we agreed on no more apologies.
MONICA:† Iím serious.† First I plan this whole stupid dinner and then I throw that whole apartment thing at you . . .
CHANDLER:† And the dress.
MONICA:† Yeah I know.† I just feel so terrible about inviting you and Kristen to a dinner and deliberately trying to make you uncomfortable.
CHANDLER:† Yes, yes, but letís not forget the dress!
MONICA:† (Smiles.)† Do you forgive me?
CHANDLER:† Of course.
MONICA:† And you guys can keep the apartment if you want.
CHANDLER:† No, no.† Iíve already packed up some stuff and Rachelís all worked up.† You just take it.
MONICA:† Thank you.
(An awkward silence.)
CHANDLER:† Can I ask you why?
MONICA:† Why what?
CHANDLER:† Why all this?
MONICA:† What do you think?† I was hurt so I tried to hurt you.
MONICA:† Yeah, it was pretty terrible wasnít it?
CHANDLER:† Well I could deal with the apartment and even the awkward dinner but what really killed me was the dress.
MONICA:† OK, whatís wrong with the dress?
CHANDLER:† Did you even see yourself in the mirror?
MONICA:† Is that a compliment or an insult?
CHANDLER:† Compliment.† It killed Joey too.
CHANDLER:† So weíre OK?
MONICA:† I donít know.† We always seem to be but then we end up fighting again.
CHANDLER:† But weíre OK now right?
MONICA:† We are, but Iím not.
CHANDLER:† OK, now but what do you want me to do, huh?† Do you want me to break up with her?
MONICA:† (Crosses her arms.)† Yes.
CHANDLER:† (Surprised.)† Really?
MONICA:† But not for me.† No, no I couldnít live with myself if you dumped her for me.
CHANDLER:† (Jokingly.)† Oh, but you can live with yourself after tonight?
MONICA:† You said you forgave me.
CHANDLER:† Yeah, I did.
(A slight pause of silence.)
MONICA:† Iím going to go to bed now.
CHANDLER:† Yeah, right.
MONICA:† (Opens the door and says: )† Goodnight, Chandler.† (Closes the door.)
CHANDLER:† (To himself.)† Goodnight.
(Itís the guysí soon to be girlsí apartment.† Joeyís on the phone.)
JOEY:† So now what?
(Cut to Phoebeís apartment.)
PHOEBE:† I donít know.† Try dipping a cherry Popsicle into rocky road.
(Cut to Joey.)
JOEY:† That sounds gross!
(Cut to Phoebe.)
PHOEBE:† So does caviar!† I mean fish eggs, come on!† Youíve just got to get used to it.
(Cut to Joey.)
JOEY:† (Giving in.)† Yeah, OK.
CHANDLER:† (Comes out of his/soon to be Rachelís room.)† Itís one in the morning!† Could you quiet it down a bit!
(Cut to Joey.)
JOEY:† Dude, Iím talking to Phoebe!
CHANDLER:† I donít care if youíre talking to Heather Locklear!† Lower your voice!
†(Cut to Phoebe.)
PHOEBE:† Could you please tell Chandler that his voice is scaring the babies.
(Cut to Joey.)
JOEY:† Phoebe says your voice is scaring the babies.
(Cut to Phoebe.)
PHOEBE:† You might want to mention that the babies have cramps also.
(Cut to Joey.)
JOEY:† And the babies have cramps!