Written by:

Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me, but to Bright, Kauffman and Crane Productions and Warner Bros. Their use is not intended
for profit, only for entertainment.

CENTRAL PERK (Ross, Rachel, Joey and Phoebe are present)

Rachel: Has anyone heard from Monica or Chandler?

Ross/Joey/Phoebe: No.

Phoebe: When do they get back?

Rachel: Not until the end of the week.

Joey: What day is it today?

Phoebe: Duh, even a dumb monkey knows that today is the day after yesterday.

Rachel: It's Tuesday.

Joey (whining): Man I miss Chandler!

Phoebe: What, are you his love slave or something?

Ross: Come on Joey, it's not that bad. Plus it gives us the chance to hang out together. I know, there is this new exhibit opening at the
Museum of Modern Art this afternoon. What do you say we go check it out?

Joey: Art? Why would I want to see art? Take Rachel, like I would enjoy seeing art.

Rachel: I can't go, I have to go into work for inventory.

Ross: Fine Joey, you don't have to go. I guess I'll look at the paintings of naked women by myself.

Joey: There are naked women in these paintings?

Ross: Yes.

Joey: You didn't tell me that! What are we waiting for? Let's go! (Joey and Ross sprint out of Central Perk)

Rachel: At least we now know where Joey’s brain is located.


ART MUSEUM (Ross and Joey are looking at the paintings)

Joey: Hey Ross, check this one out.

Ross: Which one?

Joey: The one with the naked girl holding the apple with a snake covering her privates.

Ross: That's Eve.

Joey: You know her? Is she single? She's got a great rack.

Ross: No. No, that's a depiction of Eve eating the forbidden apple in the Garden of Eden.

Joey: The Garden of Eden? Where's that, New Jersey?

Ross: New Jersey? Aren't you Catholic?

Joey: Yeah, but how am I supposed to know where the Garden of Eden is? I thought it might be in New Jersey. It's the garden state after all.

Ross: The Garden of Eden is where Adam and Eve lived in the biblical story of creation.

Joey: The snake's name is Adam?

Ross: No, the snake is the devil.

Joey: Who's Adam then?

Ross (sarcastically): He's Eve's boyfriend.

Joey: Are they serious?

Ross: They're not even real people!

Joey: Well then how do you know her name?

CHANDLER & MONICA'S APARTMENT (Phoebe and Rachel are lounging around)

Phoebe: It was nice of Chandler and Monica to leave their door open while they're gone.

Rachel: They didn't Pheebs. I still have my key.

Phoebe: Oh. What do you wanna do?

Rachel: Wanna get naked?

Phoebe: Huh?

Rachel: Wanna oil each other up and roll around naked?

Phoebe: Together?

Rachel: Well it wouldn't be as exciting if I did it by myself.

Phoebe: You should try it sometime, it's fun. Did I say that out loud? But no, I don't.

Rachel (laughing): But Courteney said that you kiss so well.

Phoebe: No! I'm not a lesbian!

Rachel (laughing): She also said that you rocked her world.

Phoebe: God, you make out with another woman once and they label you a lesbian.

(Joey and Ross enter)

Joey: Hey Rach. Pheebs, how's the girlfriend?

Phoebe: I don't have a girlfriend!

Ross: So that girl you were making out with at the reception, you just do that occasionally?

Phoebe: Look, I was drunk. Like none of you have ever made a drunken mistake before. Married in Vegas (points to Ross and Rachel), runs
around the apartment building completely naked (points at Joey).

Ross: Ah Pheebs, I know you're probably not interested but I promised Carol and Susan that I pass on their message.

Phoebe: What is it?

Ross: Ah, they said that if you and Courteney are up for swapping partners, they'd be willing to participate.

Phoebe: Stop, stop it! I'm not a lesbian!

Ross/Joey/Rachel: Sorry Pheebs.

Rachel (to Phoebe): So I guess you don't want to roll around naked? (Phoebe glares at Rachel)

PHOEBE'S APARTMENT (Phoebe is meditating. There's a knock on her door)

Phoebe: Coming.

(Phoebe opens the door)

Phoebe: Courteney, what are you doing here?

Courteney: I have a problem. David kicked me out of our apartment. I made the mistake of telling him what happened between us at the
wedding reception.

Phoebe: Who's David?

Courteney: My boyfriend of three years. Actually he’s my ex-boyfriend now. He completely went insane when I told him. He was saying that
I'm a lesbian and that I like women more than I like men. Anyway, I need a place to stay and since we just moved here from Jersey, I don’t
really know anyone. Can I crash on your couch?

Phoebe: Sure. Actually you can sleep in Denise's old room. She just moved out. How long do you think you'll need to stay?

Courteney: I don't know, until I find a new place probably.

Phoebe: Why don’t you just live with me?

Courteney: Are you sure?

Phoebe: Sure, what are friends for?

Courteney: But we just met at the wedding.

Phoebe: So? Any friend of Chandler’s is a friend of mine. Come on, it’ll be fun! What’s David’s problem? Normally guys get really excited
when they hear of two attractive women making out.

Courteney: I think he's homophobic.

Phoebe: He’s gay?

Courteney: No, he’s afraid of them.

Phoebe: Oh. (pause) I have to know one thing though, you do know that it was a drunken mistake, right?

Courteney: Totally. Don’t you remember? It was a dare from your friend Joey.

Phoebe: Joey made us do that? I’m gonna kill that bastard!

Courteney: Don’t hurt him too bad, he’s so cute.

Phoebe: Getting over David rather quickly I see.

Courteney: What? I’m not allowed to say a guy’s cute? It’s not like I’m gonna act on it.

Phoebe: You must not know Joey very well.

CENTRAL PERK (Joey, Ross and Rachel are sitting on the couch)

Joey: When does Chandler get back?

Rachel: Joey for the last time, they get back on Friday.

Ross: Has anyone seen Phoebe? I feel really bad about teasing her before.

Rachel: You should feel bad.

Ross: As I recall, you’re the one who wanted to roll around naked with her.

Joey: Nice. (Rachel glares at Joey) Sorry.

(Phoebe and Courteney enter)

Phoebe: Hey guys, you remember Courteney from the wedding right?

Joey: How could I forget?

Phoebe: Joseph Tribbiani, you behave yourself.

Ross: Hi Courteney, it’s nice to see you again.

Rachel: Hey.

Phoebe: Courteney’s gonna be my new roommate!

Joey: Nice!

Phoebe: Joseph, if you say anything else you will die!

Joey: Sorry. So Courteney, how you doin?

Rachel (to Ross): He’s already started.

Ross (to Rachel): At least he lasted this long.

Courteney: Pretty good Joey. How you doin?

Joey: You need any help unpacking anything?

Courteney: That’s so sweet. Sure, I’d love a hand.

Phoebe: Courteney, if you’re not careful he’ll try to give you more than a hand.

(Carol, Susan, and Ben enter)

Carol: Hey guys!

Ross: Hey Carol, Susan. There’s my little boy!

Ben: Dad, I’m six years old. I’m not a little boy anymore, I’m a man.

Ross (to Carol): Has he been watching too much Seinfeld again?

Carol: Anyway, Susan and I have to be going. Oh hi Courteney, I didn’t see you there.

Susan: So Phoebe, have you given anymore thought to our offer?

Phoebe (loudly): We are not lesbians! (Everyone in Central Perk stares at Phoebe)

Susan: Ah Phoebe, I was talking about singing at our anniversary party.

Phoebe: Ok, I really have to stop drinking. You guys want me to sing at your anniversary party?

Carol: Yes. Don’t you remember? We talked about at Chandler and Monica’s wedding.

Phoebe: I don’t remember much from that wedding.

Joey: Don’t you remember making out with Courteney?

Phoebe: Shut up Joey. (to Susan) I’d be happy to sing at your party.

Susan: Great.

Carol: All right, we have to go. Be a good boy, I mean man, Ben.

Courteney: Well I better go unpack, I’ll see you guys later. (Courteney goes to leave)

Joey: Courteney wait, I’ll go with you. (Sees Ross and Rachel staring at him) What? She said she needed a hand.

(Joey and Courteney leave)

Phoebe: I think Joey just found his new girlfriend. I’d better go supervise those two.

(Phoebe leaves)

Ross: Well Rach, are you ready to take Ben to the movies?

Rachel: Yup.

Ben: We’re going to the movies Aunt Rachel?

Rachel: Yup, we’re going to see Rugrats In Paris.

Ross: You know son, pretty soon Aunt Rachel is going to be your step mom. (Cut to Rachel who looks like she’s a deer caught in headlights)

Gunther (from behind the counter): Not if I can help it!

Ben: I’m gonna have three moms?

Ross: Yeah kiddo, three moms.

Ben: Cool.

Ross (to Rachel): I told you he’d like the idea of having three moms.

JOEY’S APARTMENT (Joey and Ross are hanging out)

Joey: Ross, how did you know when Rachel was the one for you?

Ross: When I saw her in a two-piece bathing suit for the first time.

Joey: Was it a thong?

Ross: She was in the tenth grade, so no! Why are you asking me about this?

Joey: I think I found my soulmate.

Ross: Who?

Joey: Courteney.

Ross: Joey, you just met her. She just broke up with her boyfriend of three years.

Joey: So? After Rachel broke up with you, didn’t you always know that you’d end up together again?

Ross: I guess deep down, yeah I did.

Joey: It’s just that I was helping her unpack and I felt this strong connection to her. It was even stronger than the way I felt about Kate.

Ross: Dude, you’re scaring me. What did you do with the womanizing Joey who lives in this apartment?

Joey: I’m serious. For the first time in my life I’m actually scared of a woman.

(There’s a knock on the door)

Ross: Must be a stranger, everyone we know just barges in.

Joey: Come in.

(the door opens and its Courteney)

Courteney: Hey Ross. Ready for dinner Joey?

Joey: Yeah, I’ll be right there. Ross, could I talk to you over here for a minute?

Ross (unsure what Joey wants): Ok.

Joey: How do I not sleep with her on the first date?

Ross: What?

Joey: I always sleep with my dates on the first date. I can’t help myself, they love my special charm.

Ross: Well the easiest way is to not invite her back to your place.

Joey: It’s that simple?

Ross: Ah, yeah.

Joey: Great, thanks. (to Courteney) Ready?

ROSS & RACHEL’S APARTMENT (Ross and Rachel are lying in bed)

Rachel: Ben is so cute. Do you know what he said to me while you were hanging out with Joey?

Ross: What?

Rachel: He said that out of his three moms, I’m the hottest.

Ross: He said that? That kid is growing up so fast.

Rachel: Do you wanna make another one?

Ross: What? You can’t be serious?

Rachel: I’m not. I wanted to see your reaction.

Ross: You want kids right?

Rachel: And what if I didn’t? Would you still marry me?

Ross: Of course!

Rachel: What about the whole two kids, living in Scarsdale complaining about the taxes thing?

Ross: You remember that fight?

Rachel: How could I ever forget it? You had planned our whole life together after we’d only been dating for six weeks.

Ross: I love you, whether we have kids or not doesn’t really concern me at this point.

Rachel: You do know that I want to have kids with you right?

Ross: I do now. (Ross rolls over on top of Rachel and starts kissing her. Ben comes into the bedroom)

Ben: Ahem!

Rachel: Ross. Ross stop! You’re son is here.

Ross: Hi Ben, I was just showing Aunt Rachel how to do CPR. What’s up?

Ben: I can’t sleep.

Ross: How come?

Ben: What’s a lesbian? What did Aunt Phoebe mean when she said she wasn’t a lesbian?

Ross (to Rachel): Do you want to handle this one?

Rachel: I think you better.

PHOEBE & COURTENEY’S APARTMENT (Courteney and Joey are returning from their date)

Courteney: I had a really great time tonight.

Joey: So did I. Well I guess I’ll see you later. (Joey turns to leave)

Courteney: Joey?

Joey: Yeah?

Courteney: Aren’t you gonna kiss me goodnight?

Joey: Sorry. (Kisses Courteney)

Courteney: Do you wanna come in for some coffee or something?

Joey: I can’t.

Courteney: Why not?

Joey: ‘Cause coffee will lead to sex and I’m not allowed to sleep with you on the first date.

Courteney: What? You think I want to have sex with you tonight?

Joey: You don’t?

Courteney: No! I think you better go. Goodnight Joey. (Courteney goes into the apartment and leaves Joey standing in the hall).

Joey: Didn’t see that one coming.

ROSS & RACHEL’S APARTMENT (Ross is trying to explain what a lesbian is to Ben)

Ross: Ok Ben, a lesbian, a lesbian is someone who likes girls.

Ben: So you’re a lesbian?

Ross: No, no. I’m not a lesbian.

Ben: But you just said that a lesbian is someone who likes girls.

Ross: Rachel, could you come here please?

(Rachel enters)

Rachel (to Ross): What?

Ross: Could you help out here please?

Rachel: Ok. (long pause- Ross looks at her)

Ross: Well?

Rachel: Well what?

Ross: What is a lesbian?

Rachel (softly): You’re the one who married one. (Ross gives Rachel a look that could kill) Ok. Ben. Ben a lesbian is a girl who likes other

Ben: Oh. So all the girls in my class are lesbians?

Rachel: Ross?

Ross: Ok Ben. You know how you have two mommies?

Ben: Yeah.

Ross: Well your two mommies are people who love each other very much and share a special bond.

Ben: Huh?

Rachel: Ben, you know how your Dad and I kiss to show that we love each other (Ben nods his head) well a lesbian is someone who kisses
another girl to show the same thing.

Ben: So my mommies are lesbians?

Ross: Yes son, your mommies are lesbians.

Ben: Cool.

Rachel (to Ross): Joey and Chandler should not be allowed to babysit Ben anymore.

Ross: Do you understand Ben?

Ben: Yeah. Goodnight. (Ben returns to the spare bedroom)

Ross: Do you feel like a mom now?

Rachel: Yeah, and you know what? It doesn’t scare me anymore.

Ross: That’s ‘cause you’re the hottest mommy.

PHOEBE & COURTENEY’S APARTMENT (It’s 3 a.m. and Joey is standing out in the hall pounding on the door)

Joey: Courteney wake up! I have to talk to you!

(the door opens and it’s Phoebe)

Phoebe: Joey, if I open my eyes and you’re still here, I am going to kill you.

Joey (pushes Phoebe aside): Where’s Courteney?

Phoebe: She’s sleeping jackass!

Joey: I have to talk to her. I screwed up Phoebe. I have to make things right.

Phoebe: I told you that you’re womanizing ways would bite you in the behind someday.

Joey: You never said that!

Phoebe: Uh huh!

(Courteney appears from her room)

Courteney: Phoebe, I’ll talk to Joey, go to bed.

Phoebe: Goodnight. (to Joey) Don’t screw this up.

Joey: I’m sorry Courteney, I just couldn’t sleep. Not with you mad at me.

Courteney: Why are you here?

Joey: I really like you and I don’t want you to hate me.

Courteney: Then don’t tell women that you expect sex on the first date.

Joey: That’s the problem, I don’t. They just volunteer.

Courteney: What?

Joey: That didn’t come out right. Anyway, I didn’t want to sleep with you either. I wanted to develop a relationship with you first.

Courteney: What?

Joey: You must be tired, you keep saying what. Look, I have never met anyone like you before, you’re so, so….

Courteney: Looks like I’m not the only one who’s tired.

Joey: I just like you a lot.

Courteney: I like you too.

Joey: Really?

Courteney: Yeah, no guy would ever come crawling back like you did tonight. I like that you admitted your mistake. Look I’m really tired,
can we talk some more later?

Joey: Yeah, thanks for hearing me out. I’ll see you later.

Courteney: Do you wanna spend the night with me?

Joey: Ah….

Courteney: Don’t worry, there will be no sex.

Joey: That would be a first. Damn it, I can’t believe I said that out loud.

Courteney: Well?

Joey: Sounds great.


ROSS & RACHEL’S APARTMENT (the next morning. Carol and Susan have come to pick up Ben)

Ross: Hey Carol, Susan.

Carol: Where’s Ben?

Ross: He’s making his bed with Rachel.

Susan: I see Rachel is practicing to be a mom.

Ross: Pretty scary huh?

Carol: Rachel’s gonna be a great mom someday.

Ross: Yeah.

(Rachel and Ben enter)

Rachel: Hi Susan, Carol.

Carol/Susan: Hi Rachel.

Carol: Did you have fun Ben?

Ben: You betcha you lesbian!

Ross: Ah, Carol, Susan, can I talk to you for a minute?