The One With The Mixed Tape

( You caught me I'm a fanfiction virgin, so please be tolerant. Ha ha. I mostly didn't like TOW The Unagi so I'm rewriting it but I couldn't call it TOW The Unagi because it would not make sense. I did like something's in the real one so i'll use a few from it. Please give me feedback.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross, Chandler, and Phoebe are there. Joey is working.]
Ro(ss): Hey, remember when I had a monkey?
C(handler): Yeah.
Ro: Yeah, what, what was I thinking?
J(oey): (he's just picked up their bill) Hey! So, what's with the 20 percent tip? Did I do something wrong?
C: Twenty percent is a pretty generous tip Joe.
J: Y'know what's more generous than that?! Fifty percent! Y'know what's even more generous than that?!!
C: I see where you're goin'!
Ro: What's up with the greed Joe?
J: All right, look I'm sorry you guys, but it's just that I gotta get these new head shots made. And they're really expensive, y'know? I'm down to like three! Well, actually two 'cause one of 'em I kinda blackened in some teeth. Why did I do that?! (Hits himself in the head.)
Ro: Well isn't there something you can do to earn a little extra money? I mean, can't-can't you pick up, I don't know, an extra shift here?
P(hoebe): Or, y'know, I used to beg for money. Of course it helps if you've got y'know a little of this (she sticks her chest out and shakes it) goin' on. Wow! I still have it!
Ro: Oh, wait! Wait! Don't you have an audition today? Yeah! Maybe you'll get that job!
J: Oh, ha-ha-ha! Ooh! Wait a minute, I used to get medical experiments down on me all the time!
C: (reminiscing) Ah, finally an explanation.
J: No-no! I used to get paid for all kinds of medical stuff, remember? Let's see uh, well I don't want to donate sperm again. I really prefer doing that at the home office y'know?  Ooh-ooh, maybe they want like some of my blood or-or spit or something, huh?
C: Okay, look I need your help, I don't know what to get Monica for Valentine's Day.
P: Well, Valentine's Day was like two weeks ago, so I wouldn't get her a calendar!
C: (laughs) She was working on Valentine's Day so we're celebrating it tonight.
J: Ohh, hey! Crotchless panties.
C: Well appealing as that does sound to her boyfriend (pause) and her brother, (the camera pans to Ross flashing Joey a very evil look; Joey gets scared) I can't do that we promised we'd make each other gifts this year.
P: Aw, I love that.
J: You can't make crotchless panties? You take, you take a pair of scissors and you just cut.
P: (interrupting him) Okay-okay-okay! So, making things. That sounds like so much fun.
C: Yeah, I thought so to until I paper mached one of my eyes shut.
P: Oh, I love paper mache! What did you make?
C: I made a ... (Does one of those gibberish words.)
P: What is that?
C: Nothing!
Ro: So what are you gonna do?
C: Well, have you guys made anything that maybe I can take credit for?
P: Ohh! I have! I have! I started making these little sock bunnies! (She takes out a sock that's been made into a bunny with eyes, nose, mouth, whiskers, and two other socks sown onto it for ears.) Oh for crying out loud!
C: Yeah okay
Gunther: (approaching with a tray with an order on it) Joey!
J: Yeah?
Gunther: What did I tell you about talking to your friends while you're working?
J: Uhh do it?
Gunther: That guy (points) has been waiting for his coffee for ten minutes! He's complained about you three times! (He hands the coffee cup to Joey, assuming that Joey will deliver it and walks away.)
J: Well, where was I? (Takes a sip of the coffee.)
Opening Credits
[ Scene M&C's apt. Ra, Ro, C, and M are there]
M(onica): Ok I'm going to work, oh Chandler do not forget to call the plumber we have to get the sink fixed its driving me nuts.
Ra: What's wrong with the sink?
C: One of the pipes is messed up and the water wont run
Ra: Well why don't you just fix it your self?
Ro: Same reason you don't because he can't
Ra: Excuse me but I can fix a sink.
Everyone laughs
Ra: What you don't think I can?
Ra: Oh yeah you wanna put your money where your mouth is?
Ro: Ok I bet you 20 bucks you can't fix that sink.
Ra: Your on. Monica I am going to fix your sink and Ross is going to tell me how!
(Ra then storms out)
C: I wonder if they sell flood insurance for apartments
[ Cut to Medical Research Office Joey comes in]
Scene: A Medical Research Office, Joey is there to sign up for an experiment, any experiment.]
J: (to the receptionist) Hi uh, I'm Joey Tribbiani and with all do respect I'd like to donate some fluids.
Receptionist: We're actually at the end of one of our research cycles, so we're not looking for applicants right now.
J: Oh that's too bad. I've kinda been saving up. (She just looks at him in horror.) Uh, are you sure there's no studies I can participate in?
Receptionist: Well, here's a schedule of what's coming up. (Hands it to him.)
J: Thanks. (Starts to read it.) Well but this one starts now. (Points to one.)
Receptionist: Oh that one is available now, but only identical twins are eligible. It's a twins study.
J: But it's $2,000.
Receptionist: Sorry.
J: Well how about this one? Testing the effects of Joey Tribbiani on attractive nurse receptionists.
Receptionist: We already got the results back on that on, and they're not good. (Joey beats a hasty retreat.)
Commercial Break
[ Cut to Cole-Geddes Casting Agency, Joey is there on his audition and thinking about that 2,000 bucks for the twins study.]
Joey: (in his head) 2,000 bucks is a lot of money. Oh, I wish I had a twin. Where could I find someone who looks exactly like me? (The camera widens its shot to reveal a room full of Joey look-a-likes. Joey looks at the guy next to him and then back at his script.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's bedroom, he's still trying to figure out what to make Monica.]
Chandler: Okay. Okay. (He goes to the closet, moves the clothes out of the way, and notices an empty hanger. He takes the empty hanger and bends it all out of shape. Then he holds it out as if he's giving it to her.) Yes honey, I made it myself. (He throws it down and goes to her chest, grabs something, goes to the bed table, and takes out a pair of scissors. He turns around and holds the scissors to the crotch of the panties he just removed.) I can't do it. I can't do it. (He throws them both down and continues looking. He opens another closet door and finds a tape.) Oh! Oh! A mixed tape! A mixed tape!! (He runs out into the living room)
[Cut to living room, the door opens and in walks in a Joey look-a-like.]
Joey's Look-A-Like:  Hey Chann! (He goes to the fridge) Just gettin' a soda! (Does so.)
C: Who are you?!
Joey's Look-A-Like: I'm Joey! How are you doin'?!
J: (entering) No! No! No! No! No! How you doin'?! How you doin'! Damnit Carl! Go wait in the hall! (Carl goes into the hall.)
J: Look, I got to apologize on the behalf of Carl.
C: Who the hell is Carl?!
J: Oh, did I not mention? Carl is a guy I hired to be my identical twin for a medical research project.
C: Y'know sometimes the good ideas are just right in front of you, aren't they?
J: Okay, I know it sounds crazy, but I think it might work. Y'know? The only problem is, Carl's acting is, (Does the international hand symbol for so-so.)
C: The only problem!
J: Yeah, he's the reason I didn't get that big Minute Maid commercial a couple of years ago remember? We were supposed to be brothers, but he messed it up.
[Scene Central PARK not perk. It is night you see a blanket with food, candles and wine. Monica is leading Chandler to it Chandler is blind folded]
M: Okayyy just a little further, vah la (tales off the blindfold), happy Valentines Day
C: Wow this is great! ( both sit down)
M: Yeah so ready to exchange gifts?
C: (nervous) Okay
Monica hands Chandler his gift. Chandler opens it, it is a sweater.
C: Wow its it has a tag
M: Dammit! I'm sorry I couldn't think of anything to make you and I knew you liked this so....I'm sorry anyway let me see what you made me
C:(takes out tape) This, this, this is a mixed tape of romantic songs
M: Oh that is so great!
C:(relieved) Yeah too bad we don't have anything to listen to it on
M: Actually I have my walk-man in my purse if we turn it up to full blast we won't have to use the headphones (Monica takes out her walk-man and puts the tape in. Monica pushes play and The Way You Look Tonight starts to play.)
Monica: The Way You Look Tonight is on here! I love that song You are just the sweetest. (They kiss.)
(Suddenly, a strange and familiar voice comes out of the tape player. Here's a hint, OH-MY-GAWD!! That's right, it's Janice!)
Janice: I love the way you look every night Chandler! (Monica breaks the kiss and Chandler freezes in terror.) That's why I made you this tape! Happy Birthday! Love Janice!
Chandler: No! You're the sweetest! (He tries to kiss her but Monica has a look that could kill on her face.)
[Scene M&C's Ross and Rachel are there wearing old clothes ready to fix the sink]
Ra: Ok here read from this book as I work  (hands a book to Ross and crawls under the sink so only her legs are sticking out)
I know nothing about plumbing so Ross just reads instructions from the book
Ra:(from under sink {US}) Oh, Ross this is kind of a four handed job can you give me a hand? ( Ross crawls under the sink)
Ra: (US) Okay so hold this and I'll do this
Ro: (US) No Rachel you turn it clockwise
Ra: (US) What do mean turn it clockwise? I.............
(Suddenly there is a loud noise and R&R jump out from under the sink screaming and water gushes out)
Commercial Break
Scene: The Medical Research office, Joey is there with Carl in the waiting room. Two identical twins come out and both wave by at the same time.]
Joey: All right Carl, we're next. Now remember, what is not gonna be?
Carl: Another Minute Maid fiasco.
Joey: That's right! And what are you not gonna do?
Carl: Well, I'm not gonna talk because...
Joey: (gets very angry) Damnit Carl! (Carl goes to say something more, and Joey silences him with a grunt.)
The Doctor: (entering) (To the receptionist) Can I have the next one please? (Takes the form.) Joey and Tony Tribbiani. (Joey and Carl stand up.)
Joey: That's us.
The Doctor: (seeing they're not identical) But uh, this is a study for identical twins.
Joey: That's right, $2,000.
The Doctor: But, you're not identical twins.
Joey:(waits for a minute)  Dammit Carl
[M&C's  Ross and Rachel are standing aside while a plumber fixes the sink. Plumber gets up]
Plumber: Okay it should work (turns on the faucet, it works, he turns it off)
Ra:(as plumber leaves) Okay thanx for comming. ( walks back over to the sink) Well I guess you won the bet.( pays Ross and looks bummed out)
Ro: Oh come on at least you tried. Here ( tosses Rachel 10 dollars)
Ra:(sarcastically) Great now I can retire
Ro: Fine then I want it back
Ra: Ohhh..... (reaches into the sink and throws water at him)
( Ross throws water back at her)
Ra: Oh it's on!
( Rachel and Ross scream and laugh and throw water at each other until both slip and land on their asses. They just sit there laughing for a moment then help each other up. Ross sits down at the table Rachel goes over and picks up the phone)
Ra: I'm gonna order us a pizza with my uh... ( takes the 10 out of her pocket ) new found wealth. (dials) Hello I would like a large double cheese with everything....
Ro:(laughing) No anchovies
Ra: What? I no anchovies. Thanx  (hangs up) you remember uh?
Ro: Of course when I'm eighty and have Alzheimer's that will be the last thing I forget
Ra:(unshure) That's sweet, I guess
[Central Park M&C are still on their picnic Monica looks mad]
C: I am so, so, so, so sorry!
M: (not buying it) Uh-huh.
C: Come on Monica, it's our Valentine's Day. Please? Please-please, please? I'll make it up to you.
M: How?
C: Well I could book a date for both of us at one of those romantic spas, and I'll buy you what ever you want. Please
M: (slowly) Oh alright.
C: Okay. (They hug.) I love you.
M: I love you too, but next time you had better get me a real gift!
[M&C's Ross and Rachel are finishing up their pizza]
Ro: You can have the last piece if you want.
Ra: I should you slept with someone ( Ross glares at her) I'm just kidding you go ahead I still have mine left.
(eat their pizzas for a few minuets)
Ra: Okay I admit it I was wrong to write that letter at the beach
Ro: Oh Rach please not another lecture, it's over with can't we just forget what I di.....I, what did you say?
Ra: I said I was wrong to write that letter at the beach
Ro: Wow uh...thanks. I was wrong to cheat on you um I'm sorry.
Ra: Yeah I'm sorry too
( they just look at each other for a minuet then lean in to kiss. At that point Chandler and Monica come home, and see Ross and Rachel about to kiss)
C: (yelling and pointing) YES!!!!!
(Ross and Rachel pull away from each other. To Be Continued.... appears on the screen )
[P&R's Joey and Phoebe are sitting on the couch playing with sock bunnies]
P: (In a fake British accent) Hello my name is Mrs .Hoppington
J:(in a high pitched squeaky voice) How you doin'