The One With The Moose Hunting
Co-written by Veronica
(This takes place in the middle of the sixth season, just before TOW Where It Could Have Been, Part 1 & 2. (Reminder - TOW Chandler Can’t Cry) Rachel lives now with Phoebe, Chandler with Monica and Ross and Joey lives alone.)
[Scene: Central Perk. Everyone’s there except Joey, but he comes in after a short while.]
JOEY: [excited] Guess what!
CHANDLER: You’re pregnant?
[Everyone gaze at him.]
CHANDLER: What? I always thought Joey was kinda feminine…
MONICA: Get lost. What is it, Joey?
JOEY: We’re going to Sweden!!
THE OTHERS: What?! / Huh?!
JOEY: By the way, where’s Sweden?
RACHEL: Hold your horses… Why are we going to Sweden?
JOEY: I was at this pizza-place where they had a contest. The one who ate the most pizza won four tickets to Helsingborg in Sweden. And I won!
CHANDLER: You don’t say…
PHOEBE: I wonder if there are polar bears in Sweden…
JOEY: I only got four tickets, so who’s coming with me? It’s next week.
RACHEL: Well, I'm free next week.
PHOEBE: Me too, me too!!
JOEY: Now there’s only one ticket left… No, I know. I’ll pay for two more tickets.
[He pokes around in his pockets and takes out a few bucks.]
JOEY: Ok, let’s see. [Pauses and counts.] I’ve got… five dollars… [takes out some coins] and 50 cents… Alright. Anyone wanna chip in?
CHANDLER: No, I’ll pay for Monica’s ticket and mine.
ROSS: Ok, so we’ll all go to Sweden then?
[Everyone starts to plan.]
JOEY: Wait a moment! Where’s Sweden?
[A week later in Monica and Chandler’s apartment. Everyone’s gathered there before the take-off.]
MONICA: Rachel! Four suitcases?!
RACHEL: I know it isn’t much, but I only took what I needed. Can I look in your closet?
MONICA: But we have to go soon!
RACHEL: Well, you don’t have that many clothes I like anyway… [Walks into the bedroom.]
[Suddenly a car horn hoots and Ross goes out on the balcony to see what it was and comes back soon.]
ROSS: The cabs are here!
MONICA: Already?! Ok, MOVE!!
[They rush down and steps into the two cabs.]
[Scene: JFK Airport. The two cabs roll up to an entrance and everyone gets out.]
MONICA: Come on, come on, come on!
CHANDLER: Easy, cowboy! The plane leaves in two hours.
MONICA: Yes! Only two hours!
[They unload their luggage.]
PHOEBE: [Leaning into the trunk] Rachel, here’s your luggage. Can you please take it?
PHOEBE: [rises] Rachel?
[When there’s still no answer she looks around.]
PHOEBE: Ross, where’s Rachel?
ROSS: I don’t know.
RACHEL: Didn’t she go with you?
ROSS: No, I thought she was in your cab.
PHOEBE: Oh, no…
PHOEBE: We forgot…
[Scene: Monica and Chandler’s bedroom. Rachel’s in the closet when Ross enters the room.]
RACHEL: [from the closet] In here!
[Ross walks up to the closet.]
ROSS: What are you doing?
RACHEL: I really need another suitcase…
[She comes out and happens to come awkwardly near Ross (you know, like when there’s this romantic tension between them / author’s note).]
RACHEL: [“wakes up” and takes a step back.] Ehr… I got to…
ROSS: [confused] Yeah… The others… too late… airport!
ROSS: [comes to his senses] The others has already gone to the airport! We forgot you…
RACHEL: You did?
ROSS: Monica got hysterical when the cabs came, and then it, like, just flew by us.
RACHEL: I can’t believe you forgot about me. Hey, I was you wife!
ROSS: [pauses] Well, we really have to go now…
[Time laps. They’re in Sweden outside the airport. It’s about 6 PM. A big cab (one of those that looks like a minivan) comes up to them and they get in.]
CHANDLER: Before we leave; did we get Rachel with us?
RACHEL: Yeah, yeah! Very funny…
CABDRIVER: Where are you going?
MONICA: Hotel Marina Plaza in Helsingborg.
CABDRIVER: Ok, we’ll be there in 30 minutes.
[Time laps. Now they’re outside the hotel. It’s in the middle of the city, but right by the ocean. The gang walks inside, and Joey walks away to get the keys. He’s soon back with the others.]
JOEY: Ok, I got keys to three rooms.
ROSS: But who’s gonna stay with who?
MONICA: Well, Chandler’s definitely staying with me.
PHOEBE: I want to share room with Joey!
RACHEL: Oh no, no, no! You’re staying with me! I can’t share room with Ross…
JOEY: This sucks! I wanted to stay with a girl… [Mopes]
PHOEBE: I can live with Ross.
ROSS: I don’t mind.
JOEY: Alright! It looks like it’s you and me, Rach!
RACHEL: Looks like it…
[They go to their luggage, and since Rachel has very (and many) heavy suitcases she comes behind. Joey walks back to her and she looks happy coz she needs a hand.]
JOEY: Just one thing…
JOEY: How you doin’?
[Rachel’s smile changes to an “Oh-no-not-again”-look.]
[Later that night in Rachel and Joey’s room. Rachel comes out from the bathroom dressed in a nightgown. Joey’s in his bed.]
JOEY: [looking at Rachel] Wow…
RACHEL: No, no!
JOEY: I won’t do anything. You just look great. I wonder if Ross knows what he’s misses?
RACHEL: [lays down on the bed] It’s over between us.
JOEY: That’s too bad.
[A short while’s silence.]
RACHEL: So, Joey, how’s it going in your love life?
JOEY: I was kinda hoping to find someone here…
RACHEL: But that won’t last. It’ll just be a Swedish fling.
JOEY: And that’s perfect for me!
RACHEL: Don’t you wanna find that special someone? I mean like the one you’re supposed to share the rest of your life with?
JOEY: Like you and Ross? Sure…
RACHEL: Obviously Ross and I aren’t meant to be.
JOEY: Of course you are. Everyone knows that except you two.
RACHEL: No, Joey. It’s never gonna happen…
[Next day. They’re all outside the hotel.]
ROSS: So, what are we gonna do?
RACHEL: I feel like SHOPPING!
MONICA: Totally! Phoebe?
PHOEBE: Nah, I can shop at home.
ROSS: I’d like to take a look around.
CHANDLER: I’ll go with you on that. Wanna go with us, Phoebe?
PHOEBE: I used to live here in another life, so I already know everything…
CHANDLER: Ok… Joey?
JOEY: You go. I’ll keep Phoebe company.
ROSS: Alright. See ya here at 4 o’clock again?
THE OTHERS: Sure / See ya / bye!
[They go separate ways and Joey and Phoebe’s left.]
JOEY: What do you wanna do?
PHOEBE: I wanna… [thinks] feed the ducks! I’ve got this old bun in my bag.
JOEY: Ok… I'm not even gonna ask.
[They walk out on a pier and Phoebe starts feeding the ducks. When the ducks come closer she bends down to reach them, but ends up falling into the water.]
JOEY: [frightened] Phoebe!
PHOEBE: [splashing around exaggerated] Help! Help!
[Then everything goes in slow motion. Joey takes off his shirt and dives into the ocean with a real belly flop. He swims up to her and realizes that it’s freezing.]
JOEY: HELP! Phoebe! Help me!
[He splashes around and Phoebe realizes that she has to save him. She grabs him and starts to swim towards the pier. She helps him up and tired she lies down. Joey thinks she’s dead and starts doing the mouth-to-mouth method, not realizing that he shouldn’t do it if the “victim” is breathing. Phoebe tries to escape, but when the CPR goes over to a kiss she kisses him back. Joey stops and looks at her.]
JOEY: How you doin’?
[Phoebe smiles and they sink into another kiss.]
[Later the same day. They all meet up in the lobby. Monica and Rachel are loaded with shopping bags.]
CHANDLER: [after seeing Joey and Phoebe together.] What’s going on?
PHOEBE: Let’s just say I wanna change rooms with Rachel…
MONICA: How..? What..? When..?
PHOEBE: I fell into the ocean. I know, don’t ask how. And Joey “saved” me… Well, after I saved his sorry ass.
JOEY: Yeah, I gave her mouth-to-mouth!
CHANDLER: Ok, I see…
PHOEBE: So now, Joey and I kinda wanna share room.
CHANDLER: And bed I presume?
RACHEL: But what about me?
JOEY: You have to move in with Ross.
RACHEL: That won’t work.
JOEY: Well, it kinda has to.
[Rachel walks up to Monica and Chandler.]
RACHEL: [desperate] Oh, Monica. Can’t I stay with you? You know Ross and I got that history-thing. Please…
MONICA: No, Rach. I bought new undies, and I wanna try them on and show Chandler.
CHANDLER: And I really want to see them on… [KMonica.]
RACHEL: [Bothered] Oh, get a room!
[Monica, Chandler, Phoebe and Joey walk away, leaving Ross and Rachel alone.]
ROSS: I'm sorry…
RACHEL:Don’t be. But it’s gonna be kinda weird.
RACHEL: Well, I guess I have to get my luggage.
ROSS: I’ll help you.
[An hour later. Rachel’s unpacking in her new room when Ross comes in.]
ROSS: How’s it going?
RACHEL: Just fine.
ROSS: I’ll put some of my things away so you’ll have some more room.
RACHEL: [clearly unsatisfied with the situation] Don’t bother.
ROSS: Alright. I'm sorry.
RACHEL: No, I'm sorry. It’s just so strange.
ROSS: I know…
RACHEL: I used to love you, but everything’s changed. I always thought it was going to be you and me…
ROSS: It can still be!
RACHEL: No, cause I always end up alone and hurt. And still I depend on your friendship. This is so hard for me.
ROSS: Well, it’s hard for me too! Remember, it was your idea to get married.
RACHEL: I was drunk!
ROSS: I still believe you have feeling for me.
RACHEL: No, Ross! My feelings for you now are only anger. You’re playing with my mind, and you see the situation with me in your hotel room as another opportunity to trap me in one of your games!
ROSS: That’s not true!
RACHEL: No? Then tell me; aren’t you really wishing that I’d spend the night with you?
RACHEL: [close to tears] I knew it… I’ve got to go.
ROSS: Once again you run away when it starts to get tuff. When are you gonna stop running?
RACHEL: When you realize we’re never gonna happen…
[Rachel leaves and “Don’t Speak” by No Doubt starts playing.]
You and me
We used to be together
Every day together always
I really feel
I'm losing my best friend
I can't believe
This could be the end
It looks as though you letting go
And if it's real
Well I don't want to know
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me 'cause it hurts
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me 'cause it hurts
[Scene: The hotel bar. Rachel’s zipping on a drink. She looks rather depressed. It’s a popular place so there’s many people there. She looks around and sees Ross walk outside. She turns around and orders another drink. Then she hears a male voice with Swedish accent behind her.]
VOICE: That one’s on me.
[Rachel turns around and sees a very good-looking guy smile at her.]
MAN: Hi, I'm Alex.
[They shake hands and sits down beside her.]
ALEX: Why is a beautiful woman like you sitting here alone?
RACHEL: It’s a long story… And I don’t feel like talking about it.
ALEX: That’s ok. You’re clearly not from Sweden?
RACHEL: I'm from New York. My friend won tickets to Sweden and here I am.
ALEX: You seem so sad.
ALEX: I know what will cheer you up. [He stands up and reaches her his hand.] Would you like to dance?
RACHEL: [smiles and takes his hand.] Sure, why not?
[He leads her out on the dance floor and they start dance to the tunes of Boyzone’s “No matter what”.]
[A couple of hours later. Now they’re dancing to “Bed of roses” by Bon Jovi. Rachel lets her hand (and, no, she’s not drunk) move from his back to his neck. They look each other deep into the eyes and meet in a kiss.]
RACHEL: It’s so crowded here. I'm staying in a room here. Wanna come up with me?
ALEX: Are you sure?
RACHEL: Yeah. I don’t wanna be alone.
[They go to her room and outside they meet Joey who’s knocking on the door.]
RACHEL: He’s not in there.
JOEY: Oh, Rach, hi. I see you got company…
RACHEL: Yes. Joey, this is Alex. Alex, this is Joey, my friend who won the tickets.
ALEX: Nice to meet you.
JOEY: Nice to meet you too, I think… Where’s Ross?
RACHEL: I don’t know. What did you want?
JOEY: I was just checking everything’s all right between you. But I think I understand. If you need anything Phoebe and I’ll be in the bar.
RACHEL: Yeah, thanks.
[Joey walks away and the go into the room.]
ALEX: So you and Ross share room?
RACHEL: He’s just my ex-boyfriend.
ALEX: And the reason you were sad before?
RACHEL: Yeah… Enough about him.
[She walks up to him and puts her arms around him. They meet in a deep kiss and sink down on the bed…]
[Later in the bar. Phoebe and Joey are sitting by the counter.]
PHOEBE: Maybe it wasn’t right to let Ross and Rachel stay together?
JOEY: I'm beginning to think it was a bad idea.
PHOEBE: But I really like staying with you…
[They kiss and don’t see Ross coming up to them.]
ROSS: Hey, guys.
PHOEBE: [surprised] Oh, Ross! Where have you been?
ROSS: Just walking around. It’s a pretty nice city.
JOEY: We haven’t seen so much yet…
ROSS: Well, I'm gonna go to bed now.
JOEY: I don’t think that’s a very good idea…
ROSS: Why not?
JOEY: Rach is up there with some Swedish guy.
PHOEBE: I bet they’re doing it!
JOEY: I think you win.
ROSS: We had a big fight.
JOEY: Yeah, we kinda figured… Wait, there’s that guy she was with.
[Alex’ going through the lobby, heading outside. Ross walks up to him.]
ROSS: You better leave Rachel alone.
ALEX: I guess you’re Ross… Maybe you should treat her better. She’s a beautiful and special woman and she deserves someone who proves it to her.
[He walks away and leaves Ross standing speechless.]
[Early the next day. The gang’s in the restaurant eating breakfast.]
RACHEL: [to Ross] Where were you last night?
ROSS: I got a new room. You seemed kinda busy.
[She doesn’t answer and looks down in her bowl of serials.]
MONICA: [trying to get the attention off Rachel.] So, what’s on our schedule today?
JOEY: Today we’re going moose hunting!
JOEY: It was included in the prize.
PHOEBE: [sad] Are we gonna hunt poor mooses?
JOEY: Well, it’s more like a moose safari. We’re not gonna kill anything.
PHOEBE: [satisfied] Good.
JOEY: We gotta leave around eleven, so please be finished by then.
[Time laps. Scene: Right outside a forest. A cab drives up to a cottage, and the gang gets out and looks around.]
PHOEBE: I could totally live here!
[A man comes out from the cottage.]
MAN: Good day and welcome to the Halland’s ridge. My name is Karl and I’ll be your “guide”. I hope you have robust clothes on cause it will be some climbing. Right as he says that Rachel steps out from the cab. She’s dressed in a short skirt and a white blouse. On top of all she’s wearing pretty high heels. Everyone gaze at her.]
RACHEL: What?! I thought there was a possibility there’d be a couple of guys here…
MONICA: In the woods?!
RACHEL: They turn up when you least expect it..!
KARL: Ok, shall we go?
[Time laps. Now they’ve come pretty deep into the forest. Monica is up front with Karl asking a lot of questions as usual.]
MONICA: Is it true that there’s polar bears here?
KARL: No, absolutely not. We have the same climate as London and you don’t see polar bears in London, do you?
MONICA: No… but it snows in July, right?
KARL: We are lucky if it snows in December. Here in the south of Sweden…
[A scream from behind interrupts him. They turn around and see Rachel sitting down holding her ankle.]
RACHEL: I sprained my ankle!
ROSS: [comes quickly up to her.] How are you?
RACHEL: It hurts. I don’t think I can continue.
KARL: We have to go back to the cottage.
ROSS: No, you go on. I’ll take Rachel back.
[Rachel looks at him.]
KARL: Are you sure?
KARL: Ok, just follow the path back.
ROSS: We’ll be fine. No reason everyone has to go back.
[Rachel smiles at him.]
ROSS: Do you think you can walk?
RACHEL: I’ll try.
MONICA: Ok, see ya later.
CHANDLER: Take it easy.
ROSS: If you see a moose make sure to say hi from us!
MONICA: We will.
[Ross helps Rachel up and they start to go back as the others continue their hunt.]
[Time laps. The gang’s on their way back.]
KARL: I'm sorry we didn’t get to see a moose. We’re soon back in the cottage.
PHOEBE: Good, coz I’ve got chafed feet.
[Suddenly they hear a loud rustle behind a big bush.]
KARL: [quiet] Ok, that might be a moose, so be quiet and follow me. Have your cameras ready.
[They walk quietly around the bush with their cameras ready to strike.]
KARL: [behind the bush] What?!
[When the others comes they see Ross and Rachel making out in the grass.]
JOEY: Smile! [Takes a picture.]
[Scene: Inside the cottage. Karl’s bandaging Rachel’s ankle.]
PHOEBE: What happened?
ROSS: Well, we got into talking, and one thing led to another…
MONICA: [to R] But you weren’t very happy with Ross, especially not last night.
RACHEL: But I realized that I can’t live without him. We’re gonna take one day at a time now and be more careful with what we say and do.
JOEY: Didn’t I tell you, Rach? You and Ross are meant to be.
RACHEL: I guess we are…
[Ross bends over and kisses her.]
ROSS: Love you.
RACHEL: Love you too…
JOEY: [Kisses Phoebe] I love Sweden!
[“I knew I loved you” by Savage Garden starts playing.]
Maybe it’s intuition
But some things you just don’t question
Like in your eyes
I see my future in an instant
And there it goes
I think I’ve found my best friend
I know that it might sound more than a little crazy
But I believe
I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life
~ The End ~
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