Written by: firstname.lastname@example.org
Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me, but to Bright, Kaufman
and Crane Productions and Warner Bros. Their
use is not intended for profit, only for entertainment.
MONICA & CHANDLER'S (The Next Morning. Rachel is asleep on the couch.
Chandler and Monica emerge from their
Monica: I wonder what she's gonna feel like this morning?
Chandler: Not good.
Monica (picks up bucket): Oh gross, did she have to eat pizza last night? (Monica goes to the bathroom)
Chandler: It could have been worse, she could've had corn.
(Rachel wakes up and sprints to the bathroom)
Monica (emerges from the bathroom): You think she could've waited until I left.
Chandler: No, I think that stuff is on a one way ticket.
(Rachel emerges from the bathroom)
Monica: How do you feel honey?
Rachel: Better. (pause) No I don't. (Rachel sprints back to the bathroom)
Chandler: Nothing like calling God on the porcelain telephone.
MONICA & CHANDLER'S (Continuation from before. Chandler and Monica
are eating breakfast at the table. Rachel is
lying on the couch with a cloth on her face)
Chandler: Hey Rach, do you want some of this greasy bacon?
Monica: Chandler, you know she's missing a lung. I doubt she wants to eat.
Rachel: Very funny guys.
Monica: Rach, what made you get so drunk last night?
Rachel: I don't remember. I just remember drinking that whole bottle of Captain Morgan.
Chandler: Ah yes, the curse of Captain Morgan.
Ross: Hey Monica, are you guys still going to dinner with Rebecca and I tonight.
Monica: Yup, we'll meet you there at 7:30.
Ross (notices Rachel): My God Rach, you look like hell. What happened to you?
Chandler: She lost a sword fight with Captain Morgan.
Ross (to Rachel): Hungover huh.
Ross: Alright, I gotta go. (to Monica and Chandler) I'll see you guys tonight.
Chandler: We're going to dinner with them tonight?
Monica: Yes, I told you about it yesterday.
Chandler: No you didn't.
Monica: Yes, I did.
Chandler: No, you didn't
(Monica glares at Chandler)
Chandler: Ok, you did. (to himself) You so did not.
Chandler: I said I love you.
Monica: I thought so.
CENTRAL PERK (Everyone but Ross is present)
Joey: Hey Rach, I heard there was a projectile vomiting exhibition last
night. You should have told me, I could have been a
Monica (ignoring Joey): So Rach, how do you feel?
Rachel: After four aspirin and a gallon of water, terrible.
Chandler: And you still don't remember why you got so drunk?
Rachel: No, I don't.
Phoebe: I thought it was because you told Ross that you were still in
love with and wanted to get back together, but he
Rachel: Now I remember.
Monica: You told Ross that.
Rachel: Yes. I made a complete fool of myself.
Phoebe: He still loves you. He just doesn't know it. Whenever lobsters
get separated, it's only temporary. They always find
their way back to each other.
Rachel: Well Pheebs, this lobster's cooked.
(Ross and Rebecca enter)
Ross: Hey guys.
Rebecca: Do you want some coffee Ross?
Monica: So you two are getting serious.
Ross: Yeah, she's great.
(Rebecca returns and hands him his coffee)
Ross: Thanks Rachel.
Rebecca: Did you just call me Rachel?
Rachel: Yes you did. (Ross glares at Rachel)
Phoebe: Oh don't worry about it Rebecca. He does that to every woman
he dates. Heck, he even did it at his second
wedding. Instead of saying Emily's name, he said Rachel.
Rachel (quickly and sarcastically): What do you expect when someone been obsessed with someone since the 9th grade.
Rebecca (missing Rachel's comment): It's alright. Just don't do it again. (Rebecca kisses Ross)
Ross (to Rachel, mad): Can I speak to you outside for a minute?
Ross (grabs Rachel's arm): Let's go outside.
Rachel: Take your hands off me. I am not your property.
Ross: Would you please come outside?
Rachel: Fine (Ross and Rachel exit)
OUTSIDE OF CENTRAL PERK
Ross: What the hell's the matter with you?
Ross: Why are trying to sabotage my relationship with Rebecca?
Rachel: I am not. I was just telling the truth.
Ross (screaming, everyone in Central Perk is looking at them): That's
it.. You have no right to sabotage my relationships.
First their was Julie, then Bonnie and Emily and now Rebecca. Everytime I try to be close to someone new, you're there to
help screw it up. I thought we were friends. I thought you could be happy for me. But no, you're just a selfish little bitch..
(Rachel is stunned and starts to cry, and walks away).
CENTRAL PERK (Ross re-enters, and the crowd resumes acting busy)
Rebecca: Is everything alright Ross?
Ross: Everything is fine. Are you ready to go?
Rebecca: Sure, bye guys.
Monica (to Chandler) I think we'd better find Rachel.
RESTAURANT (Ross, Rebecca, Chandler and Monica are present)
Rebecca: And then he came up to me and asked if I wanted to see his bone..
Ross: I did not. I asked if you wanted to see the new dinosaur bone.
Chandler: Nice one Ross. The last time I used that line I kicked in the groin.
Monica: Chandler, how many times do I have to say I'm sorry?
Rebecca: Anyway, that's how we met.
Ross: And now we're going to Ecuador together.
Ross: Yeah, Rebecca has to go for three months, and I'm gonna spend
the first month there with her. I just have to find
someone to teach my classes..
Chandler (to Rebecca): What do you have to go to Ecuador for?
Rebecca: I have to finished my field work. I have to collect more specimens for my research.
Chandler: Why do you have to go to Ecuador for that, New York City has the finest cockroaches.
Monica: Anyway, when do you leave?
Rebecca: In three days.
JOEY'S APARTMENT (Phoebe, Joey and Rachel are present)
Joey: What do you guys want to do?
Phoebe: Oh, I know. We could play twister.
Rachel: I don't feel like playing twister Pheebs.
Joey: I know…
Rachel (cutting of Joey): Or strip poker.
Phoebe: How about spin the bottle?
Rachel: No, Joey would make us kiss one another Pheebs.
Joey: I know, how about caps? (college drinking game) I've got plenty of beer.
Phoebe: Yeah, I'll play.
Rachel: Count me out. I only stopped feeling sick two hours ago.
Joey: Come on Rach, it'll be fun.
Rachel: That's alright. I think I'm gonna go home and go to sleep. (Rachel leaves)
Joey: Alright, be a party pooper. Pheebs, what kind of beer do you want Sam Adams or Coors Light?
Phoebe: What will get me drunk faster?
Joey: Sam Adams it is.
HALLWAY BETWEEN JOEY'S & MONICA'S (Chandler and Monica are returning
from dinner with Ross and
Rebecca, they run into Rachel)
Monica: Rach, there you are. How are you doing?
Rachel: I'm fine. Just a little tired.
Chandler: What Ross did earlier was wrong, he was way out of line.
Rachel: Thanks Chandler, I appreciate that.
Monica: Do you wanna come inside and have some tea or something?
Rachel: No, that's alright. I'm gonna go home and catch up on some sleep.
Chandler: Oh did you here, Ross is going with Rebecca to Ecuador for a month.
Monica: Chandler! Ross told you not to tell anyone.
Chandler: Sorry I forgot.
Rachel: Mon, it's ok. I hope he has fun. I'll see you guys later. (Chandler
& Monica enter their apartment. Rachel makes
her way to the stairs, and then turns around and returns to Joey's).
Joey: Ah ha, that's six caps in your glass, you have to slam your beer.
Phoebe: I am already so drunk.
Joey: Pheebs, you've had a half bottle of beer.
Phoebe: I am not physically drunk, my spiritual self is hammered.
Joey: Rach, you're back. Want a beer?
Rachel: Yes. (takes the beer from Joey and slams the whole thing)
Joey: Damn, even I can't drink like that.
Phoebe: Why did you come back?
Rachel: Ross is going to Ecuador with Rebecca.
Joey: Where's Ecuador?
Phoebe: In Europe.
Rachel: No it's in South America by the equator.
Joey: What's an equator?
Rachel: How did you graduate from high school Joey?
Joey: I cheated my way through why?
Rachel: Never mind. Joey, do you have any Captain Morgan?
Joey: You betcha. Here you go.
Rachel: Thanks, I'm gonna sit and watch TV and get drunk.
Phoebe: You go girl!
MARK'S APARTMENT (it's midnight and Mark (yes that Mark) is asleep.
A loud bang is heard against his door. Mark
awakens and answers the door, a very drunk Rachel staggers in).
Rachel (loudly): Hello! Hello! Why hello there Mr. Mark
Mark: Rachel, what the hell are you doing here? Are you drunk?
Rachel: Oh yeah! Captain Morgan rules!
Mark: What happened?
Rachel: Ross is going to Ecuador. The one in Europe. Isn't that great? (Rachel walks over to the couch and lies down).
Mark: Rach, you're staying here tonight
Rachel: Where's the bathroom?
Mark: Down the hall.
(Rachel sprints to the bathroom and gets sick)
Mark: This is going to be a long night.
THREE HOURS LATER (Rachel is sobering up and talking with Mark on the couch).
Rachel: But I still love him. I can't seem to let him go.
Mark: You know, I used to date Rebecca. She broke my heart.
Mark: Yeah, we dated for seven months. Just when it was getting real serious, she bailed.
Rachel: That sucks. Do you think you could help me win Ross back.
Mark: Help? How?
Rachel: Well, Ross doesn't like you very much because he thinks you
helped break Ross and I up. If we acted like we were
dating, he'd flip a lid.
Mark: Alright. I'll do it. Oh, and another thing, don't let my girlfriend find out about it. She'd castrate me.
Rachel: It's a deal. You know, you're a good friend. (Rachel hugs Mark).
Mark: Well, I'm off to bed. The couch is all yours. I'll see you in the morning.
Rachel: Mark, thanks again for everything
ROSS' APARTMENT (Ross and Rebecca are asleep. Ross is dreaming).
Minister: Ross, repeat after me. "I Ross take thee Rebecca, to be my lawfully wedded wife til death parts us"
Ross (in dreamland): I Ross, take thee Rachel… (Ross wakes up with a look of horror on his face)
Ross (awake): Not again.