TOW the Pineapples

I do not own the show or the characters and will make no money off of this, which is as it should be, since If I was to ever be out of debt or to
not have to worry about money i'd prob die from the shock anywyas

This takes place in season 7, before M and C's wedding and after Rach has broken up with Tag

PHOEBEE(runs into CP everyone is there) Hey you guys,look at this(holds up a pack of batteries)

CHANDLER: wow Pheebs, did you decide to join us in the 21st Century and discover batteries

PHOEBEE:No, no not the batteries this(points to the package)

RACHEL: Wow, you've discovered....cardboard??

PHOEBEE: What are you people blind? This, THIS(starting to get annoyed)

MONICA: What are you trying to show us Pheebs?

PHOEBEE: This battery tester, it tests the batteries to see if they work, isnt that the coolest thing ever

ALL: Yeah/that's neat/amazing etc...

PHOEBEE: Ok well i've got to go

MONICA: Phoebee, you just got here

PHOEBEE: Yeah, like I can sit and drink coffee when there are batteries to be tested(she leaves)

CHANDLER: ever get the feeling that Phoebee needs a hobby?

MONICA so anyway, everyone is coming to the Hawiaan Party tommorow nite right??

ALL: Yep/sure/you bet....

MONICA: I have everything I need so I'm going to start cooking except.. oh crap, I forgot the pinapples, Chandler can you pick some up for me?

CHANDLER: No, sorry hon, I have to stop in at the office

JOEY: I'll get them for you Monica

MONICA: Thanks so much Joey. Here's 20 dollars get about ten

ROSS: Wow, that's a lot of pineapple

MONICA: One can never have too much pineapple

CHANDLER: I thought it was sex and money you could never have to much of?

JOEY: and alchohol

Hardware store

PHOEBEE(to the store clerk) Excuse me do you have any batteries?

CLERK: Yes, aisle 8

PHOEBEE: Yeah, I got those do you have anymore?

CLERK: What do you mean anymore? We just put out a whole new shipment there were over 10o packages of batteries there

PHOEBEE: Yeah, so do you have anymore

CLERK: Lady, if you don't mind my asking, what the heck do you need these batteries for?

PHOEBEE: I don't need batteries

CLERK: Then why did you ask if we had any, and why do you have over 100 packs in your cart?

PHOEBEE: To test

CLERK: huh?

PHOEBEE: To use the battery testers to make sure they work

CLERK: Let me get this straight, you are buying batteries, which you dont need just so you can test them?


CLERK: Um, yeah ok, I um, uh have to get back to work

Chandler's office

C's BOSS: Hey what are ya doin here Bing??

CHANDLER: I"m here for the meeting, remember

BOSS: Oh, it got cancelled, didnt you get the memo?


BOSS: whoops

CHANDLER: Ok well I guess i'll see you tommorow then

BOSS: see ya Bing

(Chandler is walking down the street and see's a sign in a video store window: Rent all Three Die hards 5 days just five dollars) All Right!!!!
Die Hard Marathon here I come(he gets the movies)

Grocery Store

JOEY(wandering up and down the aisles) Excuse me, where are the pineapples

WOMEN:(looking at Joey likes he's a bit stupid) in the fruit section

JOEY: thanks! (he goes to the fruit section and starts looking around) Ok, there are no pineapples anywhere in this store(said to himslef, and as
he says it he passes by a huge pineapple display) Oh< but here are some apples now all I have to do is find some pine

Phoebee's apt

(Knock on door, Phoebee gets it)

PHOEBEE: Hey Joe! I've got lots of batteries to test, wanna help me?

JOEY: Yeah, but first you gotta help me make pineapples, Monica needs um for her dinner party, I found apples but where am I going to find

PHOEBEE:(looks at the apples) yeah I see what you mean, hey how about Central Park, there are pine trees there

JOEY: Phoebee, you are a genius, let's go

PHOEBEE: Oh! Oh! Oh! There are 4 stores on the way to Central Park, I can get more batteries to test!!

Monica and Chandlers(Rachel and Monica are decorating for the party)

RACHEL: So are you almost ready?

MONICA: Yeah, I just need to hang these paper lanterns and wait for Joey to show up with the pineapples

(Chandler walks in and goes straight to the vcr, puts die hard in and sits down to watch it)

MONICA: (sarcasticaly) nice to see you too honey, why thank you I know the decorations look nice

CHANDLER: Uh huh, yeah, could you too please keep quiet, I'm trying to watch something important

MONICA: Chandler, you are watching Die Hard, a movie you have seen by your own admission 364 times already

CHANDLER: What's your point?

MONICA:(under breath) you mean besides the fact that you're an idiot


MONICA: nothing dear

(Chandler proceeds to watch Die Hard and talk along with the movie, basically he has it totally memorized)

Phoebee(Joey is gluing pine needles to apples and she is sitting on the floor surrounded by 100's of packages of batteries)

JOEY: Pheebs, I have 32 more apples to glue pine needles on, could you give me a hand?

PHOEBEE: I'm kinda busy Joe these batteries aren't gonna test themselves, besides your doing a great job on your own

JOEY:(proudly) Thanks!

PHOEBEE: I wonder if theirs a battery testers club

JOEY: I don't think so Pheebs

PHOEBEE: ooh, ooh, ooh I could start one, I could be the President

JOEY: Can I join?

PHOEBEE: Baby, you'd be my Vice President

JOEY: Oh yeah!!(he smiles at Phoebee and she giggles)

Monica and Chandler's(decorated for a HA luau type party, various guests are there-imagine whoever you'd like and of course the group is their)

JOEY: Hey Mon, here are the pineapples

MONICA: Thanks Joe, just put them on that table

(Joey sets the apples with glued on pine needles on the table)

MONICA: What the?? Joey, those are not pineapples

JOEY: Yuh huh they are see-pine(points to the needles) apples(points to the apples) pineapples

MONICA: No Joey, these are pineapples(shows him a picture)

JOEY: Oh... then what do you call these

MONICA: a waste of my money

JOEY: Do you want me to take them back to the store

MONICA: Thanks Joe, but somehow I don't think they'd let you return them

JOEY: eh, oh well(walks away)

Rachel is standing by the couch drinking a glass of Maui 7(it's an alcoholic drink that tastes kina like coconut and pineapple-she is not drunk by
the way, she has only had a couple drinks)

ROSS: Hey Rach, what are you drinking?

RACHEL: a Maui 7

ROSS: I have never had one of those

RACHEL: Here have one

ROSS: wow this, this is really good

RACHEL: so why are you over here by yourself?

ROSS: Oh I dont know, just thinking of how I used to go to parties like this and I didnt' have to worry about who my date would be or looking
stupid standing by myself

RACHEL: Yeah, yeah I know exactly what you mean

ROSS: So Rachel do you want to go for a walk

RACHEL: yeah and I want to finish what we started that night

ROSS: What night??(Rachel whispers in his ear and he looks at her shocked) Rachel Karen Green

RACHEL: Yes, Ross Geller

ROSS: Let's go

(they return about 3hrs later, the guests have all gone home but the 6 of them are all there)

ROSS and RACHEL: Hey Mon!

MONICA: Don't Hey Mon me, where the hell have you two been


MONICA: Out? Out? Great let's see I have you two running off who knows where to do who knows what(looks at them) you two didnt do
anything stupid did you?

ROSS and RACH:(look at each other a minute before answering) Nooo

MONICA: Then I have Joey, who kept trying to serve everyone apples covered in glued on pine needles, Chandler who has been sitting in that
chair watching Die Hard for 9hrs straight

ROSS: wow, his butt must be really sore(he looks at Rachel and they start laughing hysterically until they see Monica Glaring at them)

MONICA: not to mention Phoebee who has tested every single battery in the entire city if not the whole tri state area

RACH: Um.. I'm sorry

MONICA: It's ok though, it's ok, cause i'm going to have fun now, yes I want to have fun and we are going to play a game, we are going to play
monopoly right??(everyone just stares at her) RIGHT??

ALL: Yeah/uh huh/sure(they sit down and start playing)

JOEY: (bites into one of the apples with needles) Yuck, eww pineapples are gross

ALL: They aren't pinapples