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Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me, but to Bright, Kauffman and Crane Productions and Warner Bros. Their use is not intended for profit, only for entertainment.


CENTRAL PERK (Monica, Rachel and Phoebe are present)


Monica (to Rachel):Isnít your wedding in six weeks?


Rachel:Yeah, Iím so excited.The invitations are going out this week.


Phoebe:How many people are you guys having?


Rachel:Thanks to you Pheebs, 500.


Monica:Youíre having 500 people at your wedding?You donít even know 500 people.And where did you guys get the money?


Rachel:Well my parents are paying for most of it.


Monica:How much did they contribute?


Rachel:$40,000.Oh, and your parents are contributing $5,000.


Monica:No way is that enough to pay for a wedding with 500 people.You and Ross are paying for the rest?


Phoebe:No, I am!(Monica looks at Phoebe in shock)




CENTRAL PERK (Continued from before)


Monica (to Phoebe):Youíre helping pay for their wedding?!


Phoebe:Yeah. They wanted a big wedding but couldnít afford it.So I volunteered to pick up the rest of the tab.


Monica:You didnít offer to help pay for our wedding!


Phoebe:Well, you had Mrs. Bing to help.


Monica:What does that have to do with anything?


Phoebe:Well Mrs. Bing is a multi-millionaire.


Monica:So what?That doesnít mean she helped pay for our wedding.




Rachel:Look Mon, whatís the big deal?So Pheebs is helping pay for our wedding, itís her gift to Ross and I.




Monica:And what did you get us Phoebe?


Phoebe:You know what I got you, his and herís towels.


CHANDLER & MONICAíS APARTMENT (Ross and Chandler are hanging out)


Chandler:Your sister is driving me nuts.


Ross:I told you not to marry her.


Chandler:No you didnít!


Ross:Oh, I mustíve told Joey.What did she do now?


Chandler:Sheís milking me dry.


Ross:Keeps spending your money?


Chandler:No, she keeps wanting to have sex.


Ross:What did I tell you about discussing your sex life with me?


Chandler:Nothing, you must have told Joey.


(Joey enters)


Joey:Hey, guess what?


Chandler:Italian Americans are the leading minority in the Village?




Ross:Forget about him Joey, what is it?


Joey:I got the lead in a movie!


Chandler:They resurrected Shutter Speed?


Joey:No.(pause) Though that would be cool.


Ross:Whatís the movie?


Joey:The Adventures of Larry the Lounge Lizard.†† Itís totally cool, itís about this Italian guy who goes on these cool adventures and sleeps with beautiful women.


Chandler:Theyíre making a movie about your life?


Joey:No, would you listen, the movie is about an Italian guy.Am I Italian?(Chandler and Ross look at Joey)Ok, so Iím Italian.But the movie isnít about me.


Ross:What about General Hospital?


Joey:Theyíre gonna shoot the movie around my schedule.


Chandler:Are you getting paid for this movie?


Joey:Yes, theyíre paying me.






Ross:Thatís it, $3,000?


Joey:Hey, $3,000 is a lot of money!Thatís more than I make per episode of General Hospital.


Ross:But this is for a whole movie!Hell, I made $100,000 as a consultant for Jurassic Park III.


Chandler (to Ross):They paid you that much?


Ross (to Chandler):Jennifer negotiated my deal.


Joey:I donít care what you guys think, Iím the lead in a movie!


Chandler:Joey, porn stars get more money per film than what youíre getting.


Joey:Are you unsupporting me again?


Chandler:No.No.Act away Larry.


ROSS & RACHELíS APARTMENT (Ross and Rachel are addressing their wedding invitations)


Ross:Weíve invited too many people.


Rachel:You think?Who are Andrea Bendewald and Guest?


Ross:Sheís Jenniferís best friend and Guest is her significant other.


Rachel:Youíre inviting Jenniferís friend to our wedding?I donít even know this person.


Ross:You invited Brad and Jennifer!


Rachel:So?I know them!


Ross:Well, I met Andrea when I was in LA and I invited her.


Rachel:Is there anyone else that you invited that you havenít told me about?


Ross:Yeah, I invited Emily.


Rachel:As in your ex-wife Emily?


Ross:Yeah, I hope thatís not a problem.


Rachel:Are you insane?And when did you bump into her?


Ross:Relax, Iím kidding.Oh, I did invite Kathy Najimy.


Rachel:Who is that?


Ross: Another friend of Jenniferís I met in LA.


Rachel:Ok, youíre not allowed to go to LA anymore without me.†††


CHANDLER & MONICAíS APARTMENT (Chandler and Monica are present)


Monica:I just canít believe Phoebe is helping pay for Ross and Rachelís wedding.


Chandler:Well I think itís nice.(Monica glares at Chandler)Ok, I donít think itís nice.What a bitch!


Monica:Why arenít you mad about this?


Chandler:Should I be mad?






Monica:We only had 200 people at our wedding.




Monica:Ross and Rachel get to have 500 people.


Chandler:Again, so?


Monica:Itís just not fair.


Chandler:Do you wanna get a divorce and get married again and make Phoebe pay for it?


Monica:Thatís an idea.


Chandler:Look Mon, this is ridiculous.So Ross and Rachel are having a big wedding, so what?Thatís just more time theyíll have to spend thanking everyone who came.They wonít get to party like we did.


Monica:Is that all you care about?


Chandler:Ah, ah, ahÖ..stop turning this on me!This is your fight not mine!You canít stay mad at Phoebe forever!


Monica:Just watch me!


PHOEBE & COURTENEYíS APARTMENT(Chandler and Phoebe are present)


Phoebe:Is Monica still mad at me?


Chandler (holding up shredded towels):Does this answer your question?


Phoebe:Thatís the towels I gave you guys!


Chandler:I know, Iím sorry Phoebe, sheís out of control.


Phoebe:Did you tell her about our secret?


Chandler:No, that was part of the deal.


Phoebe:You can tell her if you want.


Chandler:No Pheebs, sheís making her bed, she can sleep in it too.


Phoebe:Youíre a mean husband.†† I like it.(pause) How Ďbout getting a divorce and marrying me?


Chandler:You canít be serious?


Phoebe:Come here sugar!


JOEYíS APARTMENT (Joey and Courteney are present)


Courteney:I canít believe this, my boyfriend is the lead in a movie!


Joey:Not to shabby eh!Wanna make a movie of our own?




Joey:One of these days youíre gonna say yes and Iím not gonna want to!


(Rachel enters)




Rachel:Hey Courteney, whatís up Larry?


Joey:Just practicing for my movie.What are you doing here?


Rachel:I was at the post office dropping off the wedding invitations and I figured I stop by.


Courteney:Whenís the wedding?


Rachel:July 7th.


Joey:Thatís no good.




Joey:I canít make it that day, Iíll be in The Netherlands.


Rachel:Youíre going to The Netherlands?Since when?


Joey:The opening of Larry the Lounge Lizard in The Netherlands is on July 7th.I have to be there for the opening.


Courteney:And I get to go with him!


Rachel:The movie is gonna be finished by then?


Joey:Yeah, itís a big time Hollywood production, itís a one-week shoot.


Rachel:Well Iím sorry Joe, but weíre not postponing the wedding.


Joey:But you have to postpone the wedding! Iím one of Rossís best men!†††


Rachel:Well heíll just have to make do with Chandler.


Joey:You canít do this!Iím talking to Ross!


Rachel:Fine, talk to Ross, but heís not gonna agree with you.


CENTRAL PERK (Phoebe and Chandler are present)


Phoebe:What am I gonna do?


Chandler:I dunno Pheebs.I say let it blow over, but I donít think it will.


Phoebe:I think you should tell her.


Chandler:No Pheebs, that would break my promise to you.


Phoebe:Iím gonna lose a friend over this whole deal and youíre worried about a promise to meÖ.thatís so sweet.


(Monica enters)


Chandler:Hey Mon.


Phoebe:Hey Monica.


Monica (ignoring Phoebe Ė to Chandler):Hey honey.Gunther, could I get a mocha to go? Chandler, weíre having dinner at my parents, be home by 5.


Chandler:Weíre having dinner with them again?(Monica looks at Chandler) Iíll be home by 5.


Monica:Iíll see you later sweetie. (leans down and kisses Chandler)Phoebe.


Phoebe:Well at least she acknowledged my presence.Why is she so damn competitive?Itís just a stupid wedding.She should be thankful that you agreed to marry her.


Chandler:Look, Iíll tell her tonight.I just want her to get more riled up so sheíll feel really guilty about what sheís done to you.


Phoebe:Youíre really enjoying this arenít you?


Chandler:Contrary to popular belief, I do have a dark side.


Phoebe:You donít have to tell Joey.








ROSS & RACHELíS APARTMENT (Ross is present.Thereís a knock on the door.Itís Joey)


Ross:Hey, what are you doing here?


Joey:You canít have the wedding on July 7th.




Joey:You canít have the wedding on July 7th, Iím gonna be in The Netherlands.




Joey:Would you stop asking me questions!Look, have the wedding on the 14th, one week later ainít gonna kill you, and then I can be there and be your best man.


Ross:Ok, that would be great, but we just mailed all the invitations for the 7th.Itís too late to change the wedding.


Joey:So youíre gonna get married without me?Thanks a lot.I thought we were friends.


Ross:We are friends Joey and I want you to be there.Donít go to The Netherlands.††


Joey:I canít.My movie is opening.


Ross:What movie?


Joey:The Adventures of Larry The Lounge Lizard.


Ross:You havenít even started filming it yet!How could it be ready by July 7th?


Joey:I told you, itís a one week shoot.The producers said I had to be in The Netherlands on July 7th.†††


Ross:Ok, look, Iíll talk to Rachel and see if we can postpone the wedding until the 14th.


Joey:Thanks Ross, I owe you one.


Ross:Look donít get your hopes up, Rachelís never gonna agree to this.


Joey:At least youíre willing to try, she already told me no.


CHANDLER & MONICAíS APARTMENT (Chandler and Monica are returning from dinner with her parents)


Monica:Youíre being awfully quiet tonight.What did you do now?


Chandler:Why is it that every time Iím quiet you assume I have must have done something?


Monica:ĎCause the last time you were this quiet you asked me if my boobs were real or not.


Chandler:Well I didnít do anything this time, you did.


Monica:I did?What did I do to you?


Chandler:You didnít do anything to me.You did it to Phoebe.


Monica:I canít believe youíre taking her side!Iím your wife!


Chandler:Calm down.Let me explain.


Monica:Thereís nothing to explain! Goodnight!(Monica makes a move towards their bedroom)


Chandler:Monica!Sit down!


Monica:Are you yelling at me?!




Monica (surprised):Ok, Iíll sit.What is it?


Chandler:Do you know that romantic honeymoon we took?The week in Paris at the expensive hotel in the master suite, dining out every night, you getting whatever you wantedÖ..


Monica:Yeah.What about it?


Chandler:Phoebe paid for it.


Monica (shocked):What?


Chandler:Phoebe paid for our honeymoon.


Monica (still shocked):What?


Chandler:Look, I had spent all of my money on the wedding since my parents didnít contribute a dime.Phoebe found out about it and told me not to worry about paying for the honeymoon.I told her no, but she insisted.We made a promise that we wouldnít tell you Ďcause she didnít want you feeling that you owed her.


Monica:Phoebeís real present to us was our honeymoon?




Monica:I feel like such an ingrate.


Chandler:Iím sorry I didnít tell you before, but I made a promise to Phoebe.


Monica:I canít believe this, thatís the nicest thing anyoneís ever done for me, except for you asking me to marry you of course.


Chandler:Of course.


Monica:I have got to see Pheebs.Are you coming?


Chandler:No.I think you should go alone.


Monica:Iíll be back.


CENTRAL PERK(Phoebe is reading on the couch Ė Monica enters)


Monica:Gunther, could I get a nonfat latte?Hey Pheebs.


Phoebe (standing up and hugging Monica):Youíre welcome.


Monica:Youíre suppose to let me say thank you first.††† Thanks.


Phoebe: Youíre welcome.


Monica:Iím sorry I acted like such a bitch.


Phoebe:And a baby.


Monica:And a baby.Look, Iím really sorry.I love you Pheebs.


Phoebe:I love you too Mon.


ROSS & RACHELíS APARTMENT (Ross and Rachel are lying in bed)


Ross: Joey came to see me today.


Rachel:Weíre not moving the wedding to accommodate Joey.


Ross:I didnít think so.But let me ask you this, if Monica or Phoebe couldnít be at the wedding, would you postpone it for them?


Rachel:Thatís different.


Ross:How is that different?


Rachel:Weddings are more important for the girl than the guy.Itís important that the brideís bridesmaids are all present.


Ross:So your saying my groomsmen arenít important?


Rachel:Not exactly.


Ross:Then what are you saying?


Rachel:Look, do we have to talk about this now?


Ross:Yes we do.I donít wanna go to sleep thinking that my friends are less important than yours.


Rachel:I didnít say that!I just said it was more important for all of the bridesmaids to be there.


Ross:You donít think the wedding day is as special for guys as it is for girls do you?


Rachel:Why are you asking me?Youíre the one thatís had three wedding days. Were they important to you?


Ross (getting mad):That knife wonít come out of my back.


Rachel:Look, weíve sent out the invitations already, itís too late.If Joeyís gonna be gone, heís gonna be gone.Itís not my fault.


Ross:I want to postpone the wedding until Joey can make it.Joeyís my friend and itís important to me that heís there to stand by my side.


Rachel:Weíre not moving the wedding, end of story.


Ross (under his breath):Itíd be hard for you to get married if Iím not there.


Rachel:What did you say?


Ross:Weíre postponing the wedding for Joey.


Rachel (getting very mad):No weíre not!Weíre getting married on the 7th and thatís final!


Ross:Well have fun marrying air because I wonít be there!




Ross:You heard me, we move the wedding so Joey can make it or there will be no wedding!


Rachel:Are you threatening me?!Youíre gonna call off the wedding?You do this and there will never be another wedding, and oh yeah, weíre through!


Ross:Call my bluff.


Rachel:Weíre not moving the wedding!


Ross:Then there is no wedding.Iím sorry.


Rachel:Get out!


Ross:Sorry, I left last time.Itís your turn.


Rachel:If you let me leave, Iím not coming back this time!


Ross (calmly):Rach, all you have to do is move the wedding.Thatís all I want.We can easily get new invitations at my expense.Iíll call all of the guests on the list and tell them that there was an error and that the wedding is the 14th.Iíll take care of all the other arrangements. If you donít love me enough to do that, then maybe we shouldnít be getting married.


Rachel:I guess youíre right, maybe we shouldnít get married.(Rachel, who is crying, leaves Ė Ross sits down and cries)




THE SET OF LARRY THE LOUNGE LIZARD (Joey is standing in a robe)


Director:Are you ready?




Director:Alright, disrobe.(Joey does and is naked)Hold on, his equipment isnít ready.Girls, could you get Mr. Tribbiani ready please.


(Two scantily clad women approach Joey and get down on their knees in front of him)


Joey:Whoa, what are they doing?


Director:Theyíre getting you ready for the shot.Thatís their job.


Joey:Wait a minute, what kind of movie is this?


Director:Itís an adult film, didnít the casting people tell you that?


(Cut to Joey who has a look of horror on his face)


Joey:Oh my God, Iím the lead in a porno film!


The End