Written by: firstname.lastname@example.org
Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me, but to Bright, Kaufman
and Crane Productions and Warner Bros. Their use
is not intended for profit, only for entertainment.
CHANDLER & MONICA'S (Chandler and Joey are out on the balcony)
Chandler: Ok, I'll give you ten bucks if you make it into Ross' apartment.
Joey: It's a bet. Where's the egg?
Chandler: Right here my man.
Joey: Say goodbye to your ten dollars. (Joey throws the egg and it hits Ross' building). Damn it.
Chandler: Should I just add that bet to your tab?
Joey: Double or nothing.
Chandler: Fine. I'll go get some more eggs.
CENTRAL PERK (Monica, Phoebe and Rachel are present)
Monica: Where's Ross Rachel?
Rachel: He called and said he had to teach a class for a colleague.
Phoebe: He's lying.
Phoebe: He's lying. His aura looks as though he's up to something.
Monica: Phoebe, how can you see his aura, he's not even here.
Phoebe: I am psychic, he doesn't have to be present. Besides Rachel, it's a good lie, not a bad one.
Rachel: If he's lying I am gonna kill him. We promised we'd be honest
with each other this time. I don't care whether it's a good
lie or a bad lie.
Monica: I'm with Rachel. I'd kill Chandler if he lied to me. Chandler
told me he and Joey were going shopping this afternoon
and I know that's where they are at.
Phoebe: No they're not. They're playing a stupid game outside on the balcony.
Monica: How do you know that?
Phoebe: How many times do I have to tell you, I am psychic.
Monica: Well you're wrong. They're shopping. Ready to go Rach, the movie
starts in 20 minutes. Are you sure you don't want to
Phoebe: Positive. See you guys later. Oh, by the way, don't go to your apartment Monica, it's a mess. There's water everywhere.
CHANDLER & MONICA'S
Chandler: We're all out of eggs. How did we go through two dozen eggs so fast?
Joey: I know, we can throw water balloons.
Chandler: One problem Joe, I don't have any balloons.
Joey: Fear not my man, I have a whole bunch of them. I'll go get them. (Joey leaves)
Chandler: This is the best game. (cut to the façade of Ross' building, his window is surrounded by egg yolks.)
JEWELRY STORE: (Ross is browsing the displays)
Saleswoman: Can I help you with something?
Ross: Sure, I am looking for a promise ring.
Saleswoman: Fine, we have a collection of them right here. Are you sure you don't want to look at engagement rings?
Ross: Engagement rings. No, it's too soon for that. A promise ring is perfect. Can I see that one?
Saleswoman (reaches in the display case and gets the ring): Sure. This is beautiful ring.
CHANDLER & MONICA'S (Joey and Chandler are filling up the water balloons, the kitchen floor is covered with water)
Chandler: We have to hurry, Monica could show up at any minute. She'll
kill me if she finds out what we've been doing. I told
her we were going shopping.
Joey: Well then you shouldn't have lied to her. Like we'd ever go shopping.
Chandler: Alright, that's all of them. Let's chuck these babies through
Ross' window. Remember, the person who gets the most
balloons through wins $50.
Joey: Let's do it.
(Joey and Chandler start tossing the water balloons at Ross' window.
In the aftermath, the façade of the building is soaked and
the floor by the window in Ross' apartment is soaked and littered with broken balloons and egg shells.)
(Chandler and Joey are now sitting in the family room)
Joey: That was the best game ever even though I owe you $50.
Chandler: Ross is going to kill us.
Joey: I don't think you have to worry about Ross, Monica is the one
that's going to kill you. Look at this mess. (There is water
all over the kitchen floor). And what are we going to tell Monica about the eggs? There's no way either of us could eat 24 eggs.
Chandler: Joey, calm down. I'll figure something out.
(The door opens, Chandler and Joey freeze, and Phoebe enters).
Phoebe: Hey guys! (looking at the kitchen floor) Oh my God, Monica is going to kill you guys.
Joey (laughing): Wait till Ross goes home. Then both of them will want to kill us.
Phoebe: What are you talking about? Why would Ross want to kill you?
Chandler (walking towards the window): Come see for yourself. (Phoebe walks to the window and looks at Ross' apartment)
Phoebe: You guys are so dead. Water balloons are one thing, but did you have to egg his apartment too?
Joey: Well we started with just one egg and one simple bet. It just grew from there. It took on a life of its own.
Chandler: And now fiancée is going to kill me.
Phoebe: Aren't you guys suppose to be shopping?
Phoebe: Well why don't you clean up this mess before Monica gets home
and then leave and come back and act like you've been
shopping all day.
Joey: I could do that, I'm an actor.
(Enter Monica and Rachel)
Monica: You could do what Joey? (Monica looks at the kitchen) What the hell happened in here!!
Chandler: Honey I can explain.
Rachel: This is going to be good. I'm gonna sit down for this one.
Monica: Well Chandler?
Chandler: Well, Joey and I were going to go shopping but as we were
leaving I noticed a pipe leak under the sink. So Joey and I
decided to fix it. While we were fixing it, some water got on the floor and we just didn't get a chance to clean it up yet.
Monica: Joey, is this the truth?
Joey: Totally true.
Monica: Chandler, you better not be lying to me. You know how much I
hate to be lied to. (Chandler gets a guilty look on his
face). Are you sure this is the story you want to tell?
Chandler: Yes. (pause) Ok, no.
Chandler: Shut up Joey. (to Monica) It all started with a simple bet.
I bet Joey $10 that he couldn't throw an egg through Ross'
open window. He missed. He said double or nothing, so I said yes. Well, two dozen eggs later, we were out of ammunition, so
Joey got some balloons. While we were filling the water balloons, we got water everywhere. That's the story.
Monica (mad): Let me get this straight, you lied to me about shopping to throw eggs and water balloons at Ross' apartment?
Rachel: I wouldn't answer that Chandler.
Monica: Shut up Rachel. Chandler?
Chandler: Ok, I said I was going shopping. We just got never got around to it.
Monica: So you lied to me?
Chandler: Ok I did.
Monica: Fine. (Monica storms off to her bedroom and slams the door)
Phoebe: You should have done what I told you Chandler.
Rachel: Sounds like you'll be sleeping on the couch for a while.
Ross: Hey, what's up?
Rachel: Joey and Chandler are in trouble.
Ross: What'd they do?
Rachel: The egged and water ballooned your apartment and Chandler lied to Monica about going shopping.
Ross (sprinting over to the window): Oh my God, look what you guys did
to my apartment. (Ross starts laughing
Rachel: Sweetie, why is that funny, shouldn't you be upset.
Ross: It reminds me a prank Chandler and I pulled in college. We did the same thing to Mike Millar.
Chandler: That's where I got idea. So you're not mad?
Ross: Oh I'm mad. You and Joey are going to my apartment and you're cleaning up the mess.
Rachel: So Ross, how was subbing for your colleague?
Rachel: You said you had to teach a class for a colleague of yours this afternoon.
Ross: Oh that, yeah it went fine.
Phoebe: You really didn't teach the class did you?
Ross: No. I mean yes, I did.
Rachel (a little mad): Did you teach the class or did you lie to me?
Ross: Ok, I didn't teach the class but I have a good reason.
Rachel: Save it. I'm leaving. (Rachel leaves)
Ross: Rachel wait. Damn it.
Chandler: Looks like you'll be sleeping on the couch like me.
CENTRAL PERK (Monica, Rachel and Phoebe are present)
Monica: You know I love Chandler, but sometimes I just want to kill him. He can act like such a little kid.
Rachel: At least you understand why Chandler lied to you. I still can't figure out why Ross lied to me.
Phoebe: That's because you didn't give him a chance to explain.
Rachel: He lied to me Pheebs. Right to my face.
Phoebe: But I warned you both that none of them were doing what you thought they were.
Monica: No you didn't.
Phoebe: Uh Huh, I told Rachel that Ross was lying to her and I told
you that Chandler and Joey weren't shopping but playing a
stupid game out on the balcony.
Rachel: She's right Mon, she did warn us. Pheebs, why did Ross lie to me?
Phoebe: I can't be sure, but I feel that he bought you a present that is very important to him.
Rachel: What could it be?
Phoebe: I donít know, but he thinks it's special.
Monica: At least Ross got you something special, all Chandler did was use all my eggs.
Phoebe: But Chandler already got you something special, your engagement ring.
Monica: Sometimes I wish I hadn't said yes. (Rachel and Phoebe stare
at her in disbelief) I'm only kidding, I love Chandler and
his childish ways.
ROSS' APARTMENT (Ross is sitting on the couch watching Chandler and Joey clean up the mess they caused)
Ross (pointing to the window sill): You missed a spot.
Chandler: Shut up Ross. (Ross glares at Chandler) Thank you for pointing that spot out Ross (Chandler cleans the area).
Joey: Are we almost done, my back is killing me.
Ross: Better your back then me Joey. Chandler, did you ever get Monica a promise ring?
Joey: What's a promise ring?
Chandler: It's a ring that says that you'll marry your girlfriend someday. (to Ross) No, I went straight to the big kahuna. Why?
Ross: I got Rachel a promise ring. That's where I was this afternoon
and why I lied to Rachel. But now Rachel is pissed at me,
she won't even talk to me.
Joey: So just take the ring back. (Chandler and Ross glare at Joey) What? I am only trying to help.
Chandler: Just let things die down Ross. You don't have to give her the ring today.
Ross: You're right. I probably won't see her for the rest of the day anyway.
CHANDLER & MONICA'S (It's night time and Chandler and Monica are
getting ready for bed. Monica emerges from the
bedroom carrying a pillow and blankets and throws them on the couch. Chandler emerges from the bathroom)
Monica (pointing to the couch): Your bed is all made up. Goodnight.
Chandler: Mon, you can't be serious. I have to sleep on the couch?
Monica (stopping in the doorway to the bedroom): Yes, or would you like to sleep at Joey's.
Chandler: I want to sleep with you.
Monica: Well that's not going to happen.
Chandler: Mon, I said I was sorry a hundred times. What else do you want me to say?
Monica: If you can't figure that out, then I can't help you.
Chandler: I love you Monica and I'm sorry that I lied to you.
Monica: Thank you, but you're still sleeping on the couch. Goodnight. (Monica shuts the bedroom door)
Chandler (to himself): I just don't understand women.
ROSS' APARTMENT (Ross is trying to call Rachel on the phone)
Ross: Phoebe, hi it's Ross. (pause) Yes I know it's late. Is Rachel
there? (pause) Can I speak to her? (pause) Why won't she talk
to me? (pause) I know I lied to her, but I have a good reason. (pause) Well, tell her that I love her and I'll see her tomorrow.
(pause) Goodnight. (Ross hangs up the phone- to himself) I've got to stop screwing up like this.
CHANDLER & MONICA'S (It's the middle of the night, Chandler is awake on the couch)
Chandler: That's it, I'm sneaking into bed with her. (Chandler gets
up and goes to the bedroom and tries to open the door)
Damn it, she locked the door.
Chandler (VO): I'm gonna pick the lock. (Chandler searches the apartment
for something to pick the lock with and finds a
bobby pin. He tries unsuccessfully to pick the lock). Damn it. Ok think. I know a credit card between the door jamb. (This time,
Chandler is successful and opens the door. He goes to pull back the covers on the bed when suddenly something hits in the head
from behind. He crumbles to the ground. The lights turn on and we see Monica holding a miniature baseball bat).
Monica: Chandler! Oh my God, Chandler are you all right? I'm so sorry!
Chandler (coming to): What was that? (sees Monica is still holding the bat) Are you crazy, what did you hit me for?
Monica: I thought someone was trying to break into the room and hurt me.
Chandler: And you didn't think it could have been me?
Monica: You're suppose to sleep on the couch.
Chandler: I just wanted to be with you. I'm sorry (Chandler starts to walk back towards the couch, rubbing his head)
Monica: Honey, come to bed.
Monica: Yeah, I'll make you feel better.
CENTRAL PERK (Everyone but Ross is present)
Monica: Rach, have you seen Ross today?
Rachel: No. He wouldn't stop calling me last night, so I don't want to see him.
Phoebe: He's just trying to give you your present and say he's sorry.
Chandler: Yeah, come on Rach, it's not like he meant to lie to you.
Joey: Maybe he just lied to you to cover up the fact that he bought you a ring. (Chandler stares at Joey)
Rachel: What did you just say?
Joey (realizing he's in hot water): Nothing. I said nothing.
Rachel: Joey, what kind of ring did Ross buy me?
Joey: He didn't buy you a ring, I swear.
Rachel: Joey, look me in the eye and tell me he didn't buy me a ring.
Joey (looking Rachel straight in the eye): Ross did buy you a ring. (realizes what he just said) I mean he didn't buy you a ring.
Monica: Oh my God, Ross is going to ask you to marry him!
Rachel: Don't be silly, we've only been together again for two months.
Phoebe: I think Monica's right. I think he wants you to be Mrs. Geller.
Chandler: Yeah, Mrs. Geller the fourth. Oh wait, she was already Mrs. Geller the third, maybe she can unretire that title.
Rachel: I have to go find Ross. I'll see you guys later. (Rachel leaves)
Joey: It's not an engagement ring, itís a promiscuous ring.
Chandler: A promise, a promise ring Joey.
Monica: When did you guys find out about this?
Chandler: Yesterday when we where cleaning up Ross' apartment. Ross
was at the jewelry store instead of NYU that's why he
lied to Rachel.
Phoebe: See Monica, I told you it was a good lie.
ROSS' APARTMENT (Ross is reading on the couch, there's a knock on the door and Ross gets up and answers the door)
Ross: Rachel, what are you doing here?
Rachel: We have to talk.
Ross: Look, if this is about me lying to you, I already said I'm sorry.
Rachel: Look Ross, I just don't think we're ready to get married. We just got back together two months ago.
Ross: Who said anything about marriage?
Rachel: Cut the crap Ross, I know you bought a ring.
Ross: Who told you I bought a ring?
Ross: I didn't buy you an engagement ring.
Rachel: Now you're lying to me again. That's it, if you're just going
to keep lying to me, then I see no need to continue this
relationship any further. Goodbye. (Rachel turns to leave)
Ross (grabs Rachel's arm and turns her around): Come here. (Ross pulls
Rachel over to the couch and sits her down. Ross gets
a small ring box off his bookcase) Rachel, I didn't buy you an engagement ring. I bought you a promise ring. (Ross opens the
box and gives her the ring) I just wanted you to know that you're the only one for me and someday I promise to marry you if
you'll have me.
Rachel (near tears): Ross, I don't know what to say, I'm sorry. The
ring is beautiful. I love you (Rachel kisses Ross). I promise
you that I'll say yes when you ask me to marry you.
Ross: Well this isn't how I planned on giving you the ring, but I'm glad you like it. Shall we go show the others?
Rachel (seductively): I have something else to show you first. (Rachel gets up and takes Ross' hand and moves to the bedroom).
Ross: I am going to start giving you presents more often.
CENTRAL PERK (Everyone is present)
Phoebe: I can't believe that you two (points to Monica and Chandler)
are engaged and you two (points to Ross and Rachel) are
Rachel: I know, isn't it great.
Joey: Hey Ross, how much are those promise rings, maybe I'll get one for Kate.
Ross: I'll tell you later Joey.
Chandler: Joe, are you sure you're ready for that type of commitment?
Joey: What? We've been dating for a whole month. That sounds like commitment to me.
Monica: It took Chandler a whole year to admit he was in a committed relationship and Joey accomplishes that in a month.
Chandler: Yes, but I understand the meaning of the word Monica, Joey doesn't.
Joey: By the way, can anybody explain what a committed relationship is?