Written by: Ethan

Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me, but to Bright, Kauffman and Crane Productions and Warner Bros. Their use is not intended for profit, only for entertainment.

JOEY & JENNA'S APARTMENT (Joey is watching TV. The phone rings)

Joey: Hello? (pause) Hey sweetie. How's your ass this morning? I smacked it around pretty hard last night. (pause) Mom!


BLOOMINGDALE'S (Ross and Julie Bowen are present. They're shopping in the petite section)

Julie (holding up silk pajamas): What ya think of this?

Ross: Why do you think I would actually have an opinion?

Julie: Well you are married. Doesn't Rachel wear pajamas to bed?

Ross: It depends.

Julie: Depends?

Ross: Let's just leave it at that shall we?

Julie: I think I'm gonna get them. I just love how silk feels against naked skin. You know what's even better, forgetting to wear underwear.

Ross: Ah Julie….

Julie: Yeah?

Ross: I'm a married guy friend of yours. I don't need to hear about how you wear your pajamas. You see I hear stories about you not wearing your underwear with silk pajamas and my mind starts going to places it shouldn't.

Julie: But maybe that's what I want to accomplish.

VICTORIA'S SECRET (Rachel is working in her office. Rachel is getting something out of the cabinet as Katie, her boss, enters)

Katie: Is Ross here?

Rachel (slowly): No. (pause) Ah, why?

Katie: Well your zipper is down on your dress and you didn't lock your door so I figured that Ross must be around here someplace with his pants around his ankles.

Rachel: Ross is shopping with a friend. (pause) Could you help me with my zipper please?

Katie: Shopping?

Rachel: He's a woman's type of man, not a man type of man. He actually likes shopping. He says it gives him the freedom to express himself.

Katie: And you're positive he's not gay?

Rachel: Katie, if he were gay, you wouldn't have caught us having sex in my office.

Katie (handing Rachel an itinerary): You're needed in Nome. There's a big brouhaha going on in the field office, it's all outlined in this memo. Go fix the problem. Your flight leaves tomorrow morning at 5. Call me when you get there. (Katie goes to leave)

Rachel: Katie! Wait! Why do I have to fly out at 5 in the morning? I'm an executive, not some peon in accounting!

Katie: I started in accounting.

Rachel: Ok, bad example. Nome? What the hell's Nome?

Katie: Nome, Alaska. You're flying out at 5 in the morning so you land in Alaska at a decent hour.

Rachel: Why do we even have an office in Nome?

Katie: Even Eskimos like to get jiggy with it.

Rachel: But it's the middle of winter! It's gonna be like 10° !

Katie: Actually it's gonna be like a balmy -10° , so dress warmly. See ya in a week.

Rachel: A WEEK?

CENTRAL PERK (Joey and Monica are present)

Monica: When do you leave for your movie?

Joey: I don't. I got fired.

Monica: What? How you'd get fired? They haven't even started filming yet.

Joey: I was chatting on the phone with Courteney Cox Arquette, you know getting to know one another before we work together and out of nowhere she tricked me!

Monica: How did she trick you?

Joey: She asked what part of the script I liked the most.

Monica: And you said…..

Joey: The parts where we get to have simulated sex.

Monica: That'll get you fired. (pause) Do you need a job?

Joey: Does the Catholic Church protect pedophiles?

Monica: I'm not Catholic, that means nothing to me.

Joey: Don't you read the papers?

Monica: Do you need a job you sex crazed lunatic?

Joey: Yeah.

Monica: Be at the restaurant at 4. You earn $10/hr plus tips. You don't talk to me at work unless I talk to you first. You're not to goof around with Phoebe either.

Joey: I think I'll pass on your offer.

Monica: Come on! It'll be fun!

Joey: It sounds like prison!

Monica: Joey, you've never been to prison.

Joey: But Phoebe has.

PHOEBE'S APARTMENT (Phoebe and John are present. They're fooling around on the couch)

Phoebe: You're like a bull in a china shop! Slow down!

John: Sorry, I'm just trying to make up for the last eight years.

Phoebe: Didn't you, you know, ah, play with your weed whacker when you were a Priest?

John: That was frowned upon. The theologians at the seminary however did not frown upon playing with each other. Ironic isn't it?

(Chandler and Jenna, both dressed in business suits, enter)

Chandler: Pheebs?

(Phoebe sits up, boobs showing)

Phoebe: Yeah?

Chandler (covering his eyes): My eyes! My eyes! Jenna, avert your eyes or be paralyzed by all their naked glory!

Jenna: We can come back, sorry for the interruption.

Chandler (looking at Jenna): I don't wanna leave. There're bare breasts in this apartment.

Jenna: And if you continue to look at them, your wife will make sure that you never see breasts again.

Phoebe (who has put her shirt back on): Sorry about that. We were just playing a game.

Chandler: We?

Phoebe: John will be with us in a moment. He's putting his equipment away. What ya need?

Chandler: Could we borrow your Viper?

Phoebe: What's the matter with Jenna's car?

Jenna: It's in the shop. Joey accidentally put kerosene in the gas tank instead of gas.

Phoebe: How's that even possible?

Chandler: One word. Joey.

Phoebe: The keys are on the counter. Have fun.

Chandler: Thanks Phoebe.

John: Hey guys!

Chandler: The fly John, the fly.

John: Oops.

Phoebe: Wait. Why do you need my Viper?

Jenna: We have to go upstate for business.

Phoebe: And your company doesn't have a car for you?

Chandler: Well they do, but they only have Le Barons. Jenna and I thought it'd be fun to borrow your Viper.

Phoebe: Makes sense to me.

Chandler: See ya.

Jenna: Thanks Phoebe.

(Chandler and Jenna leave)

John: Where were we?

Phoebe (taking off her shirt): I believe you were about to scale Mt. Nipple with your tongue.

BUFFALO, NY - TOYS R US STORE #232 (Chandler and Jenna are present and meeting with the store manager)

Store Manager (very happy): No one at corporate told me your were coming Mr. Bing. If I'd have none that you were coming, I would've made sure that all of my employees were dressed in the proper company uniforms today.

Chandler: We have company uniforms?

Store Manager: Yes sir. I love mine. I even wear it out to the local bars. It gets me chicks. They just love the power of the uniform.

Jenna: Women, not chicks, women.

Store Manager: That's what I said.

Chandler (to Jenna): Then again, he could be picking up poultry.

Store Manager: So what brings you two out to Buffalo?

Chandler: Rob, can I call you Rob?

Rob: Sure that's my name after all, Robert Downey. My mother named me after my older cousin, Robert Downey Jr. Of course he goes by Robert, so I have to go by Rob so people don't get confused.

Chandler: That's very pointless drivel Rob, thanks for sharing. Rob, the reason for Ms. Eddy and mine's visit is quite simple.

Rob: I won the employee of the year award?

Chandler: You stupid man. Rob, in twenty minutes the local authorities will be here to talk with you. We're just here for damage control.

Rob ( in a completely serious demeanor and deep voice): This is about the prostitution ring I've been running out of this store isn't it?

Jenna: You've been running a prostitution ring out of the store?

Chandler: No Rob, this is about something else, but we'll come back to that.

Rob (very happy again): So I really did win the employee of the year award!

MICHAEL'S PLACE (Monica, Phoebe and Joey are present. They're talking in the kitchen)

Monica (pointing): You enter through that door, pick up the orders here, an exit that door. Got it?

Joey: Of course I got it. I wouldn't be marrying Jenna if I didn't have it.

Monica: Joey!

Joey: I've got it. Through that door and exit that door.

Monica: And where do you pick the orders up?

Joey: Right here.

Monica: Now go to work and get out of my kitchen.

Phoebe: Excuse Hitler here, she thinks she owns the place.

Monica: I do own the place!

Joey (as Phoebe and Joey leave the kitchen): Who was Hitler?

ROSS & RACHEL'S APARTMENT (Ross, Rachel, Ben and Caitlin are present)

Ross: You're gonna be gone for a whole week?

Rachel: Apparently.

Ross: Why exactly?

Rachel: Some idiot's been siphoning money. I have to go fire her.

Ross: They're sending you to do that? Why can't the manager do that? And why is that gonna take a week?

Rachel: Are you through with all the questions?

Ross: Only after you answer them!

Rachel: The employee that they believe that has been siphoning money is the executive in charge of our Alaska stores. Therefore, a manager can't fire her. And it's gonna take a week because I have to uncover how she's doing it.

Ross: You have no background in accounting.

Rachel: I realize that, but that's why George from Accounting is going with me.

Ross: Is George married?

Rachel: He's gay Ross. The only threat he poses to you is if he meets Chandler, he might take your best friend away from you.

Ross: But we're gonna miss seeing The Producers now.

Rachel: I'm sorry Ross but my job is a little more important than some stupid Broadway play.

Ross: It's not stupid. It won a lot of Tonys.

Rachel: Take Julie with you. I'm sure she'd love to see it.

Ross: Are you serious?

Rachel: Sure. It's not like you've got the hots for her or something. I trust you.

Ross: That'd be a first.

Rachel: What?

Ross: That'd be a great idea. I'll ask Julie. Wait, what about the kids?

Rachel: Caitlin's going to my Mom's for the week and Monica offered to take Ben.

Ross: Why can't I just watch Ben? I'm the boy's father after all.

Rachel: What? Are you gonna be scared being on your own again?

Ross: No. (pause) I guess Monica could take Ben for the week. Is Chandler gonna be there?

Rachel: Well he is married to your sister.

Ross: Forget it then, Ben's not staying with Monica and Chandler.

(Ben enters the bedroom)

Ben: Mommy, when is Aunt Monica coming to pick me up?

Rachel: She isn't, she's working tonight. Grandma Green is going to take you until Uncle Chandler gets home from work.

Ben: Cool! I love Uncle Chandler! We always do stupid things together!

Ross: And you don't stupid things with me?

Ben: If you call playing dinosaurs stupid, then yeah, we do.

(Ben leaves)

Ross: I hope he gives Chandler and Monica hell.

BUFFALO, NY - TOYS R US STORE #232 (Chandler and Jenna are present and meeting with Rob, the store manager)

Rob: So why are you here?

Chandler: We got a call from the Buffalo Police Department that you've been selling marijuana in the GI Joe aisle.

Rob: The police know about that? I mean, I have no idea what you're talking about.

Jenna: How in the world did you get promoted to store manager?

Rob: I knew the District Manager, he got me the job.

Chandler: He won't have his job for long.

Rob: Don't fire Rasheed Wallace, he didn't know that I moonlighted on the side.

Chandler: On the side? You've been selling dime bags in the store!

Rob: And that's wrong right?

Jenna: I'm going outside for air. I thought Joey was dumb but Rob here takes the cake.

(Jenna leaves)

Chandler: Rob, tell me this. How much money are you making selling dope in the GI Joe aisle?

Rob: I dunno, about $3,000 a week.

Chandler: $3,000 a week?!

Rob: Plus another $10,000 a month from my prostitution ring. I run that out of the Barbie aisle.

Chandler: What are you doing working here if you're clearing $22,000 a month?

Rob: Well we get 50% of all merchandise.

Chandler: In two years you could buy the whole store's inventory at full price!

Rob: Yeah. But I buy video games here at 50% off and hawk them at Electronic Boutique for extra money.

Chandler: Which is a violation of Company policy!

Rob: It is?

Chandler: Yes! Didn't you read your handbook or were you too stoned to remember it while a hooker rocked your world?

Rob: Probably the latter.

Chandler: Hold on a minute. (Chandler goes to the door and calls for Jenna) Could you come back in here please?

(Jenna re-enters)

Jenna: I'm ready.

Rob: What? Are we gonna have a threesome or something? 'Cause if we are, I hate to burst your bubble but I'm not down with that.

Chandler: Do us a favor and shut up Rob. Effective immediately, Robert Downey you are hereby terminated. Ms. Eddy has your final paycheck. (Jenna hands it to Rob) You are to hand over your store key, employee handbook and your discount card before you're escorted off the premises. In this case, Sgt. Eric Moulds of the Buffalo Police Department will do that honor for us.

Rob: This is totally harsh! I haven't done anything to deserve to get fired! Oh and I don't have my employee handbook anymore, I used it to roll joints.

Chandler: You've been selling dope and running a prostitution ring out of the store!

Rob: You have no proof of that.

Chandler: You just told me that's what you've been doing!

Rob: I lie a lot.

Jenna: But videotape doesn't.

Rob: The store's videotaped?

Jenna: Yes. The Buffalo Police Department has all of the store's copies for the past two months.

Rob: Man, my mother is gonna kill me. First I get kicked out of the Army for don't ask, don't tell, and now this!

(Sgt. Moulds enters the office)

Sgt. Moulds: Robert Downey, you've officially become like your famous cousin. You are hereby under arrest for the sale and distribution of an illegal drug. You have the right to remain silent…..(Sgt. Moulds finishes reading Rob his rights) Do you understand your rights Mr. Downey?

Rob: Yeah. Does this mean that you're not gonna bust me for running a prostitution ring out of the Barbie aisle?

Chandler (to Jenna): He obviously didn't understand his right to be silent.

MICHAEL'S PLACE (Joey is taking the order of a group of women)

Joey: What will you ladies have this evening?

Blonde #1: I'll have the Chicken Ceasar Salad with you as an appetizer.

Joey: I'm sorry, I only come as an entr?e. What would you like?

Brunette #1: I'll have the Vegetarian Lasagna and a stiff hot dog as an appetizer.

Joey: Clever, but the hot dog is spoken for. And you?

Blonde #2: What do you recommend?

Joey: The Pasta is excellent here. You can't go wrong with any dish.

Blonde #2: I'll have the Angel Hair Pasta with your cream sauce on the side.

Joey: Excellent choice. And finally, what would you like?

Brunette #2: I just want you to rub olive oil on my naked body. Can you handle that?

Joey: I'm sorry miss, but I'm spoken for.

Brunette #2: But it's my birthday!

Joey: I'm sorry Miss. My fianc?e wouldn't appreciate me rubbing olive oil on your naked body. What would you like to eat this evening?

Brunette #2: Do you have sausage stuffed with cheese in the middle?

Joey: No, just sausage. We can put marinara sauce on it if you'd like.

Brunette #2: That sounds great. Wait, one other thing. I also want two meatballs and I want them placed on either side of the sausage with them all covered in meat sauce.

Joey: Very well. Anything to drink for you ladies?

Brunette #1: I'll take a Sex on the Beach.

Blonde #2: I'll take a Purple Hooter and a Budweiser.

Blonde #1: I want a shot of Jack Daniels and a Coors Light Chaser.

Joey: And you Miss?

Brunette #2: I'll take a Blue Balls Surprise.

Joey: I'm sorry I don't think our bartenders are familiar with that drink.

Brunette #2: Why don't you come to the restroom with me and I'll explain it to you?

(cut to a minute later, Joey is in the kitchen placing his order)

Joey: Ms. Geller, can I have a word with you for a second?

Monica: What's up?

Joey: This is gonna be my last night.

Monica: What? Why?

Joey: Because I've had nothing but tables full of gorgeous women tonight! All the blood keeps going to my head and it's not the head you think it is!

Monica: You haven't had one table of men tonight?

Joey: No! I've got tables full of women who keep propositioning me! I know I'm to die for, but this is ridiculous! One lady wanted me to rub olive oil on her naked body! Then when I told her that I couldn't do that, she ordered a piece of sausage with two meatballs covered in meat sauce. She wants the meatballs on either side of the sausage!

Monica: Joey, Joey, calm down. Let me talk with Phoebe, I'll get you a table full of men ASAP.

Joey: Thank you! It least the men won't hit on me!

ROSS & RACHEL'S APARTMENT (Ross and Rachel are present)

Ross: This is kinda like when were dating. No kids, just you and I sharing a bowl of Macaroni and Cheese over a bottle of wine, it's really nice.

Rachel: I'll tell you one thing that's not gonna happen though.

Ross: What's that?

Rachel: You're not getting lucky tonight. The last time we did it before I traveled I couldn't sit on the plane because, well you know.

Ross: We've, ah, we've never put anything up there.

Rachel (throwing Mac & Cheese at Ross): Not that hole! The permitted one! I was so sore I couldn't sit!

Ross: Yeah, you've got to travel more often.

(There's a knock at the door)

Rachel (getting up to answer the door): If people saw you in the bedroom no one would believe that you’re a Paleontology Professor.

Ross: That's exactly what all of my other girlfriends have said.

Rachel (mad): You're definitely not getting any now! (opens the door) Julie!

Julie: What exactly won't Ross being getting this evening?

Ross: What's up?

Julie: I'm bored. You guys wanna go to the movies? I hear that movie The Hot Chick is supposed to be hysterical.

Ross: Sounds fine to me. Up to it Rach?

Rachel: You guys go. I've got to get to bed early, my flight's at 5 tomorrow morning, meaning that I have to be up at 2 to make my flight.

Julie: You're 45 minutes from the JFK, why do you have to get up three hours before your flight?

Ross: Rachel refuses to go out in public looking anything close to ugly.

Rachel: Yet you don't seem to mind at all.

Ross: Just for that, I'm sleeping with Julie tonight.

Julie: Sounds good to me.

Rachel: Enjoy yourself, and don't you dare wake me when you get home. I'll call you when I get to Nome.

Julie: You're going to Alaska?

Rachel: Apparently even the Eskimos like to get jiggy with it.

MICHAEL'S PLACE (Monica is talking with Phoebe in the kitchen)

Monica: Have you been only giving Joey tables with groups of women?

Phoebe: No! Why would you even think that?!

Monica: Because it's something that you would do to mess with him.

Phoebe: Is it working?

Monica: Phoebe!

Phoebe: So it is. Score one for Phoebe.

Monica: Stop fooling around! We're running a restaurant here not some practical joke parlor!

Phoebe: They have practical joke parlors?

Monica: Would you just knock it off?!

Phoebe: Fine.

Monica: If an all male table comes in, give it to Joey. Do you understand me?

Phoebe: Heil Hitler!

Monica: And stop calling me that!

Pheobe: Sorry Ms. Stalin.

SOMEWHERE ON THE NY EXPRESSWAY (Chandler and Jenna are present)

Jenna: How much time do you think Rob will get?

Chandler: Before his ass gets violated?

Jenna (laughing): No, prison time.

Chandler: Still the same thing. Sgt. Moulds was talking about a year in jail if he's found guilty. And given that Rob was caught on tape distributing marijuana, I'd say he's got a 99% chance of serving that time.

Jenna: Have you ever been arrested?

Chandler: A couple of times but the charges were always dropped.

Jenna: For what?

Chandler: Having sex in public. Don't you remember? Monica and I were arrested at the Christmas party for having sex on our balcony.

Jenna: Oh. I kinda had a passed out naked man on top of me that night. The only thing I remember was when they got Joey off of me.

Chandler: That would suck. Have you ever been arrested?

Jenna (quickly): No.

Chandler: Oh my God! You've totally been arrested! What'd you get arrested for?

Jenna: I can't tell you.

Chandler: Come on, I'm not gonna tell anyone.

Jenna: You're gonna tell Joey!

Chandler: So? I tell Joey things all the time and the next day he doesn't remember a word that I said. Just tell me.

Jenna: No. So what's jail like?

Chandler: You tell me, you've obviously been there.

Jenna: Can we just drop it?

Chandler: Christ, did you kill someone or something?

Jenna: No, I'm not OJ Simpson.

Chandler: OJ was never found guilty.

Jenna: But we all know that he did it.

Chandler: What'd you do?

Jenna: I'm not telling you.

Chandler: Fine. But be warned, we still got two hours to drive, I can get mighty annoying.

Jenna: You achieve that in under five minutes.

Chandler: Stop hanging around with Monica. (turns on the radio) Did you know that I can sing Amazing Grace to any song on the radio?

Jenna: Don't, don't you dare start!

(Chandler starts singing Amazing Grace to Man, I Feel Like A Woman)

(cut to five minutes later - Chandler is now singing Amazing Grace to Highway to Hell)

Jenna: Ok, ok! You win! Eight years ago I was arrested for shoplifting $5,000 worth of merchandise from Saks Fifth Avenue!

Chandler (taking his eyes off the road): What?!

(A car horn sounds next to Chandler)

Jenna: Chandler! Watch the road!

MICHAEL'S PLACE (Joey is taking orders from a table full of men)

Joey: Good evening gentlemen, my name is Joey and I'll be your server this evening. What can I get for you?

Man #1: Do you guys serve steaks?

Joey: No sir, this is an Italian restaurant.

Man #1: Do you have hot sausage?

Joey: Yes sir. Would you care for any Pasta with your sausage?

Man #1: Yes, Angel Hair please. Oh, could I get meatballs with that too?

Joey: Certainly.

Man #1: Just make sure that the cook puts the meatballs on either side of the sausage.

Joey: Yeah, not a problem. And you sir?

Man #2: I'll have what he's having. I just love sausage and balls.

Joey: Good to hear. And you?

Man #3: I just want you to rub olive oil on my naked body. Can you handle that?

Joey: What?!

Man #3: I said I'll just have the same thing.

Joey: Oh. Your food will be out in about twenty minutes. Would you care for any appetizers while you wait?

Man #2: I think we'd all like to take you into the restroom and sample your hot sausage.

Joey: WHAT?!

Man #2: I said we're gonna pass the appetizers but we like a pitcher of Budweiser.

Joey: Ok. Could you excuse me please?

(cut to a minute later, Joey is in the kitchen placing his order)

Monica: How's it going out there Joey?

Joey: Now I'm being hit on by guys! What the hell is going on in this place?

Monica: Phoebe!

Joey: No, I'm Joey.

Monica: I'll be right back. (Monica exits the kitchen)

Joey (to Gretchen, the Assistant Head Chef): How you doin?

Gretchen: Great and happily married.

(cut to a minute later - Monica and Phoebe enter the kitchen)

Phoebe: What are you dragging me into the kitchen for Ms. Stalin?

Monica: Stop calling me that! Did you tell that table of gentlemen to hit on Joey?

Phoebe: No! I would never do a thing like that!

Monica: Phoebe, so help me God, did you tell that table of gentlemen to hit on Joey?

Phoebe: No.

Monica: You're lying.

Phoebe: I merely told them to read the script that I placed in their menus.

Joey: I'm gonna kill you Phoebe! You had me thinking that I caught Chandler's gayness from him! I mean, I get hit on by women all the time, but men? That's where I draw the line!

Monica: Phoebe, what did I tell you about fooling around at work?

Phoebe: Never, ever, bring John here to make love again.

Monica: You made love to John in the restaurant?

Phoebe: No.

Monica: If you weren't my partner, I'd fire your ass! Apologize to Joey.

Phoebe: What for?

Joey: You had everyone hitting on me all night! If I have to take one more order for sausage and meatballs, I'm gonna kill myself! (pause) Though I thought that was funny.

Phoebe: See, he's enjoyed himself. I'm not apologizing for anything.

Monica: Phoebe!

Phoebe: I'm sorry Joey. I promise I won't have the customers hit on you anymore.

Joey: Apology accepted.

Monica: Now get back to work!

Phoebe (to Joey): We'd better go before Ms. Stalin goes on a rampage again.

Monica: Stop calling me Ms. Stalin!

Joey: Who was Stalin?

SOMEWHERE ON THE NY EXPRESSWAY (Chandler and Jenna are present)

Chandler: Were you convicted?

Jenna: I was convicted of a misdemeanor. I had to pay a $5,000 fine, do 300 hours of community service and make restitution to Saks.

Chandler: That's unbelievable. I'd never in a million years think that you'd do something like that. You're so professional.

Jenna: I made a mistake. And you shouldn't talk, if I didn't know you I'd never believe that you got arrested for having sex in public.

Chandler: Why not?

Jenna: Because I'd never believe that you'd have sex in the first place.

Chandler: Joey's gonna love to hear about your arrest.

Jenna: You promised!

Chandler: I'm kidding, I won't say a word.

Jenna: And don't tell anyone. If work finds out, I could lose my job.

Chandler: So I guess you're gonna have to show me your boobs then.

Jenna: Yeah, I'll do that and then have Joey kick your ass.

Chandler: Or you don't have to show me anything.


Julie: That was the stupidest movie I've ever seen.

Ross: I thought it was pretty funny.

Julie: It was, it was just stupid.

Ross: Well I'd better get upstairs.

Julie: Yeah. Thanks for hanging out with me.

Ross: Yeah it's been great. Ah, Rachel's gonna be gone for a week and we had plans to go to see The Producers on Broadway. She suggested that I take you. Interested?

Julie: When is it?

Ross: Thursday night.

Julie: Consider it a date then. I'll see you later. (hugs Ross)

Ross: I'll give you call on Wednesday.

Julie: If you need a booty call before then, give me a call.

Ross: Wanna come upstairs? Rachel might be up for a threesome.

Julie: I just want you buddy. I just want you.

Ross: Then we could have sex in the cab.

Julie: How 'bout right here on the street?

Ross: I'm shy.

Julie: I'm not.

Ross: Talk to you later.

Julie: Fine, leave a woman in heat.

Ross: Gonna have to, I got a woman in heat upstairs.

ROSS & RACHEL'S APARTMENT (Ross climbs into bed next to a sleeping Rachel)

Ross: I love you Rach. (kisses her on the lips, waking her)

Rachel: How was the movie?

Ross: Stupid.

Rachel: So you liked it.

Ross: Very much so.

Rachel: I'll try not to wake you when I leave.

Ross: At least kiss me goodbye.

Rachel: Ok. Goodnight.

Ross: Rach?

Rachel: Yeah?

Ross: Wanna play post office?

Rachel: No. I wanna sleep.

Ross: But it's the last time you'll have sex for the next week.

Rachel: I don't know about that, George is accompanying me on the trip.

Ross: You said George was gay.

Rachel: Well maybe I lied.


MONICA & CHANDLER'S FLAT (Monica and Chandler are in bed. Michael and Ben are as well)

Monica: He was really selling joints and running a prostitution ring out of the store?

Chandler: Pretty enterprising if you ask me.

Monica: Wanna whore me out?

Chandler: What?

Monica (rolling on top of Chandler): Let's play, I'm the hooker you’re the john.

Chandler: Do I really have to give you money?

Monica: Just play the game!

Chandler (in a real macho voice): Hey woman, I'll give you $300 if you'll rock all night with me.

Monica: You know what, let's forget the game. Just make love to me.

(Chandler and Monica start fooling around on the bed. Chandler takes Monica's pajama top off. They start fooling around again)

Chandler: I love you.

Monica: I love you too.

(Ben bursts into the room)

Ben: Uncle Chandler, Uncle Chandler! Wanna play a game? (looks at Monica, who is topless) Man Aunt Monica, your boobs are almost as big as Mommy Rachel's.