TOW Ross's Wedding - parts 1+2
written by Caitie
(This fanfic is my version of how those two eps should have gone if I had written them. My fanfic starts from the beginning of the ep. I took a little bits of lines from the original ep. Oh, and I do not own these characters. They belong to Crane, Kaffman, and Bright.)
(Scene: Joey and Chandler's, everyone there but Monica and Ross.)
Joey: Wow, I can't believe Ross is getting married.
Chandler: Yeah.
Phoebe: I know, it seems like it was just yesterday when he told us that Carol was a lesbian.
Joey: Yeah, Good times.
Rachel: How was that good Joey?
Joey: Because it was cool.
Chandler: Man I gotta get a new roommate.
(Monica runs in)
Monica: (panicking and talking fast) Chandler, Joey come on we have to go. The plane is leaving in tow hours. There could be traffic, it could rain, the flight could be delayed. LET'S GO, LET'S GO, LET'S GO!!
Chandler: Monica: we don't leave until tomorrow.
Joey: Yeah, and you're freaking me out!
Monica: Really?
Joey: Yeah!
Monica: Oh, good I just wanted to give you a little taste of how I'm going to be tomorrow morning.
Chandler: Mon, does being crazy have anything to do with being you?
Joey: Well, I better go pack.
Monica: Wait a minute, you haven't packed yet?
Joey: No.
Monica: Joey, you should have gotten your stuff packed a week ago.
Joey: Yeah, I should have but I chose not to.
Monica: Joey, you know what I don't care if don't pack. I don't care if you pack at the last minute. I don't care if we are about to leave and you say "I have to pack." I'll pack for you myself (goes into Joey's room to pack his things).
Opening Credits/ Commercial Break
(Scene: Monica and Rachel's, The next
morning. Everyone there but Monica, Ross,
and Joey. There are suitcases
everywhere.)
Chandler: Rachel, could you hand me a soda.
Rachel: I can but I won't.
Chandler: Wow, someone woke up on the BITCH side of the bed this morning.
Rachel: Yeah, well you would be mad too if you couldn't attend your best friends wedding because...
Chandler: (cutting her off) Your still in love with him?
Rachel: No, wha-why would you say such a thing?
Chandler: (pause) Because it's true.
Rachel: No it is not true. You know what, just because you said that i'm taking you off my list.
Chandler: What list?
Rachel: My list of People who I would sleep with if I had to.
Chandler: I'm on your list?
Rachel: It really doesn't matter. You're number 105 anyway.
Chandler: Oh.
(Ross, Monica and Joey enter. Joey is carrying his suitcase.)
Ross: Hey!
Chandler/Rachel/Phoebe: Hey/Hi/Sup etc...
Monica: See Joey, didn't I tell you you would have more space in your bag if you fold you clothes horizontally instead of vertically?
Joey: (sarcastic) Yeah, and you also told me that it would be better to stack them from largest to smallest.
Monica: (laughing) Wasn't that fun?
Joey: (laughing sarcastically) Yeah it was. (to Chandler) I bet I will kill her before you do.
Ross: Um, wow we have to leave in about 10 mins to get good seats on the plane.
Rachel: Ooh, I have something to give you. (goes into her bedroom)
Ross: Okay.
Phoebe: Oh, Ross congradulations on your wedding.
Ross: Aww thanks Pheebs. (hugs her)
Chandler: Wow, you know what I just realized?
Joey:What?
Chandler: My ass is like totally numb.
(Rachel comes our of her bedroom with something in her hand.)
Rachel: Here you go. (hands it to Ross)
Ross: A condom?
Rachel: Yeah, for your honeymoon when your gettin' lucky. (laughs)
Ross: I already have condoms.
Rachel: Well, just think of this as my something blue from me to you.
Ross: Yeah.
Rachel: Yeah, you can think of me when you're putting that badboy on, huh? (laughs)
(Ross gives her a weird and disgusted look)
Rachel: You know what don't think about me. Just take and have fun.
Ross: Wait a minute. Um, Rach can you come?
Rachel: Ross, I already told I have a big presentation to do. I can't.
Ross: Well, can't you bump that for me?
Rachel: Ross, if I do I am gonna get fired. No, I can't. I'm sorry.
Ross: Rachel, it's not like i'm asking you for a favor, this is my wedding. If the tables were turned I'd bump anything to see you get married.
(Rachel gives him a awkward glance)
Ross: You know what fine. Don't come. We gotta get going anyway.
Monica: (talking fast) Guys come on we have to leave. Let's get moving!
(Chandler gives her a worried look)
Monica: I'm doing it again aren't I?
Chandler: Pretty much.
(Everybody exchanges hugs, kisses, and goodbyes)
(Chandler, Ross, Monica, And Joey leave)
Rachel: (depressed) Oh goddddd!
Phoebe: Are you okay?
Rachel: (sighs) No.
Phoebe: I'm sorry. (excited) Hey, do you want to help me clip my nasal hair?!
(Scene: A big plane, Joey and Chandler are seated near each other and Monica and Ross are seated near each other)
Joey: Oh god!
Chandler: What?
Joey: I think i'm gonna puke!
Chandler: If you're gonna do that go sit near Ross or something.
Joey: I'm sorry. I just feel a litle car sick that's all.
Chandler: We're on a plane.
Joey: So? I can still be car sick on a plane right?
Chandler: (pause for a long time) Yes.
Joey: Okay then.
(Cut to: Ross and Monica.)
Monica: Hey, how are you?
Ross: Fine.
Monica: Really. You aren't nervous?<BR>
Ross: Why would I be?
Monica: Well, because of the thought of Emily for the rest of your life. I mean, you'll never get to have sex with another woman again ever. I mean no more. You'll never get to fall in love again. You'll never have a kiss again. You'll never get to fall in love with a woman, and come to find out she's a lesbian. You're gonna be with Emily for the rest of you life. She could have like this Hannibel Lector mixed with Kathy Bates in Misery pesonallity but she doesn't want to show until after her wedding.
Ross: Sure.
Monica: What am I worrying about you two are way to much in love for something bad to happen to your realationship. You know what Ross, you're the most honest person in the world. (hugs him)
Ross: Yeah. (he has a blank and worried look on his face)
(Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is there when Rachel comes out of her bedroom carrying a Photo Album.)
Phoebe: What's that?
Rachel: It's a Photo Album.
Phoebe: Oh, I wanna see.
Rachel: Okay. (Phoebe sits near Rachel. They look through the album)
Phoebe: Huh.
Rachel: What?
Phoebe: Well, this album is only filled with pictures of Ross and you.
Rachel: Oh yeah, this was the album I kept of us when we were going out.
Phoebe: Really?
Rachel: Yeah. Ooh,I love this picture.
Phoebe: WhY?
Rachel: Oh, because this was when we went to our first carnival together. (starts to laugh)
Phoebe: What's so funny?
Rachel: Well, uh we were about to get on the ferris wheel and Ross made me laugh so that I acidentally threw up all of the chocolate milkshake I had early on his white pants, and it looked like he had crap all over his pants. (laughs)
Phoebe: (laughing) Oh my god!
Rachel: (stops laughing) Oh my god .
Phoebe: I know I still can't get over the fact that you guys are such wimps that you had to ride the crappy ferris wheel. (laughs)
Commercial Break
(Scene: The London Marriot, Chandler, Monica and Joey exit)
Joey: (filming Monica and Chandler) So, what did you guys think of the Marriot?
Monica: Well, I think it's a beautiful place.
Chandler: I think you should put the camera away.
Joey: Why should?
Chandler: Because you're making an ass out of you're self?
Joey: Says who?
Chandler: Says..... the London police.
Joey: (getting scared) Do you think they are gonna arrest me?
Monica: Joey, don't listen to Chandler. He's just mad because he doesn't like cameras.
Joey: Okay. Oh, Monica where do you wanna go now?
Monica: Umm.....
Chandler: (cutting her off) Maybe to a food store far far away?
(Scene: Emily and Ross' hotel room, they are there watching a movie)
Ross: Wow, Joey was right the british version of die hard is good.
Emily: Yes it is.
Ross: So, uh when I am I going to get to see the place we're getting married in?
Emily: Later on, Monica said that she wanted to go with us to see it, since this might be her only chance to ever get close to getting married as possible.
Ross: She really said that?
Emily: No, your mother did.
(pause)
Emily: So, is Rachel coming at all?
Ross: Unfortunatly no. I wanted her to come so badly but she had to work.
Emily: Oh, I'm so sorry Ross. (kisses him)
( Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is balancing a stack of plates on her tummy. Rachel is in her bedroom.)
Phoebe: Wow, being fat for nine months really does pay off.
(Cut to: Rachel's bedroom, she is looking through the photo album.)
Rachel: (sighs) Oh god. (she sees a picture of her and Chandler in there.)
(Rachel starts to hear Chandler's voice)
Chandler's voice: Rachel.
Rachel: Huh?
(Chandler suddenly appears next to her and she is startled)
Chandler's voice: What's wrong?
Rachel: I thought you were in London?
Chandler's voice: Yeah. I am here because you are having some trouble.
Rachel: What do you mean?
Chandler's voice: Why didn't you go to Ross' wedding?
Rachel: Because he's my ex-boyfriend and it would be weird to see him getting married.
Chandler's voice: And because your still in love with him?
Rachel: No, I just.... well it's gonna be to hard for me to sit there and watch him get married.
Chandler's voice: If you're not still in love with him why would it be hard?
Rachel: (pause) I don't know.
Chandler's voice: Look Rachel let's cut the crap okay? You and Ross are met to be together and he's went to London to marry someone who he met like six weeks ago. Now he suppossibly has been in love with her for those six weeks but he was in love with you since like for ever. Do you really think that he would just give that kind of love away?
Rachel: I guess...
Chandler's voice: (cutting her off) No you don't guess you know! Why do you think Ross was so desperate for you to come, huh? You think he wanted you to come so that if he needed a condom he would know who to go? Rachel if you don't do something about this you are gonna regret it for the rest of your life. Your're like a sister to be and I would want you to have anything that would make you happy.
Rachel: Even if I could do something what would I do he's in London?
Chandler's voice: That you're gonna have to figure out you're self. (he disappears)
(Rachel stares at the wall and closes her photo book suddenly)
(Scene: Wesminster Abby, Joey and Chandler are there)
Joey: (filming) Wow, this Abby is not to Shabby. (laughs)
Chandler: You're an idiot.
Joey: Wow isn't it nice here?
Chandler: Yeah.
Joey: I bet this place is a real babe magnet.
Chandler: (sarcastic) I bet it is!
(a woman approchases them)
Woman: Hello.
Joey and Chandler: (at the same them) Hi.
Woman: Are you from america?
Joey: Are you from London?
(The lady looks at him weird, chandler gives him a stupid look)
Chandler: You'll have to excuse my friend. He has the mind of an 11 year old. We actually came here for a wedding.
Woman: A wedding, is it yours?
Joey: No, it's not mine.
Woman: I was actually talking to your friend.
Chandler: Oh, uh no its not mine.
Woman: Say, uh..
Chandler: Bing, Chandler bing.
Joey: (mad) You don't have to go all 007 on me man!
Woman: My name's Amber.
Chandler: Like the color?
Amber: Yes. Chandler would you like to go get a cup of coffee with me?
Chandler: Sure. (leaves with her)
Joey: (mad) Fine. Go ahead and leave me here all alone. I don't need you. I don't need anybody! I'M GONNA MAKE IT BY MYSELF!!
(a woman walks by him)
Joey: (sexy) Hey, how you doin?
Woman: Not interested.
Joey: Okay then!
Commercial Break
(Scene: Another street, somewhere along the River Themes, Ross, Emily, and Monica are walking to where they’re gonna get married.)
Emily: You're mother is driving me crazy!
Monica: (jealous) She talks to you?!
Emily: Yes, sorry Monica. Well, she keeps on calling me and telling that I shouldn't stand in front of or near you at the wedding. She's says that you're bad luck.
Monica: (sarcastic) Wow, I love my mom. So. where's this place?
Ross: Yeah. Yeah. Yes, this place is beautiful. Emily’s parents got married here.
Emily: I still can’t believe they’re tearing it down. It really is the most lovely building you’ll ever see. I mean it’s over… (She stops suddenly, when she sees that demolition has already started.) Oh my God!
(Ross looks at Monica and remebers his mom said she was bad luck and he moves him and Emily away from her).
[Cut to inside.]
Emily: (running in, with Ross) Oh. Oh my God. How can this be happening? What are we going to do?
Ross: It’s all right! Everything’s gonna be all right.
Emily: How’s it gonna be all right?!
Ross: Uh-huh, I see that.
Monica: (entering) Okay, I talked to the guy with the shovel and I found out what happened.
Ross: What? What?
Monica: They torn it down a few days early.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe still has the plates on her tummy, Rachel is still in her bedroom, the phone rings and Phoebe carefully answers it.]
Phoebe: Hello.
Joey: (on phone) Hey, Pheebs! It’s Joey!
Phoebe: Hey, Joey! Hey! Ooh! Ooh! I just say someone on the—that looks just like you on the subway. And I was gonna go over and say ‘hi!’ but then I figured, he doesn’t care if he looks like you.
Joey: That just cost me four bucks. But uh listen, I just called to see how the chick and the duck are doing?
Phoebe: Ohh, they’re having a great time with their Aunt Phoebe! Aunt Rachel hasn’t been helpful at all. So, do you miss me?
Joey: Kinda, but I’ve just been having way too much fun but Chandler blew me off for a girl.
Phoebe: So you’re not homesick yet?
Joey: No, I don’t think so.
Phoebe: All right, the seven of us miss you.
Joey: Who’s seven?
Phoebe: Y’know, me, Rachel, the birds, the babies…
Joey: Ahh, the babies miss me?(There is a knock on Rachel and Phoebe’s door.)
Phoebe: Ooh, the pizza guy’s here!
Joey: What? You ordered pizza without me?!
Phoebe: Yeah. But y’know we were thinking about you, y’know we ordered the Joey Special.
Joey: Two pizzas?!
Phoebe: Yep! Okay, gotta go, talk to you later.
Joey: Wait, well, where did you get it from?! (Phoebe has already hung up, leaving Joey in the dark. So Joey decides to watch some TV and turns on a rerun of <I>Cheers</I>, with the theme song playing. At first, he’s happy, but as the song progresses Joey gets depressed and homesick.)
[Scene: Ross and Emily’s planned wedding place, Monica is dragging Emily in.]
Emily: Monica, why have you brought me here of all places?!
Monica: You’ll see.
Emily: I tell you, this wedding is not going to happen.(At that Ross plugs in some Christmas lights to light the place up.)
Emily: Oh God.
Ross: Okay? But-but imagine a lot more lights, okay? And-and y’know fewer bricks, and-and-and flowers, and candles…
Monica: And the musicians, look, they can go over here (Points to a little alcove), okay? And the chairs can face this way (Points), and… (Points to Ross) You go.
Ross: But-but, if you don’t love this, we’ll do it in any other place at any other time. Really, it’s fine, whatever you want.
Emily: It’s perfect.
Ross: And, I don’t know, if it starts to rain…
Emily: Well then we’ll get wet. (They kiss.)
Monica: Ohh. And I don’t even have a date.
(Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is still balancing plates on her tummy and Rachel is still in her bedroom.)
Phoebe: This is starting to tickle.
Rachel: (O.S.) Uh, Pheebs do you remember where the Chick and Duck's food are?
Phoebe: Yeah, it's in the guys apartment uder the sink. Why'd you ask?
Rachel: (coming out of her bedroom with ner suitcase) Cause I'm going to London.
Phoebe: (stands up so fast she drops and breaks all the plates that was on her tummy) What?!
Rachel: Yeah, I have to tell Ross I'm still in love with him.
Phoebe: Where did you get an idea like that?
Rachel: (goes to open bathroom door) From Chandler. (chick and duck come out) Bye guys.
Phoebe: Chandler?!
Rachel: Well, not actually Chandler. My concious is Chandler. He told me I have to tell him someway, somehow.
Phoebe: No, Rachel your concious is an idiot!!
Rachel: No, he was right. He's not an idiot, and he kinda cute.
Phoebe: Okay, you've been living with Monica way too long. You can't do that!
Rachel: Why?
Phoebe: Because you're going to ruin the wedding.
Rachel: No, I am going to tell him before the wedding. So, he can make a decision on who he wants to be with.
Phoebe: That’s not why you’re going! You’re going because you hope he’s gonna say, "Yeah, I love you too, Rach. Forget that British chippy.
"Rachel: Ohh—Do you think he will?!
Phoebe: No! Because he’s in love with the British chippy! Look, Rachel, if you go, you’re just gonna mess with his head and ruin his wedding! Y’know, it’s too late! You missed you’re chance! I’m sorry, I know this must be really hard, it’s over.
Rachel: Y’know what? No. It’s not over until someone says, "I do." (Exits)
Phoebe: I do! I do! I do! (Chases her into the hall, but Rachel doesn’t stop.) I do! (Gives up.) Ugh, like I can really chase you. I’m carrying a litter.
Commercial Break
(Monica and Rachel's Phoebe is dialing the phone obviously upset.)
(Cut to: Joey and Chandler's hotel room, the phone is ringing and Chandler has just come in and answers it.)
Chandler: Hello?
Phoebe: Chandler, you idiot!!
Chandler: (pause) I think you have the wrong number.
Phoebe: This is Phoebe.
Chandler: Hey, Pheebs!
Phoebe: Don't hey Pheebs me after what you did!
Chandler: What did I do?
Phoebe: You told Rachel to come to London to tell Ross she is still in love with him.
Chandler: I did not!
Phoebe: Sure you didn't! Rachel is coming to London.
Chandler: Great!
Phoebe: No it's not! Are you listening to me at all. When she gets there what ever you told her to make her think she has to tell Ross she love him, tell her the opposite , okay?
Chandler: Okay.
Phoebe: What did you tell her?
Chandler: Nothing.
Phoebe: Uh, I gonna kick your ass when you get back in america!
Commerical Break
[Scene: Rehearsal dinner hall. Ross and Emily are standing in the reception area. Monica arrives with her parents.]
Monica: Hey.
Ross: (Ross hugs his mom and dad)Hi. Mom. Dad.
Mrs. Geller: Sweetheart. Oh sorry were late, my fault, I insisted on riding the tube.
Mr. Geller: (embarrassed) Judy, the kids..
Mrs. Geller: Jack, that’s what they call the subway.
Mr. Geller: Ohh, I thought that you....
Ross and Monica: Dad, dad. We got it!! We Got It!!!
Mr. Gellar: So Emily, I can't wait to meet your parents.
Emily: Ohh, here comes my dad and stepmum now. Mister and Misses Geller, this is Steven and Andrea Waltham.
Mr. Walthum: Hello old boy. (shakes Mr. Gellar's hand)
Mrs. Gellar: It's nice to meet you.
Mr. Waltum: (to his wife, who is talking on a cell phone) Honey.
Mrs. Walthum: What?
Mr. Waltum don't you want to meet the Gellars?
Mrs. Waltum: Where are they? (hangs up)
Mr. Walthum: Right there. (points)
Mrs. Waltum: Oh, hello Mrs. Gellar. Hello Mr. Gellar.
Mr. and Mrs. Gellar: Hi.
Mrs. Waltum: There you see, I met them.
Now leave me alone, before I take my bloody
foot and bury in your ass.
(leaves)
Mr. Walthum: She's on pain killers.
(Ross quickly directs the families to their tables.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey are standing by the kitchen entrance. A waiter comes out.]
Waiter: Sir? (Looking at Joey.)
Joey: What’s in it?
Waiter: Goat cheese, water chestnuts, and panchetta. (Joey Looks down disgustingly at the food.)
Joey: (Looking up at the waiter)That’s not food...No, I don’t, no...(Taps Chandler on the shoulder.) Everything's different here...I want to go home. I...I miss my family. I miss the coffee house. I can’t even remember what Phoebe looks like.
Chandler: Joey, it’s been three days, okay.. Your just a little homesick, Okay. Would you just try to relax. Just, just try to enjoy yourself.
Joey: (Pointing at Chandler.) Your different here too. Your mean in England.
Chandler: Joey would you just try to calm down a little bit?
Joey: Oh, I can't first of all I lost my pop up map, I lose a girl to you, and Phoebe ordered a pizza without me! (loudly) LONDON SUCKS!!!
Chandler: (shishing him) Joey!! It's gonna be okay and you didn't lose a girl to me. I didn't go to luch with her I told her I couldn't because it didn't seem right.
Joey: (looking at Chandler like he's an idiot) You're an idiot in london!!!
(Chandler throws his hands up to his head in frustration. They walk away from each other.)
[Camera pans to the Geller family table. Ross, Monica, Mr. and Mrs. Geller are there.]
Mr. Geller: (Looking at the wedding bill.) What the hell!!!
Ross: what’s up, Dad?
Mr. Geller: This bill for my half of the wedding. it’s insane.
Mrs. Geller: How could it be so much? The receptions at their house.
Mr. Geller: (Pointing items out on the bill.) Flowers, liquor, recarpet first floor. New guest bath, landscaping. I’m paying to remodel this guys house. (Angrily gets up.) I’m going to give that son on a bitch, a piece of my mind.
Ross: (Holding him back.)Dad, dad, please. Look I don’t want anything to upset Emily tonight. Alright, she's had a hard enough couple of days as it is. (Picks up the bill.) Now here, here, let me go talk to him, okay?
Mr. Geller: And you tell him no one takes advantage of the Gellers.
Mrs. Geller: Ooh, Jack....(He looks over to her) Sometimes I forget how powerful you can be. (They embrace and kiss passionately.)
Monica: (Looking nauseous from her parents kissing.) And I’m going to go get drunk. (Gets up to get a drink.)
[Scene: An airport in New York.]
Rachel: (Running to the ticket counter) Ooh, ooh, ooh,ooh,ooh. (Slightly out of breath) Hi.
Ticket Agent: (Cheerfully.) Hello.
Rachel: (Faking cheerfulness.) Hello. Umm, when is your next flight to London?
Ticket Agent: (looking at her computer terminal) There’s one leaving in thirty minutes.
Rachel: Ohh, good.
Ticket Agent: And I do have one seat left.
Rachel: Ohh, thank you, thank you, thank you.
Ticket Agent: The last minute fare on this ticket is twenty seven hundred dollars.
Rachel: (looking through her wallet.) Ohh, I just don’t think I have enough left on my credit card.
Ticket Agent: Well you can split it with another credit card.
Rachel: Ohh, okay, how about five. (She hands her all the credit cards.) Ohh, thank you.
Ticket Agent: I’m just going to need to see your passport.
Rachel: (Looking through her purse.) Okay, you know what? I don’t have it, but I can tell you exactly where it is on my night stand, and...okay. But you know what? I have my drivers license and I have a twenty. (She slides it across the counter.)
Ticket Agent: (Slides the twenty back and tosses her credit card onto the counter.)
Rachel: (frustrated) Okay, Listen Mrs. Doutfire. I have to get to London! I have to tell this guy that I am in love with him before its too late. Now, could you help me otu here and just take the driver's license?
Ticket Agent: (thinks) Well, okay. I guess I could do it it's for a good cause.
Rachel: Yeah.
[Scene: The Rehearsal dinner hall. Ross is at the Walthams’ table discussing the bill.]
Ross: Look, face it, my father is not going to pay for the build-in barbecue and believe me you can kiss you gazebo goodbye. Now I might be able to get you the new lawn.
Mr. Waltham: Ahh, then you have to give us the lawn ornaments.
Ross: I go back there with lawn ornaments, he’s going to laugh in my face.
Mrs. Waltham: This is ridiculous. I mean we had an agreement. (Ross looks frustrated. She begins to scream at her husband.) Will you say something, Steven?! Please!!!
Mr. Waltham: Don’t take that tone with me. (She looks evilly at him.) All-all right you can. (He looks over at Ross and Shrugs.)
Commerical Break
[Scene: The Rehearsal Dinner Hall. Chandler, Joey, Ross, Emily, Monica, and all the bridal party are seated at the table. Chandler gets up to make a toast.]
Chandler: I’d like to toast, Ross and Emily. Of course, my big toast will be tomorrow at the wedding, so this is kind of my little toast or Melba toast, if you will. (No one in the room laughs. He starts to get flustered.) Okay. I known Ross for a long time. In fact, I knew him when he was going out with his first girlfriend. (Ross looks embarrassed.) And I thought things were going to work out for him..Until the day he over inflated her. (He laughs. Jack looks at Judy and no one in the room laughs.) Ohh, Dear God.. (A cellular phone rings.)
Mrs. Waltham: Hello, Waltham Interiors.
Phoebe: Oh, hi, Mrs. Waltham. I need to speak with ether one of the best men, or Ross’s sister Monica.
Mrs. Waltham: Who is this?
Phoebe: Oh, I’m Phoebe Buffay. I’m one of Ross’s best friends.
Mrs. Waltham: Well, if you’re on e of Ross’s best friends, why aren’t you here?
Phoebe: Yeah, um, I can’t fly. I’m having my brother’s babies.
Mrs. Waltham: Oh, am I on the radio?
Phoebe: No..umm, could I talk to one of them? It’s very very important.
Mrs. Waltham: Are you like one of those people from the tabliod papers?
Phoebe: (thinks) Uh, yes. I'm doing a story on...... Chandler Bing. It's called Gay men who sleep with their fathers. Can you put him on please.
Mrs. Walthum: Hold on. (hangs up)
Chandler: (Continuing his toast.) And I’m sure we’re all very excited that Ross and Emily are getting married at Montgomery Hall. I mean to think, my friend getting married in Monty Hall. (No reaction from the people.) Ohh, come on!! Monty Hall!! Lets make a Deal!! Come on, you people!! All right, forget it!! Congratulations, Ross and Emily. (He sits down.)
Joey: Hey, best man number two, Joey Tribbiani. Now I’m not good with the jokes like Chandler here. Boy...but ahh, I just want to say congratulation to the happy couple. I first met Ross in this coffee house back home...Home...New York City...Where everybody knows my name. Well anyway, I love you guys. (pointing at everyone.) But not as much as I love America. (Looking at Chandler.) Could we please..go home now?(One of the bridesmaids, Felicity, puts her arm around Joey.)
Felicity: (Putting her arm around Joey.) Are you going home? I was hoping to get to know you better.
Joey: (Putting his arm around her.) I’m not going anywhere, sweetheart.
[Scene: Later that evening at the rehearsal dinner. Chandler and Monica are sitting on a sofa. Chandler is covering his face in embarrassment because of the toast.]
Monica: I was laughing. (Patting him on the knee.)
Chandler: Out loud?
Monica: Well I didn’t want everyone to think I was stupid.
Chandler: So how are you doing?
Monica: My mother’s driving me crazy, but Ross is getting married. I’m happy. (A drunken man approaches.) I’m not going to let anything spoil that.
Drunk Man: I just want to say that Ross is a wonderful young man.
Monica: Well, thanks, we like him.
Drunk Man: My god!! You must have been a teenage when you had him.
(Monica stares straight forward after the comment. Chandler tries to console her by patting her on the shoulder.)
(Ross and Emily’s parents are seated at a table. Ross is between them and they are discussing the wedding bill.)
Mr. Gellar: There is no way in hell I am going to pay for your wine cellar.
Mr. Walthum: We made an agreement.
Mr. Gellar: How about my fist make an agreement with your mouth, huh?
Ross: Dad, calm down! Can't we just dicuss this after the wedding?
Mrs. Gellar: Ross don't ever interupt your father. Just because your not a kid anymore doesn't mean I won't take off my belt!
Mr. Gellar: Honey you were right. People from england are cheap.
Mrs. Walthum: We are not!
Mr. Gellar: Just because you gave a couple of English muffins to America doesn't make you not Cheap! (gets up and leaves)
(Chandler’s trying to console Monica.)
Chandler: The guy was hammered, okay? There’s no way, you look like Ross’s mother.
Monica: Then why would he say it?
Chandler: Because he’s crazy. Okay? He came up to me earlier and thanked me for my very moving performance in Titanic.
Monica: Oh, my mother’s right. I’m never going to get married.
Chandler: Ahh, you know what? That is....Who wouldn’t want you?
Monica: Ohh, Please?! I’m a single mom, with a thirty year old son!!
(The plane Rachel sits down near a men)
Rachel: (relieved) Oh thank god!!
Man: For what?
Rachel: For this airport.
Man: Okay.
Rachel: You see I going to London to...
Man: (cutting her off) Yeah, so what?
[Scene: Chandlers hotel room. Ross bursts into the room.]
Ross: (Screaming) I’m getting married today!! Whoo-hoo!!
Chandler: (With the covers pulled up to his chin.) Morning, Ross.
Ross: I’m getting married, to..day!!
Chandler: Yeah you are!!
Ross: Ahh, whoo-hoo!!(He runs back out the door.
Monica: (Comes up for below the covers and looks concerned.) Do you think he knew I was here?
(Chandler quickly looks at Monica not knowing what to say.)
Commercial Break
[Scene: Chandlers hotel room. Chandler and Monica are lying in the bed together talking. There’s an awkward air between them. They are both clutching the covers in from of them.]
Chandler: Well, that was um.. different.
Monica: Totally!
Chandler: So, ahh, how are ya? How ya...How ya... You okay?
Monica: Yep, yep...You?
Chandler: Well, I'm thinking no but also....... no.
Monica: Well...I’d better get going.
Chandler: Oh yea yea, absolutely.
Monica: (Scoots towards the side of the bed.) Could you not look?
Chandler: I don’t want to look.
[Scene: The Virgin Atlantic flight to London that Rachel is on.]
Rachel: Ohhh.(she rhythmically taps her hands on the magazine on her lap.)
Man: Ahh, ahh, excuse me.
Rachel: Yeah?
Man: You hear that sound you're making?
Rachel: Yeah?
Man: Could you stop?
Rachel: Oh, I'm sorry I'm just like really nervous. You know?
Man: I'm sure I do.
Rachel: It’s just, I’m ahh, I’m kinda excited. I’m, ahh, going to London to ahh, tell this guy that I love him and... (He puts his headphones on to ignore her.)
[Scene: Joey enters his hotel room. The phone is ringing.]
Joey: Hello?
Phoebe: (Angrily.) Hey, were the hell have you been?!
Joey: Hey. I spent the night out. I met this cute bridesmaid. She is so...
Phoebe: I don’t want to hear about her!!
Joey: Ahh Pheebs, you know you’re still my number one girl.
Phoebe: No! No! Did Chandler tell you yet?
Joey: Tell me what?
Phoebe: We have an emergency. Okay? Rachel’s coming to London.
Joey: Ohh great!!!
Phoebe: (getting really mad) What does everyone keep saying that?! No it’s not great. No, she’s coming to tell Ross that she loves him.
Joey: (confused) But he loves emily?
Phoebe: I KNOW THAT!!! You have to stop her!! She’s going to ruin the wedding!!
Joey: Okay.
Phoebe: Okay, so you got it?
Joey: Hold on.. Hold on. (Picking up a note pad and writing and reading the message aloud.) Rachel coming. Do...Something.
Phoebe: Ooh, and also tell Monica that Rachel broke a whole stack of plates.
Joey: Okay. (writes it down) How'd she break a stack of plates?
Phoebe: She was trying to balance them on her stomach!
Joey: Wow, what an idiot!
Phoebe: So, anyway I’m done my part, okay. It’s your responsibility now, okay. The burden is off me, right?
Joey: Right!
Phoebe: So tell me about this girl?
(The guys hotel room. Joey’s there. Chandler comes out of the bathroom in a robe.)
Joey: Hey.
Chandler: Hey.
Joey: Have you seen Monica?
Chandler: (Very defensive.) I’m not seeing Monica.
Joey: (With a confused look on his face.) What?
Chandler: What?
Joey: Look we’ve got to find her. Phoebe just called!! Rachel’s coming to tell Ross she loves him!!
Chandler: Oh my god!
Joey: I know! That’s why we got to find Monica!! You know where she is?
Chandler: No!! Okay!! What’s with the third degree?! Why don’t you just shine a light in my eyes?! (Joey looks totally confused.)
[Scene: The plane. Rachel's telling her story to the passenger on her left. The one on her left is still wearing his headphones.]
Rachel: ...And so then Chandler made me realize. All this stuff I had been doing. proposing to Joshua, lying to Ross about why I couldn’t come to the wedding. Was all just a way of...
Man: (Frustrated he takes his headphones off.) Oh, oh oh!! I’m sorry, can I interrupt? You know I just want to say..That you are a horrible, horrible person.
Rachel: Ehh, pardon me?
Man: You say you love this man, yet you’re about to ruin the happiest day of his life. This Chandler guy is wrong. I’m afraid I have to agree with you friend Pheebs.. This is a..this is a...terrible, terrible plan.
Rachel: But he has to know how I feel!
Man: But why? He loves this...this Emily person. No good can come of this.
Rachel: (Sighing) Well I-I think your wrong.
Man: Oh-no.(He bites his fist at her.)And by the way, it seems to be perfectly clear that you were on a break. (Rachel gasps and doesn’t know what to say. He puts his headphones back on.)
[Scene: The church where Ross and Emily are to be married. Judy, Andrea, and Monica enter together.]
Mrs. Geller: (Looking around at the chapel.) Oh my God! It’s like a fairyland.
Mrs. Waltham: I know, it’s horrible isn’t it?
Monica: Well, I love it. I only hope my wedding looks this good.
Mrs. Geller: I just hope...
Monica: (Angrily.) You can let some of them go by!(Judy and Andrea go to the front of the chapel. Joey approaches Monica.)
Joey: (Whispering.) Pisst, Monica. Alright, we really need to start looking out for Rachel. I’ll cover the front door. You watch that big hole at the back of the building and I got Chandler covering Ross.
Monica: (Awkwardly.) Why would I care where Chandler is? You know uhh...You know sometimes I don’t even like Chandler.
Joey: Okay. (They both walk off to watch for Rachel.)
(Ross and chandler are standing next to the alter. Ross is practicing for the wedding.)
Ross: (Using a slightly different inflection for each.) I do. I do. I do.
Chandler: Oh yea, your right. It’s the second one.
Ross: (Very Nervous)Really?
[Scene: Joey’s in the front entrance watching for Rachel. The bridesmaid he met at the rehearsal dinner come in.)
Felicity: (In a sexy voice.)Hello Joey.
Joey: Hey, Felicity.
Felicity: Umm, I thought about you all day.
Joey: Yeah.
Felicity: Um-hum. Talk New York to me again.
Joey: (In a New York accent.) Fuggetaboutit. (She giggles.) How you doin?
Felicity: Mmm. (She pushes him up against the wall and they begin to kiss.)
Joey: Oh, yeah.
(Back in the chapel. The parents are still fighting over the bill. Ross is refereeing.)
Mrs. Geller: There’s nothing to discuss. We’re not paying for your wine cellar.
Mr. Waltham: (Pleading.) You-you have to meet me in the middle here.
Mr. Geller: (Forcefully.) Hey, you keep pushing me on this, my foots going to meet the middle of your ass.
Ross: Dad!! (Emily comes running in.)
Emily: What-what’s going on?!
Ross: Nothing, nothing. Everything's under control.
Mr. Waltham: You want a piece of me, sir? Is that what your saying? (Pointing at Jack and poking him) You want a piece of me?
Ross: (Stepping in between them.)Okay! Okay! That’s it!! Parents!! Parents!! Back away!! All right, this is our wedding day! >From now on everyone gets along, and if I hear one more word. NO GRANDCHILDREN! (Pointing at his mother.) That’s right!!
Mr. Geller: Okay, okay.
Mr. Waltham: Sorry old boy, sorry. Sorry. Sorry. (Them all walk away. As he leaves he mutters to Jack.) I could kill you with my thumb, you know.
Emily: What was all that about?
Ross: (Sighing.) It was...This disagreement over...(She sighs. Ross notices her in her wedding dress.) My god. You...you look beautiful.
Emily: (Giggles.) Ohh...(She realizes that she’s in her gown.) Oh! You were not meant to see me before the wedding. It’s bad luck.
Ross: You know what, I think we’ve had all the bad luck we’re going to have. (He hugs her.)
(The front entrance. Joey and the bridesmaid are up against the wall kissing. Rachel comes in the door and walks by Joey unnoticed. She walks into the chapel and sees Ross and Emily kissing. She looks as though she wants to cry. Emily walks away and Ross turns and sees Rachel standing there.)
Ross: My God. Rachel! (He walks towards her, grasps her hands and kisses her on the cheek.) Your here. I can’t believe it. (She giggles.) What happen? Why are you here?
Rachel: I have to tell you something.
Ross: What is it Rach?
Rachel: (almost crying) You know how I said I couldn't come to the weding because work?
Ross: Yeah?
Rachel: Well, I lied.
Ross: Why?
Rachel: I don't know. (pause) That's not all.
Ross: Okay what's the all?
Rachel: Um, I came here to tell you.... (touches his suit).....I uh wanted to tell you....
Ross: What is it Rach?
Rachel: Congratulations!
Ross: Thank you. (hugs her)
[Scene: Camera fades to one of the band members playing guitar at the wedding. The chapel is full of guest. A groomsmen escorts a bridesmaid down the isle. Joey is waiting with Mrs. Waltham to escort he down the isle. A cellular phone rings.]
Mrs. Waltham: (Answering the phone.) Hello, Waltham Interiors.
Phoebe: Mrs. Waltham. Hi. It’s Phoebe again.
Mrs. Waltham: (Throws her head back in disgust.) Why?!
Phoebe: Yea. Can I please, please, please talk to one of the best men? This is going to be the last time I promise.
Mrs. Waltham: (Slapping the phone into Joey’s chest.) Joey there’s a girl on the phone for you.
Joey: (Smiling.) Ohh great!! (Putting the phone to his ear.) Hello. (He begins to escort her down the aisle.)
Phoebe: Did you stop Rachel?
Joey: No, but it’s okay. She just came in and gave him a hug, that it.
Phoebe: So nothing got ruined?
Joey: No.
Phoebe: Oh that’s so great! Ohh, so what’s going on now?
Joey: Ah, I’m-I’m walking down the aisle...Still walking. (Mrs. Waltham takes her place.) I’m about to pass the bridesmaid I hooked up with last night. (Looking at the bridesmaid.) Hey! (Talking to Phoebe.) I told her "Hey." And now I’m at the front with Ross. It’s Phoebe. (He shows Ross the phone.) He looks pretty mad. Uh...I’d better go.
Phoebe: No!! wait, wait, wait!! Oh please, hold it up so I can listen. (Joey looks at Ross and holds the phone above Ross’s shoulder.)
(Chandler escorts Monica down the aisle.)
Chandler: What we did last night was....
Monica: Stupid.
Chandler: Totally crazy stupid. (He nods his head at the people seated.)
Monica: What were we thinking?
Chandler: I’m coming over tonight though, right?
Monica: Oh yeah. Definitely.
(They quickly take their places and Here Comes the Bride Begins to play. Everyone seated looks back. Emily is being escorted up the aisle by her father. She kisses him on the cheek and takes her place by Ross’s side.)
Minister: Friends. Family. We are gathered to celebrate here today the joyous union of Ross and Emily. May the happiness we share with them today be with them always. Now Emily, repeat after me. I, Emily...
Emily: I, Emily...
Minster: Take thee Ross...
Emily: Take thee Ross...
Minster: As my lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health, till death parts us.
Emily: As my lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health, until death parts us.
Minster: Now Ross, repeat after me. I Ross...
Ross: I Ross...
Rachel: (stands up) Wait!!! (everyone looks at her) I have to say something.
Minster: Yes?
Rachel: Ross (pause) I'm still in love with you.
Chandler: Yes!!
Cliffhanger..........
Stay tuned for the next ep to what happened after this one. Stay tuned for the rest of my fanfics.
Comments?........