here it is, yep very dramatic, I know I know I always write sad, drama fics, but soon, soon I will write you a comedy, just sit tight my pretties!!!!!!! ok on with the fic!!!!

“Rachel, what, what are you doing here?” Ross asked as he stared at Rachel in shock. “I told you, I left Greg, now I need a place to stay, it’s late and it’s cold, can I come in or not?” “yeah, yeah sure, you can stay here tonight.” Ross replied as he motioned Rachel thru the door. She walked inside and set her bags on his couch. “So what happened between you and Greg?” Ross asked as he walked to his fridge and grabbed a container of Orange Juice. He poured a glass and walked back over next to Rachel. “Rach, um Rachel” Ross said.

Rachel sat on the couch as if in a trance, just staring into space. “Rachel” Ross yelled. “Oh sorry, did you say something Ross?” “Yeah I asked what happened between you and Greg?” “Oh you know I really don’t want to talk about that tonight. I’m really tired do you mind if we just go to bed.” “Um, you mean we as in you and me, cause I know we had the history and all but, this might be jumping the gun a bit Rach, I mean we’re not drunk or in Vegas.” “No Ross, not you and me we, we as in you in one room me in another.” “Oh” said Ross(obviously relieved) “well you know where the guest room is so go ahead and make yourself at home.” “All right” Rachel said as she grabbed her suitcase and carried it into the bedroom. “Hey Rach” Ross called. “Yeah” “Do you want to use the shower or anything tonight, because I was going to take one but if you wanted to go first, you can go ahead.” “No, that’s ok Ross, you take the first shower, I’ll just unpack a bit while I wait.” “Ok, I’ll knock on the door when I’m done.”

After Rachel heard Ross close the bathroom door she allowed herself to think back over the events of the day. How Greg had woken up that morning in a terrible mood, he’d yelled and berated her and laughed as he ate his cereal, refusing to allow her any. He’d left for the day and Rachel had broken down in tears. As she’d laid on her bed sobbing, she had suddenly came to a realization. She could get out, she could leave. Greg had tried so hard to control her and to stop her from being happy, and he had succeeded so well in fact that she hadn’t ever considered leaving before that point.

She laid on that bed and began to think of what leaving would mean, it would mean not knowning where she would be living, not having a job, but more importantly it would mean not having to listen to Greg yell at her and put her down every single day.

Rachel knew she was strong, hadn’t she started her life over after leaving Barry? Why not leave, just write Greg a note, leave him her key and get the hell out? Her mind made up she had spent the day packing and composing her letter, finally she had called for a Cab and as the final coup in her plan, she hammered open the padlocked drawer in Greg’s office and took 25 dollars from his desk, to use for Cab fair. All of that had led her to this point, staying with Ross.

She knew Ross would let her stay as long as was needed, she also knew that eventually she would have to see the rest of the group. She didn’t mind about Joey really she’d never been upset with him, but the others, esp Monica, Chandler and Phoebe, they had all but abandoned her. In the past two years she had grown so far apart from the group that she no longer felt welcome or like she was a part of it. Yet she also longed to see everyone again. To tell them what had happened but she knew she couldn’t they would never understand.

Hell, she barely understood herself all she knew was how ashamed she felt when she thought of what had happened. She’s always watched those talk shows about Battered women and could recall yelling at them saying “get out, leave, why do you put up with it” But now she knew. You couldn’t leave. Not when the bad times were followed by incredible moments of happiness. When you loved and trusted the person and kept hoping and hoping they would change. But most of all not when you felt ashamed, ashamed for letting yourself be treated so horribly, ashamed for crying and for feeling fear and most of all the knowledge that nobody would ever really understand

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“Damn Ross what part of I don’t want to talk about it, do you not understand?” Rachel said as she stood in the middle of his Living Room, with her hands on her hips. “Gee, I’m sorry Rachel, I’m sorry I’d like to know why you suddenly showed up at my apartment after 2yrs of hearing nothing from you.” “I told you Ross, I left Greg.” “But why, why did you leave him?” Ross asked. “Because things just weren’t working out. Ok they just didn’t work out and it’s not worth talking about and I’m not going to anymore.” “Fine, Fine Rachel. I can see one thing hasn’t changed your still just as stubborn as ever. So what are you going to do?” “I’m going to find a job and save up money and as soon as I can I’m going to get my own apartment.”

“wait a minute, find a job, what happened to Ralph Lauren?” “I lost my job there, it’s just one of those things that happened and it’s over and done with, so let’s not dwell on it.” “Ok, ok” Ross said. “You know you can stay here as long as you need to, but I should warn you. Monica and Chandler do live very close by, Joey lives close by and Phoebe stops by a lot. We are all still friends and I don’t think it’s any big secret that you are not their favorite person at the moment.” “Yeah, I figured as much.” Rachel said. “so where is your paper at, I think I’ll start looking at some of those want ads.” “Here it is”, Ross said as he handed her the paper. “I’m going to go out for a bit, there’s lots of food in the kitchen if you get hungry, I’ll be back in a couple of hours.”

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“What do you mean Rachel is at your place?” Monica said as she dusted the bookcase in her and Chandler’s living room. “What I said, she showed up last night and said she needed a place to stay, that she had left Greg.” “My, my, my Rachel finally comes back. If she thinks I’m going to welcome her with open arms she needs to think again.” “I already told her that nobody is very happy with her for just ignoring us over the past two years.” Ross replied. “Good I hope you made it clear to her, that she is not welcome her.” “Monica if you don’t want to be friends that is fine, but can you at least treat her civilly tonight at dinner?” “Dinner, Dinner” Monica yelled(in her way) “what do you mean dinner?” “It’s a meal, usually eaten in the evening” Chandler piped in. “Shut up Chandler” Monica replied. “I know what dinner is, what I don’t know is why you are bringing her.” “Because since she is back we are all going to eventually run into each other and why not just get it over with, plus Joey and Pheebs will be coming too.” “Fine, yeah I guess that makes sense, ok she can come to dinner, but be warned, there will be questions asked and Miss Rachel Karen Green will be doing some explaining.

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A.N I aplologize about these stupid borders but I don’t have any idea how to get rid of them. Now, back to the story!!!!

Rachel walked in the door to Monica’s apartment behind Ross. The whole group was there, Monica, Chandler, Phoebe and Joey. Rachel smiled hesitantly at everyone but only Joey smiled back, and even his smile was tentative, as if he wasn’t sure if he was allowed to be happy to see her. Monica and Phoebe wandered over to a corner of the room and began talking. Ross almost immediately entered into a debate with Chandler over whether it would ever be possible for Computers to be as smart as Humans. Rachel found herself alone in the room, save for Joey. “Hey Joey” she said as she walked over next to him. “oh um hi Rachel” Joey replied. “So how have you been?” I’ve been good” Joey replied. “I’ve been going to a lot of auditions and…” suddenly Joey broke off as if realizing something. “You know what it’s not important.” “Joey, I want to know, I want to hear about your auditions and what’s going on in your life.” Rachel said. “Why now, why all of a sudden do you care about what is going on in my life, when for two years we heard nothing from you, nothing. Not one word, not a card, not a phone call, not a how are you, nothing. When I had pneumonia last winter, did I hear from you, did you make me soup or ask how I was feeling, nope not a bit.” “Aww Joey, you had pneumonia?” Rachel asked. “Yes” Joey said “I was sick for two months, Chandler and Monica and everyone took good care of me though.” “Joey, I, I wish I had known” Rachel said. “That’s just it Rachel, why didn’t you know, why didn’t you call us.” “It’s hard to explain Joe, I can’t really say, it’s very complicated.” What’s complicated about it?” Joey asked as his voice began to raise. “you pick up the damn phone and call, you take the time to make an effort, because that’s what friendship is.”

“Joey, it’s not worth getting upset over” Phoebe said as she walked across the room, “Rachel is not our friend anymore, she stopped being our friend 2yrs ago.” “I never stopped being your Friends” Rachel yelled, as she fought to keep the tears from falling. She had the same sickening feeling in her stomach as she did when she had tried to explain her feelings to Greg.

“Yes you did Rachel. Yes you did.” Monica said as she walked over next to Phoebe. “You stopped calling us, you never returned our calls, you stopped coming over and you just forgot about us, after you met your precious Greg.” “I did not forget about you, I didn’t call because” “because why, Because why Rachel? Because you were too busy with Greg, because you decided you were too good for us, why, why did you stop being our friend, why did you stop caring for us.” “But I..”

“Save it Rachel” Chandler said. “You are not the one who had to listen to Monica cry herself to sleep at night, because she was so sad over losing your friendship.”

Rachel stood in the room for a moment wanting to yell out, wanting to tell them what had happened, but she couldn’t she couldn’t say anything. She knew they would never understand, they would never get or believe what had happened to her.

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“Rachel you are going to have to tell us what happened eventually” Ross said as he helped her clear the table a few days later. “I know, it’s just I don’t want to, I’m I’m” “You’re what Rach, what’s wrong” he asked as he noticed tears running down her cheeks. “Why are you crying” “It’s nothing Ross, I’m fine, really” she said as she turned and walked into her room. Closing her door, she sat down on her bed and began to sob. She wanted so much to tell what had happened to her. To share her fears and pain with everyone, but something stopped her. This nagging, relentless feeling that they would not understand. They would think she was weak or stupid and she couldn’t bear to have that happen. So she kept her thoughts and fears inside.

Ross stood in the kitchen staring at Rachel’s closed door. He knew there was something going on with her, something wasn’t right, it had been two years since he had last seen her but he remembered how she acted when she was hurt or afraid. How she would hide her feelings and would want to be by herself when something was bothering her. He also knew she had been unable to sleep at night, and often cried when she was alone in her room. He only wished he could get her to open up, to confide in him.

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Over the next few weeks Rachel was able to find a job working at Macy’s as a Sales Rep. She was working approxinatly 35 hrs a week and saving as much money as she could to get her own place. Ross was generously not charging her rent or making her contribute for food. Little by little they were getting there friendship back. She was also getting closer to Joey and things with Chandler were getting better too, but Phoebe and Monica both refused to talk to her or to listen if she tried to talk to the two of them. Finally she decided she had, had enough.

Rachel walked up to Monica and Chandlers door and knocked loudly on it. She knew that Phoebe and Monica were planning to go out for lunch and if she was lucky she would catch them before they left. “what do you want” Phoebe asked as she opened up the door. “I want to talk to you, to both of you” Rachel replied as she saw Monica looking at her. “I’m sorry, we’re busy” Phoebe said as she tried to close the door. “damn you Phoebe I am going to talk and you are going to listen, now open that door” Phoebe startled by Rach’s apparent anger, stepped away from the door. Rachel walked into the room and found Monica and Phoebe both staring at her. “Well, start talking” Monica said her hands folded across her chest and a look of impatience etched across her face. “Ok, you guys have been saying how I abandoned you and how I stopped being friends, that I stopped caring. I just want to say I never stopped caring. I thought of you guys so much over the past couple years, I wanted to call, to stop by, to see you guys.” “Then why didn’t you?” Monica asked, you had lots of chances yet you did nothing. Why not?” “Because I didn’t think you wanted to hear from me” Rachel yelled. “What, what are you talking about Phoebe asked. “Because you were so happy when I moved out. Don’t you rememer when I told you guys I was moving in with Greg you were so glad because of wanting to be alone with Chandler and then I overheard Phoebe saying how glad you must be to be getting rid of me and how much it must have sucked to have had me as a roommate and, and I thought you didn’t want me around anymore and I just wanted to make things simpler on you.” Rachel said as the tears which had been threatening to spill over finally did and she started to sob. Partly in relief and partly in exhaustion and fear. “What, when, did, when, ohhh” Monica said as she realized. “Rachel, oh my god I can’t belive you thought that, if you would have waited you would have realized that Phoebe and me were just joking around. You were the best roommate I ever had, we never wanted to stop being friends. “Oh this is all so silly” Phoebe said as she walked over to Rachel. “Rach, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” “Yeah me too Monica said. “Hey do you want to come to lunch with us? “ Ok” Rachel said as the three of them walked out the door, She knew that things were not back to normal, it would take time and effort to be real friends again, but this at least was a start.

**********************************

“Stop calling me, don’t want to talk to you, I don’t want anything to do with you” Rachel yelled as she slammd down the phone. Her entire body trembling, she breathed in and out for a minute, composing her thoughts. She was about to go fix a snack to eat, when the phone rang again. “Hello” she said, hoping it wasn’t him. “Who is this” “You know damn well who this is Rachel, I don’t know why you were so surprised before. Like I wouldn’t figure out where you would run to. Of course you would run to your old boyfriends, your ex husbands place, the wonderful Ross.” Greg said in a menacing voice. “Now first off I want my 25 dollars back, and 2nd of all I want you back home where you belong. You are my wife, you are coming home tonight and that’s final.” “To hell with you, screw you Greg. I am not letting you put me down and tell me what to do anymore, you are not in control of me.” “Oh but I am, I am in control. I control all that you do. I’m the one who cared, the one who cares about you still. Was your old group of friends really all that happy to see you? Did they welcome you back with open arms? No, and you know why?” “Why?” Rachel asked, the doubt and fear beginning to creep back in. The haunted thoughts filling her head. What if Greg was right, what if he was all she had. Her friends hadn’t been happy to see her and to be honest even after her talk with Monica and Phoebe things were still awkward. “I’m going to let you go now, Greg said, “but you think about this, you think about what a failure you are and how nobody at all cares about you, nobody would care if you were to die tomorrow.”

*********************************

She stood in the room, motionless. Not even noticing the tears spilling from her eyes. Her heart felt as if it was beating out of her chest, the tightness in her chest making it hard to breathe. The words Greg had said echoed over and over again in her head. “failure, worthless, nobody cares, nobody would miss you” over and over she could hear them. Suddenly she broke down in tears unable to take it anymore,. Unable to take the fear or the shame. She ran into the bathroom and began to rumange through Ross’s drawers. But she coudlnt’ find it, “Dammit” she muttered where the hell does he keep his damn razor. It didn’t matter, she thought as she spied a pair of scissors. “Not the best thing” but they’ll work she said. She picked up the scissors and held them to her wrist. Her body convulsed with sobs and her hand began to shake as she picked up the scissors and jabbed them deep into her wrists. “Son of a bitch she yelled as she realized the scissors weren’t cutting deep enough to do any real damage. “@#%$, @#%$, @#%$, @#%$, @#%$” she yelled as she smashed her fist into the mirror in a fit of rage. She stood posed ready to thrust a blade of glass into her arm, when Ross came running into the bathroom.

“Rachel what are you, oh my god, Chandler, Chandler” Ross yelled as he saw Rachel on the floor curled in a ball, the blood from the cuts on her wrists dripping down her arms and the smashed mirror. “what is with all the yelling” Chandler asked as he walked into the room. “Oh my god, Ross,what’s wrong with her?” “I don’t know” Ross replied as both him and Chandler bent over Rachel.”Rachel, Rach sweetie what’s wrong, it’s Ross and Chandler, can you tell us what’s happened.” “Ross, Rachel said as she gazed up at Ross through tear stained eyes. “yes, it’s me” Rachel please tell me what’s wrong.” Ross begged as he sat down beside her and took her hands in his, not even noticing the blood that had begun to drip onto his shirt. “Ross, I’m going to go get Monica.” Chandler said. Ross nodded to show that he had heard.

“Now Rachel please, please tell me what is wrong. Why would you do this, why, what has been bothering you.” “I.. I can’t tell you, I just can’t” She said beginning to sob again. She felt Ross’s arms encircle her body as she laid her head on his shoulder and cried.” “Ross what’s wrong” Monica called as she ran into the room with Phoebe and Joey not far behind. “Chandler said there was some big emergency, something about Rachel and glass and… oh my god” Monica exclained as she took in the room. “Ross, what happned to her.” “I don’t know” Ross said. As he looked up at the group and saw their shocked faces. “Rachel, Rachel please tell us what’s wrong. I know you haven’t been happy and I’m sorry I haven’t tied to help but I didn’t know it was this serious, please tell us, if you tell us maybe we can help.” “No” Rachel screamed, “No just leave me alone.No one can help me, no one.” “Rach, sweetie if you tell us what’s wrong we can try to help, you don’t know if we can or not unless you tell us.” Phoebe said as she stroked a lose strand of hair out of Rachel’s face. “No, no, stop it, j ust stop it, no one can help, nobody. I’m not worth helping, I’m worthless and stupid and nobody really cares about me, nobdy she murmured as she covered her face with her hands and began to cry again. “what do you mean nobody cares about you, we care” Monica said. “Yeah, yeah we all care about you” everyone said as they knelt down beside Rachel. “Who told you you are worthless or stupid, who said that stuff to you.” Joey asked, barely able to discuise his anger. “Greg did ok, Greg did.” Rachel said as she began to talk, almost as if in a trance. “He told me that, constantly, over and over during our marriage, He told me how worthless, stupid and ugly I was. He told me no one cared about me and he told me what to do, how to act, what to say and what to wear. He lied about having a job, he took all my money, and he just kept telling me that I had to do wht he said and I did. I did. Damn how stupid was I. I did what he said, he made me feel so afraid and so alone and I believed him I belived what he said, until one night when I was down to my last few cents, and we had no heat, no phone, nothing,nothing at all(throughout all this she’s crying and the group is staring at her in shock) and he sold some of my great grandmothers heirlooms to get money, he bought food and wou’dn give me any so I took a potato chip and he split my lip open. The next day I left. So now you know, now you know my big secret, how stupid I was, how I let him have all the control, how I let myself be pushed around and ridiculed day after day.” “Rachel, it wasn’t your fault” Phoebe said, “he was abusing you not with his fists or his hands but with words, and emotional can be just as bad if not worse than the physical kind. You did nothing wrong and we will help you through this, you are going to be ok. “Yeah, we’ll help you” everyone said as they slowly formed into a group hug. As Rachel stood there in the arms of her friends she knew that everyting would be ok. She knew the final journey to happiness would not be easy, there would be setbacks along the way, but they would make it. She would get over this, she would move on.

THE END!!!!! P.S sorry the ending was kind of cheesy