Author’s note: My second FRIENDS fanfic. Imagine this story to be happening somewhere in season six. It would also be a nice season five finale though, although this story does not have a real cliffhanger. Chandler and Monica are still together, Ross and Rachel are not together. Please keep in mind that I am from the Netherlands, which means that English is not my native language and that I haven't seen any season five episodes yet. Enjoy!

[SCENE 1: Central Perk]

[Chandler, Joey and Phoebe are sitting on their usual spots. Chandler is reading a magazine, Phoebe is trying to compose a song and Joey is reading a script.]

PHOEBE (singing): A friend of mine was telling me his WENUS has been choked. So that was when I realised his life is just a joke. Lalalalalalalalalala!

CHANDLER (sarcastic): Thanks Pheebs!

(Phoebe smiles happy)

(Ross enters and sits down)

ROSS: Hey!

ALL: Hey.

ROSS: Do you remember the vacancy at Columbia University I told you guys about last week?

CHANDLER: No.

ROSS: Well, there was a vacancy at the department of palaeontology at Columbia University for a professorship in the Mesozoic area. I applied to that vacancy and guess what?

PHOEBE: They rejected you because you didn’t know anything about it?

ROSS (slightly annoyed): No! I got the job. I am now a professor in palaeontology.

CHANDLER: Ah, your parents will be so proud!

ROSS: Thank you WENUS-boy! Let’s talk about your exciting life at the office.

(Chandler wants to say something but he is cut off by Phoebe)

PHOEBE: Oh Ross, don’t listen to Chandler. Congratulations with your new job. When’s your first day?

ROSS: I’m giving my first lecture next Monday.

PHOEBE: Wow! Do you already know what you are going to talk about?

ROSS: Oh yes! I am going to discuss the different theories of the dying out of dinosaurs.

CHANDLER: Oh, what a shame! I have to work on Monday, I would love to see your audience falling asleep.

[OPENING CREDITS]

[SCENE 2: Central Perk]

[Continued from earlier: Chandler, Joey, Phoebe and Ross are sitting there. Rachel enters.]

RACHEL : Hi guys!

ALL: Hey!

ROSS: Rach, did you hear the big news? I’m appointed as a professor of palaeontology at Columbia University.

RACHEL (unimpressed): Ooh, really? Congratulations. I’m so impressed.

(Rachel sits down)

RACHEL: Guys, did you hear the big news? I’m going to be the new City Channel weathergirl!

PHOEBE: Huh? How?

RACHEL: Oh, I was at a fashion seminar and a manager from City Channel asked me if I would like to be the new weathergirl on their breakfast television show.

JOEY: Ah, you slept with him.

RACHEL: No I didn’t! Why would I do that?

JOEY: That’s how I get my roles.

ROSS: Uh, Rach? Don’t you uh, think that you should know something about meteorology when you want to be a weathergirl?

RACHEL: No, why? All I have to do is be at the studio at seven o’clock in the morning, read a text from the autocue, they’ll repeat it five times during the show so I can go home. So I can even stay at my current job!

(Monica enters)

MONICA: Hey you guys, guess the great news I’m going to tell you?

ROSS: Uh, I got a job as a professor at Columbia University?

MONICA: No, why would I get a job at… Oh, you got the job, congratulations. Now guess what I’m going to tell you?

RACHEL (enthusiastic): I’m going to be a weathergirl?

MONICA: Huh? Oh, congratulations Rach. No, I’m going to cater at Richard’s birthday party next Monday.

CHANDLER: You mean Richard as in ex-boyfriend Richard?

MONICA: Yes, do you have any problems with that?

CHANDLER: No. Why would I have any problems with that? So, when are we going?

MONICA: You’re not going, I am going to cater. You’re not invited. Oh, Pheebs, could you waitress for me?

PHOEBE: Sure!

MONICA: Oh, this is gonna be so much fun.

(Cut to Chandler’s face, he does not look happy.)

[SCENE 3: Monica and Rachel’s apartment]

[Monday (the Monday). The gang, minus Ross, is there, eating breakfast. Rachel is running around, looking for something.]

RACHEL: Where’s my bag, where’s my bag?

MONICA: Rach, honey, would you relax?

RACHEL: Hey, it’s my first day at my new job.

PHOEBE: Yeah, so? It’s Ross’s first day too. He ain’t nervous.

RACHEL: Oh yeah. Professor Geller. Sounds sexy, huh?

(Monica and Phoebe look at Rachel. Rachel realizes that wasn’t a very smart remark.)

RACHEL: There’s my bag. Bye guys!

(She quickly leaves the apartment)

(Ross enters, he looks like a train has just hit him)

ROSS: Uh, what’s wrong with Rachel? She just literally ran through me. All she said was, uh… ‘Bye honey.’

MONICA: Oh, she’s just in a hurry. She’s gotta be at the television studio in time. Boy, was she nervous.

JOEY: Hey Ross, your first lecture today! Are you nervous too?

ROSS: No, why should I be nervous. I have spoken for big audiences before.

PHOEBE: Hey Ross, is it okay if I join you? I mean, I have nothing to do today. I would love to see your first lecture!

MONICA: Uh, Pheebs? You’re supposed to waitress tonight, remember?

PHOEBE: Oh, sorry Monica. Do you want me to stick around in your kitchen all day while you are preparing the food?

MONICA: Uh, Ross? Could you take Phoebe with you to your first lecture?

ROSS: Sure Pheebs, be my guest. I’m sure there will be some seats left in the auditorium.

CHANDLER (sarcastic): Really? I mean, professor Geller’s first lecture about palaeontology. I thought it would be swarming with people.

ROSS (ignoring Chandler): Anybody else wanting to go with me? Joey?

JOEY: Uh, I remember, I have a script to study for my audition next week.

(Joey runs out of the apartment.)

ROSS: Uh, okay. I’m off then. I’m gonna be welcomed by the dean of the faculty of palaeontology. Are you coming with me Pheebs?

PHOEBE: Do you think I can find the lecture room myself?

ROSS (thinking): No.

PHOEBE: Well, then I’m coming with you now.

(Ross and Phoebe leave)

MONICA: Chandler, when are you leaving?

CHANDLER (hurt): Why? Remember I have a day off? I thought we could hang out together.

MONICA: Hey, I have a lot of food to prepare, I don’t want you to get in my way.

CHANDLER: Why did you actually accept Richard’s offer to cater at his party? I mean, you have your chef job, do you need some money? I could give you some.

MONICA (annoyed): Chandler! I’m not a hooker! Now get out of my apartment, I’ve got a lot of work to do.

(She pushes Chandler out of the apartment)

[SCENE 4: A corridor, Columbia University]

[Ross, Phoebe and the dean of the faculty of palaeontology (DEAN) are walking and talking.]

DEAN: So, professor Geller. Do you have any urgent questions?

ROSS: No.

DEAN: I’m off then, I have another new employee to welcome. Good luck with your first lecture. I’ll see you later.

ROSS and PHOEBE: See you.

(Dean walks off)

PHOEBE: Wow, PROFESSOR Geller. That sounds so cool!

ROSS (absent-minded): Mmm.

PHOEBE: Ross, are you all right?

ROSS: Oh yes, I’m fine. Just thinking.

PHOEBE: Oh, don’t tell me you don’t remember what you’re supposed to tell those students.

ROSS: No, just wondering what Rachel said this morning. (quizzically pronounced) 'Bye honey?'

PHOEBE: Oh, that was nothing, she’s just nervous.

ROSS: Yeah.

[SCENE 5: A room, the City Channel television studio]

[Rachel is sitting in a chair, while somebody is doing her make-up. The director (DIRECTOR) enters.]

DIRECTOR: Miss Green. Are you ready for your debut on our network?

RACHEL: Yea.

DIRECTOR: Great, now let’s see. Now, all you need is a nice stage name. Any suggestions?

RACHEL: Uh, what about Rachel?

DIRECTOR (laughing): Oh, nice joke young lady. No, we want you to have a stage name. Every famous person has a stage name!

RACHEL: Forget it, I’m Rachel, and nobody is going to change that!

DIRECTOR (shrugs): Sure.

[Cut to later, the studio where the breakfast television show is being shot. The host (HOST) is sitting there, talking to the camera. Rachel is standing in front of some sort of projector-type kinda thing (hey, I’ve never been in a television studio!).]

RACHEL (thoughts, with a happy smile on her face): Good morning NewYork! I’m Rachel, your new weathergirl on the City Channel!

[Cut to the host of the show]

HOST: And now, ladies and gentleman. 'Breakfast in New York' is proud to present our new weathergirl: Emily Waltham.

[Cut to Rachel’s face, she looks shocked.]

RACHEL (thoughts): What the hell is going on here?

(Suddenly Rachel sees Emily Waltham (EMILY) appear, she happens to be one of the director assistants on this television show, it’s a small world after all. Emily, sarcastic smile, waves at Rachel. Rachel looks confused, she waves back.)

DIRECTOR (off screen, angry): Rachel! You’re on the air. Read that bloody autocue!

(Rachel still looks shocked.)

DIRECTOR (off screen): You’re fired.

[Cut back to the host]

HOST: Well, ladies and gentlemen, it looks like there’s no weather today. Our next guest is…

(fade out)

[SCENE 6: Somewhere backstage at City Channel television studio]

[fade in to: the television studio, somewhere backstage. The director is shouting at Rachel]

DIRECTOR (shouting): What the hell did you think you were doing?

RACHEL (small voice): I was confused, why did you guys name me Emily Waltham?

DIRECTOR: That’s the name of one of my assistants. According to our company policy every worker that appears on television needs a stage name, it’s for your own security. And now piss off, I never want to see you in this studio ever again!

(Director walks away. Emily Waltham walks to Rachel, big grin on her face.)

EMILY: Hey Rachel! Long time no see!

RACHEL: Why did you do that to me?

EMILY: Let’s just say that this is my own revenge for you ruining my wedding.

RACHEL: I did not ruin your wedding!

EMILY: Oh yes, you did. You just came over to London to confuse Ross so he could humiliate me in front of all my friends and my family.

RACHEL: I did not!

EMILY: Oh really? Then why did you come to London?

RACHEL: I… (she does not know what to say)

[SCENE 7: Chandler and Joey’s apartment]

[Joey is sitting in one of the recliners, watching television. Chandler is pacing around.]

CHANDLER: She pushed me out of her apartment. Me! The love of her life. Just because she is making food for that Richard.

JOEY: Hey pal, relax! You trust Monica, right?

CHANDLER: Yes, of course I do trust her!

JOEY: Fine.

(He continues watching television)

CHANDLER: I mean, what do you think that horny, moustache-wearing oldman is going to do. He’ll be going like: 'Hey Mon, remember me? The only real man you’ve ever had. Why don’t you forget about that sarcastic idiot and have fun with me again, I have a Jaguar!’

(Joey sighs, he turns the television off.)

JOEY: I think I know the solution.

CHANDLER: Really?

JOEY: Tonight we go to Richard’s house, just to keep an eye on her.

CHANDLER: Oh Joey, that’s a brilliant plan! Oh, wait, we’re not invited.

JOEY: So?

CHANDLER: So?

JOEY: We just stay outside, we can see what’s going on inside.

CHANDLER: You mean like spying?

JOEY: Yeah.

CHANDLER: Do you really think that’s necessary?

JOEY: Do you trust Monica?

CHANDLER: Yes, of course I do.

JOEY: Well, then it’s not necessary.

(Joey turns the television back on)

CHANDLER: I mean, what if Richard…

(Joey looks annoyed, he turns the television off again)

JOEY: Chandler, why don’t we just go over there tonight. Nobody’s gonna find out and maybe you stop talking so I can watch this show.

CHANDLER: Okay, we’ll go to Richard’s house tonight. But don’t tell Monica, she will kill me.

JOEY: Of course.

(He turns the television back on)

JOEY: This is gonna be cool. I always wanted to be double-o-seven!

CHANDLER (mumbles): What about double-o-nothing?

[SCENE 8: Auditorium, Columbia University]

[Students are trickling into the auditorium. Phoebe is sitting somewhere in the auditorium. On the stage, an assistant (ASSISTANT) is attaching a microphone to Ross’s tie. (Note: I’ve never been at an American university, but I’m studying at a Dutch one, and one of the most remarkable things I have discovered is that 90% of the lecturers are not able to turn on a microphone without breaking it, or in an even worse case blowing up the sound system. Therefore there is always an assistant during the first lecture who helps the lecturer with the sound system.)]

(Ross is glancing through his sheets.)

ASSISTANT: First time huh?

ROSS: No, I’ve given lectures before!

ASSISTANT: Oh sure, but remember that this is a university. You are facing students. There are two possible reactions from the audience. It could be that nobody is paying attention because you’re talking about a boring subject, which gives you the feeling that you are making a complete fool out of yourself, which isn’t true because nobody notices. Or it could be that everybody is listening, which makes you very nervous. You realise that everyone is focussing on you, you start to stutter, and your knees start shaking . That’s when you risk of making a complete fool out of yourself.

(Ross does look nervous now)

ASSISTANT: Good luck!

(Assistant walks off)

[Cut to later. Ross is about to start his first lecture.]

ROSS: Good morning everybody. I am Ross Geller and uh, I… (He look sup, he sees that the entire audience is staring at him, he swallows.) I don’t know what to say.

[Cut to later. Ross is giving his lecture. He is getting the hang of it now. He is pacing around at the stage, pointing at the screen.]

ROSS: All right people! Let’s have a break. I’ll continue my lecture in fifteen minutes.

(The students start to leave the auditorium. Phoebe walks up to Ross.)

PHOEBE: Hi!

ROSS: That was bad, wasn’t it?

PHOEBE: No.

ROSS: Pheebs, please be fair.

PHOEBE: Well, no. You did fine. I mean, it is your first lecture. You were just a little nervous at the beginning. After that, you did fine.

(The dean approaches them.)

DEAN: Professor Geller, I’ve been watching, what a nice debut!

ROSS: I’m sorry. I uh, I just got nervous.

DEAN: Oh, that’s no problem. We’ve seen them much worse. I once saw a lecturer who stumbled over his microphone cord, there was one who stood in front of his audience for fifteen minutes without saying a word. You did fine.

[Cut to the second part of the lecture. Ross is talking, he looks like he’s comfortable. We don’t hear what he’s saying but we hear his thoughts.]

ROSS (thoughts, voice-over): Well, it looks like everything is going great now. I’m not even nervous anymore. Stumbling over a microphone cord, that’s ridiculous! (…) Wait. Oh no, there’s no microphone cord here. Thank God.

ROSS (talking): So basically you could say that the so-called 'meteorite’-theory entered the scientific community like a big bang.

(Ross didn’t pay attention to where he was walking and falls off the stage. He gets up.)

ROSS: Uh, I’m fine.

[SCENE 9: Monica and Rachel’s apartment]

[It’s early in the evening. Monica and Phoebe are doing something in the kitchen, Joey and Chandler are sitting on the couch, watching television.]

MONICA: Chandler, honey. I’m going. See you tonight.

CHANDLER: Bye Monica, have fun!

(they share a quick kiss)

PHOEBE: By the way, what are you guys going to do tonight?

JOEY: We? Oh, nothing. We just stay home all night, doing nothing. We just stay home, we don’t go anywhere.

(Phoebe and Monica look suspicious)

CHANDLER: What Joey tries to say is that we have no life, so we just stay home and watch television. Now hurry, I’ll see you tonight!

(Phoebe and Monica leave the apartment.)

CHANDLER (to Joey): You idiot!

[SCENE 10: Outside Richard Burke’s house]

[It’s dark outside. Chandler and Joey are sneaking through the front garden.]

JOEY: What do you think will be a nice place to hide the microphone?

CHANDLER: I think we should put it near the kitchen window.

(they sneak to the kitchen window, Chandler uses some scotch tape to stick the microphone to the window-frame.)

CHANDLER: Let’s see if it works.

(Joey puts on a headphone. Chandler blows into the microphone. Joey screams.)

CHANDLER: Sssh!

JOEY: It works, just remember to turn down the volume!

CHANDLER: Great. Now, where shall we hide? (he looks around) What about that tree over there. We can watch both the kitchen and the living room.We can even see all the guests coming. I think that’s a perfect spot.

[Cut to Joey and Chandler climbing in the tree.]

(Joey steps on Chandler’s hand. Chandler wants to scream, he realises it’ll betray his presence, so he just opens his mouth wide)

[SCENE 11: Kitchen, Richard Burke’s house]

[Monica is preparing the food, Phoebe is looking out of the window.]

PHOEBE: Hey look, there’s someone climbing in that tree!

MONICA: Yeah, sure!

PHOEBE: No, really, look!

(Monica walks to the window, there’s nothing to see.)

MONICA: Uh, Pheebs, I don’t see anyone climbing into that tree.

PHOEBE: Yes, but…

(She’s cut off by Richard Burke (RICHARD) entering the kitchen.)

RICHARD: Hi girls! How is the food?

MONICA: It’s fine. Just tell me when you want us to serve it to your guests.

RICHARD: Speaking of guests, I want you to meet someone. Jenny?

(A gorgeous blonde woman (JENNY) enters.)

JENNY: What’s up, honey?

RICHARD: I would like you to meet the caterers, this is Monica.

(Monica and Jenny shake hands)

MONICA: Nice to meet you, Jenny.

RICHARD: And this is Phoebe.

(Phoebe and Jenny shake hands)

PHOEBE: Hi!

RICHARD: Girls, this is Jenny, my new girlfriend.

(Richard walks off to the living room. Monica does not look happy.)

(We hear a soft yell from outside.)

JOEY (from outside): I told you you had nothing to worry about!

(Monica frowns)

PHOEBE (to Jenny): So, you are Richard’s new girlfriend?

JENNY: Oh yeah!

(Monica slowly turns away to the window)

MONICA: Oh, I wish Chandler was here now.

(Cut to a Monica’s point of view, she’s looking out of the window.)

JOEY (from outside): Hey dude, just go to her. She wants you now.

CHANDLER (from outside): No way, she’ll know I’m watching her.

JOEY: (from outside) Just go inside, you heard her.

(We hear Chandler screaming, Joey pushed him out of the tree. He gets up, he sees Monica standing at the window, staring at him.)

CHANDLER (nervous): Uh, hi honey?

(Monica does NOT look happy)

[COMMERCIAL BREAK]

[SCENE 12: The front garden of Richard Burke’s house]

[Chandler is still standing there, smiling sheepishly at Monica, who's not amused.]

CHANDLER: Uh, hi, I just happened to drop by.

(Monica motions him to go inside.)

[Cut to the front door. Chandler rings the doorbell.]

(The front door opens. Richard looks surprised.)

RICHARD: Hey, what’s your name again?

CHANDLER: Hi, it’s Chandler. I just came to bring the salt. Monica forgot the salt.

(Richard looks confused, he motions Chandler to enter.)

[Cut to the kitchen. Chandler enters.]

CHANDLER: Hi.

MONICA: What the hell are you doing here?

CHANDLER: Uh

(Richard enters)

MONICA: You know what, we’ll talk about this later.

RICHARD: Uh, Monica, just for your information, I have salt myself.

(Monica looks puzzled)

MONICA: Yeah, sure. Richard, remember Chandler? He’s my boyfriend now.

RICHARD (laughing): Really? Congratulations.

(Chandler looks annoyed.)

[SCENE 13: Central Perk]

[Rachel is sitting on the couch, alone. She is flipping through a magazine.]

(Ross enters)

ROSS: Hey!

RACHEL: Hi! Oh, finally somebody to talk to!

(Ross sits down.)

RACHEL: So, how was your day, professor Geller?

ROSS: Oh, you know, just a normal first day at the university. You are welcomed by the dean, introduced to a number of colleagues. You give your first lecture, and you make a slamming debut by tumbling off the stage in front of a packed auditorium.

RACHEL (laughing): Oh, thank God! So I’m not the only one who had a bad day.

ROSS: How do you mean? Wasn’t this supposed to be your first day as a weathergirl?

RACHEL: Oh yea, I’ve been on television.

ROSS: This is so cool, one of my friends is a celebrity now.

RACHEL: You haven’t seen the show this morning?

ROSS: No, I was on my way to the university.

RACHEL: Oh, you see, I got fired this morning.

ROSS: Why?

RACHEL: Let’s just say that I forgot to read the autocue when I was on the air.

ROSS: Oh Rach, I’m sorry.

(Ross and Rachel hug)

RACHEL: Thanks Ross, you’re the best. It’s a shame though, I forgot to tape the show, so now I’ll never see myself on television.

ROSS: Oh, don’t worry about that Rachel. I have set my VCR to tape the show. You can watch it.

RACHEL: Okay, let’s go.

(Rachel gets up)

ROSS: You wanna watch it now?

RACHEL: Yeah, why not?

ROSS: Don’t you think that it would depress you now?

RACHEL: Trust me Ross. After all I went through this year I can handle this.

(Ross looks confused. They leave Central Perk)

[SCENE 14: Kitchen, Richard Burke’s house]

[Monica and Phoebe are in the kitchen]

PHOEBE: So Mon, what do you think Chandler is doing here?

MONICA: I don’t know.

(Both looks at the window frame. They notice the microphone. Monica opens the window.)

MONICA (shouting in microphone): Hey!

(We hear a yell coming from the tree)

JOEY: Aah! My ears!

(Monica looks angry)

PHOEBE: Oh my God.

[Cut to the living room. There are a lot of guests. Among them are Monica and Ross’s parents, Jack (JACK) and Judy (JUDY) Geller.]

JACK: Hey look, it’s Ross’s old college roommate, you know, the gay one.

JUDY: Yeah, it doesn’t surprise me that Monica is still single if that is the type of man she hangs out with. Monica and Ross are coming over for dinner tomorrow. We should talk about it.

[Cut to Chandler, standing in a corner of the living room, drinking a beer. It looks like it wasn’t his first beer, to speak euphemistically. Richard walks toward him.]

RICHARD: So, you are really Monica’s new boyfriend?

(Chandler nods)

CHANDLER: Do you have any problem with that?

RICHARD: No, although I guess that the rest of the male New York population was occupied.

CHANDLER: Really? Well I guess that she finally found someone that wasn’t ready for the old people’s home.

RICHARD: Ooh, that hurts. By the way, did you meet my new girlfriend Jenny?

(He points at Jenny. Chandler's mouth drops open.)

CHANDLER (impressed): Wow!

RICHARD: Yes, thank you. Apparantly she doesn't have any problem with dating an old man.

CHANDLER: Yeah, sure! Remember the reason Monica broke up with you?

RICHARD: Yes, I do.

CHANDLER: So if Jenny wants to have children you break up with her?

RICHARD: Uh

CHANDLER (loud): Oh, that's it. I'm sick of you. I think that you are the most hypocritical person in New York, no, in the entire United States.(normal voice) Well, of course there's always Kenneth Starr.

RICHARD: So, what are you trying to say?

CHANDLER (talking way too loud again): What I'm trying to say is that MY little Monica is way too good for you. Since she hooked up with the Chan-Chan man she's finally a real woman. Not a silly loner in the city that can be used by men like you!

(Cut to Judy Geller)

JUDY: Oh, Monica and I are going to have a nice little talk tomorrow.

(Cut to Monica, she is standing in the doorpost. She heard Chandler's little speech. Phoebe is standing behind her.)

PHOEBE: Uh-oh.

[SCENE 15: Ross’s apartment]

[Ross and Rachel are sitting on the couch.]

(Ross presses a button on the remote control)

[Cut to a shot of the television screen]

HOST: And now, ladies and gentleman. ‘Breakfast in New York’ is proud to present our new weathergirl: Emily Waltham.

(We see Rachel’s face on the television, she looks shocked)

(Cut to Ross’s face. He looks confused.)

ROSS: Uh, Rachel? Emily?

RACHEL (small voice): I’m sorry.

ROSS: Why?

RACHEL: Just before the shooting the director told me that I needed a stage name. I refused to pick a name. I mean what is wrong with Rachel? And then they decided to name me Emily Waltham.

ROSS: Uh, okay. But why?

RACHEL: Well, apparently Emily and her new husband moved to New York. She is now working as a director’s assistant at City Channel. She came up with that name. She said it was her revenge for me ruining her wedding. I’m sorry Ross.

(Ross gets up.)

ROSS: No, Rach. Don’t be sorry. It’s not your fault. I messed up my wedding. Oh, God. I don’t feel happy now.

RACHEL: Do you want me to go home?

ROSS: No Rachel, it’s not your fault. I don’t blame you.

(He looks out of the window that gives him a view on Monica and Rachel’s apartment.)

ROSS: Actually. I uh, I don’t think you should go home now.

[SCENE 16: Monica and Rachel’s apartment]

[Cut to Monica and Rachel’s apartment. Monica and Chandler enter. Monica looks angry.]

MONICA (shouting): You idiot. How could you do that to me?

CHANDLER: Mon, come on, relax!

MONICA: Relax? You want me to relax? You said you trust me, but you go over to Richard’s house and you even place a microphone to hear what I’m saying!

(Chandler swallows)

CHANDLER: It was Joey’s idea.

MONICA: Oh, yeah sure. Blame it on Joey. For your information Chandler Bing: you were there. You placed that microphone.

CHANDLER: But honey, I just wanted to know what you were doing.

MONICA: And after that, you come inside and you humiliate me and Richard in front of all his friends, and in front of my parents to, for God’s sake! I’m supposed to go to my parents tomorrow to have dinner. Oh boy, will they have fun. (Imitating her mother’s voice) 'So Harmonica, how is your boyfriend doing? You know, the funny guy. We were laughing out loud at Richard’s party yesterday.’ How could you do that? I HATE you!

CHANDLER: Oh, and I love you. How about a little workout, just to make things up.

MONICA: Oh, yeah! That sounds like a plan. First you make me look like a complete loser, even my mother could learn some tricks from you, and after that you think you can use your penis to make up?

CHANDLER: Yeah?

(Monica hits Chandler)

[SCENE 17: Ross’s apartment]

[Cut to Ross’s apartment. Ross and Rachel are looking out of the window.]

(Ross and Rachel wince)

ROSS: Oh God.

RACHEL: Yeah.

ROSS: We shouldn’t watch this.

RACHEL: Yeah. And it does remind me our break up.

(Both walk away from the window. They both look depressed now.)

ROSS and RACHEL: I’m sorry.

ROSS and RACHEL: About what?

RACHEL: Uh. About everything?

ROSS: Yeah.

RACHEL: Me too.

(Both look uncomfortable)

ROSS (changing subject): So what do you think they are fighting about?

RACHEL: I don’t know. Do you think they get through this?

ROSS: Uh, if Chandler sleeps with another woman I think he is in trouble.

RACHEL: Yea. (Silence) You mean you are afraid they end up like we did?

(Ross nods)

RACHEL: No. Monica is way too clever to make a stupid mistake like I did.

ROSS (confused): YOU made a mistake?

[SCENE 18: Monica and Rachel’s apartment]

[Monica and Chandler are still fighting]

MONICA: Oh God! I am so sick of you. Get out of my apartment. I don’t want to see you now.

CHANDLER: So we are on a break now?

MONICA: JUST PISS OFF!

(Chandler leaves the apartment)

MONICA (shouting): AND FOR YOUR INFORMATION: I LIED! RICHARD IS WAY BETTER IN BED THAN YOU ARE.

CHANDLER (off screen, shouting): OH YEAH? WELL JUST FOR YOUR INFORMATION: I LIED TOO! YOU’RE STILL A SILLY LONER IN THE CITY AND YOU ARE SO GONNA DIE ALONE.

[SCENE 19: Ross’s apartment]

[Cut back to Ross’s apartment.]

ROSS: How do you mean you made a mistake?

RACHEL: For being so mad at you.

ROSS: Uh, hello, I slept with another woman.

RACHEL: Yeah! I know that but I mean, I practically chased you into her arms.

ROSS: Uh

RACHEL: I mean, of course I was mad at you, but I should have forgiven you. We were so good together, I still miss us. (She starts to cry)

(Ross hugs Rachel)

ROSS: Oh Rach, come on. Don’t cry. God. I sometimes  miss us too.

RACHEL: Really?

(Ross nods)

(They stare into each other’s eyes. The unevitable happens: they kiss.)

RACHEL: I love you Ross. I never stopped loving you. You wanna give it another try?

ROSS: I love you too Rachel, you know that. But I don't think we should do this.

(Rachel looks dejected.)

ROSS: I mean, you’re still the woman of my dreams, but you’re also one of my best friends. I already lost you as a friend once. I’m afraid we’re gonna fight again, so that I will lose you as a friend.

RACHEL: Ross, not this time. I promise. We are both older. Sadder but wiser. I think we are mature enough to work things out now. If we try it again it will last forever.

ROSS: I don't know.

(Rachel gives him a quick kiss on the lips)

RACHEL: I promise.

ROSS: Okay, you win.

(They kiss)

(Screen fades to black)

[CLOSING CREDITS]

[SCENE 20: The morning after]

[Cut to Ross’s apartment.]

(Ross and Rachel are in bed together, cuddled. They wake up.)

ROSS: Hi

RACHEL: Hi. Oh! It’s really you!

ROSS: Yea.

RACHEL: After all this time again!

ROSS: Oh yeah!

(They kiss and dive under the covers)

[Cut to Joey and Chandler’s apartment. We hear the shower running.]

(Chandler comes out of his bedroom, clearly suffering from a hangover.)

(Monica enters)

MONICA: Hi. I think we need to talk.

(Chandler nods)

(Janice (JANICE) exits the bed room)

JANICE: Morning Bing-A-Ling!

(Both Chandler and Monica look shocked)

MONICA and CHANDLER: Oh - my - God!

(Monica slaps Chandler and runs back to her own apartment)

[Cut to Richard’s house.]

(A cab stops in front of the house. Richard and Jenny leave the house.)

RICHARD: I really want to thank you for what you did yesterday.

JENNY: Oh, come on. It’s my job. You pay me, I do what you want me to.

RICHARD (uncomfortable): Yeah, okay. See you.

JENNY: Bye!

(She gets in the cab, the cab drives off.)

(Richard gets in his car and drives off too)

[Cut to later. Two garbage collectors are emptying Richard’s garbage cans into a trash truck.]

VOICE: Hello?

(The garbage men look around but they don’t see anyone.)

VOICE: Hello? Up here. Could you guys get me out of here? I’m stuck.

(Cut to Joey. He’s still in the tree in front of Richard’s house.)

[to be continued]

[DISCLAIMER]
The characters in this script are the property of David Krane, Marta Kaufmann and Kevin Bright. No infringement of copyright is intended. Please don’t sue me.