Due to the fact that it became too long, I have broken it up into 2 parts. This is my first
fanfic and I would like everyone to be critical. I know I havenít exactly broken it up in
a prime place, but Not everything works out perfect.
(SCENE One: Chandler & Monicaís Apartment. Rachel and Monica are listening to the radio.)
DJ: Hey radio listeners are you ready to win some concert tickets?
Rachel & Monica: Yesss! (jumping up and down)
DJ: Well all you have to do is name this song and be caller #...(thinks)..(in a sexy voice) 69.
Rachel: Is this guy horny?
Monica: Focus Rachel!
Rachel: The song hasnít even played yet.
Monica: Well you have to get your brain cells ready O.K.?
Rachel: They are always ready!
Monica:(sarcastically) Sure they are honey(pats her on the back)
DJ:(interrupting) O.K., name this song (we hear a clip from ďIíll be here for youĒ by the Rembrats)
Monica: shhhhh (she sprays Rachel with spit and Rachel wipes it off and looks at her)
Rachel: Oh My God! I know that song..ugh What is it called?? (thinking)
Monica: Well maybe if you had focused! ..Oh OH..OHHHH (in a shrill voice) Itís all be there for you by the Rembrats. DIAL!! DIAL!! (poking Rachel)
Rachel: I AM! (Monica is still poking her) You can stop poking me now!
Monica: Is it ringing? Is it ringing?
Rachel: Must you repeat everything? Shhhhh (we hear her voice on the radio)(on the phone)
Rachel: Hi! am I caller number 69?
DJ: (giggles)(in a sexy voice) Yes, you are BAAABY.
Monica: Ewww, you were right!
Rachel: (trying to refocus him) So..Did I win?
DJ: (recomposing himself) OHH yes, yes you won.
Rachel & Monica: (Scream and Jump)
DJ: So whatís your number one choice for todayís men..uhh hit songs without the rap!
Rachel: (screaming) 95.5 WPLJ *(another song is heard on the radio)..No I am not going on a date with you....Well..(smiles) Really?..awwww..thatís so sweet....
Monica: (slaps her) Rachel!
Rachel: (holds her hand over the phone) OWW (talking back into the phone) oh ..yea so when is the concert.. uh huh..uh huh..
Chandler: (in a sexy voice) Hey honey, Iím home! (seems Rachel)(embarrased) Ohh..Hey there Rachel.
Monica: (looking at Chandler) I won! I won!
Chandler: AWWW..thanks hun. But you know you already have me.
Monica: No, not you..
Chandler:(embarrassed again) OHH...
Monica: (loudly) We won tickets to the Barenaked Ladies concert!
Rachel: (still on the phone) (sounding like she is talking to a baby)(smiling) AWW..yea you sound cute too....
Chandler and Monica look at her. She recomposes herself.
Rachel: (talking in a normal voice) Yea, so Iíll get the (loudly) TICKETS (loudly off) from you tomorrow. (giggles)(smiling) OK, bye..
Monica: Oh My God.. are you going out with the DJ?
Rachel: (smiles) No....Iím going to pick up the tickets (excitedly) That WE won!
Monica: (smiles)(screeching) yea we won!
(Chandler covers his ears)
Chandler: whoa you are starting to sound like a Jerry Springer guest who just found out that her boyfriend was cheating on her with her brother.
(Monica glares at him)
(Scene 2: At central Perk everyone is there but Rachel)
(Rachel enters with the tickets in one hand, her face is red, her clothes are in shambles, she even buttoned her blouse wrong)
Rachel: (exhausted) Hey guys I got them.
Ross: I thought you WON the tickets.
Rachel: (glaring) I did.
Monica: (coughs) YOU did?
Rachel: MONICA and I did. Anyway, the concert is in Hartford so we will need a ride into the country.
Pheobe: Oh, I still have the van, we can use that!
Joey: What concert is this again?
Rachel: Barenaked Ladies
Joey: Oh..You know what? yea..I uhh have plans..
Ross: So do I..
Chandler: Yea me too.
Monica: (looks at Chandler) Oh.. Really??
Chandler: (recovering) yeah-I-Have-Plans-To-Go-To-The-Barenaked-Ladies-Concert.
Pheobe: Come on you guys! It would be fun! Besides when was the last time we all went away together. It would be so much fun!
Ross: Oh yea, because last time was so successful.
Monica: Rosssssss Come on! PLLEEEAAASSSEE
Monica: Iíll tell them about your OTHER song that you sang to us when we were kids.
Ross: Of course Iím going to go! Had you guys fooled eh?
Girls: YEA!! Now.. JOEY! (they all look at Joey, he is readying a magazine (sports illustrated), he looks up from it)
Joey: Oh man! You know I can never say No to a girl!
(SCENE 3: They are all about to get into Pheobeís Van)
Monica & Ross: SHOT GUN!
Monica: Ha I said it first!
Ross: umm..no I DID!
Monica: I did!
Ross: I did!
Chandler: (motherly) Children. Children. Letís not fight now (pointing finger)
Ross: SHE STARTED IT!
Monica: No HE did!
Ross: She did!
Monica: He did!
Rachel: You both did! Now get in the van. (Joey runs in and jumps in the shotgun seat before them)
Joey: (evil laugh)
(they all squish in the back)
Rachel: Donít forget to check the gas gage Pheebs
Pheobe: right! done!
Chandler: (Squished) so do you have enough gas Pheebs?
Pheobe: Ohh..No..Weíll go get some at the gas station.
Monica: yea..good idea.
Monica: Oww Ross! You stepped on me again!
Ross: Well if your foot wasnít in the way!
Monica: My foot is not in the way!
Pheobe: (turns around to look at them) Can you guys stop fighting back there! I need to be able to see.
Monica: How does fighting obstruct your view?
Joey: PHEOBE!! LOOK OUT!!
Pheobe: (turns back around) Uh oh!
(she runs over a huge rock and we hear a loud bang, than the car starts making weird sounds and stops dead.)
Monica: Uh oh? Pheobeís what just happened? WHY are we stopped?
Pheobe: I dont know, I hit a rock. Iím soo sorry you guys.
Monica: Well this is just great, we are in the middle of no where. I told you to take the main road but nooo (imating) Letís take a short cut.
Ross: Well it would have been if it werenít for all your bickering!
Monica: Now youíre blaming this on me..
Rachel: O.K. I have had it with you two! Will you please stop fighting for at least 10 minutes! It is both your faults!
(they look at Rachel)
Rachel: Yea, well you should be. (starts to cry) cause now weíre stuck out in the woods with no one to help us...
Joey: Donít worry Rach, Iíll fix the van!
Chandler: Since when do you work with cars.
Joey: since um... today.. But it canít be that hard. I watched a show on cars once on the Discovery Channel.
Chandler: YOU watched the Discovery Channel?
Joey: I heard there was some porn special on it that day.
(they all get out and Joey looks under the car)
Joey: Canít help ya, it seems like your missing ..umm the entire exhaust system.
Ross: (he points to a thing on the ground a few feet a way) Oh is that it. (itís completely destroyed)
Joey: Yea, thatíd be it.
Pheobe: So can you put it back on.
Joey: What do you think Iím a magician? noo that thing is gone.
Monica: All right we need firewood, water, blankets, food. COME ON COME ON LETS GO! (claps)
Chandler: Did you ever apply to go to West Point, SIR! (Monica gives him The Look) (pause) ....and Now Joey and I are getting the firewood. (deeper in the Woods Joey and Chandler are there, Joey cutting down a tree with an ax)
(Chandler and Joey Exit)
Monica: Ok we need SOMEBODY to get some water. (looks at Ross)
Ross: Why do I always have to go!
Rachel: UGH, Ross letís go get Monica some water. I canít keep you two in the same room today!
(Ross grabs the juice bottles and Monica hands him a small filter out of her bag and runs to catch up with Rachel who is still upset about the way Monica and Ross are acting)
(Monica is busy getting things ready, taking out all their stuff and setting up a campground)
(Pheobe is looking at the ground)
Pheobe: Hey look at that!
Pheobe: Itís a frog!
(Pheobe picks it up)
Pheobe: Oh its soo cute!
(it jumps out of her hand and starts to hop away very quickly! Pheobe follows it)
(Monica finishes everything looks up and notices no one is there)
Monica: Hey where did everyone go?
(SCENE 4: Rachel and Ross are walking in the woods)
Rachel: Why do you keep fighting with Monica today?
Ross: I guess this whole camping thing brings back a lot of memories. Iíll try not to fight so much with her.
Rachel: Ugh I hate the woods! There are so many bugs, and dirt, and umm the bright sun!
Ross: The sun is bright in NY too.
Rachel: Well, the air is too clean!
Ross: Weíll be all right. Itís not that bad.
(they spot a small stream)
Ross: Hey thereís a stream!
Rachel: Oh yah.
Ross: (he pulls out the filter and goes over to the edge)
Rachel: What is that?
Ross: Itís a filter for the water.
Rachel: Whereíd you get that.
Ross: Weíll Monica always brings it when she goes anywhere.
Rachel: Wow you guys did do this a lot.
Ross: No, not really. It only takes once for Monica to remember.
Rachel: Youíre sure right about that!
(Rachel goes to the edge and sees a snake, she screams and looses her balance and ends up face down in the stream)
Ross: Whatís the matter?
Rachel: (she gets up) There is a snake!!
Ross: Oh, thatís just a water snake.
Rachel: JUST a water snake!!!!!
Ross: Yea, hence why itís in the water. Although, youíre in the water now.
Rachel: Just get rid of it!
Ross: Itís gone.
Rachel: Oh, well (throws water in his face) Not so funny now is it?
(he runs in the water and they both end up soaked, they finally get the water they needed)
Rachel: Ughh I am soo wet!! I canít believe this!
Ross: Donít you have dry clothes at the van.
Rachel: (glares at him) Yea but my shoes are all wet. I hate the woods!
(SCENE 4: Pheobe is following the Frog)
Pheobe: Hey little froggy come here!.. Hey look it seems like you have a little snakey friend! Oh no.. Oh My God.. Froggy! Whereíd you go!! Bad snake! ahhh.. yes you do have a very long tongue. I see it yes. Yes, Iím going now.. AHHHH Monica!
Monica: Pheobe stand still!
Pheobe: The snake is going to get me!
Monica: If you stand still heíll go away.
Pheobe: (doesnít breathe, finally does exasperated) Oh I canít do it anymore.
Monica: Pheebs the snake is gone now, come on lets get back to the van.
Pheobe: Oh yea it is! Thanks Mon!
Monica: Mom? Iím not a mom.
Pheobe: aww you will be some day.
(SCENE 5 : Joey and Chandler are in the woods, Joey is cutting down some trees)
Chandler: (as Joey nearly nabs him with the ax) AHHHH, be careful with that thing!
Joey: (Joey looks at him bewildered) what?
Chandler:(pointing at the tree next to him with a giant gash) THAT could have been ME!
Joey: Well, if you stayed back then (imitating chandler)THEN it wouldnít have been YOU!
Chandler: OK, for one that sounded NOTHING like me, for two I would have stayed back except the only safe place would be in China!
Joey:(continuing to cut down the tree) I wonder what this is...(we see a giant bee nest..as Joey goes to cut it with the ax. Chandler runs over and grabs his arm)
Chandler: What the hell are you trying to do?
Joey: What are you doin'? I was trying to get that big thing out of the way!
Chandler: (chandler gives him the omg look) Oh My God! Do you WANT to get us killed?
Joey:(imitating chandler again) No, I Donít WANT to get us killed. I was trying to knock it down.
Chandler: OK. STOP DOING THAT! If you KNOCK that down the bee's will kill you!
Joey: What are you talking about? There are no bees.
Chandler: (points to a bee going in the nest)
Joey: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..(just realizing) Oh My God
Chandler: Umm YEA..
Joey: I didnít know there were BEES out here!
Chandler: We're in the woods..why wouldnít there be bees.
Joey: I didnít know bees were in the WOODS I always thought they lived in flowers at the park.
Chandler: (the what look) Have you EVER been outside the city..
Joey:(thinks) yea! When we went to the beach!
Chandler: Then how did you learn to...(thinks)..ohhhh
Chandler: Nothing....all right I'm going to go URINATE. I'll be back, please donít kill yourself while I'm gone.
(We see chandler go off into the woods, he looks around sees no one and then starts to pee. Then we see a shot of Joey trying to cut down the tree while the Ax is flying all over the place. He gets bored so puts the ax down wonders around a bit and sees a small hole in the ground) Joey's Thoughts: Hmmmm..I wonder what this is for.. (he takes a small stick and starts poking it around in the hole..within a moments time a swarm of yellow jackets come swarming out of the hole at Joey and we see Joey run for his life!)(Then we get another shot of Chandler about to finish peeing and we see a pain streaking look on his face he screams OWWW!! and starts jumping around as he tries to pull up his pants and runs)
(Scene: Everyone is standing near the taxi except C&J)
(Joey comes running towards them)
Joey:(he's trying to talk but having difficulty) ahh...rr..r..r....r..r..r.uuuuuun..b...b.b...b.b. ..b.b.b..b.b..b..e.e..e.......s.s.s.s
Rachel: (talking loudly) Joey! (softly now) Honey there are no bees.
Joey: Yea there were I saw them!
Chandler:(running in sinc with his yelps) OW OW OW OW OW OW OW
Ross: Wow man you OK?
Chandler: (sarcastically) Yea I'm fine I was just practicing my cat cry!
Monica: Chandler what happened?
Chandler:(in pain) Well...I was ...peeing..and then...I heard this buzzing noise (realizes something)..(Points at Joey) I thought I told you not to touch the nest!!!
Joey: I didnít! They moved to this hole!
Ross: What were you doing to the hole Joey..
Joey: I was just you know..checking it out..
Rachel: Joey! anything can be down there!!
(Chandler is still in a lot of pain)
Chandler: HELLLOOOOOO..I need help here..
Monica: (goes over to him) Where'd you get stung?
Chandler: (whispers in her ear)
Chandler: This is not funny!
Phoebe: Hey we want to know!
Monica:(still laughing, chandler givers her the come on look). OK I'm sorry (still laughing)...come here (gives him a hug) OK we're going to need to use the Taxi phoebes..(laughing while saying) Chandler got stung in the ass! (they all start laughing histarically Chandlers face turns red and he glares at Monica)
Chandler: WHY did you tell them that!
Monica: Iím sorry I just couldnít hold it in.
Chandler: You're as bad as Rachel!
Monica: Hey I am not!
(chandler collapses on the ground)
Monica: Omg..ok help me move him to the car(they all gather around him, Chandler laying there in a lot of pain) on the count of 3 ,(Joey starts to lift) Joey I said on 3!
Monica: 1..2.(Joey starts to lift him)JOEY!!
Joey: all right I'll get it right this time.
Monica: 1...(Joey starts to lift) OK thatís it go over there!
Monica: OK lift (they all lift him and bring him to the car..they hit his head on the hood)
Chandler: Thank you I needed that! Now I donít feel it so much in my ass!
To Be Continued..
*yes this is a real radio station in NYC but I am not referring to any specific DJís or saying that any of them are like this.