Written by: eze93@yahoo.com

Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me, but to Bright, Kauffman and Crane Productions and Warner Bros. Their use is not intended for profit, only for
entertainment.

Previously on Friends

THE CHURCH

Minister: We are gathered here today to join Monica Geller and Chandler Bing in matrimony. If there is anyone here who has any reason
why these two shouldn't wed, speak now or forever hold your peace. (Pause) Then we shall proceed. Monica, repeat after me. I, Monica, take
thee Chandler to be my lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, till death parts us.

Monica: I, Monica, take thee Chandler to be my lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, till death parts us.

Minister: Now, Chandler, repeat after me. I, Chandler, take thee Monica to be my lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, till death parts
us.

Chandler: I, Chandler, take thee… take thee… take thee….

Ross: Chandler, are you alright?

Chandler: I'm fine.

Monica: Chandler, what's wrong?

Chandler: I'm sorry Monica, I can't marry you. (Chandler leaves the altar, Monica breaks into tears and an uneasy silence grips the audience).

OPENING CREDITS

CHANDLER & MONICA’S APARTMENT (It’s the middle of the night and Chandler is in the bedroom sleeping. He awakens suddenly)

Chandler: No! No! No! Monica come back!

(Nora enters the bedroom)

Nora: Chandler! Chandler! Honey what is it?

Chandler: Mom! Where’s Monica? I have to tell her I’m sorry.

Nora: Chandler, slow down. What happened?

Chandler: I told Monica that I couldn’t marry her. I screwed up. I have to get her back.

Nora: Chandler, you had a dream. You didn’t lose her. The wedding isn’t until this afternoon.

Chandler: What?

Nora: You had a nightmare honey. Monica is at her parents. The wedding is later on today.

Chandler: So I can still marry Monica?

Nora: Of course honey. You just had a bad dream. You’re probably just apprehensive. That’s normal. Everything’s gonna be fine. Now go back to sleep and I’ll see
you in the morning.

Chandler: Thanks Mom. Oh Mom, since this was a bad dream that means you didn’t kiss Joey right?

Nora: No, that still happened. Goodnight.

ROSS & RACHEL’S APARMENT (Later that morning. Rachel and Ross are lying in bed)

Rachel: I wonder how Mon is doing?

Ross: She’s fine. This is going to be the happiest day of her life.

Rachel: So you’re saying you had the happiest day of your life two times already.

Ross: Two times?

Rachel: Carol and Emily.

Ross: No, No. The happiest day of my life will be when I marry you.

Rachel: You've married me already.

Ross: And we were happy.

Rachel: Huh?

Ross: You weren't happy?

Rachel: I wasn't in love with you! Well that’s not entirely true, but we weren’t dating.

Ross: So you're saying you weren't happy. Then why did you marry me?

Rachel: Uh, because I was drunk?

Ross: So you were happy.

Rachel: At the wedding. The honeymoon was hell.

CHANDLER & MONICA'S APARTMENT (Chandler and Joey are present)

Joey: Let me get this straight, you're afraid to marry Monica?

Chandler: I'm not afraid to marry Monica.

Joey: Dude, you left her at the altar!

Chandler: It was a dream! I knew I shouldn't have said anything to you.

(Ross enters)

Ross: Hey!

Chandler/Joey: Hey!

Joey: Chandler left Monica at the altar!

Ross: What?!

Joey: He left your sister at the altar! He said he couldn't marry her!

Ross: How is that even possible? The wedding isn’t for another three hours.

Chandler: I had a dream that I left Monica at the altar and made the mistake of telling Joey.

Ross: You left my sister at the altar?!

Chandler: It was a dream! I had a dream! Lord almighty, I had a dream!

Joey: Who does he think he is Martin Luther King?

THE GELLER'S HOUSE (Phoebe and Monica are in the bedroom)

Monica: Where's Rachel? She was supposed to be here an hour ago!

Phoebe: Take a chill pill Monica, she probably had a quickie with Ross and it took a little longer than normal, if you know what I mean. (Phoebe laughs and then
realizes Monica is staring at her, obviously pissed). I'm sure that she wouldn't do that on your wedding day. (Rachel enters) Where the hell have you been?!

Rachel: Hello to you too Phoebe. Hi Mon, sorry I'm late but Ross and I lost track of time.

Phoebe (to Monica): See, I told you!

Monica: You had to have to sex on my wedding day!

Phoebe: Somebody had to. (looks at Monica who is again pissed at her) Well my hair is ready, I think I'll go talk to your Mom.

Rachel: Mon, I'm sorry and we weren't having sex. We were arguing.

Monica: Oh no, was it serious?

Rachel: No, it was stupid, but the best part was the make-up sex.

Monica: You just told me that you didn’t have sex!

Rachel: Well not at first. But why else would I be late? (Notices Monica is glaring at her) Well, I guess I’d better get my hair ready.

CHANDLER & MONICA’S APARMENT (Chandler, Joey and Ross are getting ready)

Joey: Do I have to wear underwear?

Ross: Ah, yes! It’s not your tux.

Joey: But I don’t own any underwear.

Ross: Well you’re not borrowing mine.

Joey: Chandler, can I borrow some underwear?

Chandler (entering from his bedroom): No comes to mind.

Joey: Well then what am I supposed to do?

Chandler: Go to the store and buy some underwear.

Joey: It’s Saturday, the stores are closed.

Ross: The stores are never closed you idiot.

Joey: That’s not true. I couldn’t sleep the other night so I decided to go get some new clothes so I went to the store.

Chandler: So?

Joey: The store was closed.

Chandler: And what time did you go to the store?

Joey: 3 am.

Ross: Well of course the stores were closed, it was the middle of the night.

Joey: But you just said the stores were always open.

Chandler: Let it go Ross. Joey, there’s an old pair of underwear at the bottom of my dresser drawer.

Joey: I don’t want an old pair!

Chandler: Well then wear a pair of Monica’s.

Joey: No way, Monica’s underwear isn’t comfortable.

Ross: Do you care to explain?

Joey: No. (to Chandler) Bottom of the drawer?

THE GELLER’S HOUSE (Phoebe is talking with Mrs. Geller)

Judy: So Monica tells me that you’re singing Annie’s Song at the wedding, that’s so nice of you.

Phoebe: That was just a ruse to let Monica let me sing at the wedding. But, don’t worry, I wrote something special for them instead.

Judy: Oh? What?

Phoebe: Oh, I can’t tell you yet, it’s a surprise. You’ll love it though, it captures their relationship perfectly.

Judy: Have you told Monica about the change in plans?

Phoebe: Of course not, I want it to be a total surprise. I’m gonna go see if Monica and Rachel are ready. Don’t tell anyone.

Judy: Monica is going to kill that woman.

CHANDLER & MONICA’S APARTMENT (Chandler, Ross and Joey are waiting for the limo. Chandler is in his bedroom.)

Joey: Here’s your beer Ross. (throws Ross a beer) You want a beer Chandler?

Chandler: You guys are drinking before my wedding?

Ross: Sure, it’s tradition.

Chandler: Where, in the magical land of the alcoholics?

Joey: Chandler, relax. One beer isn’t going to kill you. Hell, it’ll get that big boot out of your ass.

Ross: Chandler, what Joey is trying to say is that it’ll relax you. Hell, I took three shots of whiskey before I married Emily.

Chandler: And that is why you said the wrong name at your wedding.

THE GELLER’S HOUSE (Rachel, Phoebe and Monica are in the guest bedroom. They are all dressed, and waiting for their limo.)

Rachel: Oh Monica, you look so beautiful. I wanna cry but I don’t want my mascara to run.

Phoebe (to Rachel): Do you always have to be Miss Waterworks?

Rachel: Well I am sorry if I am so happy for her. Do you always have to be Miss Bitch?

Monica: Would you two knock it off!

Phoebe: Sorry. I just get bitchy when I get nervous.

Rachel: I just can’t believe that one of us is getting married.

Monica: Sweetie, you’re getting married in six months.

Rachel: Yeah I know, but you’re the first one of the girls to get married.

Phoebe: Ah Rach, you were the first one to get married. You married Ross in Vegas.

Rachel: Do you have to remember everything? Besides, that doesn’t count. We were both very drunk. They should never let people that drunk get married in the first
place.

Monica: Actually, Phoebe was the first one of us to get married. She married Duncan.

Phoebe: Did you have to bring him up?

Judy (from downstairs): Girls, the limo is here. It’s time to go to the Church.

Monica (to Judy): We’ll be right there Mom. (to Rachel and Phoebe) Before we go, I just want to say thank you for being my friends. I love you guys so much. And
to start a new tradition, I have this (holds up a bottle of Jack Daniels and three shot glasses).

Phoebe: Are we gonna get drunk before the wedding?

Monica: No, but we’re gonna celebrate our friendship and each time one of us has a milestone – a wedding, a birth of a baby or whatever – we’re gonna take a shot
of whiskey to celebrate. Are you guys in?

Rachel: Let’s do it.

Phoebe: I still say we get drunk, but I’m in.

Monica (lifting her shot glass): To friendship.

Rachel/Phoebe: To friendship.

CHANDLER & MONICA’S APARTMENT (The limo still hasn’t shown up)

Chandler: Where in the hell is the limo?! The wedding is in an hour!

Ross: Chandler, don’t worry. What limo service are you using? I’ll call and find out where the guy is at.

Chandler: I don’t know what service Monica selected.

Joey: Dude, you’ve got wear the pants sometimes.

Ross: I’ll call my parents. (Ross goes and calls his parents)

Joey: Want another beer Chandler?

Chandler: No, I don’t want another beer. How many beers have you had?

Joey: I don’t know, I lost track.

Chandler: Are you drunk?

Joey: Not particularly.

Chandler: Stop drinking! I don’t want you drunk at my wedding!

Joey: I see you’re wearing the pants now.

Ross: Ok Chandler, I talked to my Mom and got the number. The limo service said the guy should be here any minute now.

THE CHURCH (Monica, Rachel and Phoebe are in the tabernacle awaiting the start of the
wedding in 15 minutes)

Phoebe: Are you nervous Mon?

Monica: Does the fact that I just threw up answer your question?

Phoebe: No, not really.

Rachel: Pheebs, Monica’s a little nervous. Why don’t you go and see how the guys are doing.

Phoebe: Ok. (Phoebe goes to leave and then turns around) Mon, are you pregnant?

Monica: What?!

Phoebe: Well when I was pregnant, I threw up all the time.

Rachel: Phoebe, go!

Phoebe (as she shuts the door): Fine, but don’t come bitching to me went you’re up at two in the morning calling God on the porcelain telephone.

CHANDLER & MONICA’S APARTMENT (Ross, Joey and Chandler are in panic mode)

Chandler: The wedding starts in fifteen minutes! We’ve got to get to the church!

Ross: How? None of us has a car.

Joey: Phoebe’s cab. We can take Phoebe’s cab!

Chandler: That’s the first good thing you’ve said all day.

Ross: I guess he can go to bed now. He’s tapped.

Joey: Very funny. Let’s go.

Chandler: Wait! Do you have the keys?

Joey: Who needs keys? Phoebe taught me how to break in and hot wire her cab!

Ross: Why?!

Joey: In case of an emergency.

Chandler: I think this qualifies!

FRONT OF THE CHURCH (The guys are nowhere to be found)

Phoebe (to Mr. Geller): Where are the guys?

Jack: I was going to ask you the same thing. Judy, have you spoken to Ross?

Judy: He called an hour ago for the limo service’s number. Apparently the limo hadn’t shown up.

Phoebe: Well that can’t be good. Look, we can’t tell Monica, she’ll freak out.

Jack: What should we do?

Judy: Phoebe, how about you play and sing until the guys get here.

Phoebe: Ew, I love that idea, my own captive audience.

(Nora and David approach)

Nora: Judy, is there something wrong?

Phoebe: Nothing’s wrong, the guys are just missing. I’m sure they’ll turn up.

Nora (to David): You did this didn’t you, you talked to our son about our wedding day and scared the bejeezus out of him.

David: I swear I didn’t. I have tried to forget that day ever since it happened.

Phoebe: What happened?

Nora: Let’s just say that David and the minister are now a couple.

Judy: A couple of what?

Jack: A couple dear, as in man and man. Let’s go find the boys.

SOMEWHERE IN NEW YORK CITY (Joey, Chandler and Ross are speeding in Phoebe’s cab)

Chandler (to Joey): Do you even know where you’re going?

Joey: No, I was hoping you’d give me directions.

Ross: Chandler, please tell me you know what Church we’re supposed to be going to.

Chandler: I know what Church. Who do you think I am, Joey?

Joey: Hey!

Chandler: Turn right!

Joey: Where? That’s a police station.

Chandler: Exactly. I have to get directions.

Ross: You don’t know where we’re going?! The wedding is in ten minutes!

Chandler: It’s now in nine minutes and I still don’t have the directions. Are you done bitching?

Joey: Just get the directions!

POLICE STATION (A staff sergeant is sitting behind a desk)

Staff Sergeant: Son, the justice of the peace is two blocks south of here.

Chandler: No, no. Yes I am lost, but I need to find St. Michael’s Church. My wedding is in 8 minutes.

Staff Sergeant: Which St. Michael’s?

Chandler: There’s more than one?

Staff Sergeant: This is New York City, there’s more than one of pretty much everything.

Chandler: I don’t know which one. How many are there?

Staff Sergeant: 12.

Chandler: How many Churches does a guy need named after him?

Staff Sergeant: Apparently twelve.

Chandler: What’s the one closest to the Village?

Staff Sergeant: There are three.

Chandler: Three?

Staff Sergeant: There’s the Catholic Church, the Episcopalian Church and the Southern Methodist Church. Which religion are you?

Chandler: None of them. Great, the wedding’s in six minutes and I have no idea what Church to go to.

Staff Sergeant: I’ll tell you what, I dispatch a unit to each of those churches and try to locate your wedding.

(Ross enters)

Ross: Dude, what’s taking you so long? The wedding is in like five minutes.

Chandler: I know that! Did you know there are over 10 St. Michael’s churches in New York City?

Ross: St Michael’s? The wedding is at St. Peter’s!

Chandler: And you’re just telling me this now?!

Ross: I just spoke to my Mom on my cell phone. I forgot I had it.

Chandler: You had your phone all this time?! (pause) Did you get directions?

Ross: Actually, it’s right down the street. Joey’s already gone to tell them we’re on our way.

Staff Sergeant: Have you guys been drinking?

Chandler: Maybe, why?

Staff Sergeant: Because only someone who’s been drinking would be stupid enough to forget the name of the Church they were getting married at. (Chandler and
Ross smirk and go to leave) Oh, and by the way, a word of advice, make sure you say the right name when you take your vows.

FRONT OF THE CHURCH (Phoebe is singing, Joey comes storming in)

Phoebe (singing): Here we are on Chandler and Monica’s wedding day!

Chandler’s marrying Monica because she’s such a good lay!

(Phoebe sees Joey and stops playing)

Phoebe (loudly): Where in the hell have you been?! (the whole congregation stares at Phoebe) Sorry. Joey, where have you guys been?

Joey: The limo never showed up. We hot wired your cab and Chandler got us lost. He and Ross are on their way from the police station, they should be here any
minute. Does Monica know that we’re late?

(Monica has emerged from the tabernacle. She heard the last song Phoebe sang and doesn’t look pleased)

Monica: She does now!

Joey: Oh, oh! Look Mon, it’s not our fault, the limo driver never showed and Chandler forgot which church to go to.

Monica: What?!

Joey: Ah, the limo never showed and I stopped talking.

(Rachel comes to the front of the church)

Rachel: Monica, come back to the back of the Church. Chandler’s gonna be here any minute. You don’t want him to see you in your dress before the wedding, it’s
bad luck.

(Monica and Rachel leave, just missing Chandler and Ross who come racing in)

Chandler: We’re here! We’re here!

Ross: Man that was close. We made it with 30 seconds to spare.

SHORT TIME LAPSE

(Cut to the front of the Church, Chandler is waiting for Monica, Ross and Joey have moved to the back of the Church to escort Rachel and
Phoebe down the aisle. Pachabel's Canon in D starts playing and the procession begins. Joey and Phoebe are first, followed by Ross and
Rachel. The Bridal Chorus starts and the congregation rises, Monica is escorted down the aisle by her father. Monica is already crying.)

Mr. Geller (to Chandler): Take good care of my little harmonica.

Chandler: Yes sir.

Mr. Geller: Call me dad.

Chandler: Yes dad.

Monica (quietly to Chandler): Prepare for a sexless honeymoon, now smile and no jokes during the ceremony.

Chandler: I love you Monica.

(Chandler and Monica turn to face the Minister. Ross and Joey are next to Chandler on the right side and Rachel and Phoebe are next to Monica on the left side.)

Minister: At this point, Phoebe Buffay will sing a special song for Chandler and Monica. Ms. Buffay….

Phoebe: I originally was going to sing a song that I wrote for Chandler and Monica, but I have decided to keep my promise to them and sing Chandler’s favorite song,
Annie’s Song by John Denver.

(cut to the congregation)

David (to Nora): I love John Denver.

Nora: And I wonder why people think my son is gay.

(Phoebe plays the song while a slide show depicting both Chandler and Monica together and separate plays above her head. By the end of the song, there’s not a dry
eye in the house)

Ross (to Joey): I had no idea that Phoebe could sing and play that well.

Joey: I told you, she’s been taking lessons. You better book her for your wedding before her fee goes up.

Ross: What’s her fee?

Joey: Ten dollars. That’s a nice piece of change.

Ross: To an unemployed actor.

Minister: Thank you Ms. Buffay, that was a beautiful rendition. Now we shall proceed with the ceremony. We are gathered here today to join Monica Geller and
Chandler Bing in matrimony. If there is anyone here who has any reason why these two shouldn't wed, speak now or forever hold your peace. (Pause) Then we shall
proceed. Monica, repeat after me. I, Monica, take thee Chandler to be my lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, till death parts us.

Monica: I, Monica, take thee Chandler to be my lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, till death parts us.

Minister: Now, Chandler, repeat after me. I, Chandler, take thee Monica to be my lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, till death parts
us.

Chandler: I, Chandler, take thee Monica to be my lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, till death parts us.

Minister: By the power invested in me by the State of New York, I now pronounce you Husband and Wife. You may kiss the bride.

(Chandler kisses Monica and gets a little too in to it)

Ross (to Joey): I think he swallowed her tonsils.

Joey (to Chandler): Dude, you’re in a Church.

Rachel: If Ross does that to me I’ll kill him.

Phoebe: Get a room!

Chandler (breaking the kiss – to Monica): I love you Mrs. Bing.

Monica: I love my Mom too, but don’t you think it’s a rather odd time to tell your mother that you love her?

Chandler: No, You’re Mrs. Bing now.

Monica: Oh right. Sorry, I guess I’ll have to get used to that.

Minister: Ladies and Gentlemen, I am proud to present to you Chandler and Monica Bing. (the congregation claps as Monica and Chandler walk down the
aisle followed by Ross and Rachel and Joey and Phoebe).

CLOSING CREDITS

JFK INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT (Chandler and Monica are waiting for their flight to France)

Chandler (to Monica): You’re not really going to withhold sex from me are you?

Monica: Yes I am.

Chandler: It’s our honeymoon, I reserved the best honeymoon suite in Paris. The honeymoon suite expects sex.

Monica: What’s the name of the Church that we got married at today?

Chandler (hesitatingly): Ah, ah, ah,

Monica: You don’t know do you?

Chandler: Yes, it was at St. Peter’s.

Monica (after a long pause): You’re right. Ok, we can have sex in Paris.

Chandler: How about on the plane?

Monica: Don’t push you’re luck.

Flight Attendant: Now boarding, Flight 1200 to Paris, France.

Monica: That’s us. Let’s go.

Chandler: I’ll be right there. (Monica goes to the gate, the camera cuts to Chandler looking at his left hand. On the palm it says, “St.
Peter’s”). For once Joey, you offered some good advice.

THE END