TOW the Father

NOTE: I AM NOT IN ANY WAY CONNECTED TO NBC OR FRIENDS. THIS IS JUST A FAN FICTION.

This episode takes place in the 8th season. Everyone except Ross knows that Rachel is pregnant (because
Rachel doesn’t want him to know). Nobody knows who the father of her baby is. Rachel knows, but she is keeping it
a secret.

[Scene: Rachel and Joey’s apartment. Rachel just woke up and finds Joey making pancakes in the kitchen.]

Joey: Mornin’ Rach.

Rachel: Hey Joey.

Joey: How are you feeling?

Rachel: Sick, Sick, Sick.

Joey: I guess you don’t want any pancakes huh?

Rachel: Excuse me, I’m gonna go throw up. (she runs to the bathroom.)

Joey: (shrugs) Ok, more for me.

(OPENING CREDITS)

[Scene: Monica and Chandler’s apartment. Everyone but Ross and Rachel are there.]

Monica: Joey, how’s Rachel doing?

Joey: She’s ok, but do I really have to live with her for the next nine months? I mean, I gotta deal with morning
sickness, mood swings, and midnight cravings. No Joey time if you know what I mean.

Monica: Joey!!!

Joey: Do any of you want to live with her?

Phoebe: No!

Chandler: I have Monica.

Monica: I have Chandler.

Joey: Aww man!! Anyways, has anyone talked to Ross?

Phoebe: Oh yea, I have! I talked to him yesterday.

Monica: No Pheebs! About Rachel.

Phoebe: Oh, no.

Chandler: Why doesn’t Ross know?

Phoebe: Oh oh oh, I know!!

Monica: What?

Phoebe: I forgot. Oops!

Joey: I’m still trying to figure out who the father is.

Phoebe: (whispers to Joey) I’ll bet you 50 bucks its Ross.

Joey: No way! You’re on!

(Ross walks in.)

Ross: Hey guys! What’s up?

All: NOTHING!

Ross: Ok, something is going on. You guys have been acting really weird lately.

Chandler: No we haven’t.

(Rachel walks in)

Rachel: Monica, do you know where the ba…Oh hi Ross.

Ross: Hey Rach. Do you know what’s wrong with these guys? They were talking and then they stopped when I
walked in. I want to know what’s gong on!

Rachel: Nothing is going on. Really!

Ross: Are you sure?

Rachel: Positive!

Ross: Oh, um, ok.

Rachel: Well, I, um gotta go.

Ross: Wait! Didn’t you want something from Monica?

Rachel: Oh yea, its not important. Bye!

(Scene: Later: Rachel and Joey’s apartment. Joey is watching Baywatch.)

Joey: Woo Hoo! Look at Pamela!

(Monica and Chandler walk in)

Monica: Joey, what are you doing?

Joey: Watching Baywatch!

Chandler: (moves Monica to the side and jumps in front of the TV) BAYWATCH!

Monica: Chandler! You’re married now!

Chandler: That’s nice.

Monica: You’re not supposed to watch Baywatch!

Joey: Monica, hes a guy!

Chandler: Thanks for clearing that up Joey.

Joey: No prob.

Monica: Joey, shut up! Chandler, stop watching Baywatch.

Chandler: Why?

Monica: Its disrespectful.

Joey: To who?

Monica: Me! I mean look at him!

(Chandler is still watching Baywatch and has a cheesy smile on his face.)

Monica: Lets go!

(She drags Chandler outside. His eyes are still glued to the TV.

Chandler: What’s wrong with Baywatch?

Monica: Half naked women running on the beach!

Chandler: Your point being? What’s the bad part?

Monica: You’re supposed to watch me! How would you like it if I was drooling over hot guys?

Chandler: You, you, you can’t do that.

Monica: Why?

Chandler: Cuz you’re not a guy.

Monica: What’s that supposed to mean? That only guys can drool over the opposite sex?

Chandler: Yes.

Monica: Ok, I’m out of here and you’re sleeping on the couch.

Chandler: Wait, wait, wait. Look honey, I’m sorry, I don’t like fighting like this. Will you forgive me?

Monica: Well, ok.

Chandler: Come here.

(They hug)

Chandler: I love you.

Monica: I love you too, but you’re still sleeping on the couch.

(She goes into the apartment.)

Chandler: Aww man!

(Phoebe comes up the stairs.)

Phoebe: Hey Chandler! Where’s Joey?

Chandler: In the apartment watching Baywatch.

Phoebe: Ooh I love that show!

[Scene: The next day. Monica and Chandler’s apartment. Monica and Phoebe are making dinner.]

Monica: That was a close call yesterday. Ross almost found out about Rachel.

Phoebe: Yea, what’s gonna happen with all of this?

Monica: Where’s it gonna go?

Phoebe: What should we do? There’s too much pressure!

Monica: Should we tell Ross?

(Ross walked in at that moment.)

Ross: Tell me what?

Phoebe: To uh, go buy me a hamburger.

Ross: You don’t eat meat.

Phoebe: Of course I don’t. Then, uh, to buy a chicken so Monica could make dinner.

Ross: (points to the table) There’s a chicken right there.

Phoebe: Ok ok! Rachel is pregnant! Stop yelling at me!

Monica: PHOEBE!

Phoebe: Oh no!

Ross: (obviously shocked) What? How did this happen?

Phoebe: Well, there has to be a guy and a girl, and sex! I thought you were smarter than that.

Ross: I know how it happened!

Monica: Calm down Ross! What’s the matter with you?

Ross: Nothing. Why didn’t you tell me?

Monica: Rachel told us not to tell you. We’re sorry, but if it makes you feel any better, we don’t know much. We don’t
even know who the father is.

Ross: I gotta get out of here.

(Ross leaves.)

[Scene: Rachel and Joey’s apartment. Rachel is on the couch thinking about “The Night”.]

(“The Night”: Rachel is watching TV and the doorbell rings. Rachel opens the door.)

Rachel: Hey Ross. What are you doing here?

Ross: (drunk) Hmmm…I don’t know. (chuckles)

Rachel: Are you drunk?

Ross: Hmmm…Nope!

Rachel: Why are you drunk Ross?

Ross: Monica is getting married. I’ll never find the right person! I’ll just keep getting divorced!

Rachel: No Ross! You’ll find the right woman. You’re nice, funny, sweet and sexy.

Ross: You know (says this slowly) I-LOVE-YOU.

Rachel: C’mon Ross, you don’t know what you’re talking about. Let’s get you home.

Ross: No no no. I love you Rach! Do you love me?

Rachel: (looks at him) Well, yes, but…

(He leans in and kisses her before she finishes the sentence. One thing leads to another and they…you know.)

[Scene: The next morning: Rachel wakes up and finds Ross on the couch.]

Rachel: Ross? Sweetie?

(ROSS WAKES UP)

Ross: Rach? Why am I here? What’s going on?

Rachel: You don’t remember?

Ross: Um…no.

Rachel: (disappointed) Oh, uh, you were just, um drunk so I let you spend the night.

Ross: Oh well, uh thanks.

(JOEY WALKS IN)

Joey: Oh hey.

Rachel: Joey? Where were you?

Joey: I was out being Joey!

Rachel: Ok.

Joey: What’s going on here?

Rachel: Oh, Ross was drunk so I let him spend the night.

Joey: He He.

Ross: Look, I have to go. I’ll see you guys later.

Rachel and Joey: Bye.

Joey: Soo…what really happened last night?

Rachel: I already told you. Nothing happened.

Joey: Ok.

(Back to Rachel thinking on the couch.)

Rachel: (to herself) If only you knew Ross.

(She falls asleep on the couch.)

[Scene: Ross’ apartment. Ross is on his couch in deep thought.]

Ross: (to himself) I have to talk to Rachel!

(He gets up and leaves.)

[Scene: The hallway. Ross is arriving at Rachel and Joey’s apartment. He knocks on the door but nobody answers.
He opens the door and sees Rachel sleeping and walks up to her.]

Ross: Rach? Wake up.

Rachel: (half asleep) Rooossss. You’re the daddy.

Ross: c’mon Rach, wake up. We need to talk.

Rachel: (wakes up)Oh hi Ross.

Ross: Oh Rachel I am so so sorry!

Rachel: W-what are you talking about?

Ross: I’m talking about the pregnancy and-and that night.

Rachel: You know I’m pregnant? How?

Ross: Phoebe told me and you were talking in your sleep. You said I was the father.

Rachel: Oh Oh my god! So you know about the night? I thought you didn’t remember.

Ross: I am so sorry Rach. I did remember. It’s just that everything was happeneing so so fast and I was scared. I
was scared things were going to end the way they did the last 2…3 times if you count Vegas. Oh and 4 times if you
count the no strings attached night, but…

Rachel: Ok Ross. I get the point.

Ross: Now I know how I feel. I love you Rachel Karen Green.

Rachel: Ross, please don’t do this. I know you’re only doing it for the baby…

Ross: Shh (he puts his finger on her lips.) I love you.

Rachel: (stares at him) I love you Ross.

(Ross pulls Rachel close and they kiss.)

[Scene: Monica and Chandler’s apartment. Chandler and Joey just found out that Phoebe told Ross.]

Joey: Oh wow. What happened?

Chandler: Yeah Pheebs, is Monica making you sleep on the couch?

Monica: Keep it up and you’re sleeping on the couch again.

Chandler: Sorry.

Joey: So, does Rachel know?

Phoebe: No.

Chandler: You should tell her.

Monica: I agree.

Joey: Me too.

Phoebe: Fine! But if I go down, Monica is coming down with me!

Monica: Why me?

Phoebe: Because you didn’t do anything to help me keep my mouth shut! (she walks out the door.)

(Joey turns on the TV.)

Joey: Hooters commercial!

Chandler: Hoo…(Monica glares at him) Who watches that stuff?

[Scene: The hallway. Phoebe is opening the door to Rachel and Joey’s apartment. Ross and Rachel are kissing and
Phoebe walks in on them.]

Phoebe: Oh my god! What’s going on here?

Rachel: Ross is the father of my baby and we both confessed our feelings for each other.

Phoebe: Wow! This is huge! I gotta tell the others. (she runs to Monica and Chandler’s.) You guys Ross is the
father! He and Rachel are back together.

Monica: Nooo. (her Monica nooo)

(Chandler and Monica get up and run to Rachel and Joey’s. Joey stays behind.)

Phoebe: Joey! Did you not hear me? Ross is the father!

Joey: Duh, and Ben is the son.

Phoebe: No, no Joey. Ross is the father of Rachel’s baby.

Joey: Damn! Now I owe you 50 bucks!

(They both walk out.)

The End