TOW the Plan

Disclaimer: I do not own Monica, Ross, Chandler, Joey, Rachel, Phoebe or Paul the Wine Guy; they belong to Marta Kauffman, Kevin Bright, and David Crane. But Tyler is mine.
Note: This takes place as the season première of season 7. I know the beginning is very similar to the real one, but think of it as a different ending.
(Monica & Chandler’s apartment, everyone is there)
(Rachel, Joey and Phoebe are on the couch, Ross is in the chair reading a paleontology magazine, and Monica and Chandler are running around the apartment screaming and yelling)
Chandler: We’re engaged! We’re gettin’ married!
Monica: Ahhhhh!
Rachel: Guys, calm down-
(Monica & Chandler run out to the balcony)
Chandler: (yells to the city) Hey New York! I’m getting married! Chandler Bing is finally getting married!
Monica: I’m getting married! Woo-hoo!
Guy on the street: Shut up!
Monica: Oh, bite me!
Guy on the street: You want me to?
Chandler: Back off! That’s my fiancée you’re talking to!
Monica: Yeah! We’re getting married!
Guy on the street: (sarcastically) Really? I had no idea!
Chandler: Whatever!
(they go back inside)
Monica: We’re getting married!
Chandler: Yeah!
Phoebe: Can I come on your honeymoon?
(they stop dancing and jumping around)
Chandler: What? No.
Monica: Pheebs, why would you want to come?
Phoebe: Wait, where are you going?
Chandler: We don’t know yet, we don’t even know when the wedding is!
Monica: We’re going to Paris.
Rachel: Oh, I wanna go to Paris! They have the best clothes!
Joey: Paris!
Ross: What? What’d you say?
Monica: We’re getting married!
Ross: No, about Paris.
Chandler: For our honeymoon, we might go there.
Ross: Oh, cool, continue.
Monica: None of you are coming on our honeymoon. Too bad.
Ross: Why would we want to come on your honeymoon? That’s gross. Ew. (makes a yucky face)
Monica: I don’t know, why would you want to come Pheebs?
Phoebe: Huh? I don’t wanna come.
Chandler: Then why’d you say you did?
Phoebe: I just wanna get out of New York.
Monica: Whatever. We’re getting married!
Chandler: Yay!
(they start dancing around again)
Rachel: If you’re so happy and stuff, about getting married why are you sitting around here yelling about it? Go do something about it!
Monica: Like what?
Rachel: Go in the bedroom.
Monica: Then what?
Rachel: What the hell do you think?
Monica: Oh!
Rachel: Yeah. Go!
Monica: Okay!
(she drags Chandler in the bedroom)
Chandler: (right before he gets dragged in) Thanks, Rach!
Rachel: (gives him a thumbs up) (says right after he closes the door) Jeez, finally they shut up.
(they hear some yelling & stuff from the bedroom)
Rachel: Spoke too soon, let’s go.
(they go over to Rachel & Joey’s)

[opening credits, theme song, & commercials]

(the phone rings at Monica & Chandler’s)
Monica: (gets off Chandler) Why is someone calling now?
Chandler: Let’s just not answer it.
Monica: I can’t do that! It might be important!
(it rings again)
Chandler: What are the chances it’s important?
Monica: Who cares? (picks up the phone) Hello?…Paul!…What?…No, I’m with Chandler now, we’re engaged…I don’t think that would be a good idea…Today? No, I don’t want you to come Paul…No!…Goodbye.(she hangs up the phone)
Chandler: Paul who?
Monica: Paul the wine guy.
Chandler: And…what did he want?
Monica: He wants to get back together with me.
Chandler: Another guy? Can’t I have you all to myself without having to fight for you?
(they start walking back in the apartment)
(for no apparent reason, everyone is back there)
Monica: Paul the Wine Guy wants to get back together with me!
Chandler: Monica!
Monica: What? Did you really expect me to keep that to myself for more than a minute?
Rachel: He does? That’s horrible. But don’t forget why you broke up with him in the first place, because he lied to get you to sleep with him.
Monica: I know, I’m not gonna get back together with him, I love Chandler. He said he’s gonna come over, but I told him not to. I think he still might come over; he wasn’t really listening to that part. What do I do if he comes?
Phoebe: You should tell him to go home ‘cause you’ve someone else now!
Monica: Yeah, right, I need a way better plan than that.
Rachel: Ooh, I wanna help plan it!
Monica: (in that Monicay way) Okay!
Rachel: (in that giddy Rachely way) Okay!
Phoebe: I wanna help too!
Monica: (again, in her Monicay way) Okay!
Rachel: (again, in her giddy Rachely way) Okay!
Phoebe: (does she have a Phoebey way?) Okay!
Monica: Let’s go in the bedroom and start planning it!
(they go in the bedroom)
Joey: I’m going to go back to our place for a minute, I wanna get something.
Ross: Yeah, I’ll go with you.
Chandler: (kinda slowly) Okay.
(they go)
(in the hallway)
Ross: Okay, when are we gonna give them their present?
Joey: Let’s wait until they’re all in the apartment together, they we can leave for a minute and come back and present it to them.
Ross: Great, let’s go finish it.
Joey: Okay.
(they go into Joey’s apartment)
(back at Chandler’s)
(Chandler goes to the fridge, takes something out, and starts eating it. Let’s say it’s a sandwich)
(someone knocks on the door)
(he puts down the sandwich on a plate that just happened to be already on the table. He thinks it’s Paul at the door and starts freaking out wondering if he should open the door)
(they knock again)
(Chandler is still freaking out, running around)
Chandler: Oh, no! What if it’s Paul? What do I say?
(they knock yet again)
(Monica pokes her head out the door)
Monica: You gonna answer that?
Chandler: Wha-huh-um-uh-yeah. But what if it’s Paul?
Monica: No! We haven’t finished the plan yet!
Rachel: (sticks her head out the door too) What’s going on?
(the person at the door knocks again)
Chandler: It might be Paul at the door!
Monica: And we haven’t finished the plan!
Rachel: Why don’t you look through the peephole? That’s what it’s there for.
Chandler: What? Oh, yeah. (he goes to the door and looks through the peephole) It’s just the pizza guy. (he opens the door)
Pizza Guy: Hi. Um, what took you so long to open the door?
Chandler: I’m sorry; I thought it was Paul the Wine guy.
Pizza Guy: Sorry, I’m Tyler the Pizza Guy.
Chandler: If I wasn’t so freaked out right now, I’d find that funny. Yeah, then Rachel told me to look through the peephole, you know. Hey, we didn’t order any pizza.
Rachel: Oh, I did. We figured we’d need it while we were working on the plan. And what a good idea that was. (she goes over to the door and takes the pizza as she pays the guy)
Tyler: Woah, you’re hot.
Rachel: Really?
Tyler: Yeah, totally. Wanna go out with me sometime?
Rachel: Really?
Tyler: Yeah.
Rachel: Of course.
Tyler: Cool.
Rachel: Hey, if you’re done with your shift, why don’t you stay awhile?
Tyler: I am done, sure.
(they shake hands)
Rachel: I’m Rachel, the one who told him to look through the peephole.
Tyler: Cool, I’m Tyler, the Pizza Guy.
Rachel: Nice to meet ya Tyler.
Tyler: You too Rachel.
Phoebe: The plan!
Rachel: Oh yeah! Tyler, we’re making a plan, wanna help?
Tyler: Um, I don’t know what for, but sure!
Rachel: We’ll explain as we go along.
Monica: Chandler, we came up with your part, you can sit here until he comes, then answer the door, and when he asks for me, tell him I’ll be right out, then yell to me that he’s here. Okay?
Chandler: Okay. I think I can handle that.
Monica: Yeah, wanna know the rest of the plan?
Chandler: Do I?
Rachel: Yes.
Monica: Okay, then I come out, only I’ll look really good, because I’m getting ready to out to a fancy dinner with you. So you have to go change right now and put on something kinda nice. Okay?
Chandler: Weird plan but sure.
Phoebe: Good, now go change and we’ll plan more in the guest room.
Chandler: Okay.
(he goes into his room, or rather, the change room between the bedrooms) Monica: So what should happen after we tell him I’m going to dinner with Chandler, my fiancé?
Rachel: I think we should go with the flow after that.
Monica: That’s not a very good plan.
Phoebe: Yes it is.
Monica: No it’s not.
Rachel: Well, what do you suggest instead?
Monica: Um, let me think a bit.
Rachel: Like that’ll do any good.
Monica: Hey!
Phoebe: Okay, let’s get something to eat and think about it a minute.
Monica: Okay.
Rachel: All right.
(they grab the pizza they left on the table and each take a piece and start to eat it)
Monica: I got it. After we tell him Chandler’s my fiancé, we say that he has to go and we throw him out.
Rachel: That’s stupid. Let’s do it.
Tyler: So, is this plan to get rid of a guy who you (points to Monica) used to go out with that now wants to get back together with you? But you can’t, not that you would, because you’re engaged to Chandler?
Monica: Yep.
Tyler: Okay then.
Monica: We just got engaged like an hour ago.
Tyler: Awe, congratulations.
Monica: Thanks, you know, I love him so much.
Rachel: Are we going to finish planning now or what?
Phoebe: No, Rach, we just did.
Rachel: Oh right. Okay.
Tyler: So now we just wait?
Phoebe: Yeah, pretty much.
Tyler: Cool.
(they wait for a few seconds)

[commercial break]

(Joey and Rachel’s apartment)
(Ross and Joey are there, making their present for Chandler and Monica)
Ross: So what else should we put on this? (he holds up what they are working on and we can see it’s a framed collage of the cutest pictures of Monica and Chandler)
Joey: I don’t know. How about this picture? (he shows Ross a picture of Chandler and Monica on a blanket in a park having a picnic, only you can’t see Chandler’s face, just his back)
Ross: Yeah, sure. Oh, what about this one? (he holds up one of Monica with some dude with a weird face at the Statue of Liberty)
Joey: Okay, but who’s in that standing beside Monica?
Ross: That’s Chandler!
Joey: (takes a closer look) No it’s not!
Ross: Yeah, have you never seen a picture of Chandler before?
Joey: I guess not.
Ross: Yeah, dude, he cannot smile.
Joey: Oh. (looks even closer at the picture) Woah, that is him!
Ross: Yeah. Maybe we shouldn’t use this one?
Joey: Yeah, maybe.
(back in Monica and Chandler’s apartment)
Phoebe: So, Tyler, where do you live?
Tyler: Over on the corner of 15th and 24th Avenues, right nearby the pizza place. I’m only working there for a little while until I can get the job I’ve always wanted.
Rachel: What kind of job are you looking for?
Tyler: I want to be a computer service analyst.
Monica: Wow. Did you have to go to college or anything for that?
Tyler: Yeah, I went to NYU for a few years and now I’m looking for a position for a computer company.
Rachel: That sounds complicated.
Tyler: It’s not as difficult as you would think.
Rachel: Excuse me; I’ll be right back. (she goes into the guest room)
Monica: I can’t believe I’m going to marry Chandler!
Phoebe: I know! You’re so lucky!
Tyler: It must be great to have fallen in love with your best friend.
Monica: Yeah, I remember when we first met. Who would have thought we’d even become friends?
(flashback to when they first met)
Ross: And this is my sister, Monica.
Chandler: (sees that she is fat) Okay.
Monica: (plays with her shirt and acts shy) Hi.
Monica: But now we’re getting married.
Phoebe: You guys are the luckiest.
Rachel: (pokes her head out of the guest room) Tyler, come in here, I want to show you something. (she motions to the guest room)
Tyler: Okay.
(they go into the guest room)
Rachel: Hey, you.
Tyler: What did you want to show me?
Rachel: This. (she takes a step closer to him and kisses him)
(he kisses back and they fall onto the bed)
(back in the apartment)
(Chandler comes out of the bedroom (or rather, the change room between the bedrooms))
Chandler: You know what I realized Monica? If you hadn’t of answered the phone like I told you not to, Paul wouldn’t be coming over.
Monica: Yeah, but you know if I hadn’t of answered the phone, it would have been someone important.
Chandler: Whatever. So what have you guys got? Anything else?
Monica: After we tell him that I’m engaged to you, if he won’t leave or anything, we’re going to kick him out.
Chandler: What? That’s stupid. Good plan.
Phoebe: We thought so.
(Rachel and Tyler come out of the bedroom)
Rachel: We’re back.
Monica: What were you doing in there?
Tyler: Nothing.
(Ross and Joey walk through the door with a big square shaped thing, that, if you put it on the floor, it would be about halfway between the knees and waist, covered by a black bag. They take it over and put it in the bedroom, you hear some ruffling from there, and someone hammering something, and the drill of course, Ross & Joey arguing, Joey comes out and gets something from under the kitchen sink, and goes back in the bedroom, then after a minute they both come back out and stand in the kitchen like nothing happened)
(pause)
Joey: (in an excited voice) Well, go look!
(they all walk into the bedroom and see the collage of pictures with a beautiful frame around them hanging on the wall above the bed. It’s also got a big caption saying “Chandler & Monica 4ever”)
Monica: Oh my god! It’s so pretty!
Ross: It’s your engagement present from Joey and I!
Joey: Happy engagement!
Chandler: Oh wow! Thanks you guys!
Rachel: It’s beautiful! Where’d you get all the pictures?
Monica: Yeah, I don’t ever remember someone taking this one. (she points to the picture of them at the picnic)
Joey: We took it while you were at your picnic. We were behind that big tree a few feet away from you.
Chandler: You were the creeps taking pictures of everything?
Ross: Yep.
Chandler: You were well hidden.
Monica: How did you know that we were going to get engaged tonight?
Ross: We didn’t, we started making it a couple months ago, because we figured you guys would propose soon.
Joey: So do you like it?
Monica: We love it! (she throws her arms around Joey and gives him a big hug) Thank you so much! (she hugs Ross)
Chandler: It’s great man! (he hugs Joey then Ross)
Phoebe: It’s so nice!
Monica: It is. You guys are the best!
Tyler: You guys went through a lot of trouble for this present. You seem like really close friends.
(pause as they all have a look on their face that seems to say, “Yeah, we are really close friends”)
(they hear a knock at the door)
Chandler: (in a girly voice like he’s scared) Ack! He’s here!
(they all rush out of the bedroom. Chandler runs around worrying if it’s Paul at the door)
Joey: Who’s he?
Monica: Paul the Wine Guy.
Phoebe: You going to answer the door or not?
Chandler: What if it’s him? (almost crying) He’s going to take away my Monica!
(the person at the door knocks again)
Rachel: Oh, would you just answer the door? Or just look through the peephole!
Chandler: Right! (he looks through the peephole) Oh, good, it’s not Paul.
Monica: Who is it?
Chandler: It’s just your ex-boyfriend Pete.
Monica: What?
Chandler: I think I might faint. More of your ex-boyfriends are coming to steal you away from me!
Phoebe: This is not good.
(the person at the door knocks again)
Rachel: Answer it you wuss!
Monica: I’ll handle it. (she opens the door) Hi Pete.
Pete: Hi. I just wanted to give you this. (he hands her a T-shirt)
Monica: Oh my god! I have been looking for this!
Pete: Yeah, I’m moving and I found it, and, knowing you, figured you had been going crazy trying to find it. So I brought it back for you.
Monica: Thanks.
Pete: So how’ve you been?
Monica: Well, I’m engaged to Chandler now. As of about 2 hours ago.
Pete: Wow, that’s great, congratulations.
Monica: Thanks. So where are you moving to?
Pete: I’m moving to Italy with my wife. We got married about a year and a half ago.
Monica: That’s awesome. Congratulations to you too.
Pete: Thanks. Yeah, I better get going. Lots of stuff to do before we leave.
Monica: Right, right, well, see you around.
Pete: Actually, you probably won’t, since I’m moving to Italy.
Monica: Right, of course.
Pete: Bye.
Monica: Bye.
(he leaves and she shuts the door)
Chandler: Well that was awkward.
Phoebe: Let’s go take another look at those pictures!
Everyone: Yeah, good idea, okay, etc.
(they go into the bedroom)
Rachel: They’re so nice. Are you guys going to do something like this for me when I get married?
Joey: If you marry Chandler.
(they all give Joey a weird look)
Chandler: That’s not going to happen. No offence to Rachel, but I love my Monica too much to give her up. (he hugs Monica)
Monica: I’m your Monica now? Not just Monica?
Chandler: Yep.
Monica: Okay!
Joey: Awe.
Ross: You guys.
(they hear a knock at the door)
Chandler: Oh no! It’s Paul, coming to take my Monica away from me!
Phoebe: Go with the plan! Everyone get in the bedroom! Chandler, stay out here and answer the door!
Chandler: Okay! (he waits until they have gone into the bedroom then opens the door as calmly as he can) Hello Paul.
Paul: Hello Chandler. How are you?
Chandler: You’re going to my Monica away from me! How do you think I am?
Paul: Just making conversation. Sorry.
Chandler: You should be.
Paul: Where’s Monica?
Chandler: She’s getting ready for the party we’re going to to celebrate that we just got engaged. (stresses this strongly) We proposed tonight.
Paul: We? You both proposed?
Chandler: Basically yes. It’s a very long story. I don’t think we’ll have time to tell it. (turns and faces the bedroom) Monica! Paul’s here!
(Monica comes out of the bedroom in a beautiful, almost tie-dyed pink and purple dress)
Monica: (a little coldly) Hello Paul.
Paul: Hi Monica.
Monica: What are you doing here?
Chandler: He came to take you away from me!
Paul: No I didn’t. I came to talk to Monica.
Monica: Why do you need to talk to me all of a sudden when we haven’t spoken in about 7 years?
Paul: I had to tell you that I still love you.
Monica: What?
Chandler: Not another one.
Paul: Kidding!
Monica: (in her mad voice) What?
Paul: I heard about what happened with you and Richard, and my friend dared me to come pretend I was still in love with you!
Chandler: You’re evil.
Paul: I’m sorry Monica.
Monica: Yeah. You can go home now, bye! (she pushes him towards the door and throws him out)
Rachel: Can you believe he did that?
Monica: What a jerk! I hope I never see him again as long as I live!
Chandler: He’s so mean! Why would anyone ever do that?
Phoebe: He’s totally sleazy.
Ross: You guys will be okay right?
Chandler/Monica: Yeah.
Tyler: Oh! It’s time for me to go! I have to get home.
Rachel: (she sounds a little sad) Oh, okay. Bye Tyler!
Tyler: I’ll call you tomorrow okay?
Rachel: Okay. Here’s my number. (she takes some paper and a pen from the table and scribbles down her number)
Tyler: Okay thanks, bye!
Rachel: Talk to you tomorrow!
Everyone else: Bye Tyler/Talk to you later/See ya!
(he leaves)
Rachel: Isn’t he the cutest?
Monica: Totally, I think he could be The One for you.
Phoebe: Yeah, wouldn’t that be such a coincidence? You meeting your husband on the same night Chandler and Monica got engaged?
Ross: That’d be so cool.
Chandler: But what are the chances of that happening?
Joey: Who cares? You guys are getting married!
Chandler: Yeah!
Monica: We’re getting married!

{commercials, closing song & credits}

(still in Chandler & Monica’s apartment)
Monica: We’re getting married!
Chandler: Chandler Bing is finally getting married!
Rachel: Now go celebrate!
Chandler: Yeah! ‘Cause we’re getting married!
Monica: Whoo-hoo!
(they run into the bedroom and everyone else goes into Joey and Rachel’s apartment)