TOW Everyone's April Fool's Day Revenge

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters; they belong to Marta Kauffman, David Crane and Kevin Bright. I’m just borrowing them, you know.
Note: This takes place between episode 6-19 and 6-20. That’s TOW Joey’s Fridge and TOW Mac & C.H.E.E.S.E. Enjoy!
[Chandler is in Monica’s apartment sitting at the table eating lunch, when Monica bursts into the apartment with something very important to say]
Monica: Chandler! I need your help! I just realized something. Do you know what it is in 34 days?
Chandler: 34 days from now?
Monica: Yes. Do you know what that is?
Chandler: The day after 33 days from now?
Monica: No! It’s April Fool’s Day you moron! And I have nothing planned! Rachel got me really good last year and I absolutely have to get her back!
Chandler: Okay! What do you want me to do?
Monica: Since you’re no good at planning stuff like this-
Chandler: What? I’m very good at planning stuff like this. Remember that one year in college? What I did to Ross?
Monica: Oh, right. Sorry, I got you mixed up with someone else. It’s my parents that are no good at planning stuff like this. Anyway, so I need you to spy on Rachel for me. Tell me what she’s doing so I can do something better.
Chandler: What? Why?
Monica: So I can beat her! Listen, I’ve got a secret plan, tell me what she’s doing and I’ll let you in.
Chandler: How about you let me in and I’ll spy for you?
Monica: (agreeingly) That’ll work. Here’s what we’re gonna do-
Chandler: Tell me later, everyone’s down at the coffee house, I’ll start spying now.
Monica: (in that very excited, very Monica-y way) Okay!

[opening credits, song & commercials]

[Central Perk, everyone is there except Monica. They too are discussing last year’s April Fool’s Day]
Rachel: Okay, Monica did a really good trick on me last year, so this year I absolutely have to get her back.
Phoebe: What’d she do?
Rachel: Okay, this is kind of a long story but here goes. She took a pair of my pants right?
Chandler: Oh no, did she wear them?
Rachel: What? Yes, that was her awesome trick, she wore my pants.
Chandler: (slightly sheepish) Good guess.
Rachel: No, she took my pants and bleached them. On April Fool’s Day, she told me I should wear them, because I look so good in them or whatever. So I went to put them on. I noticed immediately they were white and not blue and I left my room and went into hers and asked her what happened. She said it was an accident and she could fix it by re-dying them. I kinda forgot it was April Fool’s Day and gave them to her to fix, thinking she would actually fix them properly.
Phoebe: This is a long story.
Rachel: Anyway, I gave her my pants to fix, and she said she’d take care of it first thing that morning. After I got home from work, wearing a different pair of pants mind you, and she had them laid out on my bed.
Ross: Were they fixed?
Rachel: (kinda slowly & impatiently, articulating every word) Let me finish. (talking normally) They were not white. Yet bright, neon pink.
Joey: Pink?
Rachel: Pink.
Ross: She made your pants pink?
Phoebe: That’s so funny!
Rachel: It’s not funny! And I’m still not done my story!
Phoebe: Sorry.
Chandler: Oh! Oh! I wanna help you get back at her!
Rachel: Uh, yeah Chandler, that’s why I’m telling you all this, so you can help me.
Chandler: Right. Continue.
Rachel: Okay then. When I got home they were pink. So I went and found Monica again, told her to fix my pants again and make them blue. She said she’d take care of it while I was out on my date that night. When I got home, my pants were again, on my bed, laid out. Only they were maroon. Not blue as I had asked. I confronted her about this and she said she thought I said maroon, not blue. “They sound so much alike” she told me, “You know, maroon, blue.” And I’m all like whatever! They do not sound the same at all.
Chandler: So let me get this straight; she first bleached your jeans white, then dyed them pink, then you said blue and she dyed them maroon.
Rachel: Yes.
Chandler: O-ho, you must fall for this easily, I’m so doing something to you next year.
Rachel: We’ll see if you want to after this year.
Joey: Finish your story, I wanna know what happens!
Rachel: So after she claimed that blue and maroon sounded alike, we argued for a bit, then I told her she had to dye them again, only blue this time.
Ross: Did she?
Rachel: Eh…
Joey: What colour this time?
Rachel: Well, they were kinda blue. Tie-dyed blue.
Phoebe: I love tie-dyed stuff! Is that what colour they are now?
Rachel: You would know, if you’d all let me finish my story.
Joey: Yeah! Let her finish her story!
Rachel: You too Joey.
Joey: Sorry.
Rachel: So I found my pants after my date and they were tie-dyed blue. I went and found Monica, yet again, to tell her to make them blue. And I said, blue, not tie-dyed, not maroon, not any other colour but blue. So she did. They were finally blue. And that’s the end of my story.
Ross: That was her great trick? She dyed your pants?
Rachel: No, but it was fun telling you that story. You guys really believed me didn’t you?
Joey: Uh, yeah.
Rachel: Yeah, see, I was trying to tell a story that’s a complete lie and have everyone believe me. You think Monica will fall for it?
Phoebe: Rachel, you’re a really good liar, Monica will totally fall for any story you tell.
Rachel: Really?
Ross: Yeah, you’re good.
Joey: You should be an actress.
Chandler: So what are you gonna tell her?
Rachel: Well, I need you to spy on her for me and tell me what she’s doing. Then I need Chandler to help me make up a story or something.
Chandler: Oh sure. I’ll spy on my girlfriend so you guys can play some mean April Fool’s Day trick on her.
Rachel: Great! So, what are we going to do? Chandler, we could make her believe Joey and I are going to hook up or something, have a whole act planned out, and make her think we’re going to do something. Or it could be with you, that’d really freak her out.
Chandler: Uh…or it could be with Joey.
Rachel: Or it could be with both of you.
Chandler: Well, if you’re going with both of us then you should make her think it’s gonna be you, me and her.
Joey: Or, you could go with Rachel, Monica and Joey.
Phoebe: Hey! What about me here? Maybe I want in on this action.
Rachel: Phoebe, it’s not really gonna happen, we’re just gonna make her think it is.
Phoebe: Oh. Okay! (there is a slight awkward silence) Continue.
Chandler: So you’re going with you, me and her?
Rachel: No, I’m going with you and I.
Chandler: You and Joey. Good choice.
Rachel: No, Chandler and Rachel.
Chandler: She’ll never believe that. Go with you and Joey.
Rachel: Okay.
Joey: (in his little “sexy” voice) Oh, yeah.
Rachel: Nothing’s really going to happen Joey.
Joey: That’s what you think.
Rachel: Whatever. So we’re going to make Monica believe Joey and I are going…out or going to have sex?
Chandler: Well, which is more believable?
Rachel: Neither. Monica’s not stupid.
Ross: Monica may not be stupid but this idea is.
Rachel: Which idea?
Ross: Making her think you’re going hook up with Joey. She isn’t stupid, and if she doesn’t believe you, this was a dumb trick. But if she does believe it, maybe she’ll be happy for you guys. She didn’t seem to mind Rachel and I going out.
Chandler: That’s true. She probably would be happy for you.
Rachel: Unless it was with you, she would never be happy if we got together.
Chandler: I don’t want to do this; it’s a pretty dumb idea. Let’s think of something else.
Rachel: Oh, okay. What else could we do?
Chandler: Well, something we’ll have to think of later, because I have to go.
(he gets up and gets his coat)
Rachel: Where ya going?
Chandler: Somewhere else.
(he leaves)
Ross: Yeah, I’ve gotta go too.
Joey: Me too. Bye!
Ross: See ya!
Rachel: Later!
Phoebe: Have fun!
(Joey and Ross leave)
Rachel: Well Pheebs, let’s go home and plan some more.
Phoebe: Okay.
(they leave)

[commercial break]

[Monica’s in her apartment when Chandler walks in]
Chandler: They’ve got a great trick for you!
Monica: What are they going to do?
Chandler: They are going to get you a CD for your birthday the next day, and give it to you early, and make it look like it’s your favourite band’s new one, the one you want. Only it’s going to have some weird music stuff on it. (Author’s note; I doubt Monica’s birthday is really April 2nd, but I’m just making it up to go with the story)
Monica: Oh, if that’s the kind of crap they’re going to think of, I’m so going to beat them!
Chandler: Yeah!
Monica: Okay, here’s what I’ve got so far, the basic outline. The night before, we tell Rachel her favourite band is coming to town and we’ve got tickets for tomorrow night! But we could only get 5 tickets so she can bring the 4 of us she likes the most.
Chandler: But she’ll never be able to decide who to bring! (Monica gives him a look) Oh! Good thinking.
Monica: I know! Isn’t that good?
Chandler: Yes. That’s why I said “Good thinking”.
Monica: Oh, right. (slight pause) But who’s her favourite band?
[Rachel & Phoebe’s apartment, they are planning some more]
Rachel: Okay, we have got to come up with something soon. If we don’t have something good, Monica will beat us! We have to get it through her head that she can not outdo us!
Phoebe: Yeah! We can’t let her win! (short pause) I’ve got it!
Rachel: What is it? Tell me!
Phoebe: It’s perfect. We tell her that Ross is going to marry his latest girlfriend! We’ll get someone to pretend to be his girlfriend for about a month, then on April 1st, he can propose in front of everyone!
Rachel: That is perfect!
Phoebe: And! And, we get Monica to help us with this, and make Chandler think she’s pregnant!
Rachel: Oh, wow. That’s the best ever! Phoebe, you are smart! Wanna help me next year?
Phoebe: I don’t know, I might be busy. But if I’m not then sure!
Rachel: (laughs) Okay. Hey, we can’t let Chandler in on any of our tricks. We’ll make up some story about what we’re doing to Monica. Say we’re going with Joey and I hooking up or something.
Phoebe: Good idea.
Rachel: Okay. Want to go see a movie or something?
Phoebe: Sure. Let’s go.
(they grab their coats and head out the door)
{the next day}
[Joey and Ross are at Ross’ apartment, planning]
Joey: Ross, I’ve got an idea, why don’t we trick Phoebe into thinking Ursula died? What would she say?
Ross: What would she do? Would she be sad, or happy? Would she be sad, but pretending to be fine with it?
Joey: Yeah, we’ll make up this whole story about how she died. Could she get in a car accident?
Ross: Yeah, maybe to intensify it, we could say one of us did it.
Joey: I can see the look on her face when we say, “Phoebe, Ross ran Ursula over with his car yesterday.”
Ross: What? Why do I have to run her over? I don’t even have a car.
Joey: Oh. Monica has a car, let’s say she did it.
Ross: Okay.
Joey: Okay.
Ross: So you want to go get some coffee?
Joey: Yeah. Let’s go.
(they grab their coats and leave)
[Central Perk, Rachel, Phoebe, and Chandler are there]
Chandler: Hello children. Curious to know what Monica’s doing?
Rachel: Yes! Tell us now!
Chandler: Okay, Rach, she’s going to give you what looks like your favourite band’s new CD, only once you listen to it, it’s really going to be some weird music. So if she’s gives you a CD, call her on it.
Rachel: Okay.
Phoebe: That’s a dumb trick.
Rachel: Yeah, no kidding. We’re so going to beat her!
(some girl walks in Central Perk, then comes over to the couch)
Girl: Hi Phoebe.
Phoebe: Hi Michelle. Rachel, this is Michelle, Ross’s future “wife”.
Rachel: Hi Michelle, I’m Rachel.
Michelle: Hi, nice to meet you.
Rachel: You too. Okay, when Ross gets here we’ll let him in and everything. (Ross and Joey walk in then) Oh, here he is now.
Everyone: Hey, hi, etc.
Rachel: Ross. This is Michelle, she’s going to be your girlfriend fro the next month, and then on April Fool’s Day, you’re going to propose in front of all of us.
Ross: Why are you planning the rest of my life for me?
Rachel: Not for real, we have to beat Monica in the way of tricks!
Ross: Okay, sure. I still haven’t gotten her back for that one trick she did on me.
Phoebe: You will help us? Oh yay!
Ross: Sure, it’ll be fun.
{a week later}
[Monica and Chandler’s apartment, Monica, Rachel and Phoebe are there]
Monica: Well, isn’t this awkward?
Rachel: What are you going to do to me? Don’t kill me.
Phoebe: Yeah, like she’s going to kill you.
Monica: You’re awfully fidgety Rach. Are you sure you’ve got a good enough plan?
Rachel: Of course I’ve got a good plan. Are you sure you’ve got a good enough plan?
Monica: Of course I have. It’s me we’re talking about here.
Phoebe: Then it’s all good. We’ve all got good plans and we’re not going to argue about it anymore.
Monica: Fine.
Rachel: Fine.
Phoebe: Good. Now let’s go shopping!
Monica: Okay.
Rachel: Sure.
(they all grab their coats and leave to go to the mall)
(Central Perk, the guys are there)
Joey: I forgot something, what was it?
Chandler: Who knows Joey? Were you going to order pizza or something?
Joey: Or something.
Ross: So, what have you planned Chandler?
Chandler: Something good.
Ross: I see.
Chandler: What are you going to do? Take a bone out of one of the dinosaurs in the museum?
Ross: No. What are you going to do? Tell jokes?
Chandler: No.
Joey: I’m going to trick you all!
Ross: What are you going to do Joey? Eat a sandwich?
Joey: That’s what I forgot! Thank you Ross!
(he goes over to the counter and orders a sandwich)
(he comes back with it)

[commercial break]

{April Fool’s Day}
[Monica, Chandler, Phoebe, Rachel and Michelle are in Central Perk]
(Ross and Joey walk in)
Ross: Pheebs, we have some bad news.
Phoebe: Oh no, what?
Joey: It’s Ursula.
Phoebe: Oh, her. How bad could it be?
Ross: Um, Monica kinda ran her over with the car.
Phoebe: What? (she turns to Monica) You ran over my sister? Is she dead?
Monica: What? I did not! Joey!
Joey: What?
Phoebe: Who ran over my sister?
Joey: Ross.
Phoebe: Wha-is she dead?
Ross: Um…
Phoebe: (yells) YOU KILLED MY SISTER!?!
(everyone in the coffee shop turns and looks at them)
Ross: It was an accident!
Joey: She might live though; you’ve got to go see her in the hospital! She wants to see you before she goes!
Phoebe: Fine, whatever.
(she grabs her coat and leaves, as she is just outside the door, Ursula walks by. Phoebe comes back inside to see everyone laughing)
Everyone: April Fool’s!
Phoebe: Oh, hahaha. Good one guys.
Monica: Now that that’s done, Rachel, we got you tickets to see your favourite band! They’re coming to town next week!
Rachel: They are? No way!
Monica: Yeah! And we got you tickets!
Rachel: Oh my god! How many?
Monica: Five!
Rachel: What? How am I going to decide who to take?
Monica: How do I know?
Phoebe: Well, you have to take me ‘cause they’re my favourite band too.
Ross: Hey, I was your husband. Take me.
Monica: I got you the tickets.
Rachel: What? I don’t want to pick! Are you sure you can’t get another ticket?
Michelle: I know I just met you, but you should take me. I love that band!
(Rachel gives her a dirty look)
Joey: Take me!
Chandler: I live with your best friend! Take me!
Ross: I can’t take it anymore! Michelle, I love you! (he gets down on his hands and knees and takes a ring box out of his pocket) Will you marry me?
Michelle: I-I think I love you too. Yes! Yes, let’s get married!
Monica: AGAIN!?!
Ross: (Ross gives her a dirty look) Shut up. (he turns back to Michelle) I love Michelle. (he kisses her)
Rachel: Congratulations!
Joey: (in a kinda squeaky, almost gay-sounding voice) Yay Ross!
Chandler: Dude! Nice!
Phoebe: All right!
Rachel: I just won’t go! The rest of you can go but not me!
Monica: What? We got the tickets for you! See? I have them right here! (she pulls out some fake tickets from her pocket)
Rachel: (she takes the tickets) These don’t look real, maybe because they’re fake! And, the concert is for April 1st…this is a trick isn’t it?
Monica: Yeah! April Fool’s!
Rachel: (thinking she’s going to screw up Monica’s trick) So where’s my CD?
Monica: What CD? I didn’t get you a CD.
Rachel: Yes, Chandler said that was your trick. He said you were going to get me a CD that looked like the one from my favourite band; only it was going to have some weird music on it.
Monica: No, that’s what he told me you were going to do!
Rachel & Monica: Chandler?
Chandler: Yes?
Monica: What’s up with this?
Rachel: Did you tell us both the same thing?
Chandler: April Fool’s!
Monica: I hate to break it to ya, but that was not one of your best ideas.
Chandler: (with a hurt look on his face) That was mean. It took a lot of thought.
Rachel: Sorry honey, but we can still beat you.
Chandler: What do you mean?
Monica: You’ll see.
Rachel: When you least expect it.
Monica: I’m pregnant!
Chandler: What? (he looks kinda dizzy) Oh, I think I might faint, if I do, someone catch me.
Rachel: Yay Monica!
Joey: Congratulations!
Chandler: When did this happen?
Monica: About 2 weeks ago!
Phoebe: Can I sing at your baby shower?
Monica: No.
Phoebe: How come?
Monica: Because I’m not pregnant!
Chandler: Why would you do this to me?
Monica: April Fool’s!
Chandler: Is this the trick you were going to do sometime when I would not expect it?
Rachel: Nope, that comes later.
Chandler: So you’re not pregnant?
Monica: Nope.
Chandler: Phew.
Monica: Not yet anyways.
{later that afternoon}
(everyone but Chandler is at Central Perk)
Joey: So how are you guys going to beat Chandler?
Monica: We know a guy who’s a huge computer freak, and he made us a disk. When you put it in the computer, it says there’s a virus and everything. You’ll see.
Rachel: This is gonna be good!
Ross: How do you know if he’ll be on his computer?
Phoebe: I think he said he had to do some work on it so we’ll have to be in the room and give it to him sometime.
Joey: Sounds good.
Ross: You guys have way too much time.

[commercial break & ending credits]

(everyone is in Chandler & Monica’s apartment. Chandler has his computer on his lap and is doing some stuff for work)
Chandler: Guys? Do you know how to move the disk defragmenter into the hard drive and troubleshoot it, then take the shortcut through My Briefcase to a certain document on the disk in drive D, then add some music to it? And then, open a new office template to put it in?
Rachel: Uh, no. But turn the computer off, stick this disk in there, and then turn it back on and it will tell you everything you need. (she hands him a disk)
Chandler: Okay, thanks.
(he turns off the computer and puts the disk in and turns it back on. What you see on the TV is what they see on the computer screen. First, it’s just some computer babble, then it says that there is a virus on the computer that will delete everything on the hard drive. Within a few seconds, Chandler seems to have forgotten about the disk and is freaking out)
Chandler: NO! Not the computer! I need everything on there! I didn’t backup any files on disk! (he goes on for a bit sort of mumbling a bunch of stuff)
(everyone else starts giggling)
Chandler: What? This isn’t funny!
Rachel: The disk!
Chandler: Huh? (realizes what they did) Very funny guys.
Monica: We got you good!
Phoebe: Yeah, you were all “Oh no! I didn’t back this up!”
Ross: Dude you almost cried!
Chandler: Okay, I didn’t almost cry.
Joey: You kinda did.
Chandler: (yells as he runs into the bedroom) I’ll get you next year! I swear I will! The End!