Written by: Ethan

Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me, but to Bright, Kauffman and Crane Productions and Warner Bros. Their use is not intended for profit, only for entertainment.

CENTRAL PERK (Chandler and Joey are present)

Joey: Damn it!

Chandler: What's the problem Joe?

Joey: I've got too much lint in my belly button. It's starting to itch. This is what happens when you eat normal food every day. The lint in your belly button starts to pile up because you're not hungry enough to eat it. Yeah, when I lived alone, I always had a clean belly button.

Chandler (to the ceiling): I took today off why?

OPENING CREDITS

CENTRAL PERK (Continued from before. Ross and Julie B. enter)

Ross: Hey. (notices Joey picking at his belly-button) What is he doing?

Chandler: He's scrounging for food.

Julie (to Ross): Order me a mocha. I'm gonna go use the facilities. (Julie leaves)

Chandler: Ah, you've been spending a lot of time with her lately.

Ross: So? She's a blast to be with.

Chandler: What about Rachel?

Ross: Who's Rachel?

Chandler: Your wife. You know the one: The mother of Caitlin, the stepmother of Ben, the person who is stuck in Nome, Alaska, that Rachel.

Ross: I know, I'm just messing with you. I talked to Rachel this morning. She still isn't happy to be there, it's 15 below with whiteout conditions and yes, she's gonna try to get home by Friday night.

Chandler: And Rachel's aware that you've spent nearly every day that she's been gone with Julie?

Ross: Yeah. Why are you getting so wigged out? It's not like I'm cheating on Rachel. In fact, she's the one who encouraged me to entertain Julie.

Chandler: Just be careful man. Your mind might suddenly start playing with your head. The last time that happened, you slept with Chloe.

Ross: I slept with Chloe because we were on a break.

Joey: That's funny, I slept with her just for the fun of it.

Chandler: Go back to cleaning your belly button, you never slept with Chloe.

Joey: My bad. I totally forgot it was your mother that I slept with for the fun of it.

MONICA & CHANDLER'S FLAT (Monica and Phoebe are present. Ben is playing in Michael's room. Michael's down for a nap)

Phoebe: Can I ask you something?

Monica (feigning a heart attack): Oh my God! She's asking me for advice!

Phoebe: I really hope you have a massive coronary someday.

Monica: I'm sorry honey. What's up?

Phoebe: I have a relationship problem.

Monica: Yeah. What is it?

Phoebe: I'm too embarrassed to tell you.

Monica: Ok. (pause) You wanna go get some coffee?

Phoebe: Coffee?! Coffee?! I'm trying to get help solving a problem here!

Monica: Ok, ok, calm down. When you said you felt too embarrassed to tell me, I figured you didn't want to talk about it. What's the problem?

Phoebe: I really don't wanna talk about it.

Monica: Phoebe!

Phoebe: Ok. Here it goes.

(long period of silence)

Monica: Am I gonna have to guess?

Phoebe: Ew, that would be totally fun!

Monica: I got a better idea. Why don't we wait for Chandler to get home? He's always a fountain of knowledge when it comes to relationship issues.

Phoebe: It's a woman problem.

Monica: Then who better to find the solution than the ultimate woman: Chandler.

Phoebe: That joke never gets old does it?

Monica: Not really.

Phoebe: Ok, here's the problem. John wants me to go to Church with him.

Monica: That's not a woman problem.

Phoebe: I know. I just wanted to bash Chandler again.

Monica: Oh.

Phoebe: See the problem is that I can't go to Church with John.

Monica: Why not, because you're Satan in human form?

Phoebe: No that happened to me in the Middle Ages. Satan released my soul after I convinced Martin Luther to break free from the Catholic Church and start the Lutheran Church. Even today, the whole thing still doesn't make sense to me.

Monica: Would you come back to 2002 please?

Phoebe: No, I can't go to Church with John because I have a hard time believing in God.

Monica: So fake it.

Phoebe: Isn't it bad enough that I do that in the bedroom?

THE SET OF JOEY'S NEW PLAY - LOOKS DON'T MATTER (Joey is talking with the Director)

Joey: Where's my co-star Christina?

Christina: She should be here any minute now.

Joey: Are we gonna start rehearsing today?

Christina: No, this is just a "meet and greet" session.

Joey: Good because instead of memorizing my lines last night, I drank a bunch of beer and ate a whole ex-large pizza by myself.

Christina: Why are you telling me this?

Joey: Right. Forget I said anything.

Christina: I think I will. Hey, your co-star just arrived. Laura, come meet the leading man.

(Laura walks over to Christina and Joey. She's very unattractive and Joey's reaction drives the point home)

Joey: My God! Did a bus run over your face on the way over here?

Christina: Joey!

Laura: Don't worry about it Christina if I've heard one ugly joke I've heard them all. Hi, I'm Laura Greco, it's nice to meet you.

Joey: Joey, Joey Tribbiani.

Laura: I'm gonna meet the rest of the cast. I look forward to working with you Joey.

Joey: Yeah, ah, me too. (Laura walks away - to Christina) What's the deal with casting an ugly woman as my leading lady? This is show business, ugly people don't work in show business.

Christina: Did you even read the script before you took this job?

Joey: Not exactly.

Christina: Not exactly?

Joey: When they offered me the part, I took it without reading the script. I'll tell you what, I'll never take a part again without reading the script ahead of time.

Christina: So you have no idea what this play is about?

Joey: Not a clue.

Christina: You pretty much live your life without a clue don't you?

Joey: A clue to what?

MONICA & CHANDLER'S FLAT (Monica and Phoebe are present. Ben is playing in Michael's room. Michael's down for a nap)

Monica: Pheebs, if you don't feel comfortable going to church with John, just tell him. I'm sure he won't get upset.

Phoebe: But what if he does?

Monica: That's his problem.

Phoebe: That sounds a little trite.

Monica: No, what I meant is that you can't control how John feels. If he wants to be with you, he's going to have to accept the fact that religion doesn't play a major role in your life.

Phoebe: Oh. (pause) Do you believe in God?

Monica: Yeah. Yeah, I do. But I don't need to go to synagogue just to show everyone that I believe in God. All that matters to be is that I believe. It's a personal belief and I really don't care what others think.

Phoebe: I want to believe that there's a God, I just have a really hard time doing so.

Monica: Why?

Phoebe: Have you looked at my life's history?

Monica: Which one? According to you, you've had many.

Phoebe: True. (pause) No, no this life. Look at all the bad things that have happened to me. It just seems like God's got it out for me. I tried to point that out to John and all he said was that God's not vengeful. If she isn't vengeful, she sure has a sick sense of humor.

Monica: You think God's a she?

Phoebe: You don't?

Monica: I never really thought about it. It'd make sense if God were a she though. There's no way that a he could've created the world in seven days.

Phoebe: So what should I do?

Monica: Stand by your beliefs.

Phoebe: But I don't know what my beliefs are.

Monica: Can't help you with that Phoebe. You've got to develop your own beliefs.

(Ben emerges from the Michael's bedroom)

Ben: Aunt Phoebe?

Phoebe: Yeah kiddo?

Ben: God is a likeness of us. Every time you look in the mirror, you see a glimpse of God. (to Monica) Aunt Monica, can I have a soda?

Monica: Sure, help yourself.

Phoebe: And that kid's not even 9 yet? Where'd he come up with that bit of wisdom?

Ben: I learned it by reading the Bible Aunt Phoebe. You can borrow mine if you want.

Phoebe: Thanks Ben.

(Ben goes back into Michael's bedroom)

Monica: The child has a point. I read somewhere that God works through children more than adults because children actually listen to the message.

Phoebe: Are you sure that wasn't George Burns in Oh God!?

Monica: Probably was, but I still think it's true.

ROSS & RACHEL'S APARTMENT (Ross is getting ready to go out to see The Producers with Julie B.)

Ross (dressed in a tux and looking in the mirror): Do I clean up or do I clean up?

(there's a knock on the door. Ross answers it. It's Julie)

Julie: Wow! Look at you all dressed up.

Ross: You, you, you, ah, you, look incredible. How is it that you're still single?

Julie: I haven't met anyone as nice as you. Ready to go?

Ross: Yeah. (the phone rings) Hello? (pause) Hey Rach! How's Nome? (pause) That good. Are you still coming home tomorrow? (pause) Great. I'll pick you up at the airport. (pause) I know I don't have to do that but I want to. (pause) See you tomorrow. Love you. (hangs up the phone) That was Rachel.

Julie: I kinda figured that since you said "hey Rach".

Ross: Are you done?

Julie: But I'm having such a great time putting you down.

Ross: For someone who's dressed so, so, so….

Julie: And you wonder why people pick on you?

Ross: ....so nicely, you still look like you're missing your pitchfork and horns.

Julie: The devil comes in many shapes and sizes. This devil happens to come as a blonde with a killer smile. We'd better go, the play starts in 30 minutes. (Ross just stands there looking at Julie) Ross? (no answer) Ross, we've gotta go or we're gonna miss the curtain. (Ross still just stands there looking at Julie) Ross!

Ross: What?

Julie: Are you ok?

Ross (slowly): Ah, yeah. (normal tempo) Let's go.

CENTRAL PERK (Chandler and Jenna are present)

Chandler: Wanna go shopping later?

Jenna: You like to shop?

Chandler: Only with accomplished shoplifters.

Jenna: You promised not to bring that up!

(Joey enters)

Joey (dejected): Hey.

Chandler: Who died?

Joey: I dunno.

Jenna: What's the matter loveydovey?

Chandler (laughing): Loveydovey? You call him loveydovey?

Jenna: Yeah, it rhymes with Joey. I think it's sweet. Monica doesn't have a pet name for you?

Chandler: Yes, yes she does. It's bitch. And by the way, loveydovey does not rhyme with Joey. What's the matter Joe?

Joey: My career is in the toilet.

Chandler: And you're just realizing that now?

Jenna: Would you knock it off? What happened Joe?

Joey: You know that new play that I got the lead role in?

Jenna: Yeah.

Joey: Well the female lead's face looks like she's been hit with a two by four over and over again. She could put her pants on her head and walk around with her butt showing and people wouldn't bat an eye. They'd actually be very thankful.

Chandler: She's that bad?

(Laura, Joey's co-star enters)

Laura: Hey Joey. Here's your script. You accidentally left it at the set.

Joey: Thanks. Ah Laura, this is Chandler and this is my fianc?e Jenna.

Chandler (trying to shield his eyes): Hi, it's nice to meet you.

Jenna: Hi.

Laura: Wow Jenna, you're really striking.

Jenna: Thanks, you're not too bad yourself.

Laura: You're just being kind. (to Joey) I'll see you tomorrow Joey.

Joey: Thanks for bringing my script Laura.

(Laura leaves)

Chandler: Mother of God, she didn't get hit by a two by four, she got dragged through the streets of New York at 70mph.

Joey: I told you!

Jenna: How shallow are you guys? I'm sure she's a wonderful person. So she's not very attractive, but she still walks around with her head held high.

Joey: She should walk around with her head in a bushel.

Jenna: I don't wanna here anymore from you. She's a person who has feelings. She doesn't need to hear you tell the world how ugly she may or may not be.

Joey: She's not even here!

Chandler: Joey, what's the title of your play?

Joey: Looks Don't Matter.

Chandler: There you go.

Joey: What?

Jenna: You didn't read the script did you?

Joey: No.

Jenna: Do you wanna know why your co-star is unattractive?

Joey: I already know why. She was born that way.

Chandler: Yo Pretty Boy Floyd, the play is obviously about an attractive man who falls in love with a not so attractive woman.

Joey: It is? How'd you come to that conclusion? You didn't even read the script.

Jenna: It's in the title Joey.

Joey: The title's Looks Don't Matter. It's says nothing about an attractive man falling in love with a not so attractive woman.

Jenna: What do you think Looks Don't Matter means Joey?

Joey: I dunno. Like I look at that girl over there and it don't matter to you because we're together and I'd never cheat on you.

Jenna: Go home and read the script.

Joey: But I'm having coffee and talking to Chandler.

Jenna: Go home and read the script.

Joey: Fine. But if you weren't pregnant with my child, I'd give you a look that does matter.

PHOEBE'S APARTMENT (Phoebe and John are eating dinner)

John: So have you given any more thought to going to Church with me?

Phoebe: Do you want some more eggplant?

John: I take that as a no. Why is it so hard for you just to go to Church with me?

Phoebe: Were you even listening to me in the parking lot after Courteney's baptism?

John: Yes. Yes I was. You said that you had a hard time believing in God because of all the things that have happened to you in your life.

Phoebe: And you don't think that's maybe why I don't want to go to Church with you?

John: I think you don't wanna go to Church with me because you're afraid that you'll find God.

Phoebe: I don't need to go anywhere to find God. I can find her on my own.

John: Ok, one, God is a he. And two, you haven't found God on your own yet, so maybe I'm just trying to offer you a little guidance.

Phoebe (getting up from the table): I don't need your guidance! I'm happy with my life as it is! If you need God so badly, why don't you just return to the priesthood! Then you can find God every Sunday and holy day throughout the year!

John: Phoebe….

Phoebe: Just leave. I'm gonna go pray to Satan. At least he doesn't force his beliefs on you!

IN FRONT OF THE MARK HOPKINS HOTEL (Ross and Julie are present)

Julie: That was some show.

Ross (distracted): Yeah.

Julie: Are you ok?

Ross: What?

Julie: Are you ok? You're totally spacing out.

Ross: I just have something on my mind.

Julie: Rachel?

Ross: Who’s Rachel?

Julie: Your wife.

Ross: Oh. Yeah, no, ah I'm just preoccupied with work.

Julie: During winter break? You're preoccupied with work on your winter break.

Ross: Ok, so I'm a bad liar.

Julie: Do you want to talk about what's bothering you?

Ross: I can't.

Julie: Because you've lost the grasp of the English language?

Ross: Ah no. I just need to sort it all out in my head before I talk with someone about it.

Julie: Well if you need to talk, call me. I'd be happy to help. Thanks for dinner and the play. I had a great time. (hugs Ross) You're a great friend.

Ross (pushing Julie away): Yeah, I had fun too.

Julie: Did I do something wrong?

Ross: No.

Julie: Then why are you acting all weird?

Ross: I'm just, I'm just confused about some stuff.

Julie: Oh my God! You're starting to develop feelings for me.

Ross: No I'm not!

Julie: Damn, I should've seen this coming. Billy Crystal was right. Men and women can't be friends.

Ross: Yeah, he's definitely right about that. I've gotta go.

Julie: I guess we shouldn't hang out for a while.

Ross: That'd be the best. I'll see you later.

Julie: Ross?

Ross: Yeah?

Julie: For what it's worth, I'm totally flattered. Just remember one thing, you love your wife. Talk with Rachel about what's happened, she'll understand. It's probably happened to her as well.

Ross: If you read about my death in the paper, at least you'll know how Rachel reacted.

MONICA & CHANDLER'S FLAT (Monica, Chandler, Michael and Ben are present)

Ben: Uncle Chandler, did you tell Aunt Monica that you broke the lamp in Michael's room yet?

Monica: What?!

Ben: I guess not.

Chandler (to Monica): It was an accident.

Ben: No it wasn't Uncle Chandler. We were playing catch in the house and we're not supposed to do that.

Monica: At least the child is more honest than you.

(Phoebe enters)

Chandler: Come on in Phoebe, the door was open.

Phoebe: No it wasn't.

Chandler: Then maybe you should've knocked.

Phoebe (to Monica): What's gotten into him?

Chandler: Let's go play Battleship Ben.

Ben: You're not gonna cheat this time though.

Chandler: I didn't cheat the last time we played.

Ben: Yes you did. You said your Destroyer, the USS Monica, was unsinkable. That's cheating.

Monica: How cute, you named your Destroyer after me.

Ben: Yeah, Uncle Chandler named his Destroyer after you because you're constantly destroying his manhood.

(Chandler and Ben go into Michael's room)

Monica: I take your date with John didn't go well.

Phoebe: Oh, it was fine. At least it was until he brought up going to Church.

Monica: What happened?

Phoebe: When I told him that I didn't want to go to Church with him he said the reason I didn't want to go was that I was afraid to find God. He also corrected me when I told him that I thought God was a she.

Monica: Ew that's not a good way to earn boyfriend points.

Phoebe: Anyway, I told him to leave. And then I told him that I was gonna go pray to Satan because Satan doesn't force his beliefs on you.

Monica: You think Satan is a he?

Phoebe: Would Satan be a female? I don't think so. All the evil in the world is man's doing, not a woman's.

Monica: Ah, when they say that it's a man's doing, they're referring to mankind.

Phoebe: Oh. (pause) I don't care what you say, Satan's still a he.

Monica: What are you gonna do? Are you gonna break it off with John?

Phoebe: I don't want to. I really like him. I think I've finally found someone who I can totally trust. He's kind, considerate, and very loving. It also doesn't hurt that he's great in bed.

Monica: Yeah that's important too. Can't you just try to explain your feelings about God and going to Church to John?

Phoebe: I tried.

Monica: What'd you say?

Phoebe: I said I didn't want to go to Church with him.

Monica: Don't you think it's a little deeper than that?

Phoebe: No.

Monica: You have to explain to John how you really feel or this issue is never going to go away. It's just gonna eat away at your relationship.

Phoebe: Kinda like how you and Chandler talk about how annoying he is.

Monica: I don't find Chandler annoying.

Phoebe: Please.

Monica: Ok, so sometimes I find him annoying but we talk about it when I feel that way. That's what being in a relationship is all about. You have to share your feelings with each other. Sure, Chandler and I bicker all the time, but that's a way that we found to deal with our relationship issues. We bicker, he says some insult that goes to far, I cry and then we talk it out. Then we make up and let me tell you, the making up is the best part.

Phoebe: You're talking about having sex afterwards right?

Monica: Sometimes we do that. Sometimes we go on a family outing with Michael to the park or go out to eat. We spend quality time together.

Phoebe: Do Ross and Rachel do that?

Monica: I don't think I've met two people who work at their relationship any harder than Ross and Rachel. Look at their history: She wouldn't acknowledge his presence when we were growing up, they became friends after she moved to the City, fell in love, watched their love disintegrate in front of each others eyes because of jealousy and broken trust, broke up, learned to be friends again and fell in love with each other all over again. And though they've been married for nearly two years, not a week goes by that Rachel doesn't come to me telling me that she wants to kill Ross. Through all their ups and downs in the friendship and romance, they're finally learning how to communicate with one another. They've learned from their mistakes.

Phoebe: So maybe the overall issue isn't about me going to church with John, maybe it's me being afraid to be in a real relationship with John.

Monica: Could be. Only you know for sure.

Phoebe: I just don't want to get hurt again.

Monica: In or out of a relationship, we all get hurt sometimes. But think of all the benefits that you'd be missing if you didn't fully open yourself up to John. You'd miss what a relationship is all about: A bond between two people built on love and trust, as well as other things. If you're not willing to open up to John, then maybe you shouldn't be with him.

Phoebe: Thanks Monica. I love you.

Monica: I love you too Pheebs.

Phoebe: I'll see you later.

Monica: You're leaving? You just got here.

Phoebe: I have some sharing to do with a friend.

CENTRAL PERK (Joey and Laura are present)

Joey: Thanks for meeting me here.

Laura: Not a problem. It's not like I date much.

Joey: Don't say that, there's someone for everybody.

Laura: Joey, most guys when they meet me react the same way you did. They recoil. I know I'm not very attractive and I'm ok with that. You play the cards you're dealt.

Joey: Cards? I'm not talking about cards. I'm talking about you finding your soul mate someday.

Laura: I know. What'd you want to talk to me about?

Joey: I read the script. I think it's the best play I've ever read. I also did some checking and I must say you've done some excellent work. I mean, you've gotten nothing but good reviews on everything that you've ever done. Me, I constantly get bashed. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm totally honored to have the chance to work with you.

Laura: Well thank you. And despite what the critics may say, I never missed an episode of General Hospital when you were on the show. Say, why'd you leave General Hospital?

Joey: I don't wanna talk about it.

Laura: You got fired didn't you?

Joey: Where'd you hear that?

Laura: I can read people's faces pretty well.

Joey: I got fired for breaking into the writers' room to read advance scripts. I got caught red-handed. Do you want some coffee or something?

Laura: Sure, I'll take a double espresso.

(Joey goes up to the counter)

Joey: Gunther, can I get a double espresso and a mocha?

Gunther: Only if you tell me who that is.

Joey: That's Laura. She's my co-star in a new play that I have the lead role in.

Gunther: Will you introduce me to her?

Joey: Sure. (pause) I thought you were gay?

Gunther: No, that's Chandler.

Joey: I'll introduce you to her.

Gunther: Here's your mocha and a double espresso, on the house.

(Joey and Gunther go over to Laura)

Joey: Laura, I'd like you to meet Gunther. He's the manager of this place.

Laura: It's nice to meet you. (pause) Weren't you Brice on All My Children years ago?

Gunther: Yeah.

Laura: I thought you looked familiar.

Gunther: It could also be because we went to the same high school.

Laura: We did?

Gunther: You went to George Washington in Brooklyn right?

Laura: Yeah. I was the Class of 1987.

Gunther: I was the Class of 1988. We were in Drama club together.

Laura: Really? I'm so sorry, but I really don't remember you.

Gunther: It's probably because I had more hair then.

Laura (laughing): That could be it.

Gunther: Um, ah, I know that we just met, but would care to join me for a movie later?

Laura: I'd be honored. What time do you finish here?

Gunther: In 30 minutes.

Laura: I guess I'll just wait right here for you.

Gunther: Great!

(Gunther goes back behind the counter)

Joey: Look at you, all hooking up with an old classmate.

Laura: If he were only a little cuter.

Joey: What?

Laura: I'm kidding. I think he's really attractive.

Joey: Gunther?

MONICA & CHANDLER'S FLAT (Monica, Chandler, Michael and Ben are present. Chandler and Ben are playing Battleship)

Ben: F8.

Chandler: Hit.

Ben: E8.

Chandler: Miss. A7.

Ben: You missed again!

Chandler: Are you moving your ships when I'm not looking?

Ben: No.

Monica: Don't accuse Ben of doing that.

Chandler: Why not?

Monica: Because five minutes ago I watched you move your Submarine to another location.

Ben: See! You're cheating again!

Chandler: I wasn't cheating. My Submarine had to go into dry dock for repairs.

Ben: There is no dry dock in Battleship Uncle Chandler. I may be only almost 9, but I'm not Uncle Joey.

Chandler: It's your turn.

Ben: F7.

Chandler: Hit and you sunk my PT-109.

Ben: You didn't make the sinking sound. You have to make the sinking sound.

(Chandler makes a bunch of noise)

Chandler: Abandon ship! Abandon ship! Swim for your lives!

Ben: Ok that's just a little too much.

(Ross enters)

Ross: Hey.

Chandler: Why do we even have a door?

Ben (running over to Ross): Daddy!

Ross: How's my favorite little boy?

Ben: I keep beating Uncle Chandler at Battleship even though he keeps cheating.

Ross: Good for you and shame on Uncle Chandler.

Monica: I thought you and Julie were going to see The Producers tonight.

Ross: We already went.

Chandler: How was it?

Ross: It was good. It was really good. You should go see it. (to Chandler) Can I talk to you out on the balcony for a minute?

Chandler: Sure.

(Chandler and Ross go out onto the balcony)

Monica: Come on Ben, let's go finish the game.

Ben: Do you even know how to play Battleship?

Monica: Who do you think taught Uncle Chandler how to cheat at Battleship? Let's go finish the game.

(Cut to the balcony)

Chandler: What's the matter?

Ross: Remember how yesterday you warned me about spending too much time with Julie?

Chandler: Yeah.

Ross: Well when I was with her tonight, I realized that my mind was starting to go someplace that it shouldn't.

Chandler: So you're saying that you felt like being with Julie in a romantic way.

Ross: Yes.

Chandler: And did you do anything about it?

Ross: Are you crazy? I love Rachel very much.

Chandler: So what's the big deal? Do you think you're the first married guy to develop a crush on another woman?

Ross: So this has happened to you?

Chandler: That depends, if I admit that it has are you going to try to kick my ass?

Ross: No. I need your opinion on what's happened to me.

Chandler: When I first started at Toys R Us, I started working with Jenna a lot. The more time I spent with her, the more I looked forward to spending time with her. One day I realized that I was attracted to her. I totally freaked out.

Ross: Which is your specialty.

Chandler: I know. After I married Monica I honestly thought that I'd never have feelings for another woman again. I was wrong.

Ross: What'd you do?

Chandler: I did the right thing.

Ross: Which is?

Chandler: I talked to Monica about it.

Ross: You're kidding me?! She didn't get upset?

Chandler: She was a little upset at first but then she admitted that she had something similar happen to her when she was with Richard.

Ross: Really? Who?

Chandler: Me.

Ross: You?

Chandler: I was as shocked as you. Anyway, I talked with her about it and in doing so, I remembered why I love your sister.

Ross: Because she's understanding?

Chandler: Because she threatened to slice my neck OJ style if I ever acted on my feelings.

JOHN'S APARTMENT (Phoebe is in the hallway)

Phoebe: Ok, you can do this. You want this to work out. You care for him. (knocks on the door. John opens it) Hi, I'm here to apologize for throwing you out.

John: Apology accepted. Wanna come in?

Phoebe: Yeah. You and me need to have a long talk.

John: Good or bad?

Phoebe: I don't know yet. I just need to share some feelings with you.

John: That's all I ask. And you can expect the same from me.

JOEY & JENNA'S APARTMENT (Joey and Jenna are present)

Jenna: How'd it go?

Joey: Really well. She really seems to be a great person. Oh, she and Gunther totally hit it off. Gunther even asked her out.

Jenna: I thought Gunther was gay?

Joey: I did too but then he told me that I was confusing him with some guy named Chandler.

Jenna: Yeah, I've heard the same things about this Chandler guy.

Joey: Did you read the script?

Jenna: Just finished actually. It really makes you think.

Joey: Doesn't it? I mean, I know I'm no thinker, but it even got me thinking.

Jenna: So you're totally cool with Laura being your leading lady even though she not an attractive woman?

Joey: Yeah. Looks don't matter.

CLOSING CREDITS

MONICA & CHANDLER'S FLAT (It's the middle of the night. Monica and Michael are asleep. Ben and Chandler are playing Battleship in the family room)

Ben: Uncle Chandler, I'm really tired. Can't I go to sleep?

Chandler: No, not until I finally beat you at this game.

Ben: But that's never gonna happen. You've lost 30 straight games. I want to go back to bed.

Chandler: You should be thrilled that I'm letting you stay up so late.

Ben: But you got me out of bed two hours ago. I really want to go back to sleep.

(Monica enters the family room)

Monica: Chandler, can I speak to you for a minute?

Chandler: Are you gonna yell at me?

Monica: Goodnight Ben. I promise Uncle Chandler won't wake you up again.

Ben: Goodnight Aunt Monica.

(Ben goes into Michael's room)

Chandler: Well I think I'll hit the sack.

Monica: Hold it right there mister. (Monica goes into their bedroom and emerges with a blanket and a pillow) The couch beckons you.