THE ONE WITH THE TRIP – PART II
Written
by: Ethan
Disclaimer:
These characters do not belong to me, but to Bright, Kauffman and Crane
Productions and Warner Bros. Their use is not intended for profit, only for
entertainment.
Joey: Thanks to you I have to spend the entire day
in Disneyland jail!
Phoebe: Stop whining, it’s not that bad.
Security
Officer (escorting an elderly lady in):
Right this way ma’am.
Joey: Oh crap, it’s the woman from the airplane.
Phoebe: How do you know?
Elderly
Woman (pointing at Joey): That’s him!
That’s the one who can’t keep his thing in his pants!
Phoebe: I guess she remembers you.
Joey: Well I do have impressive equipment.
Security
Officer: Knock off the chatter in there
you two.
Phoebe: This isn’t Russia you know! This is America, I can talk if I want
to!
Joey: Shut up Phoebe!
Security
Officer: Thanks for your help Mrs.
Disney. I’ll ensure that these two get
escorted out of the park immediately.
Phoebe: Oh my God, Mrs. Disney has it out for your
thing.
Joey: She joins the list of many.
Julie: This is fun.
Ross: Huh?
Julie: This.
Seeing you again, it’s fun.
Ross: Yeah, it is, isn’t it?
Julie: What’s the matter?
Ross: I just remembered that I was to meet Rachel
in front of Space Mountain at noon.
Julie: Well it’s 1:00, it looks like you missed
her.
Ross: She’s gonna kill me.
Julie: Yeah, and I don’t wanna be around for that. Maybe I should I go?
Ross: It’s too late for that, there she is. Crap, she’s walking this way!
Julie: Is that Jennifer Aniston walking with her?
Ross: Yeah, the gang came to visit her and Brad.
Julie: You actually know Brad Pitt?
Ross: Yeah.
Not for much longer though.
Rachel
(entering the eatery): Ross
Geller! Get your ass over here right
now!
Ross: It’s been nice knowing Julie you, take
care.
Jennifer
(to Rachel): Whatever you do don’t kill
him here, they’ve got real strict security.
Ross: Hey honey, I was just gonna look for
you.
Rachel: Don’t “hey honey” me you jerk. You were supposed to meet us an hour ago!
Ross
(innocently): Calm down. I forgot. I’m sorry.
Rachel: Calm down?
Ross: You’re making a scene.
Rachel:
So?
Ross: So it’s embarrassing.
Rachel: So what.
Who’s the little missy you’ve been having lunch with?
Ross: What missy?
Rachel: The one you were sitting at that table with?
Ross: Oh her, she’s just a person I met while
buying souvenirs.
(Julie
approaches)
Julie: Hey Rachel, it’s great to see you
again.
Rachel: Who are you?
Julie: It’s me, Julie, Ross’s ex-girlfriend. He left me to be with you.
Rachel: Just some person you met at the souvenir
shop eh?
Ross: I guess it’s one to one on the lying thing
now?
Rachel: Well I hope you two have a good day
together. Make sure Julie gives you a
ride home Ross, ‘cause you’re gonna need it.
(to Jennifer) Let’s go Jen.
Ross: Rachel, Rachel wait!
Jennifer: I’ll talk to her Ross. Meet us at the exit at 4:00.
Julie: I’d better go. It was good seeing you Ross.
Ross: Sorry about this Julie.
Julie: It’s ok.
Some things never change.
Ross: Huh?
Julie: Face it, Rachel never did like me. Goodbye Ross.
DISNEYLAND
– THE MATTERHORN (Ben and Brad are present and
sitting in a coaster car)
Ben: Is this ride gonna be as scary as Space
Mountain?
Brad: Do you want it to be?
Ben: Yeah.
Brad: Then it’s gonna be even scarier.
Ben: Can I close my eyes?
Brad: You can do whatever you want buddy.
Ben: Can I be like my Dad and scream like a girl?
Brad: Your Dad does that?
Ben: He’s always screaming like my Mommies.
DISNEYLAND – SKYWAY RIDE (Chandler and Monica are riding high across the park)
Monica: I’m really worried.
Chandler: Why?
Monica: ‘Cause we haven’t seen Joey or Phoebe since
they left the group this morning.
Chandler: I’m sure they’re fine. Knowing them they’re probably off having sex
someplace quiet.
Monica: You’re probably right. (pause) Can I ask you a question?
Chandler: Do I have a choice?
Monica: Not if you don’t wanna see me naked again in
this lifetime.
Chandler: Well that makes it an easy answer. What’s up?
Monica: Has the spontaneity in our sex life
diminished since we got married?
Chandler: Do I have to answer truthfully?
Monica: Chandler!
Chandler: Yes, it’s become totally predictable.
Monica: I feel that way too.
Chandler: But that’s ok, because I love you and that’s
all that matters.
Monica: You’re full of crap.
Chandler: And I’ll have sex with you whenever and
wherever you want.
Monica
(pulling down her pants): Then drop
your drawers buddy, we’re gettin’ busy right here and now.
Chandler: What are you doing?!
Monica: We’re having sex on this ride. Drop your pants.
Chandler: We’re gonna get caught!
Monica: No we’re not. We’re high in the air and they don’t have cameras up here. Now strip!
Chandler: Ok, ok, you win!
DISNEYLAND – IT’S A SMALL WORLD (Rachel and Jennifer are present)
Rachel: I don’t even want to be here anymore. Ross has ruined my whole day.
Jennifer: It’s not that bad Rachel. So he had lunch with an ex-girlfriend, so what? He’s married to you. It’s not like he cheated on you.
Rachel: Who’s side are you on?
Jennifer: I’m not on anyone’s side. I’m just trying to make you see reality.
Rachel: The only reality I see is Ross having lunch with Julie and lying to me about it.
Jennifer: Have you ever lied to him since you got married?
Rachel: What does that matter?
Jennifer: I’ll take that as a yes.
Rachel: Look, this is entirely different. We’re on a vacation together, he shouldn’t be off having lunch with an ex-girlfriend. He should be having lunch with his pregnant wife.
Jennifer: I agree.
Rachel: Then why are you defending him?
Jennifer: I’m not defending Ross.
Rachel: You so are!
Jennifer: I think the real problem is that you don’t like the person he had lunch with.
Rachel: That’s not true.
Jennifer: Didn’t you say he had lunch with Julie?
Rachel: Yeah. So?
Jennifer: And isn’t Julie the girl that Ross was with prior to being with you the first time you guys dated? The girl he came back from China with?
Rachel: Yes. (pause) How in the hell did you remember all that?
Jennifer: It’s a gift. I never forget a conversation.
Rachel: When did we ever talk about Julie?
Jennifer: You and I didn’t. I had the conversation with Ross at dinner that first night that I met you.
Rachel: You did?
Jennifer: No, I’m making this all up. Of course we did. Ross explained to me how he dumped Julie because he wanted to be with you. He also told me about the stupid list he made with Chandler and Joey’s help. Then he told me about that day that you guys finally got together.
Rachel: This is unbelievable.
Jennifer: I’m an unbelievable person. And you don’t like Julie do you?
Rachel: Not really. What else did he say?
Jennifer: After you walked away earlier, he said “tell Rachel I’m sorry, that I screwed up and I love her”.
Rachel: Fine, he can have a ride home, but I’m still gonna make him think that I’m mad at him.
Jennifer: That’s the spirit! See, you’re learning.
Rachel: I take it that you’ve done this before.
Jennifer: Yeah, I get mad at Brad all the time.
DISNEYLAND – THE BUMPER CARS (Brad and Ben are about to get in line. Ross approaches)
Ben: There’s Daddy!
Brad: Where?
Ben (pointing): Right there!
Brad: Ross!
Ross: Hey guys!
Having fun with Uncle Brad Ben?
Ben:
Yeah, we’ve been on tons of rides.
Ross: That’s great! (to Brad) How are you
holding up?
Brad: Fine, your son is an absolute blast. Hey we missed you at lunch.
Ross: Yeah, I’m in trouble for that.
Brad: Yeah, I know. Don’t feel bad, I’m with trouble with Jennifer all the time, I can
totally relate to what you’re going through.
Ross: So are you guys going on the bumper cars?
Ben: Yeah!
Are you gonna come Daddy?
Ross: You betcha.
Ben: And it shouldn’t be scary Daddy so you won’t
have to scream like a girl like you usually do.
DISNEYLAND
– SECURITY OFFICE (Chandler and Monica are being brought in. Phoebe and Joey are also present)
Monica: You’ve got nothing on us! You might as well let us go.
Chandler: Yeah, we didn’t do anything wrong.
Security
Officer: Look, we’ve got you two having
sex on tape.
Phoebe: Monica!
Joey look, it’s Monica and Chandler!
Joey: Dude, welcome to the party!
Monica
(to the Security Officer): We honestly
don’t know those two.
Chandler: We’ve been wondering what happened to you
two. Sex on the SkyWay?
Joey: Yeah.
It was Phoebe’s idea. She said
there were no cameras.
Chandler: That’s exactly what Monica said!
Security
Officer: Ok, (to Joey and Phoebe) let’s
go you two. I’m throwing the four of
you out of the park.
Joey: Can’t we stop and get something to eat
first?
Security
Officer: Ah, no.
Phoebe
(to Monica): Did you guys get to
finish?
Monica: Yeah, it’s Chandler after all.
Phoebe: You’re so lucky. The ride ended before we could finish.
DISNEYLAND
- THE EXIT
(Brad, Ross and Ben are waiting for the rest of the gang)
Ross: Where’s everyone else, it’s 4:03, they’re late.
Brad: Relax Ross, they’ll all be here.
Ross: I just know that Rachel’s still mad at me. Do you have a comfortable couch at your place?
Brad: Yeah, why?
Ross: Because that’s where I’m sleeping tonight.
Brad: Not if I beat you to it.
Ross: Is Jen mad at you?
Brad: Not yet, but the day is still young.
Ben: Hey, there’s Uncle Joey!
Ross: Where?
Ben (pointing): Right there on the other side of the gate.
Ross: Joey! (no reaction from Joey) Joey!
Joey: Hey guys. Are you coming out here?
Ross: Yeah, as soon as everyone else shows up. What are you doing out there?
Joey: I got kicked out of the park for having sex on a ride. Oh, Phoebe, Chandler and Monica are here with me too. They got busted for the same thing.
Brad: Which ride did you do it on?
Joey: The SkyWay.
Ross: How long have you been waiting for us?
Joey: A couple of hours. Do you have any food?
Ross: No.
(Rachel and Jennifer approach)
Rachel: Are you guys ready to go?
Ross: You’re late!
Rachel: Are you talking to me?
Ross: No, not really.
Rachel: I didn’t think so.
Jennifer: Where are Joey and Phoebe and Monica and Chandler?
Brad: They’re already in the parking lot. They got kicked out for having sex on a ride.
Jennifer: The SkyWay?
Brad: What else would it be?
Rachel: If it is was Ross it would’ve been It’s A Small World.
Ross: Are you gonna let go of my past at all today?
Rachel: You’re the one who brought the past up.
Jennifer: Well I guess we’re ready to go.
Brad: Do you wanna ride on my shoulders Ben?
Ben: Yeah!
Jennifer (to Rachel): And the baby-making sessions are on.
BRAD & JENNIFER’S RESIDENCE (Everyone is present and having dinner)
Monica: This is really good Jen.
Jennifer: Don’t thank me, thank Boston Market.
Phoebe: Thanks for making me a salad Brad.
Brad: Not a problem Pheebs.
Chandler: Hey Ben, did you get your picture taken with Mickey Mouse?
Ben: No way, Mickey Mouse is for girls.
Monica: Don’t feel bad Chandler, I’m sure a lot of grown men got their picture taken with Mickey Mouse.
Ross: Could you pass the mashed potatoes Rach?
Rachel: Huh?
Ross: Could you pass the mashed potatoes please?
Rachel (taking a spoonful of potatoes and throwing it at Ross): Here you go.
Ross (getting up from the table): What’s your f%^&ing problem?
Ben: Daddy don’t swear!
Joey: Whoa! No one throws food around here unless it’s me.
Rachel (who notices everyone is staring at her): What? He said pass the potatoes.
Ross: Why don’t you go f#$% yourself Rach! (Ross leaves the kitchen and goes outside)
Joey: Chandler, pass the chicken. (now everyone stares at Joey) What? I’m hungry. Ross will come back.
Ben (starting to cry): Mommy, don’t leave Daddy again!
Rachel: Come here honey, Mommy’s not leaving Daddy. I’m sorry everyone, I’m gonna go talk to Ross. (Rachel hugs Ben and gets up from the table)
TIME LAPSE - (Rachel has returned without Ross)
Jennifer: Did you guys kiss and make-up?
Rachel: No, I couldn’t find him.
Joey: Maybe he went….where’s a place that he could’ve gone to around here Brad?
Brad: Maybe he went to Starbucks.
Joey: Yeah, there you go Rachel, he went to Starbucks.
Rachel: No, he wasn’t there.
Monica: How do you know?
Rachel: I stopped there for a latte while I was out looking for him.
Chandler: Is there a whorehouse nearby?
Rachel: Chandler!
Chandler: Sorry, I was trying to lighten up the place.
Monica: Go to your room Chandler!
Chandler: But….
Monica: Now!
(Chandler gets up to go upstairs)
Ben (teasing): Ha, ha, you got in trouble, you got in trouble!
Rachel: Do you wanna join him Ben?
Ben (afraid): No.
Rachel: Then knock it off! This is serious, you’re Daddy is missing. Mommy has to find him before he gets into any trouble.
Phoebe: Come here Ben, I’ll protect you from the wicked stepmother.
Rachel: Phoebe, not now!
Phoebe: Don’t yell at me, you’re the one who threw the mashed potatoes at him.
Jennifer: Maybe he went to the Hilton.
Rachel: Where’s that?
Brad: The closest one is in Hollywood.
Phoebe: Why don’t you call there and see if he has checked in.
Rachel: Good idea, what’s the number?
Phoebe: What do I look like, a phone book?
Jennifer: The phone book is in the kitchen Rach.
Rachel: Thanks. (Rachel goes off to the kitchen)
Brad: This has been a weird day. Do they always fight like this?
Phoebe: No. That’s the first time I’ve ever seen Rach that upset.
Joey: What about the time he slept with Chloe?
Phoebe: Ok, this is the second time I’ve seen Rach this upset.
CLOSING CREDITS
BRAD & JENNIFER’S RESIDENCE (Rachel is calling the Hilton)
Rachel: Hi. Ah, this is Rachel Green, I mean Rachel Geller. Did a Ross Geller check in there tonight? (pause) Are you sure? (pause) Ok, thanks anyway.
Jennifer: Was he there?
Rachel (tears filling her eyes): No. What have I done? I’m gonna lose the only man I’ve ever loved.
Jennifer: Who knows, maybe he checked in under an alias. This is Hollywood you know.
Rachel: Like what?
Jennifer: I don’t know, Dr. Ben Dover?