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TOA the Beach

Prev: TOW the Break Up  |  Scenes Menu  |  Next: TOW Rachel Exchanges Gifts

[Scene: Central Perk, everyone except Phoebe is there. Bonnie is telling them of her sex-capades.]

CHAN: (to Bonnie) So ah, your first sexual experience was with a woman?!

BONNIE: All right, I was 15, it was my best friend, Ruth, and we got drunk on that hard cider, and then suddenly, I don't know, we were, we were making out.

CHAN: Tell it again. (pause, we see Rachel is not amused.) Seriously.

[cut to Rachel and Monica at the counter.]

RACH: (to Monica) I mean is that woman capable of talking about anything else but sex?

JOEY: Yeah, sure. Well y'know, earlier she was talking about geography.

MONICA: Joey, she was listing the countries she's done it in.

JOEY: Well, I think we all learned something.

PHOEBE: (entering, hurridly) Hey, you guys! Look what I found! Look at this! (She hands Chandler a picture) That's my Mom's writing! Look.

CHAN: (reading the back of the picture) Me and Frank and Phoebe, Graduation 1965.

PHOEBE: Y'know what that means?

JOEY: That you're actually 50?

PHOEBE: No-no, that's not, that's not me Phoebe, that's her pal Phoebe. According to her high school yearbook, they were like B.F.F. (Ross and Bonnie look at her quizzically) Best Friends Forever.

All: Oh!

RACH: That is so cool.

PHOEBE: I know! So this woman probably could like have all kinds of stories about my parents, and she might even know like where my Dad is. So I looked her up, and she lives out by the beach. So maybe this weekend we could go to the beach?

All: Yeah! Yeah, we can!

BONNIE: (to Ross) Shoot! I can't go, I have to work!

ROSS: That's too bad.

RACH: (sarcastic) Ohh, big, fat bummerrr.

PHOEBE: So great! Okay! Tomorrow we're gonna drive out to Montauk.

JOEY: Hey, Bonnie had sex there!

(Rachel turns and gives him a look, and Joey quickly apologizes.)

. . . . .

[Scene: Outside Central Perk, Chandler and Monica are waiting for Phoebe to arrive with the cab.]

RACH: (approaching) Hey!

CHAN: Hey!

JOEY: Hey-hey, check out the hat!

(She is wearing this giant straw hat, the brim on it must be at least, least foot wide.)

CHAN: What a minute, I know that hat! I was taken aboard that hat! They did experiments on me! I can't have children!!

MONICA: Seriously, where did you get the hat?

RACH: Ross gave it to me.

ROSS: Yeah, I think she looks good.

RACH: Ohh, thank you.

CHAN: Buy it for ya, or win it for ya?

RACH: Well excuse me, my fashion-impaired friends, I am here to tell you that hats are back.

PHOEBE: And this time, they've ganged up to form one giant, super hat.

[Scene: At the Beach, it's raining cats and dogs as the gang arrives. Chandler and Monica are taking shelter under Rachel's hat.]

ROSS: Go, go, go!

RACH: Oh yeah, now everybody wants to be under this hat!

(They get inside and notice on small problem.)


MONICA: What's with all this sand? (picking a handful of sand off of the floor, which is covered in sand)

PHOEBE: Oh, yeah, Bob said there might be flood damage.

ROSS: Yeah, either that, or he has a really big cat.

. . . . .

[Scene: The beach house, it's still raining. Chandler is building a sand castle, Rachel is doing Monica's nails, and they're all drinking margaritas, obviously bored.]

RACH: (to Monica) Allll done!

MONICA: Aww, thank you.

RACH: Okay, who's next?! (She looks around the room, and stops when she comes to Ross.)

ROSS: No-o-o! (Rachel gives him a "Please?" look.) No way!

RACH: Come on, please?! I'm boredddd! You let me do it once before.

(Ross shoots Joey a look, who shoots Chandler a look, who gives Joey an "Oh my God." look back.)

ROSS: Yeah well, if ah, if that's the rule this weekend... (She gets up) No!

RACH: Yes! (she starts creeping up on him)

ROSS: Get away!

RACH: Just once!

ROSS: Stay away!

RACH: Take it like a man, Ross!

ROSS: (he gets up and starts to run away from her) No! (in his escape attempt he crushes Chandler's sand castle) No!

RACH: Oh, come on!

CHAN: Big bullies!!

(Ross dives over the couch, Rachel goes the other way, and lands up top of him.)

ROSS: Ow! Ow! Oh, no-no-no!

(They get into a wrestling match, that ends with Ross making Rachel paint her forehead with the nail polish. They both end up lying next to each other, stop, and look at each other for a moment.)

. . . . .

[cut to later]

MONICA: Strip Happy Days Game?

JOEY: Yeah, well, I couldn't find any cards, so it was either this or Strip Bag Of Old Knitting Stuff.

(Monica rolls, and Ross goes first.)

ROSS: Okay, (reading the card) Fonzy gives you two thumbs up, collect two cool points. Yeah.

PHOEBE: Monica, if you get five cool points, you get to make somebody take off one item of clothing. It hasn't happened yet, but we're all very excited.

ROSS: Okay, come on! (blows on the dice) Daddy needs a new pair of electromagnetic microscopes for the Prehistoric Forensics Department! (They all look at him, and he shuts up and rolls the dice.) (he moves his piece) Okay. (reading a card) Take Pinky Tuscadero up to Inspiration Point, collect three cool points!! Yeah! Which gives me five, and let's see who is gonna lose their clothes. Ummmm, I think I pick our strip poker sponsor Mr. Joey Tribianni.

The Girls: Woo-hooooo!!!!

JOEY: All right, relax. It's just a shoe.

All: Wooooo!!!!

[cut to later in the game]

RACH: (reading a card) Okay, your band is playing at Arnold's, collect three cool points. Which means, I have five, and that means I get Joey's boxers!

JOEY: Fine. Gang up on me! I got you all right where I want you.

PHOEBE: Come on, take 'em off!!

JOEY: Actually, y'know it's kinda cold, so how about I keep my boxers on, and give you all a peek at the good stuff?

RACH: (getting up) All right, I'm gonna make more margaritas! (She pours the rest of the pitcher into Ross's glass.)

ROSS: Whoa, hey! What are you doing? Trying to get me drunk?

RACH: I'm just making margaritas.

ROSS: Okay.

MONICA: I think I'll help her out. (She gets up to go over and help Rachel, and reveals she has no pants.) (to Rachel) What is going on here?

RACH: What?!

MONICA: You painting his toenails?

RACH: Oh, come on!

MONICA: Chasing him all around the room?

RACH: Monica, please?

MONICA: He's totally flirting with you too.

RACH: (pause) He is, isn't he? I don't know, I don't know, I mean maybe it's just being here at the beach together or, I don't know. But it's like something... (she's interrupted by the sound of Bonnie entering)


ROSS: Hey! (Rachel is shocked) Hi Bonnie!

BONNIE: Hi! My boss let me off early, so I took the train.


BONNIE: What are you guys doing?!

JOEY: We're playing Strip Happy Days Game!

BONNIE: Cool! I'll catch up! (She takes off her sweater.)

. . . . .

[Scene: The beach house, the next morning. Chandler and Monica are in the kitchen eating breakfast.]

RACH: (entering) Well! Is everybody else having just the best time?!

PHOEBE: Shhh! Shhhh! Joey's asleep.

(Joey is sleeping on the floor and is buried in sand that has been carved into a mermaid complete with breasts.)

PHOEBE: After he passed out, we put the sand around him to keep him warm.

RACH: Well I assume the ah, happy couple isn't up yet. Did you guys hear them last night?

CHAN: Oh, yeah, I don't know what they were doing, but at one point sea turtles actually came up to the house.

(Ross and Bonnie enter)

ROSS: Good morning.

All: Hey.

BONNIE: Hey! How did everybody sleep?

RACH: Oh, great.

MONICA: Like a log.

Ross and BONNIE: Us too.

RACH: I'm going for a walk.

(Joey finally wakes up.)

ROSS: (to Joey) Good morning. Nice breasts by the way.

(Joey looks down and his look turns from shock to satisfaction.)

[Scene: The porch, Bonnie is coming back from swimming, Rachel is reading.]

BONNIE: Hey, what happened to you?

RACH: Oh, ah nothin'. I just felt like hangin' out here and reading.

BONNIE: Oh, the water was sooo great! We jumped off this pier and my suit came off.

RACH: Ohhhh, sorry I missed that.

BONNIE: Yeah, Joey and Chandler sure are funny.

RACH: Ohh-ha-ha!

BONNIE: I think I brought back half of the beach in my hair. It was so much easier when I used to shave my head.

RACH: Y'know, I gotta tell ya, just loved your look when you were bald.

BONNIE: Really?!

RACH: Ohh!

BONNIE: Because I think about shaving it all off again sometime.

RACH: Really?!


RACH: I mean you definitely should do that.

BONNIE: Y'know what, I should do it.

RACH: Yeah!

BONNIE: Yeah, thank you Rachel, you are soo cool.

RACH: Awww, stop. Come on. Now go shave that head!

BONNIE: All right.

(As Bonnie goes to do just that, Rachel smiles to herself, proud of what she's done.)

[Scene: The beach house, at night. Phoebe is hangs up the phone, and gently pushes one of the stools over.]

JOEY: What's the matter, Pheebs?

PHOEBE: She cancelled! My namesake cancelled on me!

JOEY: What?!

PHOEBE: Yeah, she clamed she had to go out of town suddenly. She's avoiding me, she doesn't want to tell me where my Father is. She knows, and she won't tell me.

RACH: Aww Pheebs, that sucks!

PHOEBE: Yeah, well, don't "Aww Pheebs, that sucks!" me yet. (she starts to leave)

CHAN: Where ya going?

PHOEBE: Well, she's out of town so, there's gotta be something in her house that tells me where my Father is.

ROSS: Uh, Pheebs, some people call that breaking and entering.

PHOEBE: Well, are any of those people here?!

All: Oh, no!! No, no!

PHOEBE: Okay, look I-I-I do something nice, okay? I'll-I'll fill her ice trays.

(She exits just as Bonnie comes down the stairs, as bald as Michael Jordan.)

BONNIE: Hey, everybody!

All: Wow!! (they all recoil in shock and horror)

ROSS: Wh-haa-haa! Look what 'cha did! (Rachel has her hand over her mouth to keep from laughing.)

BONNIE: You wanna touch it?

ROSS: Nooo, but it, but it's great.

BONNIE: Come on, touch it!

ROSS: Okay. (He gently touches it.) You can feel all the bones in your skull.

[Scene: Outside the beach house, Ross is coming out to talk to Rachel.]



ROSS: I was having a little chat with ah, Bonnie, and ah, guess what, she-she happened to bring up y'know, who was behind the um, whole head shaving idea, and now, who was it? Oh, that's right, that's right, it was you!

RACH: That was her idea, I just gave her a nudge.

ROSS: She said you gave her the razor!

BONNIE: (joining them) Hey guys.

RACH: Hey!

BONNIE: So, anyone up for a midnight dip in the ocean?

ROSS: Ahh, no, I'm good.

BONNIE: Okay, I'll see you in a bit.

ROSS: Okay, have fun! Wooo!!

RACH: Come on see, she doesn't look that bad.

ROSS: You can see the moonlight bouncing off her head! What the hell were you thinking?!!

RACH: I don't know.

ROSS: You don't know?! Rach, you balded my girlfriend!

RACH: All right! Ross, do you think it's easy for me to see you with somebody else?

ROSS: Y'know, hey! You're the one who ended it, remember?

RACH: Yeah, because I was mad at you, not because I stopped loving you!

ROSS: You still love me?

RACH: Noo.

ROSS: You still love me.

RACH: Oh, y-yeah, so, you-you love me!

ROSS: Noo, nnnnn. What does this mean? What do you, I mean do you wanna, get back together?

RACH: Noo! Maybe! I, I don't know. Ross, I still can't forgive you for what you did, I can't, I just, but sometimes when I'm with you I just, I feel so...

ROSS: What?!

RACH: I just, I feel, I-I just...

ROSS: What?

RACH: I feel...

(Ross leans in and kisses her. They both look at each other for a moment, and then embrace in a more passionate kiss, only to be interrupted by Joey and Chandler coming outside.)

CHAN: (to Joey) Noo!! I don't care! I'm not, I'm not gonna playing one-on-one strip poker with you for practice!

(Rachel and Ross both stop kissing, and quickly step back from each other.)

JOEY: But I made cards!!

RACH: Well! Good night. (to Ross) I'm going upstairs.

Joey and CHAN: G'night.

(Rachel walks inside, stops, and turns back to look at Ross for a moment then goes upstairs.)

. . . . .

[Scene: Outside the beach house, Ross is telling Joey and Chandler what happened with Rachel.]

JOEY: I'm telling ya, you guys are totally getting back together!

ROSS: That's not true! Her, she doesn't even know what she wants! Rachel's still mad about the whole thing.

CHAN: Okay, then you gotta back away, all right? You don't need that kind've hurt. Take it from a guy who's never had a long term relationship......

ROSS: I know, but ahhhhhh!! I really wanna go up there and finish that kiss!

BONNIE: (coming back from her swim) Hey!

CHAN: Ahhhh! (Steps away from her.)

BONNIE: You guys, the water's great. You should really go in.

CHAN: Oh, ahh, no thanks, I just had an M&M.

BONNIE: Okay, well g'night.

ROSS: Good night.

BONNIE: (kisses Ross) Don't be too long.

ROSS: Okey-dokey!

CHAN: There is not one hair on that head.

ROSS: Hey, it'll grow back, right? And she-she's really fun, and she's cool, and-and I'm finally moving on. Y'know? I mean getting over Rachel was so (makes an incoherent nasal sound), y'know? Y'know, and I'm finally feeling sane again. And now if I go up there, and-and I kiss her, and, Gooood I wanna kiss her, and-and-and it doesn't work out, right? Do I really wanna put myself through that again?

JOEY: So let me get this straight. If you go with Bonnie tonight, you're doing the smart, healthy thing and moving on.

ROSS: Yeah.

JOEY: Right, and you go with Rachel, Bonnie's free tonight?

[Scene: The hallway between the bedrooms. Ross is coming upstairs and stops between two doors. He looks at the one on the right, then he looks at the one on his left, thinks about it, and goes in the one on his right.]

ROSS: (entering the bedroom) Hi. (closes the door)

[Scene: The beach house, it's the same scene, with Ross in front of the two doors of Rachel's and Bonnie's rooms, trying to decide which door to choose. He finally chooses the one his right and goes in.]

Ross: (surprised) Hi!

Rachel and Bonnie: Hi!

Bonnie: Rachel was just helping me out. My head got all sunburned.

Ross: Awww.

Bonnie: (to Rachel) Thanks a million.

Rachel: Oh, you're welcome a million.

Bonnie: (getting up and leaving) (to Ross) Okay, I'll see you in our room.

Ross: Yeah. (closes the door, and goes over and kisses Rachel.)
Rachel: (softly) Oh my God.
Ross: I know.
(They both kiss again and fall onto the bed.)

Ross: (stopping suddenly and getting up) Okay, I gotta go.

Rachel: Whoa! What?! Why?!

Ross: Well, I-I gotta go break up with Bonnie.

Rachel: Here?! Now?!

Ross: Well, yeah. I can't-I can't stay here all night, and if I go in there she's-she's gonna wanna... do stuff.

Rachel: Well, can't you tell her that you are not in the mood?

Ross: No, she likes that. Yeah. Faking sleep doesn't work either, I can't tell you how many mornings I woke up with her...

Rachel: (interrupting) Whoa-ho.

Ross: Whoa-oh, okay! Yeah, why am I telling you that?

Rachel: I don't know.

(they kiss again)

Ross: Yeah, yeah. (opens the door) It wasn't every morning.

Rachel: Oh, making it worse!

Ross: Okay.


[Scene: The beach house, Rachel's bedroom. She is finishing up writing something as Ross walks through the door.]

Ross: It's over.

Rachel: Oh, was it awful?

Ross: Well, it was loong. I didn't even realize how late it was, until I noticed the 5 o'clock shadow on her head. (They both start to laugh, then stop themselves quickly.) Anyway, she didn't want to stay. I called a cab; she just left.

(They kiss.)

Rachel: I wrote you a letter.

Ross: Ohh! Thank you! I like mail. (He goes to kiss her again, but she turns away.)

Rachel: (handing him the letter) It's just some things I've been thinking about. Some things about us, and before we can even think about the two of us getting back together, I just need to know how you feel about this stuff.

Ross: Okay. (He leans in to kiss her again, but she leans back preventing him from making contact.) Wow, it's-it's 5:30 in the morning. (Rachel laughs) So, I'd better get cracking on this baby.

Rachel: Well, I'll be waiting for you, just come up when you're done.

Ross: Okay, I'll be up in, (looks at the letter) 18 pages. Front and back. Very exciting.

[Scene: The beach house, the next morning. Ross is passed out on the kitchen counter. He wakes up with a start and has one of the pages of the letter stuck to his face.]

Ross: Oh. (looks at his watch) Oh-oh. (takes drink of coffee and resumes reading the letter)

Rachel: (coming down the stairs) Hey! (Ross jumps up, and quickly puts the letter back together, pretending like he has just finished it.) What happened to you? Why didn't you come up?

Ross: Done!

Rachel: You just finished?

Ross: Well, I wanted to be thorough. I mean this-this is clearly very, very important to you, to us! And so I wanted to read every word carefully, twice!

Rachel: So umm, does it?

Ross: I'm sorry.

Rachel: Does it?

Ross: Does it? Does it? Yeah, I wanted to give that whole 'Does it?' part just another glance.

Rachel: What are you talking about, Ross, you just said that you read it twice! Look, y'know what, either it does or it doesn't, and if you have to even think about it...

Ross: (interrupting) No, Rach, no. I don't, I don't, I don't have to think about it, in fact, I've decided, I've decided that, that it.......does.

(Rachel stands there for a moment, starting to cry. Then gasps and runs over and hugs him. While hugging her, Ross tries to find the 'Does it?' part in the letter.)

Rachel: Are you sure?

Ross: Oh, sure! I'm sure.

Rachel: I know. (Hugs him more violently this time and pushes him back away from the letter.)

[cut to later]

Rachel: Ooh, I have to go pack. (Gets up to do so.) It really does?

Ross: It does. It really and truly does.

(Rachel kisses him, and goes upstairs. After she's gone, Ross frantically tries to find and read the 'Does it?' part.)

Ross: (finding the part) (looks up in disgust) It so does not!!!

[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is telling Joey and Chandler about the letter.]

Ross: She wants me to take responsibility for everything that went wrong in our relationship. I mean she goes on for five pages about, about how I was unfaithful to her! (Both Joey and Chandler shrug their shoulders as to say "Well...") (yelling) WE WERE ON A BREAK!!!!!

Chandler: Oh my God! If you say that one more time, I'm gonna break up with you!

Ross: Fine! Fine! But this break-up was not all my fault, and she, she says here, (reading from the letter) "If you accept full responsibility..." (to Chandler and Joey) Full responsibility! "...I can begin to trust you again. Does that seem like something you can do. (yells at Joey) Does it?!!"

Joey: No?

Chandler: Look, Ross, you have what you want, you're back with Rachel. If you bring this up now you're gonna wreck the best thing that even happened to you.

Ross: (calming down) Yeah, I know. I mean, no, you're right. Yeah I guess I'll let it go. But you-you understand how-how hard it is to forget about this.

Joey: Sure, it's hard to forget! But that doesn't mean you have to talk about it! A lot of things happened on that trip that we should never, (to Chandler) ever talk about.

Ross: What the hell happened on that beach?!

Joey: It's between us and the sea, Ross!

(Ross laughs and has a 'Come on...' look on his face as he looks and Chandler who nods his head in agreement with Joey. Ross is stunned.)

[Scene: Rachel's bedroom. Ross and Rachel have just finished consummating the new relationship.]

Rachel: Oh-hooo, I missed you.

Ross: I missed you too.

Rachel: Ooh, I was soo nervous about that letter. But the way you owned up to everything, it just showed me how much you've grown. Y'know?

Ross: (getting miffed) I suppose.

Rachel: You have! Ross, you should give yourself credit. I mean my Mom never thought this would work out. It was all, "Once a cheater, always a cheater."

Ross: (getting angry) Umm-hmm.

Rachel: Ooh, I just wish we hadn't lost those four months, but if time was what you needed just to gain a little perspective...

[cut to Monica cleaning the floor in the kitchen]

Ross: (yelling from the bedroom) WE WERE ON A BREAK!!!!!!!

Chandler: (entering with Joey) (to Monica) Coffee house?

Monica: You bet.

[cut back to Rachel's bedroom with both of them hurriedly getting dressed]

Ross: And for the record, it took two people to break up this relationship!!

Rachel: Yeah! You and that girl from that copy place, which yesterday you took full responsibility for!!

Ross: I didn't know what I was taking full responsibility for! Okay?! I didn't finish the whole letter!

Rachel: What?!!

Ross: I fell asleep!

Rachel: You fell asleep?!

Ross: It was 5:30 in the morning, and you had rambled on for 18 pages. Front and back!! (they go into the living room, trapping Monica, Chandler, and Joey in the kitchen) (to Rachel) Oh-oh-oh, and by the way, Y-O-U-apostrophe-R-E means 'you are,' Y-O-U-R means 'your!'

Rachel: Y'know I can't believe I even thought about getting back together with you! We are so over!!

Ross: (starts to cry) FINE BY ME!! (he opens the door and traps Chandler behind it)

Rachel: Oh, oh, and hey-hey-hey, those little spelling tips will come in handy when you're at home on Saturday nights playing Scrabble with Monica!!

Monica: Hey!!

Rachel: (to Monica) Sorry!! (to Ross) I just feel bad about all that sleep you're gonna miss wishing you were with me!

Ross: Oh, no-no-no don't you worry about me falling asleep. I still have your letter!!!

Rachel: And hey! Just so you know, it's not that common! It doesn't happen to every guy! And it is a big deal!!

Chandler: I KNEW IT!!!!

Prev: TOW the Break Up  |  Scenes Menu  |  Next: TOW Rachel Exchanges Gifts


Last updated: 9/6/99