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Rach: Oh my god. Oh my god. Excuse me. Emergency! Excuse me!

(she tried to hide and then falls)

ROSS: Rach!

RACHEL: Oh, there you are! Hi! Oh, so, so, how was China, you?

ROSS: It was, it was great. Oh, what happened?

RACHEL: What?

ROSS: You're bleeding.

RACHEL: I am? Oh, look at that, yes I am. Enough about me, enough about me, Mr. Back from the Orient. I wanna hear everything!

ROSS: Well, where do I start? This is Julie. Julie, this is Rachel.

RACHEL: These are, these aren't for you. These are for you! Welcome to our country!

JULIE: Thank you. I'm from New York.

RACHEL: Ok, well, not a problem. We'll just use them to stop the bleeding. Ok. Baggage claim? Ok.

. . . . .

[Rachel entering the apartment, with a run]

RACHEL: Airport, airport. Ross, not alone, Julie, arm around her. Cramp, cramp.

CHANDLER: Ok, I think she's trying to tell us something. Quick, get the verbs.

RACHEL: You, you, you said he liked me. You, you slowpokes!

ROSS: That's all right, Rach, we got the bags. Hi, hello. Julie, this is my sister Monica, Chandler, Joey. Everyone, this is Julie.

JULIE: Hi, but I'm not here, you haven't met me. I'll make a much better first impression tomorrow when I don't have 20 hours of cab and plane on me.

ROSS: And bus.

JULIE: Oh my god.

ROSS: You gotta hear this story.

JULIE: We're on this bus, that's easily 200 years old, and this guy--

RACHEL: And the chicken poops in her lap. Oh, I'm so sorry. I just gave away the ending, didn't I? Oh! It's just, I just heard this story in the cab, and it is all I can think about.

MONICA: This is amazing. I mean, how, how did this happen?

JULIE: Well, Ross and I were in grad school together.

ROSS: But we haven't seen each other since then. Well I land in China, guess who's in charge of the dig.

RACHEL: Julie! Julie, isn't that great? I mean, isn't that just kick-you-in-the-crotch, spit-on-your-neck fantastic?

MONICA: It's just an expression.

ROSS: Well, we just wanted to say a quick hi, and then we're gonna go see the baby.

JULIE: And then we've gotta get some sleep.

ROSS: Yeah, it's really 6:00 tomorrow night our time.

CHANDLER: Well, listen, don't tell us what's gonna happen, 'cause I like to be surprised.

(Ross and Julie leave, Rach is sad and leaning on the door)

. . . . .

RACHEL: (opening her room door and peeking out) Uh, morning. Do you guys think you could close your eyes for just a sec?

JOEY: No no no no no, I'm not fallin' for that again.

PHOEBE: What's goin' on?

RACHEL: Well, I sorta did a stupid thing last night.

CHANDLER: What stupid thing did you do?

PAOLO: Bon giorno tutti!

PHOEBE: Ewww!

RACHEL: Ok, Paulo, why don't you just go get dressed, and then you be on your way, ok, bye-bye.

MONICA: Rachel, how did this happen?

RACHEL: I don't know, I just kinda ran into him last night.

PHOEBE: Where?

RACHEL: At his apartment. Is this juice?

JOEY: Whoa, whoa. And the fact that you dumped him because he hit on Phoebe?

RACHEL: I know, I know I'm a pathetic loser.

MONICA: Honey, you're not pathetic, you're sad.

CHANDLER: People do stupid things when they're upset.

MONICA: My god, if I had a nickel for every guy I wish I hadn't--but this is about your horrible mistake.

[Ross and Julie enter the apartment]

ROSS: Hi. Sorry we're late but we were--well, there was touching.

PHOEBE: Hey, hey Ross.

ROSS: Hey, Paulo. What are you doing here?

PAOLO: I do Raquel.

ROSS: So, uh, he's back.

RACHEL: Yeah, he's back. Is that a problem?

ROSS: No, not a problem.

RACHEL: I'm glad it's not a problem.

PHOEBE: (to Paulo) Ok, you're gonna have to not touch my ass.

. . .

ROSS: Well, I gotta go. Bye. Bye, Rache.

RACHEL: (from the porch) Wait, are you leaving?

ROSS: Yeah, that's kinda what I meant by "bye!"

RACH: Well, can you come here for a minute?

JOEY: Hey, when the doctor does that hernia test...

CHANDLER: That's ok.

ROSS: (they are both alone on the porch) What's goin' on?

RACHEL: Well, first of all, Paulo and I are not back together. It was just a stupid thing I did, and if I could go back in time and do it again, well, I wouldn't. Um, second of all, what?

ROSS: Ok. Well, before I say anything, I just need to know, is this one of those things where you break up with a guy, and then I tell you what I think, and then the next day you get back together with the guy, and I look like a complete idiot?

RACHEL: No.

ROSS: Well, then, I think, I think the guy is scum. I hate him. I physically hate him. I always have. You are way too good to be with a guy like that. You deserve to be with someone who appreciates you, and who gets how funny and sweet and amazing, and adorable, and sexy you are, you know? Someone who wakes up every morning thinking "Oh my god, I'm with Rachel". You know, someone who makes you feel good, the way I am with Julie. Was there a second of all?

RACHEL: No, I think that was the whole all.

. . .

[Scene: Julie and Phoebe are talking in Central Perk]

JULIE: I was thinking of doing it a little shorter, you know, like Andy McDowell's new haircut?

PHOEBE: You wanna do it right now?

JULIE: Great!

PHOEBE: Ok, I just wanna be really sure this time. Andy McDowell's the girl from Four Weddings and a Funeral, right?

RACHEL: No. No no no no no. That's Rodney McDowell. Andy McDowell is the guy from Planet of the Apes.

PHOEBE: Oh, yeah. Ok, thank you.

RACHEL: You're welcome.

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Last updated: 9/6/99