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PHOEBE: [seeing Ross kissing Julie outside the window] Ooh, oh, Rachel, don't look.

RACH: What? [looks, feigns indifference] C'mon you guys, I don't care, I have a date tonight.

JOEY: Woah, woah, woah, you have a date?

RACH: Yeah, Monica's setting' me up.

JOEY: But uh, uh, what about uh, Ross and uh. . .?

RACH: Oh what, my whole insane jealousy thing? Well, y'know, as much fun as that was, I've decided to opt for sanity.

CHAN: So you really OK about all this?

RACH: Oh yeah, c'mon, I'm movin' on. He can press her up against that window as much as he wants. For all I care, he can throw her through the damn thing.

[Ross and Julie enter.]

ROSS: Hi guys.

ALL: Hey.

ROSS: Oh, Monica, I figured I'd come by tomorrow morning and pick up Fluffy's old cat toy, ok?

MNCA: Only if you say his full name.

ROSS: [reluctantly] Can I come over tomorrow and pick up Fluffy Meowington's cat toy.

MNCA: Alright.

JOEY: [to Ross] You're getting a cat?

ROSS: Uh, actually, we're getting a cat.

RACH: Together?

ROSS: Uh huh.

RACH: Both of you?

ROSS: Yep.

RACH: Together.

JULIE: Yeah, we figure it'll live with Ross half the time, and with me half the time.

RACH: Ohh, well, isn't that just lovely. That's something the two of you will be able to enjoy for a really, really, really, really, really long time.

ROSS: Hopefully.

RACH: Well. [looks at watch] Woah, look at that! I gotta go, I gotta date. With a man. Um, OK, you guys have a really, uh, have a really good night and you two have a, uh, have a, uh, really good cat. [she goes out while she carries her tray then comes back in] OK, we're not supposed to take these when we leave.

[Scene: A nice restaurant. Rachel is on her date with Michael (MICH).]

MICH: I don't know if Monica told you but this is the first date I've gone on since my divorce so, if I seem a little nervous, I am.

RACH: [distracted] How long do cats live?

MICH: [] I'm sorry?

RACH: Cats, how long do they live, figuring you don't... y'know, throw 'em under a bus or something?

MICH: Um, maybe 15, 16 years.

RACH: That's just great. [she picks up her champagne and starts drinking]

MICH: Um, cheers.

RACH: Oh, right, clink. [downs her glass]

MICH: Monica told you I was cuter that this, didn't she?

RACH: Oh, no, Michael, it's not you. I'm sorry, it's just, it's this thing. It's probably not as bad as it sounds but this friend of mine is, is getting a cat with his girlfriend.

MICH: Oh, that does sound. . .Ahh.

RACH: I mean he just started going out with her.

MICH: Is this guy, uhh, an old boyfriend?

RACH: Ah, hah-hah-hah-ho, yeah, he wish. Oh, I'm sorry, look at me. OK, Michael, let's talk about you.

MICH: Alright.

RACH: OK, OK. So, you ever get a pet with a girlfriend?

. . . . .

[Scene: In the restaurant. Rachel pours the last of the champagne bottle in her glass.]

RACH: [obviously drunk] I mean, it's a cat, y'know, it's a cat. Why can't they get one of those bugs, y'know, one of those fruitflies, those things that live for like a day or something? [belligerently] What're they called, what're they called, what're they called?

MICH: Fruitflies?

RACH: Yes! Thank you.

[The waiter comes to the table.]

WAITER: So, would you like any dessert?

MICH: No! No dessert, just a check, please.

RACH: Oh, you're not having fun, are you?

MICH: No, no, I am, but only because for the last hour and a half I've been playing the movie Diner in my head.

RACH: Oh, look at me, look at me. Oh, I'm on a date with a really great guy, all I can think about is Ross and his cat and his... Julie. I just want to get over him. gosh, why can't I do that?

MICH: Oy. Look, I've been through a divorce, trust me you're gonna be fine. You just can't see it now because you haven't had any closure.

RACH: Yeah! Closure. That's what it is, that's what I need. God, you're brilliant! Why didn't I think of that? How do I get that?

MICH: Well, you know, there's no one way really, it's just, you know, whatever it takes so that you can finally say to him, "I'm over you."

RACH: Closure, that's what it is. Closure. [she looks around the restaurant, spotting a guy with a cellular phone] Hello, excuse me. Excuse me, hel. . . woo [she almost falls out of her chair]

GUY: Hang on.

RACH: Hello, excuse me.

GUY: What.

RACH: Hi, I'm sorry, I need to borrow your phone for just one minute.

GUY: I'm talkin'!

RACH: I can see that. I... just one phone call, I'll be very quick, I'll even pay for it myself. [man is still reluctant] OK, you're bein' a little weird about your phone.

GUY: Alright, fine. [on the phone] I'll call you back. [hands the phone to her]

RACH: Thank you. OK. [dials] [to Michael] Machine. Just waiting for the beep.

MICH: Good.

RACH: [on phone] Ross, hi, it's Rachel. I'm just calling to say that um, everything's fine and I'm really happy for you and your cat who, by the way, I think you should name Michael. And, you know, ya see there I'm thinking of names so obviously, I am over you. I am over you and that, my friend, is what they call closure. [hangs up and tosses phone in the ice bucket]

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Last updated: 9/6/99